Katie studied the image on the first page. Rigo was standing in the middle of a small group of men dressed in motor-racing red. They all looked tanned and fit and wealthy, and they all had their arms casually draped across each other’s shoulders. At that point she was still thinking the worst of him, but then she moved on to the second page and everything inside her went still. As misjudgements went, hers had been enormous. ‘I don’t understand…’
‘What’s to understand?’ he said, frowning. ‘How can you look at those photographs and tell me you don’t want to become involved?’
Rigo’s organisation fulfilled as many of the dreams of sick and disadvantaged children as it could. ‘So that’s why you were racing round the track when I arrived?’ Each of the photographs was dated, and as she traced the image for that day lightly with her fingertips her heart filled with admiration and love for him. ‘And your friend—the one who was in hospital having the life-saving operation…’
Rigo didn’t answer and his expression didn’t flicker. He took no credit for any of this, she realised, and even now he wouldn’t reveal the identities of any of the families he helped. Now she understood that it wasn’t his privacy he guarded so assiduously, but that of the children and their families and his friends.
‘The children do occasionally make me late for appointments,’ he admitted, smiling faintly.
One glance into Rigo’s eyes told a world of stories and, while some of them were happy, many were sad.
‘As far as I’m concerned,’ he said, ‘the children come first. Well, Katie? Now I’ve explained why I need someone to help me with the expansion of the scheme, how do you feel?’
Rigo would stop at nothing to continue this work. Even his much vaunted pride counted for nothing in Rigo’s mind compared to these children. How did that make her feel? Her heart was aching with love for him. She wanted the job. It was a job she could devote her life to willingly and without question. She could feel passion for the job, a passion that would never falter, but—
‘I should warn you,’ Rigo said, interrupting Katie’s thoughts with a condemning glance at her dull brown suit, ‘that everyone involved in the scheme is under orders to inject fun and colour into the lives of those we help—’
‘And must embrace a more extensive palette than brown, I take it?’ she suggested in the same dry tone.
A half-smile creased his face in the attractive way she loved. ‘As you can see from the scrapbook,’ he said, looking at it, ‘you must wear whatever is appropriate for the activity you’re taking part in.’
‘I draw the line at a yellow jumpsuit.’ She was remembering one of the most hair-raising photographs with one part of her brain, and longing for something that could never be with the other part.
‘If you do a tandem parachute jump with me, Katie, the yellow jumpsuit is required equipment.’
Bizarrely, as he spoke a wedding dress flashed into her mind. She smiled it away, thinking of the children and the wonderful opportunity Rigo had put in front of her.
‘We have to do anything that’s asked of us.’
‘I understand,’ she said.
‘Are you ready to give me your answer?’ he said. ‘Will you join us?’
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
SHE would do anything for him right now.
Don’t give up, Katie’s inner voice begged, while common sense told her she could have the job of her dreams, but not the man. Maybe Rigo was playing with her in the sexual sense, Katie reasoned, but she knew he was wholly sincere about his scheme. Perhaps she should choose the security of home over the freedom and romance she had always longed for—at least if she did that her heart wouldn’t ache constantly.
She smiled. She knew. There’d never been any doubt what she would do. ‘I’ll go and put on my new suit, shall I?’
Rigo relaxed. He understood the code. He had offered her the chance to make the difference she had longed to make and she was saying yes.
And now they were both on their feet.
‘I can’t tell you how pleased I am!’ Rigo exclaimed as he came around the desk. ‘Thank you so much for agreeing to join us, Katie. I’m going to turn Carlo’s legacy into something wonderful. I’ve already decided I’ll keep a small apartment here, but the Palazzo Farnese is going to become Carlo’s Kids’ Club—’
‘So your stepbrother will be remembered for all the right reasons…’
‘He will.’
‘It’s a great name—fun and friendly.’ Could hearts explode? Katie wondered as hers pounded violently in her chest.
‘I’m already talking to my team of doctors to make sure the centre is everything it needs to be and I’ll build their suggestions into my plans—’
‘I’ll do anything you ask,’ she interrupted. ‘I mean it, Rigo. I want to be part of this.’
‘Welcome to the team, Katie.’
He grasped her hand and let it go. ‘This is a big ask.’ He stared directly into her eyes. ‘I need more than a personal assistant.’
She didn’t breathe.
‘I need someone like you to speak independently on the steering committee.’
She pulled herself together. ‘Of course.’
This was so much more than she had hoped for, Katie told herself firmly. ‘I only wish I’d understood all this from the start.’
‘Would it have made a difference?’
Rigo’s eyes searched hers relentlessly and they both knew he wasn’t talking about business now. She knew she looked uncomfortable, but it couldn’t be helped. She’d lost the art of masking her feelings the day Rigo had kissed her.
She was thankful when he let it go.
‘People’s lives are precious,’ he said, referring to his scheme, ‘and they are entitled to discretion from us.’
‘You have my word,’ she said, knowing Rigo’s foundation was infinitely more important than her own small world of doubt and negative self-image issues.
