Every bit of me wanted to let him believe that about me, but I couldn’t. “It’s my fault that Franc found us. Laura would still be alive if I hadn’t gone to San Francisco.”
I tried to pull away, but he held tight to my hand. Lucy touched my back in support, but it didn’t help.
My father shook my hand, and the rough motion got my attention. “Were you driving the car that hit your mother?”
“No,” I choked. “But—”
“But nothing. Xavier was driving, and he intentionally steered that car at her. It was his fault, or your grandfather’s for bringing him there.” He sat up and leaned against the headboard, wearing one of Gabe’s T-shirts. “You know it kills me to see you standing there blaming yourself for this. Just like you blamed yourself for Anna’s death.”
“You don’t understand,” I told him.
“Don’t I? That power you have carries a heavy burden, more than any one person should have to bear. You heal people with your touch, Remy. Do you know how that amazes me? How proud I am when I think of how giving you are when so much has been taken from you?”
That did it. The dam collapsed, and a measly blink couldn’t stave off the tears that fell. My mother had never admitted she knew what I could do, let alone told me she was proud of me. My breath caught in a half-sob, half-gasp that hurt my chest and kind of squawked out of me. I thought I heard Lucy snicker behind me, and I didn’t care.
My father’s mouth held a hint of a smile before it straightened into a stern line again. “But your power doesn’t make you responsible for the world. You can’t save everyone, and nobody expects you to.”
“But Laura—”
“Was the love of my life. And I don’t know that I’ll ever stop missing her.” His eyes shone with unshed tears, and he cleared his throat. “But you didn’t kill her. Don’t put that on your shoulders. It’s not fair. To you or Lucy and me. We need you, baby.”
I inhaled, and when I exhaled it was like letting all of the baggage go. I’d thought my father would hate me and blame me, but he didn’t. He was right, and he didn’t even know how time was stealing away from us. If I couldn’t have my family forever, I could have them for now. At least until they recovered enough to go home.
I climbed onto the bed and sat beside my father, my back against the headboard like him. It reminded me of the morning before my graduation, when we’d been happy. I tilted my head until it rested on his shoulder. “I need you, too. Both of you,” I said.
His chest lifted as he exhaled in relief. Lucy sprawled across the foot of the bed, her legs thrown over mine. “Are you really okay?” she asked. “Asher said things got scary when you confronted Franc.”
“Alcais shot me,” I said. They both tensed, and I rushed to say, “I’m okay, though.” I didn’t confess that the others thought I was dead, or that she would have to leave without me soon. The guilt ate at me, but I shoved it away.
My father studied me long enough to see I wasn’t hurt and nudged Lucy with one foot. “What did you call your sister again? Duffy?”
“Buffy, Dad. Buffy. As in Vampire Slayer.”
“Oh God.” We stared at my father’s horrified expression. “Are vampires real, too?”
Lucy’s gaze met mine. Her lips trembled, and mine followed. Then we were both laughing.
My father grinned. “Gotcha.”
“Boo!” Lucy shrieked. “Bad joke.”
They started arguing, and I was content to listen to them. There were things we hadn’t said yet and the future we hadn’t discussed, but right now it seemed that we had an unspoken pact to ignore everything outside this moment. We were a family again, and that was enough.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
A month passed and nothing of consequence happened at the O’Malley house. The outside world was a different story, though. The police never sought us out. Word got out to the Morrisseys that my grandfather had double-crossed them. They couldn’t do much about it since Franc was dead and Alcais had disappeared. Seamus’s spies did learn that they had taken out their rage out on Mark, a traitor for his part in working against the Protectors. His body hadn’t been found yet, but then the Morrisseys had been very angry when they discovered that I was dead.
Seamus’s spies had done their job spreading the word that Franc and Alcais had killed me. On sleepless nights, I wondered if Alcais’s days were numbered. I guessed it depended on the Morrisseys’ reach and how long their memories were.
