“Tell me again?”
I hated when his face grew soft, kind. It made me know he did have a heart. I was the one it beat for. I knew that now.
“I fell in love with that part of you.” Words were hushed so no one could hear even if straining. Avalon squeezed his eyes shut, his jaw flexed over and over. He was restraining himself. He was respecting my request. I really wished he wouldn’t.
“And now, now that you know that truth, can you still say that?” His voice was low, tortured.
Something inside my chest fell into place. It was my turn to take his face in my hands, lifting him to look at me. I offered him a smile.
“Yes. Just promise me he’s not dead.” My voice broke. “I can’t bear it if he’s gone forever.”
In one motion, I was in the safety of Avalon’s arms. He held me fast against his chest, whispering in my ear, “No, he’s still there, faint, but you are what keeps that part of me alive. Oh, Alexandria, how I wish everything was different.”
I clung to Avalon’s shirt as though I would fall through the earth.
Why did he feel so safe?
Why did he feel so familiar?
Why did I want him?
I sniffed, “Me too.”
“I ... I can come to you at night. We don’t have to, well, you know, but I can be there for you. I can be whatever you need of me. I’d do anything for you, Alexandria.”
I felt his heart thundering in his chest. It was a strong, steady beat. It soothed and calmed me. I imagined if we were just a man and woman. No doubt would we be perfectly matched. Avalon would be a ravenous lover, and I would meet him blow for blow. But he wasn’t just a man, and I wasn’t just a normal woman.
I let my hands rest on his chest, breaking the embrace.
“I want to help you get that part of you back. I want to break this curse. I want to free you, Arthur.” That name stumbled from my lips, and I saw Avalon’s world stop. His face was a full of emotions, his hands covering mine.
“I have waited centuries just to have someone see me.” The love he held for me was overwhelming. I would certainly drown in it. Avalon stepped closer.
“Please say it once more,” he whispered, brushing my lips with his own.
I couldn’t disobey that voice. “Arthur ...”
He groaned and leaned his head back. “You give me life, Alexandria.”
“You know I can’t be with you.”
But life was now permanently complicated. I did want to be with him. Was I destined to bounce between two men for the rest of my life? I didn’t want that.
“No.” He chuckled, and a flutter in my stomach rose to my chest. “I am sure one day, I shall win your affections.”
“You already have; that’s the issue.” I tried to sound angry, but it came out wistful, longing.
A brow quirked and that devilish smirk snaked across kissable lips, pulling my waist flush to his.
“Oh, what I would give to call you mine.”
“You can’t.” My attempts to push him off were weak. My body was defenseless against his. We fit together.
“I will never force you against your will, but can’t you imagine it?”
That was my issue—the image of myself and Avalon tangled in his bed were now laced into my brain. I squeezed my thighs together to keep the heat from rising.
“I would love you unlike any other. You would never be left wanting, needing for anything.” His lips kissed my cheek.
I knew this man. The man who had cornered me in the dark was surfacing in the light. The man I longed for.
“Please, stop ... Avalon. I can’t ...” I focused on his mouth.
“Don’t use that name, not now ...” The lust echoing in his eyes tormented my body.
“Arthur, I can’t ...”
His thumb captured my lower lip, pressing gently, teasing. “I know you can’t.” His kisses peppered my neck. “But I can ...”
This was wrong. This man held a master’s degree in seduction. I couldn’t do this.
“I don’t want to be her. Don’t make me be her.” I sobbed. “Please, I don’t want to have to choose my loyalty when I can be loyal to both of you. I couldn’t live with myself if I was unfaithful to either of you.”
Avalon’s face softened from a man who wanted nothing more than to ravish me to understanding. With a nod, he let out a shaken sigh. He stepped back, running fingers through his hair,
“And with that one act, you make me love you even more.” He snorted. “Alexandria, you will ruin me.”
Finally given the chance to leave the room, I paused, standing next to him. “And you me, Arthur. In that sense, we are the same.”
Avalon just watched me for a moment before I walked out the door. I leaned on the other side of the wall. My hand went to my stomach. It felt as though I had been holding my breath. Fresh air that didn’t taste and smell of leather, spice, and musk entered my lungs.
“Are you all right, Allie?” Lancer’s face came into view when I opened my eyes. I gave him a smile.
“I am. It is just a lot of information to take in, is all.”
He nodded, “I hope you will forgive me. It wasn’t my place to tell.”
“I understand. I understand a lot more now, Lancer.” I walked forward into his arms. His heart beat in a steady rhythm, but it didn’t do what Avalon’s did. His arms were safe and warm, but something was missing. I felt my stomach drop.
Home.
Avalon was my home.
Love.
I was falling in love with Avalon.
Treacherous.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I prayed God would give me the strength to choose. If not choose, then to do anything in my power not to be the woman I had been in my past. Guinevere was the queen with a king and a knight. She had been me. I refused to be her.
Ten
Avalon
I stared out at the meadow from the balcony of my room. The chill in the air cut through me as I watched the twinkling of stars. With a sigh, heavy legs led me back inside. I paused, closing the doors behind me.
