by Nikki Wild
Jesse dragged me to my feet and we ran downstairs. I grabbed my phone and keys and we rushed out to his car. Grady was waiting behind the wheel as we jumped into the back.
“Did you see which way the girl went, Grady?” Jesse asked. “We gotta find her.”
“I think she ran around the corner there,” Grady said, backing up.
Terror gripped my heart like nothing I’d ever known. It wasn’t just that she’d run away… Maddy couldn’t run.
“Wait!” I said, just as he began to back up. I threw open the door and ran back inside as fast as my legs could carry me. I grabbed Maddy’s inhaler from the kitchen counter and made my way quickly back to the car.
“She’s sick, she needs this,” I said, my voice shaking with fear. Grady backed up and began driving around the neighborhood as we searched for her.
“She has asthma?” Jesse asked.
“I don’t know. Nobody knows. The doctors are useless. We can talk about this later, we need to find her right now! If she’s upset and running fast, she won’t be able to breathe!” I cried. “We have to find her fast, Jesse.”
“We’ll find her, don’t worry. Just stay calm.”
“Okay, okay….turn left here, maybe she went to the park.” Grady turned and we drove through the neighborhood, through peaceful, calm home fronts that reflected the complete opposite of the turmoil that was churning inside of me.
“Maisey - tell me about her symptoms,” Jesse said.
“What? Why?”
“Just fucking do it, tell me what happens to her,” he insisted.
“It looks like just like asthma, only her attacks are getting worse as she gets older. They hit out of the blue, sometimes they wake her up. She’s been on a dozen different treatments and medications. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t. There’s no pattern.”
“Maisey, I know what it is,” he said, his voice low and serious.
“What? What do you mean?” I asked. How could he know? He hadn’t even met Maddy yet.
“My sister, Maisey! Nina!” he yelled. “If Maddy’s my daughter, then she has the same condition as my sister! It effects the females in my family.”
“Oh, my God! Jesse!” I said, my head spinning.
“We’ve got to find her, Maisey. If we can get her to a doctor, we can get her help. It’s her heart, Maisey. There’ve been so many breakthroughs since Nina died! I’ve spent a damn fortune on research and development of treatment and a cure. Everybody thought Nina had asthma too… We didn’t know what was wrong until it was too late, but now there’s help for these kids. There’s help for Maddy.”
“I can’t think about this right now… I just can’t. Turn right here,” I murmured with a huge lump in my throat. We got to the park and I told Grady to pull over so I could jump out. Jesse and I ran around the park calling her name and looking for her. I could see he was in pain as he moved faster than he had any business moving at this point in his therapy, but I wasn’t about to stop him. We had to find her… It was getting dark and it was taking all my strength not to break down completely.
“Think, Maisey. There’s gotta be somewhere else Maddy would go. Someone she trusts? A favorite place?”
“Oh! Of course!” I cried, grabbing Jesse’s hand and running back to his car. “Eddie! I bet she went to see Eddie!”
JESSE
“He’s not answering,” Maisey said, her voice quivering in fear as she hung up her phone. I glanced over at her as Grady raced through the neighborhood towards Eddie’s house. I reached over and grabbed her hand, squeezing it.
“We’ll find her,” I said.
“Maybe I should call the police?” she asked.
“How far are we from Eddie’s?”
“About two minutes,” she replied.
“If she isn’t there, we’ll call the police,” I said. “Don’t worry.”
Her eyes were frantically searching every corner and alley we passed. “She’s everything to me.”
“I know, Maisey. Stay calm. She’s upset, that’s all.”
“She’s never done this before…” her voice trailed off.
“What did you tell her?” I asked. “About me? About her father?”
“I didn’t really have to say much. She never asked a lot of questions. I just told her you weren’t in our lives, that it was just the two of us. It’s always been like that, she didn’t know any different.”
