Tessie blinked and looked at her, not speaking what her eyes implied.
“Don’t worry none.” Mandy meant it; she had no intention of saying anything about the baby Tessie was carrying.
Her sister looked relieved. “I’m so weary of all the grief. I even cry in my sleep—ever hear of such a thing?” She paused and fingered the handle on the mug.
Mandy was at a loss to know how to cheer her up. “Want some sugar cookies to nibble on? I’ve got a big batch.”
“Sugar’s helpful, sure, but I’m getting fett.”
Mandy decided to let that comment be and excused herself, going to the back door to welcome the elderly woman.
“Guess who just arrived a few minutes ago,” she said as Ella Mae came up the walkway, all bundled up.
“Ain’t Cupid, is it?” The old woman’s eyes were full of mischief.
Mandy frowned a little. What on earth?
“Well, wasn’t Valentine’s Day just last week?” Ella Mae grinned, showing her teeth. “Or don’t you two lovebirds celebrate such Englisch holidays?”
Mandy couldn’t help but smile. Ella Mae sure had an uncanny way of being able to see right to the heart of things.
When the dear woman was safely inside, Mandy helped hang up her woolen coat and scarf. Ella Mae went straight to the heater stove in the corner of the kitchen and stood there, rubbing her wrinkled hands together. She glanced over at Tessie. “Awful nice to see ya, dearie.”
“You, too, Ella Mae.” Tessie started to get up but sat back down right quick, which surprised Mandy. The Wise Woman didn’t seem to notice.
“’Tis a real cold snap,” she said. “Oh, and I brought along a German sweet chocolate cake to share, but it’s still in the carriage. Maybe one of yous can go out and bring it in when you’re ready.”
Mandy volunteered, leaving Tessie and the Wise Woman alone as she put on her wrap and headed outdoors. She hoped her sister might share her burdens with Ella Mae, at least for a few minutes.
So she dallied, admiring the now white pastureland laden with layers of snow. She could see tiny footprints of squirrels and the larger ones of deer, tracks that led out to the windmill and others that traveled in circular patterns rather than straight lines. Like our lives, she mused, remembering how, when she married Sylvan, everything had seemed so clear-cut—according to her father, anyway.
Out near the stable, she spotted Sylvan conversing with another man, his hands clasped behind his back. Always talking to everyone else . . .
With a sigh, Mandy glanced toward the kitchen windows and saw that Ella Mae was sitting right next to Tessie. Des gut, she thought. If anyone can give my sister the help she needs, it’s the Wise Woman.
Chapter 19
Tessie figured something was peculiar for Mandy to jump at the chance to run outside and get the German chocolate cake from Ella Mae’s buggy. But what’s keeping her now?
Waiting, she engaged in small talk with Ella Mae. Yet Tessie knew this commonplace chatter would not continue for long. Ella Mae liked to get down to brass tacks, as anyone who’d spent any time with her over tea in the woman’s charming little cottage knew very well.
“Are ya goin’ to the hog butcherin’ over at Smuckers’ place in a few weeks?” Ella Mae asked casually. She’d already refused Tessie’s offer of hot cocoa and sat empty-handed at the table.
“First I’ve heard of it,” Tessie replied.
“It’ll be a big doin’s. Five families butchering together, I hear.”
Tessie found it interesting that the Smucker name had been dropped right off the bat. Did Ella Mae already have knowledge of Levi’s interest in her?
“You ain’t so chatty today, Tessie Ann.”
“Feelin’ a bit weary, is all.”
“Well, that’s to be expected when someone mourns so awful hard.”
She nodded. “Time to move on past all of that, I’m thinkin’.” She said it, but she didn’t mean it for a second. Putting aside her mourning clothes hadn’t changed that.
“Ain’t always the easiest thing—keep that in mind, honey-girl.”
She agreed and asked if Ella Mae might like some hot tea now. “It won’t taste near as gut as yours, though.” Tessie smiled.
“Oh, I’ll wait for some fresh milk with my cake.” Ella Mae craned her neck to look out the window. “What’s become of your sister, I wonder?”