‘The last thing the families need is the media spotlight focused on them—and my friends aren’t too happy about it either,’ he confessed with a wry smile. ‘It’s better for everyone if we keep it low-profile.’
‘Everything you have told me will remain between you and me,’ she promised him. ‘The details of your foundation are safe with me.’
‘I never doubted it.’
But there was a question in his eyes. And that question was: why couldn’t she be as open with him?
And then with an effortless switch of tempo, he became her boss again. ‘I can’t wait to get started. I’m so glad you’re joining us, Katie.’
In his enthusiasm he caught hold of her arms and spun her round. They were both on a high. And Rigo was an impulsive man. Still, the last thing she had expected was that he would kiss her on the mouth…
The kiss was like no other they’d shared. The impulse and joy that caused it changed instantly to something more. Once reignited that fire raged unabated. She couldn’t press herself close enough or hard enough. She had to taste him and feel him in every part of her. She could barely drag in enough air to sustain life…
Rigo swung her into his arms and strode out of the room.
He didn’t walk up the stairs, he ran.
Closing her eyes, she nuzzled her face into his chest. She was hiding from reality and intended doing so until the last bubble burst. Having mounted the stairs, he shouldered his way into his apartment. It was as shabby as her own, but to Katie’s eyes it was equally charming and comfortable. Thanks to the attentions of a reinvigorated staff, it was also spotlessly clean, and as Rigo launched them both onto the super-sized bed she inhaled the faint scent of sunshine and lavender contained in crisp white bedlinen.
‘Are you happy?’ he demanded, drawing her into his arms.
She could never express how she felt. There was such joy in the air, such exuberance and laughter, and for every nanosecond left to her she was going to live this out to the full. While he was kissing her Rigo removed her jacket and tossed it away
. ‘Remind me to make a bonfire for that old suit,’ he said, raising his head to look into her eyes, and while she was laughing her skirt followed the same trajectory. All that remained now between Rigo and her scars were her underwear and a blouse. The last bubble was about to be burst. She turned her face away. It was wrong to allow this. She would not cause him any more pain.
He searched for her lips with his.
She pushed him away. His eyes flickered and changed. She’d hurt him. There was no way not to hurt him. It broke her heart to do this, but it would destroy them both if she let him see her scars. Rigo would turn away from her in disgust, believing he’d been betrayed again.
But she should have known he wouldn’t be so easily dissuaded. She let him kiss her one last time and felt her heart soar. When he released her she stared at him to imprint every atom of his features on her mind. Reaching up, she wove her fingers into his thick black hair, loving the way it sprang, glossy and strong, beneath her palm. She needed that sensation branded on her mind to sustain her in a future without him. In Katie’s world love was a cause for concern. Whatever she felt for Rigo must be rigorously controlled so it never reached past the bedroom door.
Yes, and look where she was now…
Touching his fingers to her chin, Rigo made her look at him. ‘What are you frightened of, Katie?’
Instead of answering, she traced the line of his beloved face with her fingertips until he captured her hands and kissed each fingertip in turn. Her skin was still prickling from contact with Rigo’s sharp black stubble. Tears welled in her eyes as the thought, sharp and dark, like the end of this romance, rose in her mind; there could be no happy ending.
‘So, signorina,’ he murmured against her lips, ‘have you no answer for me? Will you not tell me what is wrong, so I can help you?’
What is wrong? I love you with all my heart, she thought, and always will. My love for you fills every part of me with happiness…But she would never speak of this to Rigo. He was so confident and so happy. He was still at the top of the mountain, while she was rapidly slithering down it—though his sexy, slumberous eyes had begun to gain an edge of suspicion. In that brief moment she saw the same vulnerability everyone felt when they had bared their soul to another. And right on cue her scars stung a reminder of why this love for Rigo must go no further.
She pulled away. He dragged her close, kissing her until her soul was as bare as his. He tasted her tears and pulled back. ‘What aren’t you telling me? Is there someone else?’
‘No!’ she exclaimed; the idea was abhorrent to her. But Rigo’s voice had turned cold and everything had changed. Their brief idyll was over.
‘Katie?’
Someone else? No. Something else.
‘I knew it.’ He thrust her away. ‘I can see it in your eyes.’
Could he? Could he see the ridged skin—the ugly, ruined skin? Those foul red shiny scars stood between them as surely as another person—
‘Why don’t you just admit it?’ He launched himself from the bed.
Because she had wanted this too much.
But she had forgotten Rigo was not the tame, civilised man he appeared to the wider world, but a man who had survived life on the streets, fighting for every piece of bread he put in his mouth. Rigo had never stopped fighting, whether for his foundation or for his company and employees, or anyone else he believed needed someone to champion them, and he wasn’t about to lose this fight. Whirling round, he seized her wrists and tumbled her back onto the pillows. Holding her firmly in place, he cursed viciously in her face. ‘Not again! Do you understand me, Katie? Tell me the truth. Tell me why you have such a problem with commitment.’
‘There’s no one else—’
‘And I should believe you?’
But his grip had loosened fractionally.
‘I swear, Rigo—there’s only you.’
