I threw off the covers and checked the time on my phone. It was almost eight, and I would have just enough time to dress and head to the Embarcadero. Erin would be boarding the ferry at the Ferry Plaza. That meant someone would be seeing her off, and I couldn’t risk running into them. But the same ferry would stop at Pier 41 to the west before crossing the bay to Tiburon. I could hop on at the second stop with less risk.
The problem was Asher and Lucy. I’d forgotten to tell them about the meeting the night before. I could tell them now, but they would argue with me and want to examine the meeting from every angle. By the time we decided on a strategy, the opportunity would have passed.
I dressed in jeans and a T-shirt in a hurry, considering my options: (a) tell Asher and Lucy and spend time we didn’t have arguing, or (b) go without them and pay the price for it later. Either way, I intended to go because Erin could help us find my father. That fact was all it took for me to decide. I left a note on the table, grabbed the Mercedes keys, and tiptoed past Asher and Lucy’s rooms on my way to the garage.
A half hour later I parked the car in a lot across the street from Pier 39, a famous tourist destination. Even this early in the morning, tourists swarmed the bright souvenir shops lining the wooden walkways. I bought a San Francisco sweatshirt for five bucks and pulled it on, along with my San Francisco baseball cap and Lucy’s wig. I trailed behind the other tourists, blending in as I pretended to peruse the magnets, shot glasses, and key chains shaped like cable cars or the Golden Gate Bridge.
I bought a ticket for the ferry at Pier 41 and surreptitiously searched for Protectors or Healers. My spidey-sense didn’t pick up on anything. The ferry was already boarding passengers, and I lined up with the others embarking the boat. Erin wasn’t on the lower deck, so I headed up the stairs. Despite the amazing views of the Golden Gate Bridge and Alcatraz, few people had decided to brave the cold winds cutting across the open upper deck. I found Erin sitting alone on one of the wooden benches, wrapped in a peacoat, a knit cap, and a scarf. She gazed out at the gray-blue water and the painfully blue, cloudless sky.
“Hey,” I said, sitting next to her.
She started. “Remy! I thought you couldn’t make it.”
“I wanted to be sure you were alone,” I explained. “How were things last night? I was worried about you.”
She shrugged. “No need. Alcais was just being Alcais.”
An evil prick, then.
A smile curved her mouth as if she’d read my thoughts. “You really hate him, don’t you?” My brows rose, and she added, “I saw your face last night. And your friend’s.”
I frowned. “I’m sorry about him. I think maybe there are things you don’t know about your brother. Things that he’s done.”
“Like what?”
Her brown eyes shone with an innocent light, and I debated how much to tell her. Would I be putting her in danger if I shared too much? Then again, if she knew what Franc and Alcais were capable of, maybe she would be willing to help.
She touched my hand, her pink knit mitten forming a barrier between her skin and mine. “It’s okay. You can tell me. I know Alcais isn’t a good person.”
Of course she knew. As his sister, she was his most frequent victim. Despite that, I didn’t think she understood exactly how cruel Alcais could be. Could I really tell her what a monster he was? With my father’s life in the balance, I would do almost anything, and shattering her illusions was a small thing. We had a twenty-minute ride, and I used most of it.
Erin’s face blanched white when I told her about the things my grandfather and Alcais had done to Asher and me. The kidnapping. The torture. The ways Franc had manipulated me. Then I told her about Yvette and the other Healers whom my grandfather had sacrificed to buy the cooperation of a few Protectors.
“Oh my God,” she whispered, tears sliding down her cheeks and dripping into her scarf. “I knew her. Yvette was one of the kindest people you could meet. She helped as many people as she could.”
I don’t think Erin knew how she shook, and I wrapped an arm around her shoulder, ensuring my guard stayed up. Once I’d touched her with my defenses down, and I’d almost attacked her. That was the first time I’d learned that in some ways I was like other Protectors, and that I could steal a Healer’s energy. I had to be careful around them, or risk hurting them.
