She hardly knew how to respond, not used to such attention anymore. Once she was seated, he walked quickly around to the right side, got in, and picked up the driving lines.
Levi was dressed in nicely creased black trousers, and she could see his white Sunday shirt peeking out of his black winter coat, open at his throat on this mid-March night. Had he also worn his black vest and frock coat beneath?
She’d bathed and shampooed her waist-length hair, which was still rather damp, although tucked into its tidy bun beneath her prayer veiling. She was thankful for the portable heater, not so commonly used amongst the People. So thoughtful of him to bring it.
“When was the last time you ate at Dienner’s Country Restaurant?” Levi asked, leaning toward her.
She couldn’t remember and shook her head. “I don’t recall.”
“Well, I thought we’d go there tonight.”
She smiled. The buffet was splendid, but she knew better than to think they were going merely for the good eats—especially when Levi reached for her hand.
“I’m awful glad you agreed to go out with me again, Tessie Ann.”
His soft tone and pleasant remark left her without words, and she remained quiet for most of the ride.
It’s like he trusts me . . . as if he somehow believes I did not sin with Marcus. Why?
Tessie smiled when Levi chose a private table in the side room, out of the way. He pulled out the chair for her and raved about the tender and tasty roast beef he’d had here on another occasion. She agreed and mentioned how wonderful-gut the buttered cut corn and lima beans had been last time, though she couldn’t put her finger on just when that was. Even so, she was certain it hadn’t been with Marcus.
After going through the buffet line, they brought their full plates back to their little corner, and she and Levi bowed their heads for the silent prayer.
As they ate and talked, she wondered if he might speak as much about Pinecraft as he had during their first date, but she quickly discovered he had other things on his mind. In fact, during the first half hour, he didn’t mention Florida a single time, nor did he give an update on his grandmother there. He seemed more interested in discussing the possibility of dating her. “How do you feel ’bout serious courting?” he asked, his eyes on hers.
His letters had been one thing, but having him right before her, asking this question—however anticipated—she found it hard to breathe. It was important to slow down, wasn’t it?
“It’s something to think and pray about first,” she said, hedging a bit.
“Well, I’ve thought and prayed about nothin’ else for months.” His expression was tender. “You see, I’ve cared for you, Tessie Ann, for a very long time. A baby doesn’t change that.”
Unexpectedly, tears sprang to her eyes, and she looked down quickly. “Ach, I hardly know what to say.”
“Only what’s in your heart.” He smiled and moved his hand slightly forward, then back, as if he were about to reach for her hand on the table.
And Levi did not have to declare his love; she saw it inscribed on his handsome face. Yet he didn’t pressure her for a response, and she was thankful.
Later, after he’d indulged in two offerings of delectable desserts, including warm apple crisp à la mode and chocolate-covered strawberries, and then paid the bill, they returned to the horse and carriage, parked behind the restaurant at the first hitching post.
On the ride back toward Hickory Hollow, Levi headed west on the Lincoln Highway, then north on Ronks Road. Instead of turning east on the Philadelphia Pike, he took narrow and winding Irishtown Road. He was clearly choosing the long way back to Hickory Hollow, Tessie realized, but it didn’t bother her in the least.
In the near distance, she could see a solitary light shining in one of the farmhouses. She stared at it, thinking the flame on the wick must’ve been turned down very low, because the light was rather faint. Something about the sight reminded her of the way she’d felt ever since Marcus’s fatal fall . . . as if her spirit had sunk within her.
The moon was gliding behind the trees as she and Levi slipped into a comfortable cadence of conversation. Tessie began to relax again, though she was not ready to address his earlier question. Knowing how persistent Levi was, she assumed he would press for an answer eventually. Even so, she wondered if he’d still want to court her once the People had their say, once she was put under the Bann for refusing to confess.