“I see,” I replied, biting my tongue. I was angry, that much was undeniable. But I would deal with my anger later because right now none of that mattered, and I knew it. The past was the past. I had to deal with what was in front of me right now and nothing more. Once we found Maddy, we’d come to terms with everything else one thing at a time. Miraculously, my anger was being overshadowed by worry and love.
“Jesse, I’m so sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing at the time,” Maisey said, her voice full of sorrow and regret.
“We were just kids, Maisey. We both were. You should have come to me, we would have figured things out together. You didn’t have to do it alone.”
“I told myself it was the right thing to do, it was the only way,” she said, shaking her head. I took a minute to watch the tears streaming down her beautiful face. “I was so wrong. I fucked everything up.”
“Maisey, stop it. We’ll figure this out,” I squeezed her hand harder. “We’re together now. That’s all that matters. The past is in the fucking past.Right now, we just need to focus on finding Maddy and getting her to the best doctors in Colorado. I know all the leading specialists.”
“I never even thought of it being genetic, Jesse,” she said. “You’re so healthy… So strong…”
“Don’t blame yourself, Maisey. You did what you thought was right at the time. That’s the best any of us can do.”
“You’re amazing,” she said, looking over at me.
“So are you, babe,” I replied. “You’ve been strong for so long. Let me be the strong one now, okay?”
She nodded, the tears flowing faster now, as she squeezed my hand back.
Two minutes later, we pulled up in front of a pink bungalow with purple trim, surrounded by elaborate and meticulous gardens on each side, and a huge rainbow flag hanging by the front porch. Grady parked in front of it, and Maisey jumped out, running up the curved walkway and ringing the bell. I followed behind her, my heart racing as we waited.
“Eddie!” Maisey pounded on the front door and after a few seconds, a very large, very made-up man in a gold sequined floor-length gown answered the door.
“She’s here! She’s here, calm down!” he said, his voice high and feminine as he flung open the door, gesturing for us to come in. “She’s upset and she’s in my back den, but she’s calming down now. Best to let her be for a bit. I was just getting ready for work,” he said, as we walked in past him. His gaze raked over me like I was a pork chop on a platter, and I cringed when he licked his lips. “Who are you, pretty boy?”
“Eddie, this is my friend, Jesse,” Maisey said.
“Jesse, huh? You look familiar - oh, yes!” Eddie exclaimed. “Jesse Colorado! I saw you in an underwear ad in GQ, last month, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, I guess. Nice to meet you, Eddie,” I said, extending my hand. Eddie gripped it strongly, pumping it up and down as he looked at me suspiciously. “Why are you here, exactly?”
“I - um, well —,” I was at a loss for words, and I looked over to Maisey for help.
“Jesse and I went to high school together,” Maisey explained.
“Uh-huh? And?” he asked.
“Eddie, Jesus! Okay, look! Jesse is Maddy’s father. She overheard us talking about it on the porch and she ran out - she ran away.”
“Oh, dear! Wow,” Eddie replied, his eyes widening in surprise. “Her father, huh? This is big…” he said, turning to Maisey and elbowing her. “Damn, Maisey, you sure can keep a secret, can’t you, girlfriend? I can’t believe you never told me.”
“I never told an
yone!” Maisey protested.
“I just found out myself,” I said quietly.
“Ohhh! The story gets even juicier!” Eddie said, clapping his hands together gleefully.
“I’m so glad this is entertaining you, but that’s not why we’re here, Eddie. Did Maddy say anything to you?”
“Not really. She just said she needed to get away, and asked if she could watch TV. She’s only been here about ten minutes.”
“Okay,” Maisey said, taking a deep breath and squaring her shoulders. “I’ll go talk to her.”
She turned to walk away and disappeared down a hall, leaving Eddie and I alone in his living room. He turned to me, his dark lined eyes full of questions.
“You look like you could use a drink,” he said, flipping his curly auburn wig over his shoulders.
“A drink sounds good, but it’s probably best if I wait on that,” I said, gesturing to the back room.