“We trusted Franc,” she said in a shattered voice.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
The words seemed inadequate. I’d rocked the foundations of her world. The person Erin trusted to take care of her and her family had betrayed her. He’d betrayed me, too.
“If my mother knew . . .”
She didn’t finish that thought. Perhaps she questioned exactly what her mother knew or what Dorthea would do with the knowledge. I didn’t know, and I was so, so sorry that I’d planted a seed of doubt. Lost trust acted like a weed spreading through a garden.
“And Alcais . . .” she continued. “I thought I knew what he was capable of, but what he did to your friend. No wonder he looked like he wanted to kill my brother last night.”
The boat bounced in the choppy water, and we slowed as we approached the dock at Tiburon. Time was running out.
“There’s something else I need to tell you, and I really hope you don’t freak out.” I explained about my mother and father and my mixed blood and watched her eyes grow so wide they threatened to pop out of her skull. “I didn’t know I was part Protector until I met Asher. Hell, I didn’t even know what Healers or Protectors were. Since I found out last year, it seems like everyone is either trying to kill me or control me.”
I thought Erin would be afraid of me after my admission. After all, she’d grown up fearing Protectors. She surprised me by giving me a crooked smile. “Well, that explains a lot, doesn’t it? I wondered why Franc was experimenting on you, pushing you. The way he tricked you into healing Melinda was so cruel. I couldn’t forgive him for that.”
My grandfather had lured me into curing a stranger by pretending the woman was family. I’d almost died taking on her rare blood disease, and it turned out she wasn’t a relative after all. The bastard had been testing the limits of what I could cure for his own purposes.
Erin shook her head. “People speculated about why you left. There have been a lot of whispers.”
“What does Franc say?”
She pulled her hat down to cover the tips of her red ears. “Not much. Things haven’t been the same. He’s been disappearing more. He sends our men out on missions all the time, but they won’t talk about where they’ve been or what they’ve been doing.”
He’d sent them to follow me, I realized.
“People are nervous. I think they know Franc is keeping secrets, but everyone is afraid to question him after all he’s done for us. But then, he has his own agenda, doesn’t he?”
I grimaced. “He thinks he can use me to figure out how to make male Healers with powers. That or use me as a weapon against Protectors.” I hesitated to tell her more, but I had to get it out. “Erin, he took my father. He’s using him as bait. It’s why I’m here. To find my dad.”
Erin deflated and bent forward to brace her elbows on her knees. She was silent so long that I thought maybe she didn’t believe me or that I’d gone too far, told her too much. Then she took a shaky breath and turned wounded eyes on me. “He really is a monster, isn’t he?”
“Yes,” I said simply.
The Protectors had turned him into one when they’d killed my grandmother in front of him. To them, she’d been one more Healer to use, but to my grandfather, she’d been everything. That didn’t excuse the choices he’d made.
A voice squawked over the speakers, announcing that we should prepare to disembark the ferry. I rushed on. “I have no right to ask you for anything, but I—”
“Stop right there. I’ll be sick to my stomach if you think you have to ask me to help find your father.” She sat up and took my hand. “That’s what you were going to say, right
? You don’t even have to ask, friend. You once stood up for me when my brother hurt me. It’s my turn to help you.”
I swallowed, fighting a wave of emotion, and squeezed Erin’s fingers in gratitude.
“We’ll find your father, Remy.”
For the first time in ages, I let myself believe it was true.
My phone blew up with text messages on the return ferry ride.
R U OK? That one was from Asher. Lucy’s message was more to the point: WHERE THE HELL R U? I had known they would be angry and hurt that I had gone off on my own, and I braced myself for what was to come. I sent them a message of BE HOME SOON and tucked my phone away.
I retrieved my car from the Pier 39 lot and drove to the house, checking constantly to ensure I wasn’t followed. Eventually, I pulled into the garage and sat in the unmoving car, gathering myself for the coming fight. My door opened, and I was yanked out of my seat. Furious was one way to describe Asher’s expression. Apoplectic was another. Over his shoulder, Lucy appeared, and she didn’t look much better.