As promised, Seamus had arranged to get Erin’s body home to her mother. Dorthea had stayed long enough to retrieve her daughter, but the next day, the entire Healer community had uprooted and disappeared without a trace. Empty houses and disconnected phones were the only proof they had ever lived in Pacifica. Some of us speculated that they had scattered, giving up on the idea of a community altogether, but part of me hoped that they’d decided to start over somewhere new. Franc had betrayed them, but that didn’t mean everything he’d done had been wrong. They had been happy together, helping each other to survive. It saddened me to think that had dissolved, too.
While all of this happened, my family existed in a kind of time warp where nothing touched us. Perhaps it was the months apart or maybe it was everything we’d lost, but nothing mattered except learning what we could about each other. Lies were revealed. Confessions were made. And we savored our time together. But it wasn’t enough.
Everyone but my father and Lucy knew what was coming. I saw it in the compassionate looks that Asher and Lottie sent my way. And then there was Gabe and the silent way he watched me, like he expected me to break at any moment. He wasn’t far off. My father and Lucy thought I would be going home with them, and saying good-bye to them was going to kill me.
Thirty-two days after the rescue, I walked into the sitting room to find my father and Asher in a deep discussion. Something about their body language made me turn around and walk right back out of the room. It was no secret in the house that my father was having trouble sleeping at night. His body might be healed, but his soul had been worked over by whatever he’d endured those months he’d been held hostage. It was the one off-limits topic, the thing he refused to discuss with Lucy or me. But if anyone could understand what he’d gone through, it would be Asher.
I sat on the floor in the hall, guarding the door so nobody would interrupt them. That was where Seamus found me. He leaned one shoulder against the wall next to me, crossed his arms, and stared down at me. One of his dark brows rose in expectation.
“What?” I asked when he didn’t say anything.
Seamus had done everything in his power to make us comfortable, going so far as to treat us like family. He hadn’t told anyone what he suspected had happened to me that day in the garage.
“You’re a Phoenix,” he said.
I willed my face not to flood with color and I met Seamus’s eyes with more than a little guilt. I had worried that he would try harder to make me stay if I admitted what I was.
“No,” I blurted out. “You’re wrong.”
His head tipped to one side as he continued to study me. “If you say so,” he answered.
My hands grew clammy, and I wiped them on my jeans until Seamus’s gaze followed the movement. He knows I’m lying.
“Do yourself a favor, and don’t ever play poker. You bluff as well as you nurse.” My mouth dropped open, and he tapped it shut before continuing. “Ah, well. I can’t very well blame you for wanting to be free of all of this.”
A hole had worn in the knee of my jeans, and I tugged on a loose thread. “You’re not mad?”
“At who?” He threw up his hands and looked around the hall with exaggerated movements. “Nobody but me and a dead girl here. Can’t stay mad at a dead girl.”
I stood and bussed a kiss on his cheek. “You’re a gentleman, Seamus O’Malley.” I leaned against the wall beside him, crossing my ankles. “What will you do now?”
Seamus scowled. “Despite what I think, Brita, Ursula, and Edith have decided
that they no longer wish to hide. Apparently, you have infected them with the belief that they can change things. It’s Edith’s theory that if the Protectors learn of their existence, then maybe the Healers will be safer.”
I thought about it and guessed Edith could be right. The Protectors killed the Healers to feel something again, to remember what mortality was like. The three women could have the same effect on them without the killing. Going public could save the Healers that remained.
“Some people aren’t going to like that.” My mother had said that some Healers and Protectors would want to kill me because my power scared them. She’d been right, and the same would be true of the women if they made themselves known.
“Then the O’Malleys will be here to protect them, as we always have been.”
“They’re lucky to have you.” I hesitated a moment. “When I first came here, why didn’t you tell me about them?”
It had bothered me that he wanted me to trust him, but had lied by omission.
