I nodded, dropping my hand. “I understand. You want me to leave on my choice. So you’re pushing me away. You don’t want to tell me to leave because it would be your fault if I left.” I swiped at my tears with the back of my hand. “I know you don’t like what I represent. But still”—looking back at him, I gave a defeated smile—“I remember everything, every word.”
His brows rose a bit, softening the harshness of his face. They furrowed again, not in anger but in frustration.
“That was just a stupid dream, remember? Just a dream?” His voice etched with bitterness.
“It wasn’t, though, and you know it. You sought me out.” I wished he’d just open up to me. God, just to hold me! He was being so cruel. I was worried about him; couldn’t he see that I cared?
“And you allowed me in ...” Avalon let out a shaken sigh. His head leaned against the tooled wood, watching me with hooded eyes. “Woman ...”
“Alexandria ...” My words came out with contempt. I unsuccessfully bit back a sob. “Just stop the façade, Avalon. Please. Not when it’s just you and me.”
“I told you I can’t. I have to keep my guard high.” I almost believed the pain and frustration in his voice.
“No, you’re cruel and one-sided.” I pushed off the bed to stand – or tried to. Strong arms encircled around my waist, sending electrical currents through my body.
“I’m sick ...” I felt his forehead rest against the small of my back. “I’m weak ...” His arms slid until his hands rested on my hips. “I’m afraid ... Alexandria, I’m so fucking afraid.”
I exhaled. There. Turning in his hands, his face rose to meet mine.
“Are you happy now?” he spat, glowering at me. “Making me admit my weaknesses? Exposing me? Do you enjoy that? Making me feel less of a man?”
A strange calm washed over me.
Avalon had lived for so long, yet it was as though he hadn’t grown any. He was stuck. Yes, that was it. He was stuck in the past.
“Say something.” His grip on my waist grew tighter. “Say something before I do something I’ll regret.”
I slipped fingers through silken hair, touching it just to feel it. I continued to massage and play as I stared into wide, bewildered eyes.
“You don’t do things you regret, Avalon. That I know.” I let my other hand caress his face. “You have to be honest with me now if this is going to work.”
“You are cruel yourself,” he hissed.
All I could do was smile. The Dragon leaned into my touch, face smoothing of all anxiety and losing his fears in the calm I offered. So this was the start of our twisted fate? I almost gasped at the gentle, almost caring look on his face when he pulled back.
We were both playing with a very dangerous flame. Either of us had the ability to fan its desire. Our problem was in knowing who would dance in the flames and who would be burned.
Seven
Avalon
I glowered at Alexandria, holding the side of my head to quell the searing pain from knocking it on my bed frame. What the hell was she doing in here? I told M to keep her out because I needed rest. She couldn’t see me like this. Shame flooded every part of my body. I was weak. She had seen me momentarily break.
She was right in thinking that I wanted her to leave on her own accord. I didn’t want to send her away—I couldn’t. No matter how many times I pretended I couldn’t stand her, we both knew that was a bloody lie. I had done everything I knew how to do.
Alexandria knew where we stood, yet she dipped her toe into the burning liquid that was desire. Her eyes screamed what I already knew. She wanted me just as I wanted her. The only issue was her fucking conscience.
I was in so deep. I felt as though I were drowning, fighting an enemy I couldn’t see or even touch. It was when she pulled away to leave me alone—when her tears of disappointment and frustration swelled and tumbled down porcelain cheeks—did I break.
Like a fool, I admitted my true heart. Spread out my weakness and my fears before her. Now, all I could do was wait until she picked one to prey on. Yet her next move rocked my soul.
As I sat before her, a broken man, she touched me. Cool hands offered my blistering skin relief. Her eyes, her cerulean pools, were where I could tread above the surface. That strange calm and focus she emitted at that moment, reassuring me and holding me up, moved me.
All of my demons, regrets, even the hundreds of years ceased their never-ending torment on my mind, and it was only Alexandria and me. The secure shell around my heart cracked and threatened to spring open.
