The shame.
It was one thing to choose to take a lover; it was another entirely to be forced. The woman who I shared a soul with had been taken, used, and mistreated.
A queen tossed like a ragdoll.
A queen having her honor and pride stripped from her.
A queen shamed.
My first memory of a past life, and it was rape.
“He took her. I saw it. He claimed her in the worst way.” My voice broke slightly, but the shock was too great to sob. “You were too far away.” I met Avalon’s gaze. “Why were you far away? Why did you leave her alone?”
Everyone was silent.
“Why am I having her memories? I don’t want them!”
I watched tears swell in Avalon’s eyes. His nostrils flared, and his chest heaved with emotion. Vivian’s hand clamped over her mouth; M had taken off his glasses and was staring at me closely.
Lancer’s face matched my own with tears brimming in his eyes. “Because of me. Because I wanted to challenge Arthur. I brought his armies to France. It was my fault. He wanted revenge.”
“We all have our roles to play in this.” Avalon was struggling to keep his composure. “I am so sorry you had to relive that.”
An overwhelming heat flooded my chest, and my hand reached up to caress Avalon’s face.
“The fault was mine, my love.” Words spilled from my lips before I could stop them. The look in Avalon’s eyes as I spoke those words would stay imprinted on my heart until the day I died.
Hands on my shoulders broke me from the trance-like state I had succumbed to. I turned my head to see Vivian next to me.
“Focus, Alexandria. I believe your soul and your past will eventually align, but now is not the time.” She cupped my face. “Do not allow that sorrow to overwhelm you. It can consume.”
“How do I get Avalon’s soul back?” My words were firm. “I will go and take it from Mordred if I have to kill Morgan myself.”
Vivian smiled at me. “I see, and I understand.” She walked toward a side table and picked up a pendant. The same black onyx she had worn the other day lay against a circle of pearls, beckoning my fingers to touch.
“This is Morgan’s peace offering. She notified me and has been alerting me of Mordred’s movements, and they are becoming too great for even her to stand by and watch.”
“But isn’t Morgan on his side? Why would she help us?” I was confused.
“Morgan is bound to Mordred as his Sorceress. He wanted someone equal to Merlin for himself, so what better way than to take Merlin’s prized pupil?” Avalon’s voice was bitter. “She never wanted to do evil. She had a lapse in judgment, however, and in doing so, she aided in cursing her brother.”
“Mordred and Arthur went blow for blow, and on his death, Mordred made a deal”—Vivian frowned—“with a darker force.”
“So Mordred is why you are still alive?” I was so confused. I looked at Avalon, begging for clarity.
“Mordred cursed me to a fate to walk the Earth alone for a thousand years. If that wasn’t enough, he also made that curse almost impossible to break by adding in so many around him. You are the key to all of it.” Avalon’s jaw tightened. “If you fall in love with me and accept me, Mordred will try to kill you. Which is why I must kill him first.”
My world came to a crashing halt.
“Why? What could I possibly have to offer?” Panic rose in my chest.
Die?
He’d kill me?
If I chose Avalon, Mordred would kill me?
“If you fall in love with Avalon, it reverses the fates of the past. The future will negate the past. It is Mordred’s job to prevent this from happening. According to Morgan, it is what he was contracted to do in his deal.” Vivian’s face was grim.
“It all seems premeditated, if you ask me,” M mused, eyes narrowing.
My eyes darted from M to Avalon. “So those women who chose you ... they knew?”
Avalon nodded. “They all knew.” He gave a sad smile. “And I couldn’t protect them.”
“Avalon—” My soul ached for the man in front of me. I had been so wrong, so blind about him. He had warned them, probably even tried to run them off, but they loved him, and they died for him.
“But now, we have bigger issues.” Vivian broke in. “The piece that Morgan took was deliberate. It was planned. Arthur was devout. Arthur had a faith that could move mountains. So he took all but a sliver of that divine connection to God from him.” Her gaze grew dire. “His body is now weakening because his soul isn’t intact. You must get that sword that houses his soul and bring it back.”