“You remember that painting of my wife?” I thought of the blond woman in the green dress. In the painting, she’d worn a necklace with a charm of a ruby-eyed phoenix. At my nod, Seamus continued, “She died a long time ago. One of the Phoenix murdered her.” My eyes widened, and he said, “Just because a person appears to be an ally, doesn’t mean they are. Until you know you can trust someone, it’s better to be a little cautious, isn’t it?”
I nodded in understanding. “Why do you want me to stay, Seamus? Won’t I just cause you more trouble?”
He smiled. “I protect the Phoenix. It’s who I am. I failed once when it mattered most, but watching over these women—who could become Phoenix—it’s like a second chance.”
That made sense to me. I had failed to watch over my family, too, and this time with them had been my second chance.
He continued. “If a woman were to become a Phoenix, there are things that she would need to know. Things a person like me could tell her.” He gave me a sly look. “Hypothetically, of course.”
“Of course,” I answered in a dry voice. Who’s fooling whom here?
“Say, for instance, she should probably know that she is mortal. She’ll grow old and die just like the rest of the human race.”
Thank God, I thought, but I said, “Is that right?”
“And a Phoenix can heal injuries instantly. Both her own and others’.”
Yep. Figured that one out the last time I healed Gabe.
Seamus tapped a finger to his lips in thought. “And most importantly, there’s the way she can make a Protector mortal in an instant, if she so chooses.”
WHAT!?! I could make Gabe mortal if he wanted. Not in a few months, but now. I bit my lip, and then caved to my curiosity. “And how would she do that? Hypothetically, of course.”
“Of course,” he repeated, his eyes crinkled with laughter. “She would heal it like any other injury. Her body knows what to do instinctively.”
The ramifications of that spiraled through my mind. “Is that why the Healers and the Protectors killed the Phoenix?”
His amusement faded. “The Healers didn’t want people who could heal faster than they could. It threatened their way of life. And the Protectors . . . well, some of them never wanted to be mortal again. But the Phoenix are a powerful thing. You can’t extinguish their spirit.”
The door to the sitting room opened, and Asher exited, closing the door behind him again.
Seamus straightened. “I’ll leave the two of you alone.” Before he walked away, he glanced back at me over his shoulder, his eyes gleaming with amusement again. “If you find your way back to the living, there will always be room for you here.”
My mouth quirked. “You never know. Who can guess what the future will bring?”
“An O’Malley can always tell the future,” he teased. “ ‘Of every weather, ye are prophets.’ Enjoy being a ghost, Remy.”
He quoted from the tapestry in the hall, and I smothered a laugh. With a wave of his hand, he disappeared down the stairs to the first floor.
“He’s not pressing you to stay again?” Asher asked, staring after him.
I shook my head.
“Good. Because I think it’s time we all moved on.”
My stomach clenched, and I had the childish urge to cover my ears to close out his words.
“You have to let them go,” Asher said in a soft voice.
I glanced at the door to the sitting room. What had Asher and my father been talking about? Was he desperate to get away from here? Was being here making his nightmares worse?
Asher tilted my jaw up in a rare touch, forcing me to meet his gaze. “Not for them. For you. Nobody blames you for taking your time after everything that’s happened. But it can’t last forever. Not telling them is killing you.”
I stared at his throat. “It’s going to be worse when they leave.” Red color flowed up Asher’s neck to stain his cheeks, and I realized he looked guilty. I frowned, wondering at the possibilities, and it hit me. “You’re going, too.”
He nodded, tucking his hands in his pockets. “Lottie and I thought we would accompany your father and Lucy back to Blackwell Falls and watch over them for a while. Just to be sure nobody bothers them.”
I rubbed the back of my neck and didn’t say anything.
“You knew I wouldn’t stay. It’s one thing to know you and Gabe are together and another to see it.”
My eyes flew to his. He didn’t look angry or hurt. Just accepting that this was the way things would be. I sighed. “You’re right. I know you’re right.”
“So you’ll tell them?” he asked.
“Today. I promise.”
