‘Yeah. We can still have sex.’ She kisses me again, her lips barely touching mine and she smiles, her fingers intertwining with mine as our hands rest against her stomach. ‘Right up until this little one is due. We just gotta get creative with the positions.’
Jesus! She’s got my cock hard just talking about it, and she gets that. And that’s why I freakin’ love this girl.
She pushes me away and unzips her skirt, and I watch as it falls to the floor, and she ain’t wearing no panties. She’s newly shaved and she’s wearing those boots she knows get me hard in a fucking heartbeat, man, I’m one lucky-son-of-a-bitch!
‘I thought you might want to celebrate the news, y’know? Privately. Before we tell anyone else.’ She smiles, and she drops a hand to briefly touch herself but I ain’t letting her do any of this solo.
‘If we weren’t already married I’d be down on my knees asking you to marry me right now,’ I murmur as my mouth brushes the base of her throat. And she threads her fingers in my hair and pulls my head back so she’s looking right at me.
‘I still want you down on your knees, soldier.’
I grin, and I sink to the floor, and she widens her stance and I spread her wide and dive into the kinda heaven I ain’t ever living without now…
Izzi
Waiting wasn’t going to be an option. He had to know now, and I know that he’ll want to tell everyone as soon as we’re finished here, and that’s good. It’ll put an end to something that needs ending, before people get hurt.
His fingers dig into my thighs as his tongue continues to probe and lick and I open my legs wider, closing my eyes as a beautiful warmth spreads through me. But then he pulls away and stands up and he kisses me, and I taste myself on him and I know that turns him on. I know he likes that, and my stomach dips as he kisses me deeper and harder and he lifts me up, his hands cupping my ass as he pulls me down onto his cock, and I cry out quietly as he fills me up, my muscles clenching around him as I cling onto him.
I’m having his baby.
And I’m scared. I’m terrified.
I’m having his baby.
And I’ve never been more excited.
This crazy, messed-up world has got me good and proper now.
Any chance I had of escaping has gone.
And I’m OK with that.
I am…
Mack
I light up another cigarette and lean back against my bike as I wait. I’ve been here about an hour now. I got here just as Kes was leaving, but he had no bags with him, nothing to indicate that he was going anywhere other than out for a ride, or business, or something. But it didn’t look like he was leaving. So I’m waiting. It’s not like I got much else to do.
I take a look around me, at the wide open space surrounding this motel in the middle of freakin’ nowhere, and I quite like it, the solitude. I might find somewhere like this to crash when I finally leave Albequerque. I can live with the silence and the peace, it might do me some good. Give me time to form a real plan of action for the rest of my fucked-up life.
I look up as I hear the familiar roar of a Harley. It’s him, and I shield my eyes from the sun as I watch him pull up outside the row of rooms and climb off his bike. But he don’t go inside straightaway, he sits down on the steps outside and takes something out of his pocket; a cigarette, a joint, I can’t see for sure from where I’m standing. But whatever it is he takes a couple of drags on it and exchanges a few words with a tall, gangly man who comes out of a nearby room before he stands up and finally goes into his own room. Or what I’m assuming is his own room.
I finish my own cigarette and carefully extinguish it, crushing it with the heel of my boot before I head across the quiet road to the motel. It’s a bit run down, a bit cheap and cheerful but, yeah. Somewhere like this would do me OK ‘til I find myself a base some place away from here.
I check out Kes’ bike as I pass it. It’s an older Harley, and I’m guessing he’s had it a good few years. It’s more than likely been a faithful friend to him over time, and he’s certainly done a lotta rides on this machine, the battered leather seat tells me that. But he’s taken his last one now.
I reach around and make sure my gun’s where I need it to be before I head up the few steps that lead to the row of rooms that face the parking lot, and I knock on the door, just a gentle tap, I don’t wanna alert or alarm him. But there’s no answer. So I tap a little harder. And there’s still no answer, so I try the door and it opens. Big mistake. He really should be more careful, a man in his position. I walk inside and close the door behind me, carefully drawing my gun ‘cause there ain’t no sign of him in the bedroom. Keeping my gun raised I walk the few steps it takes to get to the bathroom, and that’s when I see him, slumped in a heap in the corner by the shower cubicle. His shirt’s open and he’s holding onto a bar of soap so I’m guessing he was taking a wash, or trying to. But it seems fate had other ideas.