She would ruin me or save me. I had to choose which.
Yes, I loved her. I knew that more so now than I ever had in the past. And I loved her, Alexandria York. Not the women she had embodied in the past or her original self. But this petite, beautiful, reckless woman was my match.
I closed my eyes as she ran her fingers through my hair. Caressing my face, she allowed her thumb to brush against my scar. Everything about Alexandria made me ache. Her smooth skin, that light lavender fragrance that I chased, but most of all—her smile. God, how I longed to make her cry less and smile more. Her radiance lit up the entire isle when she smiled.
I leaned back from her touch, allowing my wall down once, and only once. I gave Alexandria a glimpse of the man I truly was but couldn’t be. Bearing my soul to her through a simple, adoring look, I watched her eyes widen. Her breathing quickened, and I felt her hands tremble. Tilting my head into her fingers, I offered a small, soft smile.
We held onto each other at that moment. I had told her we would have more of them. She was so pure. The light cast a glow around her silhouette.
My angel.
I played with a strand of her long, richly colored hair. Twisting it around my fingers, I spoke. “We have much to discuss, Alexandria, about our predicament.”
She nodded, her lips parted. I could sense she had no idea what to make of me. Personally, neither did I. She made me do strange things—made me feel human, alive instead of dead.
“Go, wait for me in the front room. Tell M to round the troops.” Dropping my hand, I sighed. “It is time.”
“Avalon ...” Her voice hung on my name.
Call me Arthur again. In the light, say my name.
My heart called from behind its cage to her.
“Yes?” I waited.
“Do you regret what happened in our dreams?” Heat flushed her cheeks.
A chuckle escaped me. “No.”
When she glared, I sobered. I stood, locking our gazes together. She had to lift her chin upward to follow. I spun her and pulled her against me. Her gasp stirred the beast within me.
Gently pushing long hair over her shoulder, I whispered along the graceful arc of her neck. “I ... would do it again a thousand fold just for the honor of loving a woman like you.”
Alexandria’s attempts to free herself were weak and half-hearted. Finally, her head leaned back against my chest, and I wrapped arms around her, pressing her to me. Her heartbeat went from rapid to steady the longer I held her, protected her.
“For I am the flame which burns for you, the darkness that seeks your light, and the beast only you can tame. Alexandria ...” I rested my cheek on her head. “I will never force you against your will or conscience. But I am a man.” I felt her hands run along my forearms, and I bit back a groan. “You belong to no one. Your heart will choose one day, though, and I only pray that you are happy.”
“Stop talking, Avalon.” She swallowed hard, her voice shaken and breathless. “Don’t tell me your heart; I know already.”
“Does it frighten you?” I was curious now.
“Yes. It terrifies me. This is wrong. You shouldn’t touch me. You shouldn’t say these things.” She turned in my embrace. Glass eyes, full of emotion pleaded and conflicted. “You shouldn’t care.”
I brushed my thumb under her eye, catching a stray tear. I’d made her cry again.
“I wish I could make you smile instead of cry.” I sig
hed. She blinked in confusion. “I wish I were Lancer.”
Alexandria’s breath caught in her throat. I saw what she was telling me.
Please, don’t push me.
I’m weak, Avalon, don’t take advantage of me.
“Why?” She licked her lips. I watched her eyes grow hooded and scan over my mouth.
“Because he can have you, openly, and you want him.” I hadn’t expected my voice to break on the last part of that sentence. She was tearing me down.
“Avalon, I should go wait. I need to go.”
I held her firmly.
“Look at me. What do you see? Tell me now what you see?” Cupping her face in my large hands, I felt a hush come over the world. It was just her and I. No one else mattered. I needed no one’s approval, just hers.
“I- I don’t know what you want me to say.” Sculpted brows rose and furrowed.
“Say how you feel. For just one moment, imagine this was a dream. What would you say you saw in me?” I was desperate now.
