by Deb E Howell
“What do they want with me, if not to fight?” She turned back to Aris.
“They want your sons,” said Aris.
“My– But I don’t . . . ew!” Llew had never taken the time to consider having children, but the thought now thrust itself into her brain. She didn’t like it. Especially not in an unknown country under some sort of marital arrangement. Or martial, for that matter.
“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” Jonas cracked a small smile.
“I don’t know what you’re laughing at. It’s not like Aris’ plans for you are any different. Sorry, Aris, but they’re not.” The thought had been bothering her since Osurnu when Aris had confirmed his desire to find Jonas a Syakaran wife. “How did Jonas meet his wife?”
“Don’t you talk about her!” Jonas sprung to his feet, but Aris grabbed his wrist. He was breathing heavily, and in the darkness Llew could not make out his expression.
“I think that’s enough.” Emylia spoke quietly.
“Sit down, Jonas,” Aris said.
“I’ve lost my appetite.”
“Well, let’s get some sleep, then. I’d like to get on the road early,” Aris said, standing up. The others followed suit. “One thing we do want to do is get some distance between us and that mess back there.”
* * *
“What was her name?”
Llew walked up behind Jonas as he laid out his bedroll before taking his turn on watch. He paused, but didn’t stand or look up at her. She was left looking down at his back, the moon’s silver glow sliding over the leather knife-vest.
“I’m sorry. But it upset me to think you might not have had a choice–”
In a second he was up and in her face. “I loved my wife. That was a choice, and I made it every day.”
“Okay.”
“Let her alone.”
Llew hadn’t heard Alvaro approach. Jonas pushed past her to take his post.
“You alright, Llew?” Alvaro squeezed her shoulder.
“He didn’t do anything.”
“It was a fair question, Llew. He didn’t need to jump down your throat like that.”
“Yes, he did.” She stepped free of his grip to fling out her own bedroll.
“It wasn’t just her,” Alvaro said. “And it didn’t stop when he was married, either. She knew. Everyone knows.”
Llew spun round to face him, brows drawn in and her lips pressed tight.
Keeping his voice low so only Llew could hear him, Alvaro continued. “You think Aris would waste his chance of greater numbers of Syakara in the future on one Syakaran woman? Every one of Jonas’ children is Karan at the least, with the small chance that some of ’em might be just like him.”
Children. Llew swallowed. Her mouth was dry. Aris and Jonas had been denouncing Turhmos for its Aenuk breeding programs while they were off practicing the same. It shouldn’t have mattered. He was just a man. He was never going to be around forever anyway. It shouldn’t matter.
“Well, good for them. It’s nice to have a purpose in life.” She pushed past him. She should have been climbing into her bedroll, but she couldn’t with him standing there, waiting for her to cry into his shoulder. She treated her horse to a well-deserved massage instead.
Later, Llew lay on her back, fingers linked behind her head, staring up at the black sky with its millions of silver sparks. The night was freezing again. On top of whatever was going on with Jonas, she had a lot of thinking to do. She had died several times in the last couple of weeks. It was odd to think on it so calmly, but she had to. She was Syaenuk. She could heal. But she could also kill. That was the part she didn’t like, especially as she had no control over it. What if next time she killed someone she loved? What if she killed Jonas? He was the closest she’d had to a real friend since Kynas, even if he was tempted to kill her any time she put a foot wrong. Then again, Kynas had sent her to the hangman . . . What if she killed Anya? Perhaps she should ask Jonas to stick his knife in her – it would be better for everyone. But she had dreams of a future. She wanted to live. She wanted to make a regular living, live among regular people, live a regular life.
She looked over at Jonas’ empty bedroll. So, he’d been cheating on his wife while still proclaiming to love her. It was, as Aris would no doubt argue, for the greater good, since Quaver needed soldiers like Jonas when Turhmos fought with soldiers like Llew.
Frustration drove her from her bedroll and she went to find Jonas, fully prepared for him to not want to talk to her, but needing the company.