I crouch down beside him and feel for a pulse but there ain’t nothing there. He’s gone, and I didn’t even have to pull the freakin’ trigger.
Chapter Nineteen
Izzi
‘Are we celebrating something?’ Sam takes a look around the crowded clubhouse as he joins me at the bar. Zeb’s got a bit of a party going to mark the fact the President’s going to be a daddy. He’s like a kid at Christmas and I’m not going to stop him, it’s nice, watching him like this. It gives me hope that maybe some element of our life might actually become normal, once this baby’s here.
‘I’m pregnant.’
I keep my eyes locked on Sam’s as he takes in the news. But his face remains expressionless, for a few seconds, before he breaks into a smile. And it’s a genuine smile, it reaches his eyes, and I like that this news might start to mend our fractured relationship. I hope it does. I’ve missed Sam and the father figure he’d become to me.
‘Izzi, I’m… I’m delighted, sweetheart. I mean, are you…?’
‘Happy? I’m getting used to the idea now, yes.’
He reaches out and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, leaning in to gently kiss my cheek. ‘I’m so sorry, Izzi. For all the pain and the…’
I take his hand and pull it away, but I’m smiling. I wanted a new start, and maybe this isn’t the new start I’d thought I was going to get, but it’s still a whole new beginning in my eyes.
‘Maybe it’s time to bury all the crap and start over, huh?’
He returns my smile and squeezes my hand, bringing it to his lips and lightly kissing my fingers. ‘Yes. Maybe it is.’ He looks over at Zeb, who’s busy having his back slapped and beer bought for him as way of congratulations. ‘Milek Zebrowski, a father, huh?’
‘Might be the making of him. That’s what they say, isn’t it?’
He frowns slightly. ‘You don’t seem too sure.’
‘I’m sure Zeb’ll be a good dad – a great dad, in his own way.’
Sam looks at me, and I know what he’s going to say, I’m ready for it. ‘You could have gotten out, Izzi. If you really wanted to. Even now, even with the baby, I could still fix this…’
‘Stop, Sam. Please.’
‘If you really want to, Izzi.’
I stare at him for a second, and then I look over at Zeb, and he’s laughing, he looks so happy, and that makes me smile. ‘Maybe I never really wanted that escape as much as I thought I did.’ I turn back to face Sam. ‘Because, if I had, I’d still be going. Even with the baby. I just wouldn’t have told anyone, Zeb would never have known. And I thought about it, Sam. For the briefest of seconds I actually thought about that.’ I look back over at Zeb. ‘I’m here because I want to be. I’m staying because I want to. And I know it isn’t going to be perfect and there’ll be days when I wonder what it would’ve been like if I’d chosen that other path… those days will happen. I know that.’ I drop my gaze and turn back to Sam. ‘But none of this is about me now. My baby, they come first.’
‘And you think bringing them up in this environment
is the best option?’
‘I want them to have parents who love and protect them And Zeb, he’ll protect his child, you know he will.’
‘Do you love him, Izzi? You keep saying the words, but, do you really mean them?’
I nod without missing a beat, because I do. I love Zeb, and he loves me, and in the end that’s all that matters. ‘I love him.’
Sam’s expression tells me he isn’t convinced, but it’s not my job to make him believe me. ‘Good. That’s good.’
I lean over and plant a quick kiss on his cheek, squeezing his hand before I slide down from my stool. ‘I’m going to be a mum, Sam. And that’s all I’m focusing on right now. I’ll talk to you later, OK?’
He smiles and lets go of my hand, and as I walk over to Zeb I feel something I haven’t felt in a long time. Hope…
Mack
‘Sam, a word. Outside.’
Sam follows me out into the compound but it’s just as fucking crowded out here.
‘What the fuck’s going on? What’s the party in aid of?’
Sam looks at me, but he doesn’t answer my question. ‘Something you want to tell me?’
‘It’s done.’
He raises an eyebrow, and I widen my eyes ‘cause what’s he looking for here? A minute-by-minute account of the whole fucking day? ‘Done?’