Alexandria stood there, mouth parted in panic. I longed for nothing more than to crash my lips against hers. My need for her was infinite at that moment.
“If this were a dream, I wouldn’t be looking at you as Avalon. I would be staring at Arthur, the man you were, and the man I grew to adore.” Her voice grew wistful. “The man who loved me wild and recklessly. The man who took what he wanted. But he’s just a dead part of you. I don’t think I’ll ever see him again.”
“Do you want to?” I didn’t care. I would do anything to have a chance. I was a bastard, wasn’t I? Tied to the sins of my past.
“I don’t think I can. Not after Lancer and I ...” She bit her lip and shook her head. “I can’t see him.”
“Why?” I pleaded with everything I had for answers.
“He’s dead, Avalon. Arthur is dead, and you are who remains.”
Pain.
Visceral, harsh, crushing pain resonated in her words. She would never know the damage done at that moment. To her I was the shell of a dead man. Unwanted, broken, unloved.
Stumbling back to sit on the bed, I breathed heavily, my chest heaving. She had hurt me. Yet I couldn’t hate her for it. She had only spoken the truth. Absentmindedly I rubbed the scar on my chest, but the old wound didn’t ache. My heart did.
What was this?
“I see. I understand. No worries, Ms. York. I see everything now.” I couldn’t look at her. I was ashamed of myself. I was an idiot for pushing, for even thinking she could—love me.
You really are a monster.
“Avalon?” I felt her hand on my shoulder. I had nothing left to give. The darkness offered me solace, a place of safety from these painful emotions.
“Please, leave me. I shall join you in a moment.” I continued to stare at the sheets.
She doesn’t even want you in the flesh. Her body might, but her heart rejects the very idea of you.
I heard her move away through the small partition and the door shut. As soon as I was sure I was alone, my shoulders shook. My body succumbed to a thousand years of sorrow. I rocked back and forth, trying to calm my outburst. I covered my face with my hand.
Release ...
I sobbed. She was my universe, and I was her nothing. She was right. I was the Duke of Nothing ... She had her world on the other side of my door.
It hurts. Dear God, it hurts.
What is this?
My chest was tight. My axis pushed out of alignment. I couldn’t see through tears.
She didn’t want me.
She didn’t need me.
I raked fingers through my hair in disbelief. Somehow, at the moment, she had caressed my soul, her hands had wrapped around my heart. It was beating freely. I was breaking, and there was no scrap of iron to encase it again. Alexandria York had released me and broken me without either of us knowing.
“I love you ... Alexandria ...” I cried softly to no one. She would never love me, and I didn’t know how to survive in that reality.
Eight
Lancer
I paced along the foot of my bed, allowing my nerves to get the best of me. I exhaled, trying to find some calm in this growing chaos. Whatever was happening in the room down the hall must be stopped at all costs. We needed answers for how to fix Avalon before it was too late for Alexandria. If he went into a deathless sleep, she would be cursed to walk the earth in his stead. The contract she had unknowingly bound herself to was living proof of her damnation.
I knew how to do only one thing; exhaust all of my options. So I had.
Ever since I learned that my Allie was now in the hands of the man who raised me, the man I once considered a brother, I had researched endlessly. Days and nights were no longer dedicated to deals, contracts, and playing nice with political buffoons. Now, I built my arsenal the best I could to free Alexandria.
When I had seen her at the gala, she had reminded me of everything I longed for in this life. I wanted a home, a family, and her as my wife. I had always made her happy; we never argued or slammed doors. We, of course, had disagreements, but they were taken seriously and usually ended in a mutual agreement.
And sex.
My mind reminded me, ripping a groan from my throat. I closed my eyes and thought back to the week before when I had taken her selfishly under Avalon’s roof. A strange mixture of pleasure and satisfaction at pouring salt into his wounds still beat strong.
Finally, the phone on the bed vibrated. With trembling hands, I answered. “It took you long enough.”