I searched Avalon’s face. “Is that why you are having spells?”
He nodded. “It is also the reason why I have essentially two people living in me right now. I’m not whole, so I cannot live as Arthur or Avalon.” His eyes grew weary. “Arthur is trying to protect you, and in doing so, he will ruin everything.”
“What do you mean?” Realization dawned, and I set my jaw. “That’s why you can’t come to me in the dreams anymore.”
“Exactly.” He nodded. “If he is able to trap you in your dreams, neither of us will wake. We will both fall into an eternal sleep. As of right now, only I will. You will survive.” Avalon sighed heavily.
I shook my head.
“No, I won’t let that happen. I’ll get that bloody sword. I swear we can fix you.” I wouldn’t let him drift any further away than he already was. I wanted my Dragon back. I wanted the fire, the passion, the heat.
I saw Lancer’s pained expression over Avalon’s shoulder. I understood how hard this must be for him. How left out he must feel.
Breaking from Avalon’s hold, I walked to Lancer. Wrapping my arms around him, he engulfed me into the tightest hug he could without breaking me in half.
“I need your help.”
“I know, Allie. And I’ll give you my help. If it means that one day we can be together, I’ll suffer any length of waiting.”
Tears stung my eyes. I couldn’t promise my future to anyone. Thomas Mordred wanted to kill me. He wanted Avalon to suffer for eternity.
“And now, I’m afraid Mordred has constructed something far worse. I’m not exactly sure what, but it may bypass everything we know so far. Morgan isn’t exactly sure either.” Vivian played with the pendant.
“Can we trust her?” My voice was skeptical. Morgan had aided in cursing her own brother and killing women who were essentially me.
How could I face her?
“We have to.” Vivian sighed. “She’s the only one who knows the sword’s whereabouts and how to get it out without Mordred noticing.”
I swallowed hard.
“So that’s it then.” I had made up my mind. “I’ll go and get the sword. When do I go?”
Fourteen
Avalon
After the excitement of the morning had calmed, I stole a few moments for myself out in the barn. Brushing Phoenix had always eased my nerves. I couldn’t think about what could happen to Alexandria. I had to block it from my mind.
Phoenix turned and nudged me, forcing me to break from my thoughts.
“Thank you, old friend.” I stroked her nose gently, reaching into my pocket for a carrot. “You always know when I get lost in my own world.”
When I heard her soft snort, I couldn’t tell if she was agreeing with me or just happy to see a treat. Patting her neck, I exited her stall and dropped the brush into the trunk.
I couldn’t avoid her forever.
I walked slowly back to the castle, trotting up the side stairs with my hands in my pockets. I thought about the last few months, looking at the small tables, vases, tapestries.
With Alexandria staying here, the walls weren’t so empty. The servants smiled more when she insisted on helping in the kitchen or asked them questions about the history of the estate while they cleaned. I knew Orla considered her a daughter. She fit so well here.
But does she fit with me?
I press
ed onward. I was going to escape to my quarters, but music from the direction of the ballroom caught my attention.
I poked my head in one of the side doors and saw Alexandria working on the statue. Her iPod was in its dock, blaring some sort of classical music. I kept my distance, watching her work.
Her brows knit in concentration as she molded and shaped Eros’ wings. I had never taken the time to sit and watch while she worked on the statue. Now, I found myself completely enraptured by the smooth strokes of her fingers and the skill in carving details with her tools. Everything about her made my soul ache.
Alexandria reached back to grab a bucket, and her eyes fell on me. Her long ponytail cascaded over her shoulder, and her hand paused outstretched. I smiled softly.
Holding up a hand, I reassured her. “Don’t let me interrupt. I was merely passing through.”
I had put her through enough. Giving her space was the least I could do so that she could work. Instead, she motioned for me to join her.