“Where have you been?” Asher asked, his voice deep with rage.
“Meeting Erin. I left you a note.”
I didn’t mean to sound so defensive, but the words came out that way.
“A note? You go off alone, and you leave a fucking note.” Lucy glared at me in disbelief. “I can’t believe you.”
I opened my mouth to answer her, but Asher shook me. “You do whatever you want with no regard for anyone else. Do you know what we went through when we realized you’d left?”
Asher released me when I stepped back, and his hands formed into fists at his sides. “I’m sorry I worried you, but I had to go. I was careful.”
“Oh, well, it’s okay you scared us to death so long as you were careful.” Sarcasm oozed from Lucy’s words. She looked ready to yell more, but suddenly turned on her heel, heading for the stairs to the house. “You know what? I can’t even look at you right now.”
That hurt like a bitch. I’d expected anger, but nothing this extreme. “Erin is going to help us,” I called out. Lucy paused on the stairs, her body tensing. “I told her about Dad, and she’s going to see what she can find out.”
After a few seconds, Lucy continued on without responding. That left Asher to deal with. I shut the car door and leaned against it. He studied me, and I struggled not to squirm under the intense perusal.
He shook his head. “You’re not really sorry, are you? Not really.”
I lifted my chin. “I’m sorry I worried you,” I repeated.
“But not that you went alone,” he guessed, widening his stance.
There was an odd acceptance in his words that unsettled me. It sounded too close to defeat. “What was I supposed to do, Asher? Lucy is in enough danger. If I could keep her away from one meeting, why wouldn’t I? And you . . .”
I stopped, unwilling to admit that I hadn’t trusted him. Deep down, I had worried about how he would react if we encountered Alcais or another Healer. I paced away from Asher to hide my expression. How could I tell him how alone I’d been since he’d shut me out? How abandoned I’d felt since we’d begun on this journey?
He’d been wrong about one thing. I was changing— and I had nobody to confide in. The last time I’d felt safe had been with Gabe. Unbidden, I pictured Asher’s brother as I’d last seen him in the Blackwells’ kitchen. He’d said things that had terrified me. Things I’d tried to forget. I hadn’t spoken to him in months, but a sudden yearning rose up in me to hear his voice.
I jumped when Asher laughed in a harsh voice. “What’s so funny?” I asked, confused.
“Not a damn thing. Certainly not that you’re standing in front of me and wishing my brother was here instead.”
His words set my teeth on edge. “That’s not true,” I said stiffly.
“You care for Gabe,” he accused, his jaw working.
I scowled. “I’ve told you that I care for Gabe. He’s my friend.”
Asher laughed again, and the bitter sound grated on my nerves. “Right. A friend. That’s all you feel for him. Lie to me, but don’t lie to yourself, Remy.”
I was so sick of fighting this accusation. I’d chosen Asher. Even Gabe knew that. Asher was the one walking away, not me. “Are you really going there?” I asked, the words weighted with the anger I wanted to unleash.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I stalked toward him and stopped with the toes of my shoes an inch from his. “Oh, it’s okay for you to call me a liar, but what about you?” I was tired of stuffing everything down. Of pretending that I was okay when Asher ducked away from my touch or thought up a reason to avoid being alone with me. I wasn’t okay, and he wasn’t the only one hurting. My father had been taken. My stepmother was in a coma. I was suddenly taking care of my seventeen-year-old sister in an impossible situation. I’d lost everything, and he treated me like a diseased leper.
“What about me?” he asked, caution entering his voice too late.
I placed a hand on his chest and shoved. “This isn’t about Gabe, and you know it. He’s one more excuse to push me away. Just like you’ve been doing for weeks.”
“That’s not true.”
“Lie to me, Asher, but don’t lie to yourself,” I mocked. “There’s only one of us in this relationship. Let me give you a clue. It’s not you.”
Asher’s jaw tensed the way it did when he ground his teeth. He wanted to yell at me, to strike out at me.
Hurt, I stared up at him. “Last night you said that you hated how mortal you’ve become because you can’t protect me.”
