by M. S. Parker
“I don’t have my checkbook here,” he said finally. “You want to come back to my place, and I’ll get it for you?”
“No, that’s all right.” How I managed not to gag, I didn’t know. “We’ll have a courier stop by first thing tomorrow to pick it up.”
Sybil had told me to get the check, but there was no way in hell I’d be going back to this asshole’s place for it. That was where I drew the line. If Sybil pushed it, I’d threaten to go to Mr. Dwight about all of her work I’d been doing.
“Want some blow?”
My nails bit into my palms. “Pardon me?”
Chester leered at me. “I got some great stuff. Loosen you right up. You can join us.”
I turned on my heel and walked away, taking the time only to toss a few words over my shoulder. “First thing tomorrow, Mr. Lhaw, we’re going to want that check.”
And then I was outside in the crisp September air, trying to remember that I couldn’t cry here. This was all my fault. Not what Reb was doing. That was his own stupid mistake. No, what was my fault was the pain in my heart. I’d known better than to get involved with him. He was a client and a musician. Two things I’d sworn I’d stay away from.
And that meant I wasn’t going to cry over him. I didn’t deserve that luxury. Instead, I’d do what I should have been doing all along and work my ass off.
No more repeating my mother’s mistakes.
Twenty-Three
Reb
I woke up about three seconds before I lurched forward and vomited on a rug that had seen better days.
A rug that I didn’t recognize.
Where was I, and why did I feel like I had cotton stuffed in my head?
“Hey there, sexy sleepy.”
I knew that voice, and it wasn’t one I wanted to hear. “Mitzi?”
As the haze cleared, the memories of earlier today started to come back. Coming to see Chester. Mitzi being here. The drugs. The alcohol.
But I hadn’t taken anything, so why did I feel like I’d spent the last few hours partying?
“What the hell happened today?” I frowned, searching through the haze of my memory. “It is still today, right?”
She shrugged and took a puff on a half-burnt joint. “No clue.”
I pushed up from the couch and immediately grabbed the arm as a wave of dizziness washed over me. “What…fuck…”
“You need to loosen up.” She threw a cigarette butt at me.
I ignored her. My stomach was still rolling a bit, and my head was starting to hurt. My mouth tasted like…well, like puke.
I reached for my bottle of water. There was barely a mouthful left, but it’d be enough to rinse out my mouth before I grabbed another one. I tossed the cap onto the table and had the bottle halfway to my mouth when I stopped. Mitzi was watching me, her attention locked in on my hand.
The hand holding my bottle of water.
The water that I’d left on the table when I’d gone to the bathroom earlier.
I hadn’t gotten there before, but I was there now. I lowered my hand. “Did you put something in my water?”
She gave me a guilty little smirk I recognized from when we were together. “Chester did it.”
I looked around. “Where is he?”
“Not here.” She stretched lazily, her shirt riding up to show her flat stomach.
A vague memory of that stomach, of bare breasts, drifted across my mind. Why? I hadn’t seen her naked since that night when I’d caught her being double-teamed by two overweight, sweaty bastards with bad hygiene.
“What the hell did you give me?” I tossed the bottle toward the overflowing trash can, ignoring it when it missed.
“Not me,” she insisted. “Chester.”
“I don’t give a fuck who actually drugged me! What was it?!”
“Just some Valium.” She scowled at me. “Because you needed to chill out.”
I stumbled into the bathroom and splashed some water on my face, then found some mouthwash and used the rest of the bottle to at least fix that problem. When I made my way back out, Mitzi had stripped down to her thong and was dancing on the couch.
“I’m out of blow,” she announced in a sing-song voice that pounded on my last nerve. “Go get me more.”
I stared at her for a moment, but not because she was almost naked. It was like I was seeing her for the first time. “You need to get some help, Mitzi. Living like this is going to kill you.”
“Pfft.” She flapped her hands at me. “Go get me blow and I’ll blow you.” She cackled, clearly pleased with herself. “No one else’ll be doing it now. Not after the story comes out.”
I frowned at her. “What story?”
She bounced off the couch and came to stand in front of me. “The one Chester’s selling to make you look like less of a pussy.”
“What are you talking…”
More memories came forward. Memories of Mitzi on my lap. Touching me. Kissing me. The taste of pot and tobacco on my lips. Then, something else. Something I couldn’t quite remember but had a feeling was important.
“He got lots of good pictures and even some video for TV news. We’re gonna be headlines.”
I tried to process her words, tried to make sense of why the manager I’d trusted for so long would set me up like this. No understanding dawned.
“Why the hell would he do that? I’m supposed to be getting good press now.”
She rolled her eyes. “Sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll. People just wanna see their stars do some penance, and public flogging isn’t really a thing.” She sneered at me. “Wouldn’t surprise me if you were into that though.”
I suddenly felt sick again, but this time it wasn’t anything physical. “Did we–?”
I couldn’t finish the question, and even though I knew I needed to know the answer, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.
She gave me a coy look. “You could watch the video.”