“Careful, Sir Rivers.” The voice was cool and flawless on the other end. “I was just doing as you asked me. Now, tell me what more can I do for you?”
I checked the door again to make sure that it was locked.
“I need to guarantee Alexandria York’s safety. I need it more than anything.”
The voice was quiet on the other end for a moment. “You mean to tell me that your gem is in danger? Is it the Dragon?”
“Yes. He’s caught her in a web of lies and deceit.”
“She seems a smart girl. Does she not see what he truly is?” I could hear lips curling into a sneer.
“It’s worse than that.” I paused, and a cold rush of fear and desperation raced through my blood. “I fear she’s falling in love with him. He’s seducing her. I can’t do anything else to stop it. She pities him. She wants to stay to help this bastard.” My fist landed against an innocent dresser. The aged wood groaned under the stress.
“Ah, I understand now.” A low sigh came across the wire. “There is something that only you can do, but I will need your loyalty.”
“Anything. I will do anything for her.”
“I know.”
A light knock came through the locked door, and I dropped my voice.
“I have to go. Can I call you later?”
“No, you may come to my office. Don’t do anything rash before then, Sir Rivers. All shall be well.”
The line went dead.
I stared at the mobile in my hand. So there was a way I could help? The knock came again.
Hurried, I slicked my hands over my hair and smoothed down my dress shirt. I hoped I didn’t look like I had been close to a mental breakdown.
I answered the door.
Alexandria stood on the other side, her ocean eyes wide and face flushed. I could feel the jealousy and possessive nature curl in my gut.
“How is he?” I kept as calm as I could, allowing her to give an explanation to her appearance.
Her pink lips opened to speak, then closed, brushing by me and entering the solace of my room. I shut the door behind her and turned, waiting.
“Allie, what happened?” The corners of my eyes tightened.
She fidgeted, playing with a strand of long hair and twisting it around her finger. She shook her head, biting her lower lip.
“He’s not right.”
“What do you mean?” I stepped closer.
“He’s vulnerable, Lancer. Like he admits things I d
on’t think he would ever admit if he was healthy. Perhaps, he’s ill and delirious.” A tiny hand pressed against her forehead. “He’s confusing.”
I let out an irritated sigh. “Allie, may I be blunt?”
She chewed on her cheek but nodded. “Everyone else seems to be lately.”
“Do you love him?” I almost retched on the words.
A rolodex of emotions circulated over her face. I didn’t like what I saw. Avalon had indeed gotten to her.
“Lancer, you know I can’t love a man who has lied to me, and blatantly sought me out for his own good.” Her hand waved me off, but I caught her wrist. With a gasp, she found herself with nowhere to run.
“Do you love him?” Green burned into blue. I had to know. I deserved to know as the man who wanted her more than the one down the damn hall.
Her beautiful face twisted in a look of confusion and a bit of fear. “Why are you asking me? You know my heart.”
“Are you sure? Because your soul belongs to that of his wife.” The words flew like metal out of my mouth before I could stop them.
We both stood in the brightly lit space of my room in shock at what I had just said. The hurt riddling her face was clear. Alexandria yanked her wrist out of my grip. Her nerves were shot.
“Well, now I know how much you trust me.” Her chin trembled as she backed away. “You’ve known your entire life that your soul also belongs to someone else. Yet you have the audacity to spit mine in my face when I just found out? My life is a lie, Lancer. That doesn’t sit well with me. It may for you but not for me.” She sniffed. “I want it to go back to the way it was. I wish I never knew, but I can’t. Now, all we can do is see it through to the end.”
“Allie, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it the way it sounded, love.” I tried to soothe her, but her newfound strength from standing up to a Dragon grounded her even more against me.
“No, I get it. It’s fine if you don’t trust me.” She glowered. “But I wasn’t the one who walked away after I confessed my true feelings.”
Spinning on her heel, she opened the door, pausing. “Avalon wants us all to meet in his front room.”
The Duke's Curse (Legend Book 2) Page 6