by JA Huss
Kate is the oldest at twenty-three, Sparrow is the youngest at twenty, and I’m in the middle at twenty-one. It was kind of a big gap when we were all really young. But the Shrike Ranch tied us together. They kept their ponies and horses out there, took riding lessons out there, and we would spend every minute doing that horse-crazy girl stuff until we were well into our teens. In fact, I think it only died down my last year in high school. Kate had already taken off for college and Sparrow was dating a guy that year. So we drifted a little.
But whenever I had a problem I always knew I could count on them and sneaking into Sparrow’s house via the back porch was how I did it.
When I open the squeaky door and step in—it feels like coming home all over again.
They have a glider that takes up a whole wall, it’s so long. Some old thing that looks like it was brand new about the same time this house was built. And I can’t even count the number of times I slept on this thing when I stayed overnight in the summers.
When we were small, all three of us would sleep out here—Sparrow and I on opposite ends of the glider, feet and legs and knees wiggling against each other, and Kate, who was the tallest, on the hammock strung up in one corner.
We have a river running through the back of our farm. It’s dangerous, and loud, and rages with white water foam in the spring time when the snow melts.
But the Flynns have some second-cousin-twice-removed creek as their backdrop. It’s gentle and bubbling. The kind of sound people pay good money to listen to as white noise.
It’s that sound I concentrate on now. I slip out of my shoes and shorts, grab the quilt that always seems to be ready for me, and lie down. My head hits a faded outdoor pillow that matches the glider, and I sigh.
Fucking Five.
Why can’t he just see things my way? We’re grown-ups now. That stupid kid stuff is over. And I’m ready to start something new.
I don’t want to be his princess. I want to be his queen.
Obviously, he’s not reading from the same script.
I sigh, tired enough to let it go for now and find solace looking for sleep. I mean, after all, this is just how it is. How it’s always been. I’m pretty used to the disappointment I feel about Five by now.
I let the bubbling brook soothe me. I forget about where I was this morning. Forget about how I got to this moment right now. And I drift into dreams I wish I could live in…
“Princess.”
I’ve been waiting for him. I saw him when Sparrow, Kate, and I were at the FoCo Theatre getting milkshakes before the movie. And he saw me, too. He knew where I’d be tonight.
“Wake up, Sleeping Beauty.”
“God,” I whisper, because I don’t want to wake the others. “You’re so stupid, Five.”
“Princess Aurora. That’s Sleeping Beauty, right?”
“Shhhh,” I say, untangling my legs from Sparrow’s as I try to maneuver myself off the glider without making it… you know. Glide.
He takes my hand as soon as I’m up, and pulls me towards the squeaky screen door. He opens it carefully and we slip out and run across the grass towards the brook.
This is a ritual now. He came to me three times last summer in the middle of the night. Three times he woke me up. Three times he took my hand. Three times we ran across the grass to the creek.
But this is the first time this summer. And this summer we’re older. He’s much taller than me now. Almost six feet tall, even though he’s only fifteen.
When we get to the edge of the water I look up at him. It feels like the moon has a spotlight on us. Like the stars only twinkle for us. Like the night is only here so we can steal a moment together.
“Wanna go in?” he asks.
I just stare at him and nod. I don’t care where he wants to take me, I want to go. I want to say yes to everything. So I say, “Yes.”
Going in doesn’t mean swimming. The Colorado nights are too cold to swim in a river, even in the summer. Plus, it’s not a river, it’s a brook. So going in implies getting our feet wet.
“Come on, then,” Five says, leading me over to the rock.
It’s large, and long, and flat, and gray. Every one of us kids has played on this rock over the years. But Five is the only one who brings me out here at night. Alone.
I feel like this is the night. A kiss? Maybe?
And could there be a more perfect place and time for it?
Not in my mind.
Sometimes, usually in the early spring, but sometimes after a hard rain, the rock is under water a few inches. Us kids have spent many a hot summer afternoon in the pouring rain enjoying that special treat from this rock. But tonight the water level is low, so we can sit on it, keep dry, and dangle our bare feet in the water.
Five likes to wear suits, but not when he comes to steal me away in the night. On all those nights he’s been wearing shorts, just like he is now. Tan cargo shorts with a white t-shirt that makes him look so utterly different than he normally is. And he never wears shoes.
I like this about him. Because it means he plans for our special alone moments. He spends hours, maybe days, possibly even weeks planning for them.
We sit down, me in my night shorts and him in his secret shorts, and dangle our feet over the edge.
“I’m leaving in a few days,” he says.
“I know,” I say, squeezing his hand. “Stanford should be fun though, right?”
He smiles at me. It’s both regretful and satisfied at the same time. “Robots, right? It’s so hard to say no.”
I smile back, feeling both of the same emotions. “You be you, Five. That’s all I want.”
“What are you gonna do this summer? Shows?”
“Yeah,” I say, kicking my toes back and forth in the slow-running water. “We’re hitting all the big ones this year. Even taking a trip to Maryland.”
“I bet you win all the ribbons, Princess. You’re gonna sweep that horse show circuit and turn every head while you do it.”
