by Melissa Hill
Eventually, she had no choice but to walk right up to him and introduce herself.
“Haven’t we met before somewhere?” Chloe cringed when she thought about it now, but at the time it was as good a line as any.
“I don’t think so,” he said, a slight smile playing about his lips, leaving in Chloe in no doubt that he was used to this kind of thing.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you might be a client of my father’s.”
“And your father is …?”
“Jeff Fallon. As in Fallon & Co? Solicitors?”
Dan shook his head.
“Are you sure? I’m almost positive I saw you in the office last week, with one of the partners.” She was getting desperate now and she was sure he could see it in her eyes.
“Afraid not.”
“Oh – OK.” Chloe feigned nonchalance. She might as well give up. “Well, nice meeting you then – Dan, isn’t it?”
He nodded. “See you later.”
“Yes, enjoy the party.”
Chloe remembered walking off in a right mood. Who the hell did he think he was? Then a thought struck her. Maybe he was gay. Of course – that had to be it. Why else would Dan have kept his gaze on her face throughout the entire conversation, when the neckline on her dress plunged deeper than Angel Falls? He was almost definitely gay.
“Isn’t he gorgeous?” she heard Alison say beside her. “Only for I’m an engaged woman,” she flashed her white gold solitaire, never missing an opportunity to show it off, “I’d probably be running after him too.”
Running after him? Chloe didn’t need to run after anyone.
“I think you’d be wasting your time.” Chloe growled sulkily. “I don’t think he’s that way inclined.”
“What? Don’t be silly. According to Scott, he’s not long separated from his wife. Upped and left to England apparently.” She leaned forward conspiratorially. “I mean, who in their right mind would leave someone like that? He’s an absolute angel.”
Chloe stopped her mind wandering and brought her attention back to the present. Well, apparently Nicola had left someone like that.
Because her beloved husband hadn’t turned out to be such an angel, after all.
47
Nicola’s extension buzzed. “Nicola, can you come down to my office for a moment, please?”
“Um, just two minutes, Ken, I’m in the middle of something here.”
Nicola made a face, and speed-read the remainder of the Cosmo article she’d been engrossed in. Ken sounded cheesed off. That only meant one thing. The end of quarter figures were in and obviously weren’t up to scratch. Damn. She had thought that Mode article would do wonders for the membership figures. It wouldn’t have been worth posing for all those embarrassing photographs otherwise.
She wondered how she and Ken could explain away her lack of success to the partners. Hell, she couldn’t even explain that to herself. Her heart just didn’t seem to be in it these days. There was just way too much going on in her head.
Nicola fiddled with a strand of her hair. She hadn’t heard from Dan since his call the other day, which was good. At least it meant she wouldn’t have to keep secrets from Ken. She wondered now, as Laura had, if Dan had ever mentioned meeting her to his fiancée, and if not, why not?
She wondered, not for the first time, about the quality of the relationship between them. Dan wasn’t devious – at least, he hadn’t been, not for most of their relationship, and even for most of their marriage except towards the end really.
She recalled their conversation in Bray that day. It was strange how he reacted when she told him about Ken. It had obviously bothered him to find that the two of them were together, but what did it matter now? It was no longer any of his business.
But yet, Nicola thought, remembering, Dan had never really got over her and Ken, had he?
48
At the time, Nicola didn’t think she could cope. Dan had been quiet – distant even. But how could she be expected to help him through it, when she couldn’t even help herself? It was as though a dark cloud had descended on their marriage since ... since she lost the baby.
It had been too difficult to even think about it, let alone talk about it. Even as the weeks went by, the pain was still physical, vivid and all too real. It was just so there.
She remembered what the doctor had told her afterwards.
“You’re young, Mrs Hunt, leave it a few months and then you can start trying for another one,” he had said after performing a D&C. Nicola had wanted to kill him then. She had wanted to catch him and strangle him and make him feel some of what she was feeling.
Try for another one? How could he even suggest that? Did he not realise how she felt? Her baby, her and Dan’s baby had died. OK, so she had only been five and a half months, but that baby had meant everything to her and Dan.
They had been so happy, so thrilled about it all. She should have known, though. She should have known that it was bad luck going into Mothercare every time she happened to be in town, picking out bits and pieces ‘for the baby’.
What baby? Now those purchases were locked away up in the dark attic, never to see the light of day. Much like Nicola’s feelings.
Would she and Dan ever see the light of day? Would she ever be able to look into his eyes again without seeing blame and sorrow reflected in them?
Because she knew he blamed her. She knew that he thought she should have gone straight to hospital when the pains started, instead of ignoring them and hoping they would go away. But she was at work at the time, the pains weren’t that bad, and to be honest, she didn’t really think that anything was wrong. How could she possibly have known?
Yet Dan blamed her. He blamed her for everything. She couldn’t remember the last time they talked about it, if ever; the last time he had taken her in his arms and told her he loved her. He never even cried. Not once.
Nicola had cried and cried for days afterwards, she still cried sometimes.