“Maybe she’s helped herself to a chunk of your delicious treat. Who knows?”
Ella Mae chuckled. “That’s the spirit!” She patted Tessie on the hand. “I’ve been worried you lost your sense of humor.”
“Guess I did . . . for a while there.”
“Grieving takes near everything out of a person.” Ella Mae sighed audibly. “I do understand that.”
“Marcus wasn’t just anyone to me,” Tessie confided.
“And that’s mighty clear.” Ella Mae leaned her head a bit, studying her. “You loved him very much, ain’t so?”
“But he’s gone now, and there isn’t anything I can do to change that.”
Ella Mae gave her a faint smile. “You’ll see him again, don’t forget. One sweet day over in Gloryland.”
Tessie really wished Mandy would hurry and get herself back inside, or she might start to cry and divulge far too much about herself . . . and then feel sorry later.
Well, if this isn’t turning out to be a busy place, Mandy thought, seeing the bishop’s wife, Mary, pulling into the driveway. Because Ella Mae’s horse and carriage were already parked there, Mary Beiler’s team could only get so far up the lane.
Mandy waved and went to meet her, then invited her inside, forgetting all about the chocolate cake. “Ella Mae’s here, too . . . and Tessie Ann,” she said.
“Ach, your little sister? How’s she doin’?” Mary asked, looking pretty and prim in her black outer bonnet and white knit scarf and matching mittens.
“Oh . . . you know. Losin’ a beau to death has been difficult.”
“To tell ya the truth, I’ve been concerned over her . . . ’specially here lately.” Mary stayed in the buggy, not making a move to get out.
“Why don’t ya come in and warm up some?” Mandy urged.
“Honestly, it might be better to just talk out here,” confided the minister’s thoughtful wife. “Private-like.”
Mandy held her breath. What was on her mind?
“Is everything all right with Tessie?” asked Mary, her big blue eyes penetrating Mandy’s.
“She’s been in deep mourning, ya know.” Mandy felt like she was repeating herself.
“Jah, the whole community’s seen how hard she’s taken Marcus’s passing.” Mary paused, twiddling her gloved fingers and staring down at them. “Sure hope there’s nothing amiss with all of that.”
Mandy stiffened. Please don’t ask!
“What I mean is, did they, well . . . get the cart before the horse?”
Stunned now, Mandy wasn’t sure how to respond.
Mary looked at her hard. “Is there something the bishop should know, Mandy?”
“Really ain’t my place to say.”
Mary’s eyes narrowed. “So then, there must be.”
“I never said that.”
Shaking her head, Mary pushed air through her lips. “You wouldn’t lie, would ya, now?”
Mandy hung her head.
“We really can’t stand for this sort of thing to happen amongst our courting-age couples.”
“Nee . . .”
They looked awkwardly at each other before Mary added, “I believe Tessie needs to talk with the bishop, and right quick.”
Mandy wanted to say in the worst way that she’d encouraged her sister to do just that but to no avail. She felt as trapped as a mouse in a tight corner.
“Will you please relay this to her, Mandy?”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
“Guess I won’t be comin’ in after all.” Mary squinted at her from the buggy seat. “You won’t forget now, will ya?�
��
Mandy dreaded having to pass on news of this uncomfortable conversation to her sister. “Will she have to go through a shaming?” It was difficult to speak the words.
“That’s all up to the ministers.” Mary glanced toward the house. “But the sooner Tessie confesses, the better.”
Mandy tried to swallow the lump in her throat. She mustn’t let herself cry; the tears would freeze on her face.
“Well, I’ll stop by another time. I think ’tis best.”
“Maybe so.”
Mary Beiler signaled the horse to back out of the driveway, and Mandy stood there watching, shivering uncontrollably. And not just from the bitter cold.
“I enjoyed stopping in at your sister’s shop,” Ella Mae said as she and Tessie continued to chat while awaiting Mandy’s return.
“It’s a cozy spot, for sure,” Tessie replied. “And Mandy and Emmalyn have done it up so nice, too.”