“And you think I lied?” he asked, outraged.
I shook my head. “No. But I don’t think it was the whole truth. You won’t admit it, but you’re angry with me. Because of me, you were taken. And because of me, you felt everything they did to you.”
Asher’s eyes widened in fear. Something inside him had broken when my grandfather’s men had tortured him. He couldn’t get past it, and I understood. Hadn’t I been tortured by Dean for years? Didn’t I still have nightmares about it? Acting on instinct, I reached out to offer comfort. He took a big step back, and my hand hung in the air. When will I learn?
“You can deny it all you want, but your body tells the truth every time I reach for you.” The words scraped out of my chest.
For one second, Asher’s mouth softened like I’d reached him, but then a new determination lit his face. “This isn’t working,” he said, in a harsh voice. “I’ll stay until we find your father, but this is over. We’re over.”
We had been since he’d suggested a break. Maybe even before that. I finally understood what it meant when people spoke of a broken heart, because mine splintered into a thousand tiny pieces. It was all I could do to stay standing when I lost my ability to do anything but absorb the raw, agonizing pain.
Asher’s phone rang, and he answered it, eager to escape our conversation. I could tell it was Lottie, and I turned away. Asher suddenly gripped my arm, and his worried expression said it all.
My stepmother had taken a turn for the worse.
CHAPTER SIX
San Francisco was cold, but Chicago was a bitter, icy hell. Snow blanketed everything, and where there wasn’t snow, there was ice. By contrast, the lobby of the Chicago Memorial Hospital was stifling. Asher hugged his sister like he wouldn’t let her go, and I turned away from witnessing the easy way he touched another.
“How is my mom?” Lucy asked when they separated.
Lottie looked as pretty as she always had. Her chin-length bob, red lipstick, and angled bone structure made her look older than the sixteen she’d been when time froze her. She shared Asher and Gabe’s green eyes, but not their height. Like Lucy, her head barely reached my shoulder.
Lottie grimaced. “Not good. I’m sorry. The doctors will be able to explain it better.”
She walked us to the hospital elevator. Asher, Lucy, and I had caught a red-eye flight to Chicago, not an easy task when
we had to sneak around and worry that Franc’s men might catch us. We hadn’t spotted anyone at the airport, but imagining them following us led to a sleepless night. It showed in our wrinkled clothes and the circles under our eyes. I’d hoped that my stepmother’s condition might have changed for the better during the night, but Lottie’s grim answer killed that idea. The sense of doom that had hovered since the call came wouldn’t go away.
“Oh God,” Lucy said.
She reached for Asher’s hand, and I told myself it was a good thing. She should have somebody to comfort her, and in the last months he’d become a kind of brother figure to her. It was odd how a crisis could bring people together or rip them apart. The two of them hadn’t exactly excluded me during the flight, but I hadn’t been capable of offering much to the conversation. I wanted to crawl into a hole and shore up a wall behind me, but I couldn’t do that now. So I focused on putting one foot in front of the other and taking the next breath, hoping I could survive this, too.
Lottie shot a confused glance at Lucy and Asher’s joined hands and the good three feet of distance between them and me in the elevator. Clearly, Asher hadn’t told her anything. I avoided her questioning gaze by staring at my feet and calling myself a coward.
“This way,” she said, when the doors opened.
We exited the elevator on the floor marked Intensive Care Unit. The scents of sick people and the chemicals used to clean up after them wafted up my nose, and a panic attack threatened. That desire to run wouldn’t go away. Nothing good had ever come of a visit to the hospital. Vivid memories assaulted me, and I tried to shove them away as I trailed after the others. There was no room for thoughts of my mother today. I would not remember how she had died from an injury like Laura’s.
Lottie pointed us toward an empty waiting room and went to find a nurse. We took off our winter wear and stood around in awkward silence until she returned with Laura’s doctor, a middle-aged Japanese man with a soothing baritone voice. Dr. Okada explained my stepmother’s condition, using a lot of technical gibberish.
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