———
Levi made her feel special, very special. And the longer they rode, the more things Tessie began to share about herself at his urging—how she looked forward to planting the family vegetable garden, entertaining moments while helping at Mandy’s shop, and the kinds of pies she liked best to bake. “And I enjoy climbing one particular tree—well, I haven’t lately, of course, but it’s something I’ve done since childhood,” she confided.
“My younger sisters do that, too.”
“I’m honestly goin’ to miss it,” she said. “A lot.”
“Well, maybe your baby will also grow up with a hankerin’ to climb trees. You just never know.”
“Maybe so.” She paused, wanting so badly to forge ahead, yet flustered as to why she felt so at ease with him. She went on to hint that the circumstances surrounding her pregnancy weren’t what people thought, an echo of her failed attempt to confess in church almost two weeks ago.
“You know what?” Levi glanced at her in the dim buggy. “I believe you, Tessie.”
“Is that why you’re askin’ to court a young woman who is expecting another man’s baby?”
“Well, I know you. And there just has to be more to all of this than meets the eye.”
She felt then that it was all right to tell him how very much she and Marcus had cared for each other—that her father had forbidden them to marry for what were unknown reasons at the time. “But I now know why Dat felt it was so important to keep us apart. And I’ve forgiven him for what I thought was an unjustly harsh stand against Marcus.”
“You two dated for a long time.” Levi said it matter-of-factly.
“I loved Marcus dearly.”
Levi paused, not speaking for a moment. “Even now . . . do ya still?”
“I’ll always love him.”
Levi nodded thoughtfully. “And what if you were to release his memory? Is it time to let it go, just maybe?”
“What do you mean?”
He smiled faintly. “I s’pose if you have to ask, then maybe not quite yet.” Levi reached for her hand and held it for a long time before saying more. “I’m here to love you, Tessie Ann. Please remember that.”
She couldn’t stop the tears that rolled down her cheeks.
He promptly directed the horse to a wide shoulder in the road and pulled over. “I’d give most anything to win your heart,” Levi said softly, firmly, as he turned to face her. “And I’m willin’ to help you raise Marcus’s child as my own.” He raised her hand to his lips.
She sighed, watching him. Part of her wanted to shrink back, to pull away.
“But I can never take Marcus’s place in your heart,” Levi went on. “I wouldn’t even want to try.”
Instead of her heart singing, she felt a sting, the pain as her carefully crafted sphere of security and Marcus’s memory started to crack apart.
“I’m here to love you. . . .” Levi’s dear words rippled through her.
The silence in his father’s buggy was so dense, it filled her ears.
“Would you consider havin’ me as your husband, Tessie Ann?”
She breathed deeply. “Ach, Levi . . . I’m married already,” she blurted. “At least I was.” Then, struggling not to cry through the words she so wanted to say, she began to share with him what she’d held so long inside. “Marcus King and I secretly eloped back last September.”
Levi did not respond one way or the other, still holding her small hand in his. His eyes were gentle and kind, and before she could consider what was happening, he opened his arms,
and she leaned into them as he drew her quietly near.
Softly, sadly she wept away her secret while he stroked her wet cheek with his free hand.
“You are so precious,” he whispered, leaning his head against hers. “Honestly, I don’t think there’s anything dishonorable about Marcus takin’ the loveliest girl in Hickory Hollow as his bride . . . but he would’ve wanted the People to know about it by now. Surely, he would.” He squeezed her hand ever so gently. “Now, Tessie, have ya thought of telling the church membership on Sunday everything you’ve just told me?”
She sat up straighter, drying her eyes.
“Can ya do that?” he asked tenderly. “For the sake of making peace with God and the congregation . . . and continuing in the Amish way?”
Doubtless, it made sense, at least from his perspective, but from her own, she wondered, because she still didn’t have any proof of their marriage. Telling all might only make things more strained for her and her relationship with the bishop and the membership—especially with Marcus’s family. And she couldn’t help recalling how her father had acted when she’d attempted to tell him this very thing. Why on earth would the bishop and others respond any differently when she had no more evidence of her and Marcus’s legal union than she did then?