“The grapevine has it that you’re over there quite a lot, too.”
“More than Mandy is these days.”
“Seems like a smart thing for two young gals to look after it.”
Tessie nodded and hoped she wasn’t speaking out of turn. “Mandy’s content to be at home here lately.”
“Waiting to start her family, no doubt.” Ella Mae’s silvery blue eyes fixed Tessie with a stare.
“’Spect so.”
Mandy burst in the back door just then. Tessie could feel the cold penetrate the kitchen and wondered why she’d stayed out there so long.
“Mary Beiler just stopped by for a moment,” Mandy told them as she came in and went right to the stove to heat up some more water for coffee or tea, Tessie wasn’t sure which.
Ella Mae turned to smile at Mandy. “’Tis strange she didn’t come in and visit.”
Tessie could tell by her sister’s quiet demeanor that something was up.
“She said what she came by to tell me.” Mandy went to the cupboard and took out another mug. Tessie noticed her hand was shaking as she set it down.
“All right, then,” Ella Mae said with a curious glance at Tessie. “Sure doesn’t seem like our Mary, though.”
“Oh no! I forgot the cake!” With that, Mandy hurried back outside, this time not bothering with her coat and scarf.
“Well, that, too, is mighty odd,” Ella Mae murmured. “How does one forget a mouthwatering cake, anyway?”
Tessie could not suppress her smile, and when Mandy hurried back inside, she set the lovely cake dish and cover directly in front of Ella Mae.
To distract her, no doubt. Tessie found this interesting, and observing Mandy further, she realized there had been much more to the outdoor discussion than her sister was willing to share at the moment. But Tessie intended to find out before she left here. For certain!
Chapter 20
You must’ve told her!” Tessie said. “How else would she know, Mandy? How?”
It was a good thing Ella Mae had already taken her leave, because Mandy would have dreaded having the dear woman witness her sister’s anger. “Evidently the bishop’s wife isn’t blind,” Mandy replied calmly. “You’re starting to show, after all.”
Tessie slumped down at the table, chewing on her lip. “I should’ve known.” She pressed her hands to her temples and moaned.
“Mary Beiler seemed to already know . . . honestly.”
Tessie rose abruptly, leaving her mug on the table. “I guess I have no one to blame but myself,” she said as she made her way out to the mud room to put on her coat and scarf.
Mandy heard the door between the kitchen and the outer room close. A few moments later, there was muffled weeping, and then a familiar squeak as her sister left through the exterior door.
Feeling like a bird in a locked cage the next morning, Tessie took the long way to the bishop’s farm after breakfast. She’d slept on it, as her mother might’ve said, and after much contemplation, she had decided that Mandy and Mary were right. She must go and bare her soul to the bishop.
Tessie had put on extra layers of clothes to keep warm, not wanting to ask Dat for the horse and carriage. Not really wanting to involve her parents at all, having so disgraced them. And she hadn’t told Mamma where she was going.
The bishop’s place was a sweeping spread of tranquil pastureland and fields, with three majestic mulberry trees beautifying the front yard. During the warmer months, purple impatiens nestled near the base of each tree.
Twelve-year-old Jacob Beiler opened the door and let her in, his deep-set eyes innocent. “Hullo, Tessie Ann,” he said, his voice as respectful as usual. Tessie remembered it was Saturday, and Jacob and his younger siblings were home from school.
Mary ushered Tessie inside the toasty kitchen, offering some hot tea while she asked Jacob to go and fetch Bishop John from the barn, “Right quick, son. Tell him Tessie Miller’s here,” Mary said, jarring Tessie’s nerves.
“Hope I didn’t come over too early,” she murmured as she took a seat near the heater stove at Mary’s suggestion.
“Ach, you’re fine . . . just fine.” Mary made small talk by saying, “Looks like more snow is on the way.”
“Already it’s startin’ to spit.” Tessie glanced at the low, gray sky through the window near the big table, where two of the younger girls sat playing with paper dolls.