She stepped through and around damp ferns. Tree roots broke the ground, providing unsteady footing, and here and there were scattered rocks of various sizes, mostly grey and pock-marked, some black and shiny. Just as her pa had taught her, the vast majority of the rocks littering the Aghacian country-side were of volcanic origin, most likely from the mountains that formed the back-bone of the country. So what if he hadn’t been much of one for talking about people. In Llew’s experience, people weren’t as reliable as geology. And fish. You could count on fish.
She found Jonas leaning against a tree near the edge of the forest cover, and positioned herself against a neighbouring tree and stared into the dark. There was little to see.
They stood in silence for a time. Even the forest around them was silent for a few minutes after Llew’s arrival, but soon tiny critters resumed skittering through the undergrowth and night birds flapped overhead, rustling the canopies as they sought their perches. Llew wondered if the birds, or any of the forest animals for that matter, took much interest in the intruding humans . . . or whatever they were. She looked across at Jonas, barely visible in the night. What was he? A Syakaran? Some sort of superman. And she a Syaenuk. Some sort of healer. But a killer, too. She wouldn’t, couldn’t, forget that.
She thought he spoke.
“What?”
“Her name was Kierra.”
Llew took a moment to realise who he meant. She didn’t know what to say. What if he’d still loved her but Aris had insisted he spread himself around? No wonder he had been so quick to shut her down when she’d joked about going to Turhmos. He knew firsthand what it was like to be valued for what he was over who he was. Still, if he was so strong, why did he have to do what Aris told him if he didn’t want to?
Silence reigned once more.
“I didn’t mean to . . . insult you. I’m sure you loved her.”
He didn’t reply.
“Jonas?” she asked into the night.
“Hmm?”
She shaped the question, rolled it over, and tried to massage it into something easy to say. But there was no nice way to ask. “Would you kill me if I asked you to?”
Jonas was silent.
The scratch of stubbly chin on jacket collar reached Llew’s ears before his voice emerged. “Would you ask me to?”
Llew released her breath. She didn’t know what she had been holding it for. Had she thought he would say Yes and lunge at her right then and there? Had she thought he would say No, possibly meaning that he simply couldn’t do it? Instead he’d asked her a question, and one she couldn’t answer.
“I don’t know. I healed Cassidy. That’s a good thing, right?”
“It was a great thing.”
“But that girl . . . ”
“I know.”
It was another long while before Jonas spoke again.
“Llew, do you remember what you said before we left Osurnu, about never makin’ the same mistake again?”
Llew nodded, then realised that he probably couldn’t see it in the dark. “Yes.”
“We made a mistake. We won’t make it again.”
Her tree was covered in moss and the cold dampness seeped through her jacket and shirt. She shivered as moisture spread across her back, and she wrapped her arms about herself and let her body try to warm itself with erratic muscle twitches.
Jonas pushed away from his tree and came to her.
“Here.” He guided an arm behind her, gently p
ushing her away from the tree, then slid in behind, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his head on her shoulder. “Better?”
She could feel the knives in his leather vest digging into her back. At least she wasn’t against the damp tree any more, and didn’t have to grow tired free-standing. And he did create a warm patch against the side of her neck. That was enough. She nodded, his whiskers scratching her cheek.
“You loved him, didn’t you?”
“Who?”
Llew supposed she shouldn’t have been surprised. Whatever Jonas felt for Braph as a child was well and truly gone now.
He didn’t return to camp when it was Llew’s turn for watch and the two of them stood in silence for another couple of hours. It was comforting having the company, and much warmer.
She woke Cassidy for his watch, and Jonas was waiting by his bedroll when she came to climb into her own. Without a word, he invited her to join him. She didn’t need to be asked twice: it was freezing, after all. Removing shoes and jackets they slid in close beside each other and she was soon fast asleep.
She was rudely awakened by a boot to the thigh.
“Get up,” Aris commanded.
Llew and Jonas untangled themselves from bedding and each other.
“I thought I told you–”
“We was just sharin’ heat, Aris. It was nothin’,” said Jonas.