‘Kes. He’s dead. But I didn’t kill him. I didn’t have to.’
Sam frowns, and I rake a hand through my hair and take another look around the busy compound, and the smell of burgers on the barbecue is making me realize how hungry I am. I don’t think I’ve actually eaten anything for hours now, and I’m starving. ‘Mack?’
I turn back to face Sam. ‘I saw him go inside his room, at the motel, so I followed him. I got no answer when I knocked on his door but he’d left it open, which raised the first alarm bell, and when I got inside… He was already dead, Sam. He was gone. Must’ve been real quick, too, ‘cause this was only minutes after I’d seen him go inside. Probably a massive heart attack, a stroke, I dunno. Didn’t stick around long enough to find out.’ I pull out my phone and hand it to him, and he looks at the picture of his dead brother before he hands the phone back to me. And he looks angry, and I know why. He’ll think Kes got away with everything, that he was handed the softer option by dying in the way that he did rather than at the hands of someone who was taking revenge, even though it was Sam’s revenge, not mine. Yeah, he’d taken my mother from me but I never knew her. I could never feel that same anger Sam’s felt all these years.
‘You should’ve been quicker.’
Jesus! What kinda bullshit is this? ‘Yeah. You’re welcome.’ I go grab a beer from a crate by the door, ripping off the top with my teeth and taking a long, welcome draft. I ain’t had a proper drink in hours either, and I fucking need one. ‘He’s gone. Just be fucking grateful. You can put all that crap behind you now and move on.’
‘Is that what you’re going to do? Move on?’
I shrug and down another mouthful of beer. ‘Got nothing keeping me here now, have I? This club don’t feel like home no more, and Izzi… she ain’t mine. So, yeah, I’ll be moving on. Soon.’ I notice his gaze drop when I mention Izzi’s name, and it’s my turn to frown. ‘Something going on here, Sam?’
He looks back up at me, and I feel something deep in the pit of my stomach that I don’t want to feel, but it’s there. It’s happening. I just don’t know why.
‘You’re going to find out soon enough. The second you step back inside that clubhouse, more than likely, so… Izzi’s pregnant, Mack. She’s having Zeb’s baby. That’s what this party’s for, that’s what we’re celebrating. So if you still harbor any ideas about some last-minute fight for her, it won’t work. I’ve spoken to her, and she’s staying. She won’t leave now… she…’
He stops talking, and he drops his gaze again and I feel sick. It’s like someone’s just punched me so hard in the gut I can’t breathe. ‘She, what, Sam? What were you gonna say?’
‘It doesn’t matter. None of it matters now, Mack. She’s made her decision.’
‘And is it the right one?’
‘She thinks it is.’
‘She thinks it is? Sam…’
‘I saw it in her eyes, son. A flicker, it was there…’
‘A baby isn’t a prison sentence… Jesus!’
‘She doesn’t see it like that, Mack. She doesn’t. She loves Zeb, I can see that now, and he adores her, and it isn’t right to come between that…’
‘You were quite happy to risk it before.’
‘I didn’t know about the baby then. And neither did she. This changes everything. And now we have to tell Zeb that his father’s dead, and that’s only going to bring him and Izzi even closer, so you need to accept that this really is the end for you and her. It really is over now.’
I lean back against the wall and light up a cigarette, drawing deep as I look out around me. This changes everything. Sam’s right. I can’t compete no more, even if I had been planning on one last fight. And I feel a sense of loss so heavy and raw and… This changes everything. Yeah. It does. It really does…
Chapter Twenty
Izzi
He punches the wall and I flinch, but none of this is aimed at me, he isn’t angry, at me. He isn’t really angry at anyone, he’s just frustrated and confused and grieving, for a man he isn’t sure he ever loved; isn’t sure ever loved him, like a father should love a son.
But he needs to do this, to let his anger out and cleanse his system of the pain and the poison and the confusion. And he won’t turn that on me, even if I hadn’t been pregnant, he wouldn’t turn that on me. Not that level of aggression, that isn’t who he is. But this – watching him, it still fills me with a nervous tension I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to. He’s the kind of man who can snap in an instant; go from kind and caring to violent and dangerous in the blink of an eye, but that’s my life now. This is my world.