“The bishop should be right in,” Mary said, sounding as nervous as Tessie felt.
“Denki.” She so wished now she’d told the truth right away, after Marcus died. She should have told the bishop what they’d decided to do, going off to the world to marry. Thinking of Marcus buried in the cold, hard ground, Tessie inhaled deeply. The loss still broke her heart.
“Life’s got a way of workin’ out,” Ella Mae often said, but as Tessie sat there anxious and forlorn, it was hard to believe.
Eventually, the bishop came in behind Jacob, who led the way, and then the lad disappeared upstairs. Without saying much, the man of God and his wife motioned for Tessie to follow them into the front room, where they offered her a seat on the only upholstered chair. The two of them sat on a large settee opposite, and Mary reached for one of its pillows and held it in front of her. Like a shield, Tessie thought.
She shifted her gaze to the bishop. His eyes rarely smiled, and they were certainly serious now.
“Tessie Miller, have you come to confess?”
“Jah.” She nodded. “I was disobedient to my parents,” she said. “And now I’m expecting a baby.”
Bishop’s face was motionless. “I see.” He did not ask if Marcus King was the father. Like all the People, John Beiler must be aware that she and Marcus had courted at length.
“Are you repentant before the Lord Gott?” he asked solemnly.
Expected though she was to demonstrate the meek spirit of submission—Gelassenheit—to the bishop’s authority, Tessie was unprepared to answer directly. Did the Lord expect her to renounce her marriage? True, it had taken place outside the church, but she and Marcus had prayed that God would use it and bless it.
“I’m here to ask your forgiveness for disobeying my parents, bishop,” she said at last, thinking again of her father’s refusal of Marcus. She felt compelled to walk a fence with the bishop, because it was unfitting to say she was sorry about having conceived her husband’s child. Wasn’t it?
Oh, she felt so awfully confused just now, yet she wanted to do the right thing as a church member—one who used to be in good standing.
“You must certainly be ashamed, then,” the bishop said, folding his hands in his lap.
“I am.”
“It is also the father’s responsibility to confess his sin, and I pray that Marcus King made that known to the Lord God before his passing.”
Before his passing.
The ominous words hung in the room.
“On our next Preaching Sunday, one week from tomorrow, you will confess your sin before the church membership, following the final hymn.”
She nodded and waited for him t
o say how long she would be shamed, similar to an excommunication. But he quickly moved on to add that he and the two ministers, including Preacher Yoder, would meet later today to discuss her disgrace and the length of her discipline.
“Most women in your situation request to withdraw their church membership, offering their own short-term excommunication,” Bishop John added. “But I’m not hearin’ that from you, Tessie.”
She waited for a moment, then said softly, “Nee.”
“And why is that?”
The bishop couldn’t possibly understand what she was feeling. Yet she could not complicate things by letting her tears fall. She thought of telling them outright that she had married Marcus King, but she had no proof—she had no idea where Marcus had put their marriage license, for one thing. And revealing their elopement might just create more troubles for everyone.
“Honestly, I crave the fellowship of the membership,” she finally managed. “I truly do. I couldn’t bear to be shamed and kept away from the church.”
Mary Beiler rose just then and came to stand next to Tessie’s chair. She placed a hand on Tessie’s shoulder. “We care about ya, dear. All the People do. You mustn’t forget that.”
“Denki, Mary,” she whispered.
The bishop got up and nodded at the two of them. Tessie thought for sure he was on his way out, but he lingered in the doorway. “May the Lord go before you, Tessie Miller.” He sounded almost sympathetic.
She could not speak; things were so jumbled in her heart . . . her head. Have I done the right thing? she wondered.
Chapter 21
Tessie Ann halfheartedly decided to keep her appointed date with Levi Smucker that evening, since she couldn’t get word to him in time to cancel. As she dressed, she did not count the brushstrokes through her strawberry-hued blond hair like she frequently did, her mind elsewhere. She redid the thick bun and smoothed her apron, too, all second nature.
Last Bride, The (Home to Hickory Hollow Book #5) Page 12