“It’s all right. You can come closer to watch if you like.” She finally grabbed the bucket and turned her attention back to the statue.
I took her invitation, striding up to the large masterpiece taking form. She was indeed a talented woman. Eros’ eyes on Psyche harbored nothing but love.
It’s exactly how I look at her ...
“It’s almost finished. I think another few weeks, and you’ll be able to unveil it to the world.” She wiped her nose on the back of her clean arm. “You can throw a gala. You’ll be healed by then, and what a better way to celebrate.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but I quickly shut it. If Alexandria wanted to be positive about our outcomes, I would let her. I had no right to remind her of the dangers that loomed in front of both of us.
“Of course, that sounds rather lovely. A gala in your honor. I wouldn’t do it any other way.” Her iPod turned over to an interesting arrangement of “Don’t You Worry Child.” I might be old, but I was up on the music and entertainment of the times.
“Swedish House Mafia?” I pointed at her as the Indian woman singing wove a melody I rather enjoyed.
“Oh, yes”—Alexandria smiled—“but these are the Piano Guys. They are a group from America. Do you like it?”
Nodding, I tapped my foot. “I do.”
“So you know modern music?” Her lips quirked.
I didn’t know if she was teasing or asking a genuine question.
“Ms. York, I am rather offended. I am up on everything this generation has to offer.” I turned the volume up on the device and held my hand out. “Dance with me.”
A thin eyebrow arched as she held up her dirty hands. I didn’t wait for her to wipe them off. This could be the last time I ever danced with her.
“Just go with it.” I spun her into my chest, earning a squeak. I unfurled her from my embrace, and her cheeks flushed.
“You never cease to amaze me.” The music picked up, and for a brief moment, my strength returned.
“I hope I always do.”
I led her around the dance floor, mixing steps and allowing the music to dictate how we moved. I spun us until I let go, watching her continue on her own. Her laughter was the best medicine in the world.
Alexandria came back to me, swaying gently as a slower song followed. The bright smile on her lips never vanished.
“You look rather pleased, Your Grace.” She sighed. “Are you sure you should be dancing?”
With a laugh, I stopped our motion. “I may never get to dance with you again. It is the one thing I enjoy most of all with you.”
Her breathing hitched, and I felt her body tense in my arms. Blue eyes searched mine for more.
“What other things do you enjoy?”
“With you?” I asked.
“Yes.”
I gave her a mischievous smirk.
“Arguing is always an adventure.”
Her eyes narrowed at me, unamused.
I tugged at her ponytail. “Just being with you is enough. I love our time together. And no matter how long or short that time may be, my life has been made just by having you in it. So thank you.”
She couldn’t hide the tears welling in her eyes from me. Nor could she hide her fear. I took her face in my hands and kissed her forehead.
“I swear I will do everything in my power to make you well again.” Her voice wavered.
I could only nod my head, forcing myself to believe as she believed. But it was fleeting, and as soon as I was in the confines of my own rooms, the weight of her task fell on me like the world on Atlas.
Vivian gave Alexandria strict instructions on where to meet Morgan the next day in order to plan the best time to retrieve the sword. I couldn’t sleep. I paced around my room, playing with the ring in my hand. I couldn’t risk it. I just couldn’t take that chance.
Lord knew how much I wanted to see her. I’d try to talk her out of it. I mulled over every option, running fingers through my long hair.
I couldn’t ignore it any longer. I slammed my hand on the mantle of the fireplace and stormed out of my quarters. I pulled back the hidden doorway to the chapel and rushed up the steps to enter the cold room.
What to say?
I had no idea, so I said nothing. I fell to my knees and clasped my hands together. Seconds seemed to span longer than hours. The thundering of my heart took up the steady beat through the silence.
“God, hear me. Protect her. Protect her when I can’t. You already know the outcome, and if it is your will, let her come back to me. I beg of you ...” I inhaled, struggling against the fear in my heart. “Take this fear and make it courage. If not for me, then for her. I love her. Just bring her back to me. In Your name.”