“Oh? Handsome, rich and responsible, huh? So far so good,” he laughed, turning to walk in the kitchen. I followed behind him, watching the exaggerated sway of his hips. “I can’t believe Maisey never told me about you.”
“Maisey likes to keep things to herself,” I replied, dryly, as I watched him pour himself a drink.
“Apparently,” he laughed. “She’s a good woman, though. I’m sure she had her reasons. She’s not the reckless type.”
“We were young,” I explained. “It was a long time ago.”
“True,” he agreed, “and now here we are. Not so young anymore.”
“Here we are,” I nodded, allowing a small smile to cross my face for the first time today. “Here we are…”
MAISEY
I walked down the hallway that led to Eddie’s back den, clutching Maddy’s inhaler and trying to figure out what I was going to say to her. I’d imagined this conversation a million times in my head, and it had never played out like this. All my practiced speeches and explanations abandoned me, leaving my brain a tangled mess of confusion and uncertainty.
I walked down the few carpeted stairs that led into Eddie’s den, and saw Maddy watching television, eating a banana with Snowflake in her arms and sitting in front of the open sliding glass door that led to the backyard. It was dark out, and the light from the television cast a dim glow across the room.
“Hey,” I whispered.
She glanced up at me quickly and then looked away.
Slowly, I walked into the room and sat down beside her.
“Maddy, we need to talk,” I said. Her eyes flashed over at me, and I could see she was angry.
“Who is that man?” she asked, her voice quiet as a whisper.
“His name is Jesse. He’s my friend.”
“He’s the one who gave you the car and sent all the flowers?” she asked. “And Snowflake, too?”
“Yes, baby,” I said.
“I heard him say he was my father,” she said, her little voice quivering. “Is that true?”
My heart was breaking as the reality of all the mistakes I’d made came crashing over me. I looked at her, my sweet trusting daughter, and I felt like the worst person in the world.
“Yes, baby,” I said. “It’s true.” I couldn’t lie anymore. I couldn’t go on with this facade that I didn’t need anyone else, that I could do this all on my own. I’d left Jesse in the living room with Eddie, and I wished so badly that he was here by my side right now.
“Why didn’t he come to see me sooner?” Maddy asked. I could hear the pain in her voice and it broke my heart in two. “Why did he leave us alone for so long?”
“It’s my fault, baby,” I said, trying to figure out how to explain it all to her. “I never told him about you. He didn’t know to come see you.”
She blinked, my words sinking in slowly.
“But, why?” she finally asked.
“I was wrong, Maddy, I —,” I began, trying not to stutter over my words, trying to frantically search my brain for the right words.
“He didn’t even know I existed?” she asked, her voice rising.
“No, baby,” I replied, shame filling my heart. “I”m so sorry.” I’d betrayed her. I’d betrayed Jesse. Tears fell down my face and I hung my head in my hands.
I didn’t see her stand up. I didn’t see her walk towards the sliding glass door.
I was too busy feeling sorry for myself like a fool.
I finally raised my head, and saw I was alone in the room with Snowflake, the light from the television flickering over the two of us.
“Maddy!” I called, springing to my feet. I ran out into the backyard, and saw a glimpse of her hair as she jumped the fence. “Maddy! No! Wait!!”
JESSE
Eddie and I heard Maisey’s scream and we ran down the hall together.
“She’s gone,” Maisey cried. “She ran away again!”
“Oh, dear!” Eddie exclaimed. “It’s already dark out, she shouldn’t be out there alone! What did you say to her, Maisey?”
“I told her the truth,” Maisey shook her head.
“I’ll find her,” I said, turning and running back through the house towards the front door.
“Wait! Jesse!” I turned around as Maisey called my name. “I’ll go, you can’t run with your knee..”
“Fuck my knee, I’m fine,” I growled. She shoved the inhaler in my hand and when I saw the look in her eyes, it wrecked me completely. I kissed her quickly and then ran out the door as fast as I could. I spotted Maddy down the block and broke into a full run.
