by Jessie K
Her hands were on her hips, her hair a mess, and her eyes flashed like lightening. “Really? I don’t remember that line in the script, Matthew.”
Oh shit. “Well, maybe it just sounds like it or something … I’m drunk, baby. I’m drunk and I’m dumb. Please, come to bed. We just need to sleep and it will all be okay.”
She crossed her arms and chewed on the inside of her cheek. Matthew tried to smile, but it just made her more angry. Also, more sexy. Finally, she climbed into bed and threw the coverlet at him.
“I am going to bed, to forget this whole fucking stupid night that you ruined. If you are too drunk to get your ass to a fucking taxi, you can sleep on the goddamn floor.”
Lynn lay down and flopped onto her side, so her back was to him. Matthew gingerly climbed into bed next to her and tried to cuddle up, but she kicked him and moved further to the edge of the bed.
“Lynn, please?”
She said nothing. Apparently, their conversation was over. He rested his head on her shoulder and sighed heavily. Goddammit, he’d fucked up bad. He knew he shouldn’t have had that last bourbon. Surely, he thought, surely she couldn’t stay mad at him forever.
After staring at her sleeping, angry body for a while, he curled up around her, when she couldn’t fight him any longer. This was supposed to be a great night, he knew. They would finally get to spend the whole evening tangled up, sleeping next to one another, and he’d fucked it all up.
Sleep finally caught up with him. His dreams were tortured and angry, leaving him tossing and turning all night. He dreamt he was being stabbed in the dark, yelled at by invisible heads, chased down by cars. He woke up in a sweat at four-thirty in the morning, reaching for Lynn to help settle him.
The bed was empty. She’d left him in the middle of the night.
Just like Vivian Ward.
PART THREE
chapter seven
LYNN
There was a small, Tiffany blue box sitting in her locker. She slammed the door shut and pretended it didn’t exist, and that a thrill of excitement hadn’t pulled through her when she saw it. She was still mad at him. Christmas break was full of shitty family ‘togetherness,’ aka drunk-fighting, and she spent most of it ignoring Matthew’s messages.
She wanted, more than anything, to believe that it was a mistake those few weeks ago. She wanted to believe that he was drunk and used to coaching Aria to be sexier for the spring musical, and that Lynn was the most important thing in the entire world to him.
But it was kind of fucking hard to feel that way after being called a nemesis’ name during sex.
She stomped off to class, angrier than she’d been in a week. As if he could just buy her affections back with jewelry! It made it even worse, because she knew he made shit money and was perpetually broke while saving back up for next summer’s theater season. He used money he didn’t have to buy her love back.
As if Lynn had room in her life for any more freaking guilt trips.
On the upside, the absence of Matthew in her life meant an increase in time with Dana. And, in her raging anger, Lynn had spilled the beans about everything: the sex at school, the secret relationship, the notes, the night he called her fucking Aria.
“Not Kirk!” Dana had gasped.
And in that moment, Lynn realized how desperately she missed her best friend. With Matthew, she had to hide from everyone and only function within a reality encompassed of no one but the two of them. It was a horrific double-edged sword. She loved being with Matthew, but hated giving up the rest of her life.
“It’s not exactly healthy, no.” Dana had given her a hug and a giant cup of cocoa stuffed with marshmallows, because she was the best kind of friend. “But it’s also not completely unrealistic. You guys had to keep it quiet for really important reasons. It’s not like he said, ‘be with only me if you want to live’ or something crazy.”
Lynn didn’t know what to think anymore, and after the whole name debacle, she didn’t know how to process it. It was the kind of shit her parents would do. Matthew was supposed to be different.
She went through her first few classes of the day seething, staunchly ignoring her locker and the stupid gift left in there. And how dare he break into her locker to leave his guilt gift! She would rather burn the whole goddamn school down than look at it again, but Dana begged to see it.
“Like Kobe Bryant.” Dana let out whistle and picked up the box. “You said he’s spent the whole break trying to apologize?”
“Every day.” Lynn leaned against the row of lockers with her arms crossed. “I never knew what to say. I know he was drunk, but holy fuck, Dana.”