She was right. I could find all of the answers I needed by getting to Chester before he imploded things.
“Or you could ask that prude bitch of yours.”
I stopped mid-step, the last piece of the puzzle falling into place. No, no, that wasn’t…I closed my eyes. Very slowly, I turned back to her, needing confirmation to what I already knew. “Explain.”
Shit, shit, shit, shit…
The professional part of me had wanted to go straight for Chester, stop him from taking things public, but it had been barely a moment’s consideration. Everything else in me had been screaming to get to Paige and set things straight. What she thought about me meant more than anyone else’s opinion. I needed her to know that whatever she’d seen, it hadn’t been me. I hadn’t chosen to do any of it.
It was late enough that I went straight to her apartment and prayed that she’d agree to talk to me.
“Paige, it’s me. Please let me come up. We need to talk.”
She buzzed me in without a word, but at least she hadn’t ignored me. When I got to her door, I knocked and braced myself. After a moment, I heard the locks turning, and then the door opened.
“Come in.”
Any hope I’d felt disappeared at the ice in her words.
I glanced at her as I walked past. She was in a pair of loose flannel pants and a camisole, her hair wet and braided. And her face was completely blank. I scrubbed my hand over my chin, and then up into my hair, scowling at the feel of it.
I didn’t even want to think about what had been on that couch.
“Everything you think I did, I didn’t do,” I blurted out, unable to figure out any other way to approach the subject.
Her jaw tightened, as did her spine. I could feel her anger and revulsion radiating off her in waves. “Staying clean and sober was part of our deal. I can’t do my job if you don’t do what I ask. I’ll meet with Sybil tomorrow to move your account over to her, and she can handle things from there.”
“I don’t want anyone else working with me,” I said. Then I shook my head.
“You know what, I don’t care about any of that. I just care about you knowing that I didn’t do what–”
“I heard you,” she snapped, her eyes still angry and something else…wounded. “But I know what I saw.”
“But you don’t know what happened before that.”
She raised an eyebrow as she folded her arms. “I saw the booze and the joints and all the rest of that shit. And I saw your girlfriend grinding on you with her tits hanging out. Doesn’t take a genius to figure it out.”
Okay, not so cold anymore. She was pissed, but I preferred that to the possibility that she didn’t feel anything for me at all.
“I swear to you, Paige, it wasn’t what it looked like.”
She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter.”
Something in me snapped. I moved toward her, backing her against the door. “Like hell it doesn’t.”
And then I kissed her.
Twenty-Four
Paige
He’d backed me into a corner, almost literally, to steal a kiss, but for a few blissful moments, all I could do was grab the front of his shirt and pull him closer. My head and heart told me I was being stupid, but my body didn’t care. It craved his touch like some sort of drug.
And that was the thought that finally broke through, giving me the strength I needed to push him away.
“You can’t do that.” I glared at him and tried to pretend that my hands weren’t shaking. “You can’t come in here and act like a kiss is going to make me forget what you did.”
The muscle in his jaw popped, and he looked at me intently. “What you saw and what I did are two different things.”
I wanted to believe him, wanted to believe that the real him was the man I’d seen with those kids and with the veterans. The man who, contrary to everything I’d ever believed, I’d slept with.
“I might’ve been a virgin until recently, but I’ve never been naïve.” I started to put my hands in my pockets and then remembered that these pants didn’t have any. “I know how guys like you think. It’s sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll, right?”
“Paige–”
“And don’t try to tell me that you’re different,” I interrupted before he could say anything sweet or charming. “My mother spent more than six years on the road with one rock band or another, some big names, some not. And she fucked a lot of them. But that’s all it was. Never anything more. They didn’t treat her badly, but when she got pregnant with me, she didn’t even think about trying to figure out who the father was. She knew that, no matter who he was, he wasn’t responsible enough to take care of a kid, even if he wanted to be involved, and she wasn’t going to subject me to that.”
“That’s not fair, Paige, and you know it.” His eyes flashed. “You can’t hold me responsible for things other people did more than twenty years ago.”
“I’m not,” I snapped. “I’m just saying that I know how musicians like you are. You drink, and you fuck around, and you trash hotel rooms and do drugs–”
“I don’t do drugs,” he said through gritted teeth. “And yes, I did those other things, but that’s in the past.”
“A few hours ago isn’t far enough in the past to be using it that way.”
He shook his head, the anger on his face changing to desperation. “Will you just listen to me? Hear me out? Please.”
I clenched my jaw and nodded once. I’d listen to him, and then I’d tell him to leave.
“Chester called me and asked me to come over so we could talk about some business stuff,” Reb said. The words began pouring out of him. “When I got there, Mitzi was there, and all sorts of shit was there too. She was using, and Chester asked me if I wanted a drink, but I said no. I got a bottle of water, and when I went to the bathroom, I left it on the table. I didn’t think they’d do anything to it.”
I held up a hand. “Are you saying they roofied you?”
He shrugged. “I guess you could say that. Everything after that is fuzzy or completely blank. I only know you were there because when I woke up, Mitzi told me. She said that they’d given me some Valium.”