Weakness was a curse. My body felt so heavy and empty. My heart was turning from stone to a shell. I didn’t want to lose the feelings I had gained for her over the past five months. I didn’t want to fall into an eternal sleep. I couldn’t. Alexandria would be destined to walk the Earth forever.
Alone.
Her worst fear would be realized, and it would be my fault. I fought with the torment in my blackened soul. I heard the creaking of the door. Footsteps followed, and there was no need to turn around.
“I have a favor to ask of you.” I spoke gently as Lancer knelt down next to me.
“Of course.” There was resolve in his voice. I didn’t have time to be concerned with how it would affect my future chances with Alexandria. All I knew was with this resolve came a man I could trust.
“You will go with her tomorrow when she speaks with Morgan. You will do this for me without fail.” I clutched my head as the edges of my vision became blurred. “I put her in your hands.”
Lancer reached over and steadied me. I couldn’t help but smile, glancing up at him. The fear on his face told me that he still considered me brother.
“What will happen to you, Avalon? Once you have the sword ... what has to happen?” His grip was firm as I swayed, fighting the darkness that was clawing its way through my body.
“Either I will be victorious or I slip away. There is no other alternative. I’m sorry ...” My legs and arms became numb.
“Avalon, you have to win. You have to fight. If you lose, Alexandria ... ”
“I know. Believe me, I know. Just promise me that you will keep her safe. I beg of you, as my friend ...” I gasped for air. “As my brother.”
Lancer’s brows were furrowed, his chin trembled, and he could only nod in response. My heart ached for him. Such a predicament I had placed us all in.
I heard his voice beckoning me back into the void.
I didn’t want to go.
I wanted to stay.
But I had no choice.
I went.
Fifteen
Alexandria
The small restaurant Lancer and I found ourselves in the following day made my nerves reach an entirely new level. There were too many people. We were sitting in a booth in what appeared to be a party room away from pry
ing eyes, but I still felt cornered.
Lancer reached over and took my shaking hand on the tabletop. I couldn’t help myself as my fingers laced through his larger ones. Last night had shaken us all. Avalon had fallen victim to that strange illness that came for him again and again.
As of this morning, he still hadn’t woken up. Vivian had to practically pry me away from his bedside. I had a job to do. I had to meet with Morgan and create a game plan to get that sword from Mordred as soon as possible.
I didn’t even want to think about the outcome if I failed. The thought of Avalon in an endless sleep—never being able to talk to him again, never be able to see those iron eyes again—made my very soul cry.
“Okay, here we go.” Lancer sat up straighter. I followed his stare and saw Morgan Le Fey in a tight purple dress. She sauntered, she didn’t walk, and for the first time, I saw the resemblance between her and Avalon.
Her blood red lips curled into a smile.
“I didn’t expect to see you here, Lancer. I assume it is on my brother’s orders?” Morgan slid herself daintily into her seat.
“Yes, he did.” Lancer’s hand didn’t break from mine.
Her black eyes flickered to me. “How is my brother?” She examined our hands and then my face. A look of concern settled between her brows.
I didn’t know if I could trust her. But the strained look on her face the longer I took to answer made me realize that she was genuinely concerned.
“He isn’t well. He slipped into another coma-like state last night.” I leveled with her. “I need your help, Morgan. You have to help us get that sword.”
Her raven hair fell around her face as she nodded. “Of course. Believe me, I do not wish to see my brother so ill.” She exhaled. “When would you like to come by G.R.A.I.L.? Sir Thomas is”—she sucked a breath through her teeth—“most eager to meet with you.”
“What do you mean eager?” Lancer’s grip on my hand tightened.
“It means exactly what it means. Though, keeping tabs on you, Alexandria, has been far too easy.” Her lips curled into a sneer.
The Duke's Curse (Legend Book 2) Page 11