“I can’t blame you.” Dana shook it. “Open it.”
“I don’t want to. I don’t want him to buy my love.”
Dana rolled her eyes. “Fine, then I’ll open it.”
“Rude!” Lynn snatched it from her, but still couldn’t make herself open it, so she shoved it back in the locker. “I don’t want to open it.”
“Okay. Real talk time, Miss I-Have-Issues-with-Relationships.” Dana said. “Oliver and I, despite being the most perfect and beautiful couple, have hit these bumps typical of being in a romantic and caring relationship.”
“He called me another girl’s name. During sex. And it wasn’t just any girl, Dana.”
“I know. And that was totally shitty.” She nodded. “But. What I also know is the dude is risking his entire career to be with you.”
“And Aria.”
“You don’t know that.” Dana wagged a finger at her. “You don’t.”
“You’re supposed to be Team Lynn, Dana. What the hell?”
“You know I am. But here’s the thing.” Dana took the box out of the locker and slammed it shut. “You aren’t going to know for sure until you open the box, and hear him out. Sometimes people do stupid things when they’re in love. Sometimes people do stupid things when they feel backed into a corner. You guys have had the tragedy of both. That’s not easy to deal with.”
Lynn pinched her face up and stared her best friend down.
Dana appeared completely unmoved. “If you loved him, you’d open it.”
“I don’t know anymore, Dana.”
“Bullshit.” Dana dropped her voice. “He isn’t your parents. He isn’t the person who parades around pretending to love you and then forgets you exist. Kirk has come to your rescue, come to your hotel room, apparently ravished you behind every goddamn tree in New York. This isn’t some flash in the pan bullshit and you know it.”
Lynn sighed and took the box. “Fine. I’ll open it.”
Dana clapped for joy. Lynn didn’t want to admit how terrifying it was to open. She felt incredibly vulnerable. Yes, the stakes were high. Yes, there was high stress. But she didn’t want to open her eyes and realize she’d been played by some older guy on the hunt for high school pussy. If he really was sleeping with Aria, she was nothing but a stupid fucking girl who fell for someone who said he loved her and lied. She didn’t think she could survive that heartache.
Inside was a delicate silver bracelet with tiny balls in between links. It was beautiful without being too much, which sort of helped the whole This-is-My-Sorry-I-Had-an-Affair-Gift mentality she had going on. Inside, a note folded into the shape of a heart.
I’m really messed up right now, and I’ve got a whole lot of stuff I gotta work out, but I don’t want to waste anymore of my life without you in it.
“Well that’s … depressing.” Dana said.
A smile played on Lynn’s lips. “It’s Garden State. One of my favorites.”
“Oh! That movie I always fall asleep in!” Dana stuck out her tongue as the bell rang to signal fourth period was starting in one minute. “Maybe, then, he’s a keeper.”
Lynn put on the bracelet and smiled. “Maybe.”
They parted ways for class. Lynn had to take a deep breath before walking into Matthew’s class. Brad and Matt were talking to him at his desk about basketball, so she was able to
sneak in without feeling extra awkward. But she did make sure to run her hand with the bracelet through her hair, so he could see she was wearing it.
It was her show of good will. It wasn’t a reciprocating guilt gift, but it was a lot coming from her. Matthew smiled at her, the same he used as his Teacher Smile, which she’d previously loved to tease him for having. But his eyes were warm and full of gratitude.
It gave her a surge of hope. They were going to be okay, she decided. Plenty of couples had their issues, and Dana was right—their entire relationship, for what it was, was riddled with external stressors just because of their ages. And that whole being her teacher thing.
But she loved him, and wanted to give him a chance.
Also, she couldn’t wait to show off the bracelet in class, particularly in front of Aria’s nose. Pity she couldn’t tell her just who it came from. The look on Aria’s face would be worth every last second of frustration Lynn had to suffer through since the beginning on the year. And, frankly, she needed a leg up on Aria to make herself feel better. She was adult enough to admit it. Even more so today. Aria appeared to be more up her own ass than usual.