Levi released her and picked up the reins once again. “I trust you’ll confess fully this time. The People are quick to forgive when repentance is offered. Please do it . . . for the sake of harmony in the church,” he urged, his voice ever so earnest. “I’ll keep you in my prayers till the Lord’s Day.”
She didn’t know what to do with all this tenderness, having missed out on Marcus’s love these months. “Denki, Levi. That means a lot,” she whispered. “But I can’t promise anything.”
Chapter 36
Mandy baked enough chocolate chip cookies that Saturday for the entire church gathering the next day. She lost count after two hundred and fifty cookies and guessed she had enough for the youngsters to have two or more each, though since quite a few older folk had a sweet tooth, as well, she’d just kept baking cookies all afternoon.
Mamma had been over earlier, a sparkle in her eyes as she said, “Somethin’ wonderful-gut might just be happening to Tessie Ann.” But she didn’t reveal what, and when Mandy asked, Mamma simply said they’d all have to wait and see. But it was a consolation to Mandy that her mother’s face was beaming with happiness—and this in spite of tomorrow’s hoped-for confession.
Mandy glanced at the wall clock and guessed Sylvan might be home in another hour or so. Meanwhile, she washed up the cookie sheets and wiped down the counters, then dried them nicely.
While she was washing her hands, she heard a knock at the back door and went to see who was there. She opened the door to see Norm Byler standing there.
“Is Sylvan around?” he asked, looking a bit sheepish.
“He’s over at Nate Kurtz’s place.”
Norm nodded and handed her a black book. “I found this in the very back of Marcus King’s former bureau drawer when I was packing up my things. Thought you could give it to your sister, maybe.” He hesitated a moment, then went on. “It belonged to Marcus, but out of respect, I didn’t feel I should read it.”
She glanced at the book. “Is it a journal?”
“I think so.” Norm’s face was expressionless. “Well, would ya mind tellin’ Sylvan I dropped by?”
She said she would, and a silence fell between them. She made no gesture to invite him inside, given Sylvan was gone, and she was keenly aware of the faintly mulch-like smell of plowed soil hanging in the air behind Norm.
“I’ll be goin’ now,” he said, turning, then stopped. “I’m awful sorry for any pain I caused ya in the past, Mandy,” he said with a quick look back. “I truly am.”
She raised her hand to her cheek—she understood now that life’s losses ultimately brought an unsought yet profound sense of release. She experienced this again even now as he expressed his embarrassment at leaving her without explanation those years ago, asking her to forgive him.
“No worries, really,” she replied. “I’ve already forgiven you.”
He glanced at the sky, then continued. “Did ya know it was your father’s worry that pulled us apart—his grave concern at the possibility of genetic diseases in our offspring if we married?”
Tessie Ann had shared that very thing. But Norm had never spoken to her about it, and Mandy felt the need to lighten things up. “I daresay Dat’s more of a worrywart than any of us knew.”
“It’s why I left so hastily back then.”
“Understandable,” she said.
Norm nodded, then waved to her.
“Have yourself a gut and happy life out west,” she said.
“Same to you, here in Hickory Hollow, Mandy. Da Herr sei mit du—the Lord be with you.”
“You too. Hatyee!”
He bobbed his head and said so long to her, as well.
Not lingering, she closed the door and went to the kitchen table and sat down with Marcus’s ledger. Carefully, considerately, she handled it—words from the recent past—then she opened it, not expecting to see what looked like a legal document of some kind tucked inside.
When she looked more closely, she let out a gasp. “A marriage license? What on earth did Marcus and Tessie do?”
Seeing the date—September twenty-seventh last year—and realizing that her sister had gone and married Marcus King, Mandy couldn’t help herself. She began to read his first entry: Went to Chester County with Tessie Miller to apply for our marriage license.
Mandy did not stop until she’d read every page, including Marcus’s last entry, written on the morning of his fatal fall.
“Ach, Dat needs to see this!” She closed the journal and took it upstairs to put in her own dresser drawer. “So Tessie Ann was right all along—she did not commit a terrible sin.”