My knee throbbed in pain, but I ignored it, willing my body to perform to its full capacity. I’d always been able to flip the switch between man and athlete, to turn into the elite running machine that had served me so well time and time again. The pain fell away, the limp disappeared, and within seconds, I was flying down the middle of the street like it was the turf, ignoring every obstacle in my way and keeping my eye focused on my goal. I knew I was doing damage to my own body. I’d felt this way before, like when I played three games last season with a torn rotator cuff. The team doctor fought me tooth and nail, but I wasn’t about to let him stop me.
Even if it hurt…
People talked about Jesse ‘Colorado’ being untouchable. They talked about how I’d shrug off linebackers and never miss a damn game. They didn’t see me later that night when I nursed the bruises and sprains. I never let them see the pain…
Maddy was fast, and my heart soared with pride at that fact. Maybe she was more like me than Maisey thought. At this pace, she had to be feeling the burn in her legs and the fire in her chest, but she kept going. Before I could take a minute to smile, Nina’s face flashed in my head, and the severity of the situation hit me like a ton of bricks. I had to get to Maddy before her body gave out.
I could save her… I could offer her a happy life in a strong, healthy body. I couldn’t bear to lose her before I’d even had a chance to get to know her. I couldn’t bear to lose her like I’d lost Nina.
She disappeared around a corner at the end of the street and I picked up my pace, my feet flying beneath my legs, pounding the pavement as fast as I could. I rounded the corner, and she was nowhere in sight.
“Shit!” I cursed, my eyes frantically searching for her. I kept running, peeking in every yard and around every car that I passed. I couldn’t lose her. Maisey would never forgive me. I had to find her, I had no other choice.
“Maddy!” I called, my voice echoing in the darkness. I’d lost sight of her, but my instincts told me she was close. She couldn’t have gotten far, so I kept running, hoping like hell I’d catch sight of her.
And then I did.
A flash of her blonde curls caught my eye up ahead, and I bounded up the street like the fucking Bionic Man, determined not to let her get away again, but she rounded another corner and I lost sight of her once more. My knee throbbed hotly as it took most of the impact, but it held up, and I kept running.
My heart jumped into my throat when I saw Maddy up ahead - she was on her
knees, slumped over and gasping for breath. I reached her within seconds and pushed her inhaler towards her. She grabbed it, inhaled deeply, then broke out into a ragged cough. Tears streamed down her face, and she gasped for air.
“Shh, it’s okay, you’re okay,” I said, holding the inhaler to her mouth. We sank to the sidewalk together and I pulled her into my body. “Just breathe, just breathe. Nice and slow, there you go, that’s it, shhh…”
She sobbed, her body trembling in fear as she regained her breath slowly. Her breathing slowed and she slumped against me.
“It’s okay, Maddy, it’s all going to be okay…”
The tires of my Jaguar screeched to a stop behind us and Grady, Eddie and Maisey jumped out. Maisey’s face was white with terror as she raced to Maddy’s side.
“She’s alright, she’s alright,” I assured her. “Let’s get her to the hospital.”
They clung to each other as Eddie and I helped them into the back of the car. Grady sped to the hospital with the skill of a race car driver. Maisey held Maddy in her arms, and Eddie and I squeezed together in the back seat with them.
I looked over at him, the gold sequins of his dress sparkling under the street lights. His face was drawn with worry, his blood red lips pursed together tightly.
“She’s going to be okay,” I said to him.
He reached over and grabbed my hand, his huge hand engulfing mine.
“I hope you’re right, Colorado,” he said, his voice gruff with emotion. “These girls are my family.”
“Well,” I replied, my heart swelling in my chest as I looked back at Maisey and Maddy, “they’re my family now, too, so I guess that makes us all family.”
“It sure does,” he nodded, as Grady pulled up to the Emergency Room. “Now - go! Take care of our girls!”
“I got this,” I said, as I realized I’d never been more sure of anything in my life.
MAISEY
“He’s the best pediatric heart specialist in the world,” Jesse reassured me, as we left Dr. Anderson’s office.