“She can cuddle with Cassidy.”
“I’ll do it,” Alvaro piped up from by the fire.
“There you go, Alvaro will have her.” Aris turned back to them with a satisfied smile, which vanished in an instant. “No more.” Aris waved a finger between them and went to turn away.
“Because I’m Aenuk, is that it?” She sensed the look Jonas gave her and it almost made her smile. She was standing up to his commanding officer, something he himself would probably never do. His respect for authority would make him a fine soldier, she was sure, but it would also mean a life of others making his decisions for him.
Aris turned back slowly.
“What?”
“Is your problem that I am Aenuk, or that I’m not Karan?”
Aris pressed his lips together. He clearly didn’t know what to say, and Llew knew then she was right. Jonas could sleep with whoever he, or Aris, chose. Just not her.
“Llew–” Jonas put a hand on her arm.
“Just do as I say. You and him. Will . . . not . . . happen,” Aris said, and turned away again.
Llew threw up her hands. “Well, that’s just stupid,” she said at Aris’ back. He either didn’t hear her or chose to ignore her. Turning to Jonas, she said, “What if we were destined to fall in love?”
“The folk I love end up dead,” Jonas stated flatly, and low enough not to be overheard.
Llew gaped at him. She had meant it as a joke.
“In case you’ve forgotten, I can’t die. Not permanently, anyway.”
“Yes, you can. And, in case you forgot, everyone I loved ended up with my blade through ’em.” His eyes blazed and his hand hovered by the handle at his hip. “I ain’t about to go fallin’ in love with some Aenuk street girl we met in Cheer. Best you get used to that idea.”
“That’s fine. I wasn’t looking for love. Whatever gave you that idea? You think that just ’cause I’m a girl and you’re a big, strong, good-looking man, I’m going to trip all over myself trying to win your heart? What makes you think I even need a man? Even one as–” She hesitated. “–like you. I can look after myself.”
They stood glaring at each other. Anya, Emylia, Cassidy, and Alvaro were watching intently, fully engrossed in the drama.
“So you’re just going to marry someone of Aris’ choosing to make baby Syakarans?”
Jonas shook his head. It wasn’t a denial; it was simply an end to the conversation.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
The farther north they went, the more Llew realised how isolated Cheer was: it seemed like a town on the edge of the world. Now they could spend nearly every night indoors and were even able to pause for the occasional lunch in a town. The food became more varied, too, and Llew enjoyed meals of stewed chicken steeped in spices, accompanied by a range of vegetables she had never had the pleasure of tasting before. The others, more worldly-wise, explained that the south of Aghacia just didn’t have the same density of population, natural resources, nor the opportunities for trade that the north did.
Aris kept a close eye on the telegraph semaphore towers, deciphering the codes flying up the country. Soldiers from Turhmos had arrived in Ryaen several days earlier and they would cross paths with Aris’ band in less than a week. There was little they could do to avoid the potential confrontation. They had to keep moving and couldn’t afford to hide out until the soldiers had gone through, as they still had to get Anya to Rakun and, no doubt, still had Braph on their tail. Aris just hoped the soldiers would be inexperienced enough not to recognise him and Jonas this far from home.
“What would happen if they did? Recognise you, I mean,” Llew asked when Aris warned them of the upcoming meeting as they were preparing to head out for the day.
“I’d have to kill ’em,” said Jonas.
Llew watched him a moment longer, waiting for him to elaborate. He didn’t.
“What, all of them?”
The flick of an eyebrow before he swung into his saddle was the full extent of his reply. Llew took that as a yes.
She grew wary as soon as the large contingent of mounted men appeared in the distance later that day, and she became doubly so when Jonas sat up straight in his saddle.
“Is that them?”
Jonas nodded. “Don’t do or say nothin’. They’re here for you,” he said, pulling his jacket over his knives and tipping his hat down to partially obscure his face.
After witnessing Jonas’ success against the Zaki warrior, and (more or less) seeing him down the men in Stelt, she only held the smallest doubt that he could kill all the approaching men if he needed to. Llew shuddered.