Alexandria was back at her apartment in London. Elaine had reminded her of a gathering the two girls had promised to hold. Lancer was back in the North, fighting a case in the lower courts on behalf of his beneficiaries. I was alone.
The halls were eerily empty and stagnant. When Alexandria was here, the stone seemed to have a life breathed back into the stone.
My fingers twitched as the ring on my finger burned. It reminded me I had an option to see her whenever I wanted to. Remembering her concerned words of never being able to see Arthur again, and knowing that she knew we were one and the same – I wondered how she would react to a visit.
I lay back on the mattress, trying my best to ignore the crying of my aching body. I was failing. Time for me was running out.
I allowed the ring to direct me. She was harder to find this time, but I did find her. I always would.
Her long hair fell between her shoulder blades; the royal blue gown clung to her slender frame. A golden tiara with twisted leaves and vines rested on her head. She was staring out a window to the sea. I could hear the waves crashing against the cliffs and inhaled the scent of home.
Of Tintagel.
“I never thought I’d see you again.” Her voice was thick with uncertainty.
“I did tell you I would do anything for you.” I dared to step closer. “I will be anything you needed me to be.”
“Stop, I beg of you, keep your distance.” Alexandria turned slightly and cast a fearful look in my direction. Her mouth drew to a thin line, and she swallowed hard.
I did as she commanded.
Silence fell between us.
“You should wear white more often. Black makes you seem so dreary all the time.” Her comment caused me to blink. I looked down and saw the loose fitting, white shirt that I wore. The chest was open, leather strings zigzagging loosely to the collar. Black trousers clung comfortably to my legs.
I chu
ckled. “If you would like me to wear more color, I could.”
She didn’t react.
“You’re afraid of me. Afraid of what we are?” I walked closer.
Alexandria put up a hand, trying to halt me. She wasn’t going to get her way. Instead, I took her wrist and slipped my other hand around her tiny waist. She gasped at the connection our bodies made. The last time we had been here, she didn’t know who I was. She had willingly given herself to me.
“Avalon, please.” Wide blue eyes captivated me. Her heart beat like a sparrow in a cage. I couldn’t lie, mine was as well.
I licked dry lips holding her stare, making sure she knew I meant no harm. I released her wrist and reached up to caress her cheek. Her skin was so smooth. My rough thumb traced defined cheekbones. I felt her gradually lean into my touch.
“You know here, I am not Avalon.” I rested my forehead against hers, rubbing our noses together. “You also know I would never harm you.”
“Arthur, we can’t do this.” Her breathing was uneven in the close proximity. I could taste her on my tongue. The beast tore at his chains, begging to be unleashed. I forced him back. This was not the time to lose my head.
“I am not doing anything.” I guided her hips to turn her toward the window. I pointed at the water. “Do you know where we are?”
With a pause, she replied, “I have no idea.”
“Tintagel Castle in its prime. Now, it is just a ruin. We are in what would have been the royal quarters.” I wrapped my arms around her waist, holding her with care against my chest.
“It’s stunning. I can see the moon and the stars reflecting off the water.” Alexandria peeked a bit further out.
“I miss many things. Things that time has destroyed, that history has altered. I, however, have yet to be done in by either.”
She turned in my arms, casting a glance down before exploring my face again.
“Until now.”
I frowned at her statement. “What does that mean?”
“Look at you, Arthur. In the daytime, you are ailing. I can’t bear to see you go on like this much longer.” She cupped my face in her hands; her lower lip trembled. “I know I can fix you. I know there is a way you are not telling me. You must tell me, Arthur. If you don’t, you’ll ...” Blinking hard, she shifted her eyes away from mine.
I gingerly hooked my finger under her chin. I pulled her back around to look at me. I sighed, catching a stray tear on her cheek,
“Why do you want to fix me? What good do you see in me, Alexandria?” My shoulders slumped in defeat. “My time is up—that is all. I must make peace with that.”
“No.” The fierceness in her voice made my body jolt. “No, you are not done yet. Not until I say, dammit. Do you hear me?” She sniffed. “You will tell me how I can help. I will do it. You know I will. I can fix this, Arthur. Please let me try for us.”
I allowed my eyes to scan her face. She wasn’t going to give up. I knew it in my bones Alexandria would find out from Vivian and careen into the unknown by herself without any warning.
If I couldn’t be the one to defend her, the second best thing would be to allow her to defend herself.
“You didn’t answer my question, though. Why would you fix a man who has ruined your life?”
Her mouth opened and closed against the words that wanted to spill from her perfect lips. I wish she wouldn’t think before she spoke. It was torture.
“Because I care about you; isn’t that obvious?” An irritated look settled between her brows. “I have lost so much sleep over your predicament and cried too many times about the thought of losing you. I refuse to do anymore.”
“It means a lot to me that you care. No matter how much or how little.” I offered her a small smile.
“Then let me help you.”
She moved swift, stepping away from me and toward the door. Without even a second thought, I darted after her. I pulled her to a halt, gripping her hand tightly.
“I hate it when you walk away from me.”
“Is it because you think I won’t ever come back?” She didn’t look back.
I fought with my pride, humbling myself. “Yes.”