“And I bet you build the best robot that school has ever seen, Five. You’re gonna wow the world this summer. And then everyone will know just how special you are.”
We’re still smiling at each other. Our eyes are perfectly matched. His brown ones. My blue ones. It’s…
“Princess.”
The softly whispered words drag me out from the bliss of my dream.
“Wake up,” Five whispers. “We’ve got a date with a rock.”
I smile before I open my eyes. How did he know? But when I finally do open them, and our eyes, brown and blue, perfectly matched, meet… Well. I know how.
“We’re soulmates, Five Aston.” I whisper it, even though I’m out on the back porch alone this secret night. “You know it. I know it. The moon, and sky, and stars all know it. So why? Just tell me why? That’s all I want to know. Is there a special reason? Did you find someone else? Am I disappointing you? What? What is wrong with me that all I ever get from you is a goodbye?”
He sits down, making the glider sway to and fro a little. And he takes my hand to squeeze it tight. “You know none of those things are why.”
“I know. But it hurts almost as much that you refuse to trust me. Every bit as much as you finding another girl to love more. You should just trust me.”
See, here’s the thing. I know what this is probably about. I know he’s got something on his plate. Something to do with our family history. Our parents and the trouble they got into, then got out of. So if this is what’s holding us back, then why can’t he share it with me?
“Come with me,” Five says. He stands, pulls me to my feet, and we open and close the squeaky screen door. We’re silent as our bare feet walk through dew-covered grass towards the Flynn creek. And this makes me smile—even though I try to hide it—because he showed up in tan cargo shorts, white t-shirt, and bare feet tonight.
I’m only wearing underwear and my tank top. Which would’ve made me very self-conscious back in my dream memory, but right now just mak
es me…
“Should we go in?” he asks.
The moon lights us up, and the stars show us a private twinkling, and the night approves of our reunion. “Yes.”
We walk over to the rock and sit. Our feet know where to go. Our toes know what to do when they hit the water, and our hands never let go.
It’s perfect. A perfect moment, right here, right now, just like it was in my dream.
So we enjoy it a little longer.
Then he says, “You are the love of my life, Aurora Shrike. My heart’s desire. My soulmate. My fate. And there is nothing I want more than to give you everything you want. Show you the entire world. Make you happy.”
“Then—”
But he shushes me with a fingertip on my lips. “I can’t say why. I don’t even know why. I just know it’s not yet. That’s all, Rory. That’s all I know. And it’s God’s honest truth. I just need a little more time, and you need one more year of school, and then—”
But he stops talking.
“Then what?” I ask, after seconds roll by. “I need something, Five. I don’t know what it is, but I need something. Because I’m starting to become sad. Thinking of you makes me sad and that’s now how I want things to be. Life is short. Time is finite. And it scares the hell out of me that you might disappear and leave me with this feeling. I don’t want disappointment to be my default memory. I don’t want regrets. I want to live, and I want to do that with you by my side.”
A fish splashes in the shallow water. Crickets sing under the dark cover of trees. The moon hides behind clouds, and the stars stop twinkling.
“I have a problem, Princess.” He pulls me closer to him, lets go of my hand, but only because he wants to hug me tight.
“What problem? What is it?”
“I’m not sure yet.”
And then we share a knowing glance. He’s not going to tell me. He’s never going to say those words. And he’s afraid.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen Five Aston afraid of anything.
So I don’t push him. Maybe I don’t want to hear the truth after all. Maybe—
His hands cup mine as he turns. He kisses me. And I don’t even know how to describe this kiss. It isn’t passionate, it isn’t erotic, it isn’t innocent. It isn’t any of those things at all.
It’s… it’s… a promise.
When we pull away we come together again in our gaze. His brown ones. My blue ones. Perfectly matched.
We sigh together, our foreheads bumping up against one another.
And that’s when I remember how my dream should’ve ended.
With me, showing horses that summer. I did win all the prizes and I did turn all the heads.
But that was nothing compared to what Five did with his time off. He did wow the world with his robots. And that’s how he got that offer to go away to Oxford.
He was… seen.
And sometimes being seen is the most dangerous thing a person can do.
Chapter Eight - Five
“Five?”
“Yeah,” I say, still lost in our undisclosed problems. But I catch up with reality real fast when the princess stays quiet. “What?”
She’s staring down at the water, her legs dangling over. Stiff elbows lead to flat hands propping herself up on the rock. She turns her head. Slides a piece of long, golden hair behind her ear. Waits a beat. Then another. Until the tension is thick, and the waiting is unbearable, and—
“Did you know…” she starts, then pauses.
Her eyes are darting back and forth on mine. And there is this moment when I feel panic. Like I’ve missed something. Like I fucked up. That gut-wrenching moment when you realize you lost, and buddy, that loss happened a long time ago, you just never knew it. I have this crushing, suffocating feeling that she’s gonna say something bad, like… Did you know that if you leave your girl hanging for too long, she’ll move on? Or, Did you know that childhood sweethearts almost never make it? Did you know—
“Did you know,” she starts again, “that everything comes in fives?”