“It was absolutely amazing.” Aria was talking to April and Madeline as Lynn took her seat. “I mean, you think you know theater until you step foot onto a real stage, not the piddly stuff we have here. The lights, the smells, the sounds, it’s amazing. I knew as soon as my feet touched the wood, that was my home. It’s just something you can feel deep down inside, for those of us who are destined to be on stage.”
Lynn rolled her eyes so hard it hurt. Someone in a previous class mentioned Aria had been auditioning in NYC over the break, but Lynn couldn’t give a shit less what Aria did anywhere ever to pay too much attention.
Another difference between the two of them: Lynn never bragged about her audition over the summer. It wasn’t exactly brag-worthy news since she didn’t get a role. Obviously, Aria didn’t either. She was such a classless ho-bag. All Lynn wanted to do was show her up. She felt a strong inclination to mention her own audition and tell everyone Aria was a piece of shit, because a stage is a stage, no matter where it is. It’s the heart you put into it. Matthew taught her that. Lynn bit down on a pencil cap instead.
“Lynn!” Aria feigned surprised and waved with two fingers. “I didn’t see you come in. I was just telling everyone about my amaze weekend in Manhattan. My agent set me up with some fabulous closed auditions. Not that cattle call nonsense, but I was actually invited to audition for plays on Broadway. Can you believe it? Everyone thought you’d be the first to touch a stage, but it was little ol’ me! Callbacks are this weekend.”
Lynn clenched her teeth and just smiled back. Now she couldn’t say shit, because she would look like a liar. And even then, Aria would likely find a way to make Lynn’s stories all about her anyway. It made Lynn even angrier. A strong desire to bash Aria’s face in with a textbook floated through her mind.
Let’s see how many auditions she could get while missing teeth.
“I learned so much from all the professional actors and directors. I mean, they are the real deal. They have successful careers in their fields and their instruction is just so much more powerful. Don’t get me wrong, Mr. F is great and all, but these are people who are actually making it. Incredible!”
Lynn noticed Matthew’s eyes flick over to Aria with annoyance.
“They just have a whole other level of professionalism that we haven’t really found here in class.”
“Well! I can’t wait to see what you can teach all of us at rehearsal.” Lynn rolled her eyes.
“It’s just so exciting, Viggiani!” Aria clapped her hands like a child. “I shouldn’t, but I will tell you this: even if I’m not cast after this round of callbacks, one director said he definitely had a role in mind for me for an upcoming play! Be prepared to see Aria Levens in lights one day, friends!”
Friends. Right. Lynn set her jaw and pulled out her phone to text Dana another series of gifs about decapitating her rival. Ready to address possibility Aria is an alien sexbot.
A few seconds later, Dana sent back: Told you. Let me guess? Santa brought her a new face for Christmas??
Lynn coughed to cover her laughter. She. Wishes. Even worse, tho. She auditioned in NYC over Xmas.
“There’s a special magic being on a stage where greats once stood,” Aria was still prattling on. “I mean, Idina Menzel was Elphie on that stage. Don’t tell anyone, but I stole a piece of gaff tape from backstage. I had to take a piece of it with me!”
Did all the directors in the city develop dementia or something? Gross.
Then began the parade of gifs, Lynn’s favorite part of the day. Today’s list included the Wicked Witch of the West, many of the Real Housewives, and a string of drag queens fucking people up. All in all, not a bad spread.
Something sparkly caught her eye on Aria’s wrist. Aria always wore something sparkly, but this set of sparkly looked almost familiar from the corner of her eye.
Her bracelet was almost identical to the one Matthew just left in Lynn’s locker. And suddenly, it was like someone set her blood to Broil. Lynn was so angry she literally could not see straight. Funny, she always thought that was just a silly expression until she was that fucking angry.
That cheating, sleazy, wannabe motherfucking jack shit asshole. She fucking knew it. She knew he was a skeezy piece of shit the second that box appeared in her locker. “Just a mistake.” Right. What more proof did she need that he was fucking Aria on the side?
She was ready to flip her goddamn desk over Aria when Matthew called for everyone’s attention. Lynn sent as many fuck you die vibes as she could while he was talking. She no longer cared what he had to say or why he was saying it. Fuck him. He was dead to her and Aria was about to meet her end.
