While we were busy in the bathroom, Lucas borrowed Phelan's cell phone and got in contact with Thut's Kiss in Egypt and the Fitzgerald Kiss in New York. It was a relief to discover they'd been untouched by the initial machinations of the Drâghici Kiss and Lucas cautioned them to go into hiding. He'd made other phone calls which confirmed what we'd said - the Drâghici had attacked groups around the world. It was a sobering reminder of how accurate our information had been to date.
After dinner, the Tines, the Lingard and Tremaine men, Jerome, Nonny and Epi sat together talking. It was pleasing to see them manage to get along. I'd been worried the different factions would find it difficult to co-operate, but a common enemy had united them as nothing else could. They discussed the Consiliului's plans at length and argued pros and cons of how to approach the problems we faced.
I sat apart from the group, half-listening to their conversation but also taking time to speak with the spirits, whose discussion revolved around the exact same crisis. The spirits were less forthcoming with solutions to our problems, but I really hadn't expected otherwise. As with everything in this new life I was forging, I'd long ago accepted I wouldn't get answers handed over on a platter. I concentrated on their murmured conversations as they spoke at length about Archangelo, gleaning what insights they would give me. I'd learned Archangelo had less spiritual powers than I, but he'd always be stronger due to being created. No great surprise there. There was one thing the spirits and my friends agreed on - he had to be killed. The million dollar question, was how?
I slipped away and headed towards the kitchen, desperate for more coffee. The more time I'd spent with Conal and Lucas, the more my nerves had begun to amplify again. It wasn't only caffeine I sought - I needed space to try and pull my thoughts together. Whether I looked at Lucas or my gaze came to rest on Conal, similar emotions tumbled through my heart. How could I love both of them? It wasn't acceptable to love two men at once. What could I do to fix the problem? What should I say? I had to explain my actions to Lucas, if there was any chance of our pursuing our relationship. But how could I do that to Conal, betray the love he'd offered me? How could I just abandon him, as if nothing had happened between us in the past five months? The same questions had been swirling endlessly through my head in the past twenty four hours and I was no closer to a solution.
“Charlotte?”
I spun around from the bench, to discover Lucas standing in the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest. He was recovering rapidly and other than a scar where Arawn had cut open his cheek, there was little evidence visible. He was utterly, magnificently handsome as he gazed at me from across the room.
“Um, hi.”
For a long moment he was silent, his eyes focused on mine before he spoke. “I think you're avoiding me.”
I sighed, biting my lip anxiously. “You're right, I probably am,” I admitted. “But there isn't a lot of privacy around here to talk.”
“And I can't leave the building, so there are few choices available to us.” The church sat in consecrated ground and even though Epi had placed some sort of enchantment over the building itself to keep them protected, the grounds were out of bounds to the vampires. Whilst Lucas didn't believe anything untoward would happen, it was a risk they weren't willing to take. In the past few weeks, the knowledge Lucas and his Kiss had taken as gospel regarding their kind had been tipped on its head.
He strode across the room and captured my hands, brushing his thumbs across my knuckles. “All I want is the truth, Charlotte.”
The silver was swirling in his eyes and I focused on that when I spoke. “I love you, Lucas. I've always loved you. I've never stopped loving you, not for a minute in the five months since I left.”
His gaze turned towards the doorway. “And Conal? I've seen the way he touches you, the way he looks at you.”
“I love him, too,” I confessed and saw a shadow of pain pass across his handsome features. For a moment I longed to be wearing a courage sigil, because I was feeling like a coward. Inhaling deeply, I tried to explain. “The past few months, I've spent a lot of time with Conal. He's been there, through all the craziness of learning about Nememiah's Children.”
Hurt darkened his eyes, but he remained composed. “I would have been there for you, Charlotte. If you hadn't insisted on staying away from me.”
I sighed heavily, trying to figure out how to explain. “I thought I was doing the right thing. I didn't know how I managed to hurt you that afternoon in Puckhaber.”
“But once you knew, you could have come back,” Lucas pointed out, his voice incredibly calm.
“It wasn't that simple, Lucas. I needed to be here, to learn about Nememiah's Children and to work with Epi. I honestly thought I was keeping you safer by not telling you what was happening. I thought being away from you was the best way to keep all of you safe from harm.”
Lucas laughed, the sound echoing harshly around the kitchen. “That worked out well, didn't it?” He sobered. “You could have picked up the phone and explained.”
“I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“And in the meantime, you were falling in love with Conal,” he stated icily.
“You don't understand.” I looked up at him, sick at heart from my mistakes. “It took time to understand what this all meant. I couldn't contact you until I understood how I managed to hurt you, how to prevent it from happening again. When I left Puckhaber, I was so frightened and confused. Acenith contacted Conal and he… he came and rescued me. Brought me back to Jackson and looked after me when I was so depressed, I could barely bother to get up in the morning.”
“Looked after you?” His blue eyes were burning with fury as he stared down at me. “What does that mean, exactly?”
I squeezed my eyes shut, desperate to compose the right way to answer his question. “I don't want to hurt you,” I pleaded softly.
“You've already done that,” he stated, his voice colder again. “I want the truth, Charlotte.” He squeezed my hands painfully and I flinched. “Tell me the truth about your relationship with Conal. I think I deserve that much and it was glaringly apparent last night that you're living with him.”