Her head snapped up at the admission. Alexandria spun on her heel, her hand turned to lace her fingers through mine. She studied our hands for a long while. I let her.
“What do we do?”
“What do you mean?” My brows furrowed.
“What do we do about us? This?” She pursed her lips, exhaling through her nose.
“What do you want to do about us?” I turned the question back on her. A daggered looked was my response.
“It isn’t just up to me. If you coming to me at night will just taunt and tempt us, you shouldn’t come.”
“Is that what you want?” It hurt, but I would do exactly as she asked. My mind was no longer clouded on where she stood in my life. First.
Her palm pressed against her forehead in frustration. “I don’t know.”
“I will do as you wish, Alexandria.”
“I know, and that is what I can’t stand!” She ripped her hand from mine. An eyebrow rose, and I shifted on my feet, crossing my arms.
“Why can’t you stand it? It’s respect. Isn’t that what you demanded of me the other day? To treat you as your equal?”
Her chest rose and fell quickly as I reminded her of her speech after she smashed one of my decanters. I understood the silent pleading in her eyes.
Don’t make me say it.
Oh, but you will.
“You thought I would come and just take what isn’t rightfully mine, didn’t you?” I sneered. “You thought I was that much of an arse? I see you not only as a human, Alexandria, but also as a woman whom I would go to the stake for. You know who I am; you know what I am. I was just listening to what I thought you wanted.” I shoved a high-backed chair out of my way. I stalked her. The beast was alive. She had provoked him. “If that isn’t what you want, tell me. All you have to do is tell me what you want, and my God, I will give you everything. If you want the damn moon, I’ll find a way.” I gripped her shoulders roughly. “You are playing with fire, Alexandria, and you will be the first to fall. Admit it. You are exactly what I said that night at the gala.”
“What? I don’t know what you are talking about.” She struggled in my hold.
I pressed my lips to her ear, whispering in a low, graveled voice, “You act like a good girl, virtuous and pure, but I know what you want. I’ve felt it. I’ve shared it with you. I’ve seen you become just as ravenous as I have with what you want.”
A soft sound escaped her lips. Her breathing was ragged. A smile curved my mouth.
“Lancer takes, but he doesn’t give you anything. He may be satisfactory for your body, but I am the only person who can feed your soul.” I kissed along her tilted neck, my hands growing impatient as they gripped her pert rear.
“Arthur ...”
Any argument she was going to make was lost as I bit and licked around her nape. I buried myself in her hair, assaulting from her shoulder to her ear. Her nails bit through the fabric of my shirt as she desperately clung to any thread of sanity she could.
It took everything I had to pull away and stare in hot lust at the glazed look in her eyes.
“Now”—my fingers fisted in her long tresses—“tell me what you want from me. Tell me what you want, and I will do it. If you want me to leave, I’ll leave. If you want me to hold you, I’ll hold you. Understand, Alexandria, as long as my heart is beating, it beats for you.”
Her eyes fluttered open and then closed as I lingered right over her lips.
“I just want you to do whatever it is you want. I can’t make up my mind. I know what is right, and I know what is wrong.” She parted her lips in a sigh. I allowed slack in her hair to look at me. “I don’t want to be her.” There was fear in her eyes—fear of herself.
Nodding, I could agree with her. I didn’t want a repeat of the betrayal that had cursed us before. “I
can agree with you on that.”
“Avalon?”
I heard her say my name, but I suddenly couldn’t feel her. A ripping in my core sent pain coursing through my body. I swore I was screaming, but no sound came from my mouth. Instead, I watched my lips curl into a snide smirk.
Wait ...
I watched?
No!
I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. I could only watch as the man before me ran his fingers through Alexandria’s hair.
It’s not me, Alexandria! It’s him! You know me! Please!
I could feel my heartbeat speed up the blood in my veins. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He had no power – he was separate from me.
How was he able to take control of me here?
“Avalon, what’s wrong?” Alexandria took a step back.
Good! Keep asking questions!
I opened my mouth and screamed, but no sound escaped.
God, what was wrong with me!
“What are you talking about love? It’s me, Arthur.” He touched her cheek, but it was short-lived. Alexandria reeled back from him as if she’d been burned.
It was my mirror self.
He was the part of me that had been severed from me.
Why was he still fighting for control?
“No, you’re different. Something is wrong. I want to leave. Break us out of this now, please.”
“I am afraid I cannot do that.” Arthur latched onto her wrist like a vise, yanking her to him. I felt a fire in the pit of my stomach I hadn’t felt in a very long time.
Mine—she was mine. Alexandria trusted me. Alexandria wanted me. It was my duty to protect her.
“Let me go, Arthur!” Her eyes were wide in terror. The stoic look on the face she had grown to love disturbed even me.
Was I ever this cold to her before?
“You shall stay with me here forever. Isn’t that what you want?”
My mind exploded. So that was his way of getting his way—steal her life. In doing so, he was also stealing mine. If this was how he planned to take care of things, I couldn’t allow it.
I did the only thing I knew how to do. I had nothing in my favor except one thing. I had at least one strand left connecting me to my inheritance—my future.
The Duke's Curse (Legend Book 2) Page 8