I let out a breath, then a laugh. “What?”
“It’s true,” she says. “There’s five senses and five fingers. Five toes and five vowels in the English language. There’s five Great Lakes, and five points on a star.”
My panic goes away and a smile begins to creep up my face.
“Five golden rings in that song. Five people in the Scooby-Doo show. Five digits in a zip code, five days in the work week, five—”
“Five Aston,” I say.
She stops her litany and nods. “Five Aston. Who is the only five that matters. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about fives. And do you know what I figured out?”
“What?” I ask.
“There’s only one of him.” She places a fingertip on my chest and presses. “This one. So if you plan on doing anything stupid, you’d better take me with you.”
I swallow hard. I know what she means but… but it just comes out wrong. Like I’m planning for something bad to happen. For failure or death or something like that. It feels like a pact that has the potential to go very wrong.
“Don’t shake your head at me, Mr. Aston. I won’t take no for an answer. You know I’m capable of taking care of myself. You know I can find out what you’re hiding. And I will if you lie. If you lie to me, Five, I’ll figure it all out on my own and then I’ll force my way into your world and all your best-laid plans will go to shit.”
She crosses her arms. Exhales. Smiles.
“Rory…” But I stop.
The future passes before my eyes. Every possibility I’ve come up with. I’m capable of running numbers in my head. I can do some pretty goddamned hard calculations up in my big brain. I can run probabilities and plot trajectories. And everything I’ve come up with leads to—
She reaches for me. My hand. She takes it in both of hers, stroking it. Then she places it on her cheek, cuddling it. “We’re a team,” she says. “You and I, OK? Spencer Shrike raised a warrior princess, not a helpless one. You, of all people, know this.”
“Rory…” But there’s no good way to tell her. “I… I love you,” I say. “I love you so much and I can’t—”
“You can,” she insists. “Just tell me what the fuck is going on. Please. Don’t make me do it alone. That’s fucked up, Five, and you know it. Anything can happen. At any time. You can’t keep me safe if I’m in the dark.”
“If anything ever happened to you,” I say, shaking my head, unable to finish that thought.
“We’re a team,” she says. “Just like my mom and dad are a team. Just like your mom and dad are a team. They stuck together and we can too. They made it, and we can too.”
“But this is different.”
“How?” She scoots closer to me. “Tell me how.” And then she just says fuck it all, and climbs right into my lap. Her hands grip my shoulders as she stares down into my eyes.
“How is this different? We’re not kids, Five. We’re adults. We’re practically the same age as our parents when all that shit happened to them. Hell, I’m two years older than Aunt Rook when she saved Ronin.” She places both her hands flat on my face, like she needs to make me listen. “Tell me what’s going on.”
But she’s perfect and pretty and I don’t want to spoil it. The clouds have moved on and the moonlight is shining down on us like a spotlight. The stars are twinkling up there, putting on a special show. The night is almost over and pretty soon the sun will chase it away and nothing will ever be the same.
“Later,” I say, lying back and taking her with me. We fall together and I catch her in my arms, hold her tightly to my chest and kiss her. “Later,” I whisper into her mouth. “Because there’s no way I’m gonna let this night fade and not take what I came for.”
My hand slides across her ass, fingers slip under her panties, and find her wet.
She and I moan together.
“Fuck me,” she says. “Right here, Five. Do you have any idea how many times
I’ve pictured us on this rock? How many ways? I just need—”
“Be still and be quiet.” I roll us over, making her gasp with surprise.
She smiles in approval.
“Look up, Princess.” She does. And as she does, I sit up and scoot down to the edge of the rock. I jump down into the creek, the cold water a shock that cools me off and heats me up at the same time. And then I reach for the elastic of her panties, drag them down her legs, and spread her open.
Her knees come up automatically. I press her thighs down on the rock, holding her in place as my face dips down between her legs to lick her.
She grips my hair tight, urging me on as she bucks her back and closes her eyes.
“No,” I say. “Look up. I want you to see the night sky and think of me, Rory Shrike. So that every night we have to spend apart will remind you of this night.” I whisper all this, my lips right up against her pussy. They vibrate over her sweet, sensitive folds.
She grips my hair tighter, making my cock hard with anticipation.
I sweep my tongue over her opening. Wiggle it against her clit. We have only had sex once. Just once. And it was a long time ago. We were still kids.
Well, we’re not kids now.
I let her thighs go so I can slip a finger inside her. She makes the most delicious noises in response. My other hand reaches up, pushing her shirt out of the way so I can grab her tits. Her hand clamps down on mine as I tug her bra down and pinch her nipple.
I want to make her come. I want to hear those sweet sounds come from her mouth. I want to have her writhing, and moaning, and gasping for air as she begs for more.
My face is pressed between her legs, my lips wet from her desire, my fingers coated in sweetness as I slip another inside and slowly… slowly… fuck her with my fingers.
She stops making demands of any kind. Her hand drops off mine, both of them pressed flat on the rock. I push her leg up, bringing her knee to her shoulder, and when she closes her eyes and begins to whimper, I suck on her clit. I lick it like candy as I pump her with my fingers.