Lynn wasn’t sure how, because she wasn’t exactly the most violent person on the planet, but she was going to ruin both of them. Dana was an evil genius in her own right, and surely she would help her very best friend find a way to dispose of a piece of rotting dick meat and his whore-faced cunt-mouthed girl on the side.
How could he do this to her? He knew how much she hated Aria. Matthew really must have thought she was fucking stupid. Flashbacks of their night in Manhattan together overwhelmed her. Lynn must have been nothing more than a dumb, silly little child he used to get his rocks off.
Goddammit, she should have known better. She should have trusted in herself, instead of letting a giant penis interrupt her life, just like it interrupted her mother’s. Lynn had fought so hard to have her own life. Her mother was a day drunk who spent her husband’s paychecks on clothes she’d never wear and eight a.m. vodkas, and pool boys with thick accents and no visas.
She was miserable. That wasn’t the life Lynn wanted. She’d promised herself for as long as she remembered that it wouldn’t be her. And here she was—Barbara Lite. Well, there was still time for Lynn. This was just high school and he was just some two-bit hack of an actor who couldn’t make it and tried to make himself fucking feel better by sleeping with girls who were way too young for him, and therefore didn’t know any better.
She swallowed hard. Fine. Lynn Viggiani had learned her lesson. Better now than in Manhattan, where her mistakes and fuck-ups would cost her a lot more than a few weeks of discomfort and bad dreams. She was Lynn Maria Viggiani, goddammit. Her Juliet was so stunning, she made the paper. She could hit notes Aria Levens couldn’t even hear.
Lynn glanced down at her desk and saw that she’d been digging her pen into the wood of her desk without noticing. Embarrassed, she covered it with her hand. She didn’t want either one of them to know they got to her in any capacity. It was time to rally her pride and say fuck the haters. Haters, of course, being Matthew and Aria.
A crumpled up piece of paper landed on the corner of her desk. Lynn glanced out of her periphery and saw Aria staring at her intently. She wanted to take it and shove it in Aria’s eyeballs, but that would draw attention from the fuck
face at the front of the class. So she opened the note.
Can I borrow a tampon?
Lynn stared at the curling letters. She would recognize that handwriting anywhere. It was the same handwriting as the note in her flowers. But that wasn’t what sat her back on her heels. It was another realization that nearly knocked her out of her chair.
Oh, god. How could she not see this before? Clearly, Aria knew about them and used that as leverage to get in Matthew’s pants! She was flirting with him from the first day of school. She was basically naked in her audition for the musical. The way she threw herself at him, and he avoided her on stage. Oh god, she’d blackmailed him for weeks.
He’d tried to tell her, in his own way, but she’d been too thick to put the pieces together until now.
Lynn kept her actress mask on and leaned over to whisper, “I’ll go with you.” She grabbed her purse and walked out of the classroom, with Aria right behind her.
“Uh, ladies?” Matthew said before Lynn got out of the classroom. “Can I help you?”
“No.” Lynn replied, not looking at him. She didn’t trust herself to. Aria may be blackmailing him, and she would very shortly be handled, but he was also still fucking going through with it and fucking her enemy. This revelation didn’t get him off the hook.
They said nothing as they walked down the hall, past Dana’s classroom, where she nearly fell out of her chair watching the two of them walk together. Lynn spent the time determining how exactly she wanted to destroy Aria. Smash her head in a sink? Flush her down the toilet? Throw her out the window?
Hot damn, she wished she really was violent. Besides that one time in Manhattan where her boyfriend-thing called her the wrong goddamn name. Instead, she knew she was going to get answers, pretend she knew nothing, and then tell Matthew to fucking forget her, because Lynn was not going to be tangled up in Aria’s web of bullshit.
Maybe she’d be able to channel that anger again and really throw her out the window. That wouldn’t be so terrible.
Her heart hurt knowing these were the last few moments she and Matthew would be together, even if right now things were shaky. Lynn felt awful and sick all at once. They were both being played by this bratty, cunty bitch. Knowing it was her for certain was worse than she expected it to be.