“Why would they do that?”
“She said Chester has some half-assed idea that people are going to think I’m going soft if you clean up my image too much, but I think he’s doing it because he knows I’m getting sick of his shit and he thinks he can use the story to make it so another manager wouldn’t want to take me on.”
What he was saying made a sort of sense, but I latched onto one word more than others. “What story?”
Reb flushed with anger and embarrassment, and ran all ten fingers through his hair. “He took pictures and video that makes it look like I was…well, that I was doing what you thought I was doing. He’s out selling it now.” He started to reach for me, then stopped himself. “Wait…can I ask why you were even in his office?”
Damn, the check. “My company received a bounced check for our services, and I was sent to get another one.”
He gaped at me, shaking his head. “My check bounced?” He ran another hand through his hair, this time pulling at the roots. “That can’t be possible…unless…dammit! Chester!”
I watched his face morph through a variety of emotions and he attempted to process all that his manager may or may not have done. “I’m sorry.”
He shook his head again and met my eyes. “All of that can wait. What I want you to know is that I could have gone after Chester to stop him from publishing those lies. I want you, Paige, more than I’ve wanted anything in a long time. You’re what matters to me.”
I shook my head. “I believe you, but wanting me isn’t enough for me to think this is a good idea. I shouldn’t have let anything happen in the first place.”
I believed what I was saying, but I wasn’t telling him the whole truth. I didn’t tell him how much it had hurt me to see him like that, and how I knew I needed to get out now before I got in too deep. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to survive having my heart broken by him when he inevitably moved on. Because him staying with me wasn’t something I could imagine. Not when he was keeping a part of himself from me.
“You need to go.” I couldn’t look at him.
“Please, Paige.” He moved closer, but I still didn’t raise my head. “Give me a chance to prove to you that I’m different. If I can’t, then I’ll leave, and I’ll never bother you again.”
I didn’t want him to go. I wanted to try, to see if we could make things work. But if I was going to take a risk, he needed to do the same.
Twenty-Five
Reb
She wasn’t looking at me, and she hadn’t answered me yet, but she also hadn’t kicked me out…or kicked me in the nuts, either. She said she believed me, which meant she was hesitating either because she really thought I was going to treat her the way those men had treated her mother. Or she didn’t want me the way I wanted her, and this was her way of trying to get out of having to tell me.
My confidence had been thrown by what happened with Mitzi, but my night with Paige had shown me that the electricity between us was real. I wasn’t imagining this connection. I just needed to get her to acknowledge it.
I took a step toward her, the downcast eyes and downturned head speaking to every one of my instincts as a Dom.
“Look at me.”
I hadn’t heard that command in my voice in a while, and a part of me worried that it’d make her balk. Instead, she raised her head. Her eyes were wide, and when her lips parted, I couldn’t stop myself from leaning down to kiss her again.
Only to find myself stopped by a hand on my chest.
“You stink.”
The blunt statement startled a laugh out of me. “What?”
“You stink,” she repeated, giving me a stern look. “If you want to get near me ever again, you need to clean up.”
I grinned, some of the tension easing. She wasn’t saying no. “Are you offering me the use of your shower?”
The saucy turn of her lips sent the blood rushing to my
cock.
“If you don’t mind smelling like me.”
I took a step back because it was either that or drag her into the shower with me, which I was still trying to tell myself was a bad idea. Her shower wasn’t nearly big enough for the things I wanted to do to her.
“Promise you’ll be here when I get out.” I didn’t make it a request, and it felt so damn good to be giving orders again. So much so that I added another one. “Naked.”
A strange expression crossed her face, like she was coming to a decision on something. I only hoped it was a good one.
“I’ll give you a chance to prove you’re different,” she said, “but only if you’re honest about what you want.”
I frowned. “What are you talking about?”
“I can’t be with someone who feels like they have to hide who they are.” Her voice was firm, but not harsh. “I don’t mean you have to take out a billboard or something, but if you really want to have a relationship with me, you have to be honest about who you are and what you want.”
“I–” My mouth snapped closed. A sick feeling settled in my stomach. “I don’t need it.”
She gave me a soft smile. “You want to know why it was so easy for me to believe that you were the same as all the men my mom had warned me about?”
“Because I’m a pervert.” I repeated Mitzi’s accusation with all the bitterness I felt. “Not really a news flash, Paige.”
“No.”
I blinked at the force she put into that single word.
“I went to that club with you, and I never once said anything there was perverted about what I saw. Different, yes. Shocking, okay, I’ll give you that. But why would you think I’d…” She gave me a hard look. “Is that why things were so…vanilla when we had sex?”
The knot in my stomach tightened. “I thought it was good for you. I mean, you came…right?”
She put her hand on my arm. “Yes, Reb. It was better than I’d ever thought my first time would be. I’m not complaining. I’m just saying that after the things I saw at Gilded Cage, I really thought you would’ve wanted to do…you know…” A blush stained her cheeks.