Why didn’t she just say so?
Immediately following breakfast the next morning, Tessie slipped on her coat and went to the bishop’s place without telling her parents. She must hurry, as there was little time before Dat wanted to hitch up to leave for church this Lord’s Day.
Mamma had said yesterday that it behooved Tessie to let the bishop know one way or the other what she planned to do about his request. In any case, Tessie would be considered rebellious if she didn’t “come under” and make her contrition known to the Gmay.
With everything flitting around in her head, she hadn’t slept well. Levi’s words were like a pealing bell, beautiful and strange. “I’m here to love you. . . .”
The fact that he’d believed in her before he even knew the full truth stirred something up in her, moving her repeatedly to tears. Now, as Tessie hurried across the road to the minister’s lane, she searched for the right words to say to the man chosen by God to shepherd them. Oh, she could not bear the thought of his piercing eyes studying her yet again.
Today was close to the coming season of preparation for their twice-yearly church council meeting, which would be followed on Good Friday by a day of fasting and prayer. “It’s imperative the membership be in one accord,” Mamma had said, not mincing words.
There was ever so much to ponder this Sunday morning.
After her visit to the bishop, Tessie Ann took a reverent posture outside the house where worship was to be held, stepping into line with the other womenfolk, right behind her sister Molly, who was holding her little girls’ hands. Oh, to have a small child’s hand in hers, Tessie thought. And to lead my own little one into the Preaching service . . . She daydreamed of the name she’d picked out for her son. Marcus. Her sweet baby stirred within her, and just then, Tessie dreaded hearing the outcome of the People’s vote, wondering just how long her excommunication might be.
Inching forward as the women’s line expanded behind her, Tessie was relieved her moments with the bishop and Mary were behind her. She glanced around discreetly, wondering where Mandy was, because she always sat to the right of Tessie, si
nce they filed in by gender, according to age.
Tessie happened to notice Mandy uncharacteristically standing over near the men’s line, trying to catch their father’s attention. It looked like she was giving something to him—a black book, maybe—prior to the menfolk going into the house by way of their separate entrance. Bobbing his head right quick, Dat looked embarrassed that Mandy had ventured over there, seeking him out that way.
What’s she doing?
Then, just as quickly, Mandy rushed back to take her place beside Tessie, not saying a word.
The women and children began to move forward, heading inside to find their seats on the long benches facing the men on the opposite side of the room. Tessie watched her father and saw his head go down in prayer the minute he was seated. Then, oddly, he looked up and caught her eye for the longest time before bowing his head once again. Was he perhaps reading whatever Mandy had given him? All of this was so very strange.
The ministers headed upstairs for their usual Abrot meeting prior to the sermons while the congregation began its familiar ritual of singing for the next thirty or so minutes. Tessie tried to focus, to get herself into an attitude of humility and prayer. Now wasn’t the time to speculate on whatever Mandy had given Dat, nor to whisper a question to Mandy, seated beside her. Tessie had never whispered during church that she could remember. I wanted to do everything right, under God, she thought, knowing she’d fallen short. She was beginning to think she and Marcus had been proud before the heavenly Father, taking the timing of their marriage into their own hands. Weren’t we?
She felt weighty conviction during the singing and as each reverent moment passed.
Levi had encouraged her to tell today what she’d revealed to him two nights ago—“for the sake of harmony,” he’d said. No matter what, she would have to endure a temporary excommunication, which would prohibit her from attending church—the place where she drew the divine strength she so desperately needed.
Trying not to concentrate her thoughts on what was to come, Tessie lifted her voice with all the others, singing “The Praise Song”—“Das Loblied”—their sacred hymn. The ancient song had twenty-eight lines, long enough for her to move into a better stance for adoration of the almighty One. “‘Your goodness exalt,’” she sang, hearing Mandy’s clear soprano voice next to her.
Last Bride, The (Home to Hickory Hollow Book #5) Page 21