He slams his fist into the wall again and I look down as I hear plaster shatter to the floor. And my hand instinctively falls to my stomach, pressing lightly against it, almost as though I’m already preparing to protect my baby from the things it could very well see, in time. Things I don’t want it to see, and I will do my utmost to make sure they’re kept shielded from the very worst this life could throw at them. I’ll move heaven and earth to keep them safe and ignorant of the crap, but that won’t last forever. It can’t. They’ll grow up, and I won’t be able to control the environment they’ll be living in; the things they’ll see, I won’t be able to control that forever. And that fills me with a fear I can’t begin to describe.
I raise my gaze and Zeb’s done now. I hope. He’s leaning back against the wall, his eyes closed, and I notice blood dripping from his battered knuckles onto the wooden floor and my stomach turns, just a little. His breathing’s all over the place, his chest heaving with heavy, ragged breaths and I cock my head slightly as I look at him again. Tears are falling down his cheeks, and my heart aches for him and the messed-up world he’s lived in. Please, God, let us take all this crap and make sure we don’t transfer it to our child.
‘Come here,’ he murmurs, and he doesn’t open his eyes but I know he’s talking to me. And I walk slowly over to him, and when he senses me near he reaches out and catches my waist and he pulls me against him, his mouth crashing down onto mine in a hard, almost violent kiss. And he’s pressing me against him, his hand firm in the small of my back as he kisses me longer and deeper and I thread my fingers into his hair and give him what he needs. One thing I’ve learned from my short time in this world is that these men have different needs, different ways of dealing with the shit and the mess that accompanies their lives. And the women just have to help them in the only way they can. So I’m only doing my job. And it breaks my heart to see him this hurt, this broken, because I love him, and no-one wants to see the people they love hurting this bad. So I’m doing my job, I’m helping him heal.
I pull back from hi
m slightly, and I take his hand and gently dab the blood away from his knuckles with a tissue, and I wipe those stray tears from his face with my thumb, and I smile, and he smiles back, and I suddenly feel a wave of love so intense swell up inside of me that causes my breath to catch. I still don’t know what it is we really have here, it’s so complicated and confusing and so wrong, at times. But I look at him now and I can’t bear to think that I even thought about leaving him. It terrifies me that I almost did that, almost chose that path instead of this one. This is where I need to be. And maybe when Mack finally leaves we can start to work at this mess of a marriage before we welcome our baby into this world.
I take his hand and pull him back towards the bed, untying my robe as I go, letting it fall to the floor, and his eyes briefly drop to scan my naked body. And I shiver, because his gaze is so intense, his eyes burn into me, and when he pulls me against him I sigh quietly as he cups my breast, his palm pressing against my nipple. He lifts me up and my legs instinctively wrap around him as he kisses me, and he lies me down on the bed and I stretch out and close my eyes as I wait for him to undress. The aggression, it’s all out now. It’s over, he’s done with that. He’s ready to calm down, and I’m ready to help him.
I open my eyes as he lies over me, and that shiver returns as his naked body touches mine, his skin warm, his muscles taut and tight and I pull my legs up around him as he slowly pushes inside me, so carefully and gently I feel tears start to well up.
His fingers intertwine with mine as he pushes that little bit deeper, and I buck my hips slightly to pull him in, arching my back as his head dips and his mouth covers my breast. It’s the most beautiful sex we’ve ever had, because we aren’t fucking. It’s beautiful and perfect and I wish it could be this way forever, but it won’t be. This will happen again, at some point, but the fucking and the fighting and the harsh, sometimes violent sex will be back, and I like that. I do. I like the danger and the excitement and the thrill that gives me, but I like this, too. I like this feeling of us being the only two people alive; I like the peace and the calm. And when we come we come together, and it’s the most beautiful thing. It’s a slow-burn of a climax, something that washes over us both in a blanket of tiny, white-hot tingles and I throw my head back and jerk my hips up towards his again as I feel him empty into me, feel him filling me up, his warmth spreading through me and I cry out quietly and grip his fingers tight.
Betrayed (Soldiers of Darkness MC Book 2) Page 20