Rather than moving to one side of the road, the soldiers split, surrounding them. They rode past Llew and Jonas, eyeing the pair, but riding on. Jonas somehow managed to look relaxed; he could have been sleeping. He didn’t look like someone hiding his identity at all. Llew cocked her head slightly, tuning in to the murmurs of the passing soldiers while concentrating on appearing as relaxed as Jonas.
She estimated that the leading soldiers had passed the carriage and would be moving past Cassidy and Alvaro who, she hoped, wouldn’t arouse suspicion at all, being neither from Quaver nor Turhmos. The soldiers further back in the group were more at ease, and a couple even gave her a polite nod and smile, but she didn’t relax until the sounds of horses and riders faded well into the distance. She risked a glance over her shoulder to see that the soldiers were behind them and then she turned a smile on Jonas. They were free.
Aris warned them to remain vigilant a few days later when he deciphered a message heading back to Turhmos stating that the soldiers had seen the devastation Llew had caused near Osurnu, and were confident the Aenuk was no longer in Cheer. If fact, it seemed they had plans to hurry back north to Ryaen.
***
Travelling as far as they could each day, they arrived in Ryaen just under a week later, confident that the soldiers from Turhmos were at least several days behind them; there had been no further signs of Braph. For perhaps half a day, Llew could forget the trouble coming for her.
They arrived in Ryaen in time for lunch at a small bakery before heading for the docks. When Aghacia had been settled, Cheer had been the place to go for the gold in its hills. Ryaen was where that gold had gone to, if it didn’t carry on across to Phyos, and it showed. What wooden buildings there were, were taller, cleaner, stronger. Many of the buildings were made of stone or shaped concrete. The dresses were long, the necklines high, and the waists tight. The hats were tall, the watches shiny. There was money here, and Llew wondered why her father had felt the need to take her all the way to Cheer. To be
farther away from Phyos, she supposed. She couldn’t argue with that logic.
The Ryaen docks clamoured with activity. All here was wooden: a boardwalk with individual piers and jetties jutting out into the turbulent water, boathouses, storage buildings, the ever-present bars, and the always expected brothels. Baskets of fish, crabs, and creatures Llew had never seen before were pulleyed down from ships, and men called to each other, competing with the crying gulls, while they hauled on ropes and shifted crates. A young boy sat on an upturned barrel, mending a net and shooing sea birds away. Another boy aimed a sling at one of the birds, missed, and swore. The wind whipped along the dock, channelling between buildings and boats and carrying the stench of the sweaty men and the pungent cargoes with it. Waves crashed into the wharf, soaking anyone too close.
“Great day for sailing,” said Aris. Llew wasn’t sure if he was being serious. She knew little of seafaring, but supposed that the wind could be a good thing, snapping sails into taut semi circles, straining masts and the ropes keeping the vessels in port, but the heaving swells unsettled her.
Llew turned at a shout to see the net-fixing boy running after the bird-shooting boy, a large red welt on his temple.
They headed for a huge ship docked at a comparatively clean pier; at least it was lighter on fish offal and the accompanying smell. Despite the waves breaking around it, the ship sat low in the water and rolled little. Llew’s fears eased. Behind the sails, two huge chimneys breathed black smoke across the harbour, and Llew felt even more inclined to agree with Aris’ assessment of the wind.
People made their way up the gangplank while burly men helped lift luggage and other cargo into place and led horses into the hold. Llew was glad she was allowed to take her mount across to Phyos with her. She felt that they had come to know each other and she hoped that she could keep him at the end of the journey. She had even named him: Amico.
Then a figure caught her eye, and a chill ran through her. Standing in the shadows of the ship was a man, his long coat whipping around his body. They hadn’t seen Braph since Stelt, but there he was, letting them know they wouldn’t be leaving Aghacia alone. She looked at Jonas. He nodded, acknowledging that he’d seen Braph, too. Llew looked back for the figure, but he had gone.