If it weren’t for those pills the doctor had given her who knows what she might have done, how she would have coped? The medication helped her get through it, helped her sleep at night and admittedly, sometimes during the day, thank goodness. And because of those pills, Nicola had been able to let it go, to come to terms with it all – eventually.
But Dan wouldn’t let it go. He couldn’t come to terms with it. Instead, he worked all hours of the day and often long into the evening.
“The practice is still in its infancy,” he had said. “I need to put the hours in.”
Yet the practice had been going well long before any of it had happened. Work had been important, sure, but never as important as their relationship had been. Dan didn’t need to work late – at least not for the sake of the practice. Dan needed to work late because he couldn’t face her. He couldn’t bear to see, hear, or speak to her – that Nicola knew well.
But what could she do? How could she help? Then again, maybe she couldn’t do anything. Maybe Dan couldn’t be helped, didn’t want to be helped.
She knew he was spending a lot more time with Shannon Fogarty these days. Nicola could smell the woman’s Camel cigarettes on Dan’s clothes every time he walked into a room.
Maybe Shannon was helping him.
Work was her only refuge, and Nicola spent as much time at the leisure centre as possible, albeit in a world of her own, until one day her manager had taken her up on her bad humour and unhappy disposition.
“Nikki, what’s wrong?” Ken asked, his face full of concern. Nicola wouldn’t meet his eyes. Ken was the only one who ever called her Nikki and normally she hated it. This time though, it sounded gentle and familiar.
She wiped her nose with a tissue. “It’s nothing, Ken. I have a bit of a cold and I’m just feeling under the weather, that’s all.”
“Don’t give me that.” He looked sceptical. “I know you, and you haven’t been the same since … well you haven’t been your usual bubbly self for a while.”
; “Sorry.” She looked away.
“Hey, I didn’t mean it like that!” Ken put an arm around her and led her away from reception towards his office. It felt good – strong and comforting. When he let her go in order to close the door behind them, Nicola was sorry the contact was broken.
“Look, I’m not having a go at you,” he said, motioning her towards a seat. “We’re friends. And friends look out for each other, don’t they?”
She bit her lip and nodded.
“So are you going tell me what the matter is, then?”
“It’s Dan,” she said flatly. “Our marriage is over.”
“What? You can’t be serious.”
She nodded again and blew into a tissue. “He’s having an affair.” There – it was out. She had finally said it, finally admitted it out loud.
“What?” Ken exclaimed again. “Dan is having an affair? With whom, for goodness sake?” Without waiting for an answer he went on. “How do you know? Did you catch him, did he confess?”
She shook her head.
“Well, what then?”
“I just know,” Nicola wailed.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake.” Ken gave her a look conveying that he would simply never, as long as he lived, be able to understand women.
Nicola sniffed and looked up. “He doesn’t have to confess, Ken. All the signs are there.”
“What kind of signs?”
“You know, avoiding me, supposedly working late, all those things.”
“Nikki,” Ken walked around his desk and knelt beside her chair, “you and Dan have been through a lot lately, what with the baby and everything.”
Nicola looked at his kind face and noticed for the very first time how attractive Ken was. His eyes were like pools of melted chocolate. And his eyelashes were so long, feminine almost.
“Maybe you’re just jumping to conclusions. Dan adores you, he wouldn’t cheat on you.”
Nicola sniffed again. “Don’t be so sure.”
“Well, tell me what happened to make you so sure.”
“He’s been out – drinking late into the night with a woman colleague, his so-called friend.” How dare she? How dare Shannon throw herself at her husband, trying to take advantage of their misery.
“She’s been after him for years,” she told Ken bitterly.
“So, why hasn’t anything happened before now, then?”
“Because … because things were going well between us, we loved one another, he didn’t blame me.”
“Blame you for what – the miscarriage?” Ken put a hand on hers. “OK, I don’t know Dan that well, but I do know that he loves you, everyone knows that. And he knows as well as I do that nobody is to blame for what happened. It’s just one of those things.”
Nicola said nothing.
“Has he ever actually told you that he blames you?” Ken asked.
“He doesn’t need to. He keeps avoiding me, he doesn’t touch me. Ken, he can’t even look at me. My husband hates me so much that he can’t even look at me.” The tears were flowing freely now, and Ken put an arm around Nicola and held her close.
“I hate to see you like this,” he said. “Look, go home early, get some rest and then talk to him – tonight. You two need to get some things out in the open.”
“I can’t.”
“Of course you can. Nicola, you and Dan are the happiest couple I have ever come across – and you guys are married,” he added. “It’s almost weird.”
She smiled a half-smile.
“OK, so you’re going through a rough patch at the moment, but the only way to get through that is to talk about it. Chances are he doesn’t have any clue that you’re feeling this way, so tell him. Tell Dan how isolated, worried and lonely you feel.”
“Is it that obvious?”
“It’s obvious that you’ve been very unhappy lately, and with good reason. But you need to sort it out before it gets too late.”