“Good.” He tipped his head and turned away.
“Hey, Asher,” I said. “What made Lottie decide to go with you?”
He smiled with genuine amusement. “All my sister ever cared about was family. Lucy is part of our family now, and so is your father. She’ll be in heaven trying to boss everyone around.”
I pictured Lucy’s reaction to that and the resulting battle that would ensue. In the end, Lucy was getting another sister. She really wouldn’t be alone. A small part of me winced with jealousy, but most of me found comfort in that fact. “Thank you,” I told Asher.
“We’ll take care of them. I promise.”
He kissed my forehead and I wished that none of us had to say good-bye. But that had never been part of the plan.
After Asher walked away, I went into the sitting room. My father stood in front of the Phoenix paintings. I approached him, and he glanced at me.
“You look a little alike,” he said, tilting his head at the painting of Seamus’s wife.
I’d hoped that knowing I was doing the right thing would make it easier to talk to my father, but I hadn’t counted on how my heart didn’t want to let him go.
“What is it?” he asked, his brow wrinkling in concern.
I twisted to face him. “I didn’t tell you everything about the day we rescued you, Dad. You know the Phoenix that Seamus talks about? I’m one of them. I’m more powerful than before.”
It was the first time I’d said it out loud. I hadn’t even admitted it to Gabe yet. The words didn’t scare me like I’d thought they would. Rather, they filled me with pride.
The silence stretched on for a minute before he said, “I don’t care.”
I gave him a small smile like this didn’t hurt and tucked my hair behind my ear. “Yes, you do.”
He stared at the painting, avoiding my gaze. It didn’t take a mind reader to understand that this news bothered him.
I touched his arm. “It’s okay. You can tell me.”
He finally looked at me. “I’m scared. Not of you, but of what happens if everyone finds out what you can do . . .” He gestured helplessly, leaving the sentence open-ended.
Misery appeared in front of me like a brick wall, and there was no way around it. “I’ve thought about that. A lot.” I took a deep breath. “That’s why when everyone
thought I died the day we rescued you, we let them believe it.”
Comprehension lit in my father’s eyes. “You’re not coming with us,” he said in a voice heavy with accusation. “You never planned to come with us.”
I tried to smile, but it felt like a macabre grimace. “So long as they think I’m dead, you and Lucy can go home. You can start over and live a normal life in Blackwell Falls.”
“Don’t do this, Remy,” my father begged. “I know what I said. I’m scared, but we haven’t had enough time together. Come with us. If not Blackwell Falls, then we’ll find somewhere new.”
When I’d thought of this plan, I’d never expected him to fight me. I’d only thought of how desperately I wanted my family to be safe and away from this ongoing war.
I shook my head and ran my hands through my hair in frustration. “I can’t do that. You know I’m right. This is the right thing to do. If I come with you, there would always be a chance that someone would find out who I am and what I can do. They wouldn’t think twice about hurting Lucy to control me.”
His face took on a hollow, glassy look of pain. “You’re asking me to choose between my daughters. I can’t walk away from you again.”
He sounded so helpless that my defenses cracked a little more, and I couldn’t stop the tears. “You’re not walking away, Dad. I am.” He opened his mouth to argue, but I threw my hands in the air to ward him off. “Can’t you see that this is going to kill me? I’ve only had you and Lucy for such a short time. But if it will keep you safe, I will give you up. Gladly.”
My father’s throat worked, and he clamped his mouth shut. I wanted to take it all back, but I couldn’t. This was the right thing to do, no matter how much it hurt.
“Asher and Lottie have agreed to go with you and see you settled. They’re going to watch over you for a while to be sure no one bothers you. Don’t be surprised if they show up at the house all the time. They’ll be good for Lucy.” And for you.
My father seemed to accept this. “What will you do?”
“I’m going to start over in a new place with Gabe, if he’ll have me. Go to college if I can.” My sigh sounded wistful. “Is it stupid to still want to be a doctor when I grow up?”
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