He let her go and sank down on the bed with his head in his hands.
‘You’re my world,’ she said. ‘You fill my mind every waking moment and my dreams are full of you when I’m asleep—’
‘Then I don’t understand,’ he said, looking up. ‘What’s standing between us? Tell me, Katie. I have to know. Maybe I can help you.’
This big, strong, powerful man, this man who was so confident he could make everything right for her if she only wanted it badly enough. But her voice would never come back and her scars would never go away. Could she burden him with that? Shaking her head, she clung to the edges of her blouse.
Rigo’s gaze followed her movement. ‘Oh, Katie,’ he murmured and, gently disentangling her hands, he brought them to his lips. Letting her go at last, he stood in front of her, stripping off his clothes. When he was completely naked he lay on the bed and drew her into his arms. ‘Why couldn’t you tell me the truth? Do you think my feelings for you are so fragile?’
As understanding flooded her brain shame suffused her. ‘It’s not my breasts.’
‘What, then?’ He went still.
Moments passed and then Rigo drew her to him. ‘You have to tell me, Katie. You can’t live like this.’
He was right. Without him she was only half-alive.
‘I’m going to take your blouse off.’ He started unfastening it. He shared his courage, staring into her eyes. He lifted her up into a place he inhabited, a place where problems were dealt with and not pushed aside. He slid the blouse from her shoulders and embraced her back. His hands explored and his expression never wavered. ‘Come to me, cara,’ he said, drawing her closer. ‘Trust me…’
And so at last she lay with her face pressed into the pillows while he looked at her back. Hot shame coursed through her. She felt dirty and ugly. She was repulsive. That was how she’d felt when she’d left the hospital and taken a long, hard look at herself in the mirror. Squeezing her eyes shut now, she pictured Rigo recoiling in horror. How could he not? He only had to measure his perfection against her flaws to know jokes didn’t come this bad.
But she waited in vain for his exclamation of disgust, and felt the bed yield as he lay down at her side. And then, incredibly, she felt him kiss her back…all down the length of the scars. And when he’d finished, he said softly, ‘Tell me—how do you think this changes you?’
‘Isn’t it obvious?’ she mumbled, her voice muffled by the pillows.
‘Not to me. Is this what you were hiding from me?’
She turned her head to look at him.
‘I can’t believe it,’ Rigo murmured. ‘I can’t believe you would think me so shallow—’
‘I don’t. I think you’re perfect—so perfect, how can you not be disgusted?’
‘By you holding out on me, perhaps that might disgust me, but by these? You said you’d trained as an opera singer when we were at Gino’s, and the letter of introduction sent to me by your firm mentioned it, but it said nothing about a fire—’
‘I didn’t put it on my CV. I didn’t think it relevant to my new life.’
‘So you shut it out and tried to forget you were in a fire that left you badly scarred and stole your voice away? And every day you were reminded of what you’d lost each time you spoke or when you took your clothes off.’
‘It’s not so bad—’
‘Not so bad? You lost the future you’d planned. That’s big—huge, Katie. Who did you confide in? No one!’ he exclaimed when she remained silent. ‘And you’ve been hiding your feelings ever since?’
‘I had to hide my scars from you—’
‘Because you thought I would throw up my hands in alarm?’
‘Because I thought they would sicken you. I thought if you saw them they would take any feelings you might have for me and turn them sour and ugly.’
‘So how do you feel now when I tell you that I love you?’
‘You—’
‘Sì, ti amo, Katie. I will always love you. I can’t imagine life without you. You’re my life now.’
He stopped her saying anything with a kiss so deep and tender, she felt c
herished and knew the nightmare that had mastered her for so long didn’t exist in Rigo’s mind. Bottling things up, just as he had said, had allowed the consequences of the fire to ferment and expand in her imagination until they ruled her life. And now he was kissing her in a way that sealed the lid on those insecurities. There was no need for words; this was the ultimate reassurance.
Rigo made love to her all night and they woke in the morning with their limbs entwined, when he made love to her again while she was still half-asleep. To wake and be loved was the miracle she had always dreamed of, only it was so much better in reality. ‘I love you, Rigo.’ She said this, kneeling in front of him, naked. ‘You’ve made me strong.’
‘You’ve always been strong,’ Rigo argued. Taking hold of her hands, he drew her to him. ‘You just needed reminding how strong you are. If you weren’t strong you wouldn’t have chosen such a challenging path through life—first music, and now me.’
She laughed. How could she not? ‘I love you so much,’ she whispered, staring into his eyes.
‘You’re sure?’
‘You made it possible for me to love.’
‘So now the world is your oyster?’ he teased in his sexy drawl.
‘My world is you—’
‘Brava,’ he murmured with one of his killer smiles. Lowering her onto the bank of pillows beside him, he added, ‘Just remember, I love every part of you—not just this leg, or that finger, or these ears. I love the whole Katie.’
And the fierce pledge in his eyes said that as far as Rigo was concerned her scars did not exist. ‘I love every part of you that goes to make you the woman I love now and always.’
Italian Boss, Proud Miss Prim Page 15