Nicola nestled comfortably in the crook of his arm. It felt good. Good to be comforted, to be cherished. She and the rest of the staff at Metamorph had always joked that their hard-nosed manager was like the Tin-Man in The Wizard of Oz – no heart. But today Nicola had discovered that beneath that tough, business-like exterior, Ken Harris’s heart was not made of tin, but of solid gold.
“Thanks, Ken,” she said, wiping her eyes again. “I feel a little embarrassed now, to be honest.”
He smiled. “There’s no need. I can’t say I know what you’re going through, but I can imagine how tough it must be …” He trailed off, his dark eyes full of concern and compassion.
Nicola looked at him. “I had no idea you were the sensitive, in-touch-with-your-feelings type,” she said jokingly, beginning to feel better.
Ken looked at her meaningfully. “You’d be surprised.”
Nicola couldn’t pinpoint why, but at that exact moment the atmosphere in the room transformed. All of a sudden, her nerve-endings were sharp as knives and her stomach began to tremble. Ken was still holding her and, when she looked up at him, she saw his expression had changed too. She watched the attractive curve of his mouth, the faint beginnings of dark stubble on his chin.
He had a very sexy mouth, dangerously sexy, even. At that very moment and for some strange reason, Nicola very badly wanted to feel that mouth on hers. She imagined him planting tiny kisses on her neck, then moving down towards her collarbone, then her breasts, then …
Suddenly, she didn’t have to imagine any more. Suddenly, Ken’s mouth was on hers, kissing her, his tongue probing and teasing and then they were both standing, clinging to one another.
Nicola pressed herself tightly against him and with a single swift movement, Ken lifted her up onto the desk and Nicola wrapped herself around him, not wanting to break the contact. They gasped. He kissed her again, pulling her even closer.
Neither of them heard the slight rap on the glass, nor the sound of the office door opening.
“Ken? Do you know where Nicola is supposed to be today? Oh!”
The voice brought Nicola back to reality, and the two of them looked towards the doorway, to see Lisa the gym attendant staring wide-eyed and embarrassed at them.
Followed by a white-faced, stunned, and utterly horrified-looking Dan.
49
Nicola shook her head at the memory. She recalled Dan’s face, the look of sheer dismay, the horror and disappointment in his eyes.
It was only when Lisa burst in on top of them that Nicola had realised what she had been doing. And Ken, poor old Ken, he had realised it too. It was as if someone had cast some weird spell on the two of them, because before then there had never been an attraction. Dan had looked from Ken to Nicola, and then had – wordlessly – spun on his heel and walked out.
Ken, full of remorse, had rushed out after him. What had happened, or what had been said between the two men then, Nicola had never known. All she had known for sure at that very moment was that she truly wanted to die.
She remembered sitting there on the desk, stunned, immobile, unable to think straight while the gym attendant stood there watching her, mortified. Lisa was new at the centre and Nicola barely knew the girl.
“I’m so, so sorry,” Lisa said. “I had no idea, believe me if I had any idea there was no way I would have come in here. I knocked but,” she looked away, embarrassed, “but obviously Ken didn’t hear me.”
Nicola had been unable to do anything other than nod.
How could she go home and face him now? Dan wouldn’t want anything to do with her. Unless, and the thought hit her like a speeding car, unless he had something to confess too, unless he decided to come clean about Shannon.
Nicola then experienced a moment of sudden clarity, and realised the damage she had caused to her marriage these past few weeks. She had been totally selfish and self-indulgent. Instead of sitting down and talking to Dan about how she was feeling, about they were both feeling about their loss, she had instead pushed him away and distanced him from her, trying to put b
lame on him, to punish him.
It made the pain easier to control if she had something to hate. And she had hated Dan. Yes, she had tried to turn it around, and make herself feel as though he was the one doing the blaming, but inevitably she had been the one at fault. She had been the one to drive him to despair, and possibly into someone else’s arms. But even if it hadn’t, even if Dan hadn’t gone that far, then she, through her own self-absorption and childishness had. She had gone too far. So, she resolved to sort things out.
The extension buzzed again, startling Nicola out of her reverie.
“Nicola what’s going on, I phoned you about ten minutes ago,” Ken’s exasperated tones drifted through the air.
Darn. She had completely forgotten.
She hurried to the elevator and was in his office within minutes.
“Sorry,” Nicola said with a mischievous smile, “I got waylaid by a client.”
Ken grinned. That was normally the excuse they used on the other Motiv8 staff when they wanted to steal a moment together. They were either ‘seeing a client’ or ‘phoning a client’. “Oh, was he worth it?”
“Not as good as some.” Nicola was surprised to see him smile.
Ken shuffled through a number of printouts on his desk, picked one up and without a word, handed it across the table to her.
Nicola’s heart thumped as began to read it. She was silent for a moment. Then her eyes widened and she looked up, delighted. “I don’t believe it,” she exclaimed. “The figures for July/August are sky high.”