I couldn't deny him what he'd demanded. He deserved to know exactly what the situation had been for the past few months and if we were to have any chance of sorting through this mess, of moving forward, I owed him the truth. “I've been living at Conal's apartment since I moved down here.”
“You're sleeping with him?” The question was asked through gritted teeth.
“Yes,” I whispered. “But it's not what you think,” I continued hurriedly. “When I first arrived, he had one bedroom and I had the other.” I stole a look at Lucas's face, saw the clenched muscle in his jaw as he squeezed his eyes shut, as though the act would block out my words. “For the past three months, he and I have shared a bed. He comforts me when I have the nightmares.”
“No doubt he was very good at giving you comfort,” Lucas spat.
It was my turn to squeeze his hands. “We shared a bed, he held me while I screamed. But we've never had sex.”
“You've never had sex,” he echoed, his eyes frigid with resentment. “What have you done, pray tell?”
Tears welled against my eyelashes. “We've kissed and he holds me in his arms. That's all. I swear that's all.”
The betrayal was written plainly in his striking features. A dozen different emotions flickered across his face, like thunderclouds before an approaching storm. Finally he spoke. “I don't know you anymore. You act differently, you speak differently. Damn it, you even look different!” His voice rose as he lost control of his temper, the anger cutting through me like a knife. “You tell me now that you've been sleeping with Conal, but it's okay because you didn't have sex! Did you honestly believe I would just accept this and we could move on as though nothing happened?” He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. “Five months ago, the woman I knew would have blushed at the mention of sex. Now you tell me you've been sleeping wi
th another man and you're asking me to believe you still love me?”
“Lucas, I'm…”
He cut me off with a fierce shake of his head. “I've spent the past five months - existing - because you made me promise I would! Hoping you would come back to me. Shit, I even decided my Kiss would remain in Puckhaber, when we should have been moving on, because of you! And all the time, you were sleeping with Conal! How the hell did you think that would make me feel?” He stalked away, leaning against the bench wearily. “You should have left me in Sfantu Drâghici - they would have killed me and you would have been free to continue your relationship with that fucking dog without complications!”
The verbal attack hurt no less than if it had been a physical assault. I knew everyone in the other room must be listening, they'd heard every word of our argument. Crossing my arms against my chest, I struggled to keep the tears from falling, but failed miserably. “I told Conal you would be mature about this. Clearly I was very wrong.”
I stalked away, pushing past him and out of the kitchen. Conal met me at the doorway, his expression grim. “Please leave me alone,” I begged quietly. Ignoring the silent stares of everyone in the room, I wrenched open the door and strode out into the steamy Mississippi heat, slamming it shut behind me.
Chapter 7: Choices
I stumbled through the darkness, stomping across the uneven ground until I came to a grave and I slumped onto the edge of the concrete tomb. Furious tears splashed down my cheeks and I scrubbed my hands across my face.
My arm was stinging and the Omias wound was seeping blood again. “Crap.” Retrieving the Hjördis from my pocket, I created yet another healing sigil. The skin healed over, taking longer than usual and it didn't seem to be holding together well.
“I imagine the sigil struggles because of the amount of blood you lost,” Epi suggested quietly, lowering himself onto the tomb beside me. “Ben told me what you did to ensure their safety. Whilst I commend your bravery, I wouldn't recommend a repeat performance. You are one of a kind, child. There is no replacement for your blood.”
I focused on the Hjördis, twisting it over and over against my fingers. “I'm not one of a kind, Epi. Archangelo is still alive.”
“Ben, Ripley and I have been discussing that topic,” Epi remarked. “I had wondered what might happen in the process of creation. Normally a vampire becomes stone-like - their skin is impervious to most weapons and it takes incredible strength to behead one.”
“They're not as impervious as they thought,” I muttered mutinously.
“No. Much to their horror, we have discovered some of the myths from the past have elements of truth in them. As so many do.”
“Will they go back to how they were? Or will they be affected by silver and holy water from now on?”
“We have no way of knowing. Only time will tell.”
“So what's the deal with Archangelo?” I asked curiously. “The Philaris tore into his chest, straight into his heart. He bled like a human.”
Epi sighed, tugging at his tunic. “Yes, he bled like a human, but he is not human. He is a curious mixture of angel and vampire. I believe he is, on some levels, as fragile as you are. But the vampire venom in his system allows him to regenerate.”
I lifted my chin and stared at him. “So he's what? Immortal? He can't be killed?”
“Oh, I'm sure there's a way,” Epi retorted lightly. “We have only to find it.” He patted my knee. “You have to find it.”
“Great.” I stretched my legs out, rotating my ankles to ease the stiffness. “I can't even sort out my own love life, Epi. I wouldn't put too much faith in my abilities right now.”
“Ah, yes,” he said, shifting his weight so he faced me. “Surely you could foresee that your feelings for Conal and Lucas were going to cause some difficulties?”
I twirled the Hjördis between my fingers. “I can't help how I feel.”
“And neither can they.” He sighed, gazing across the moonlit churchyard for a long moment before he spoke again. “The angel blood which runs through your veins is strong and pure, Charlotte. It's that purity which draws everyone to you. It is what draws those two men, vampire and werewolf, to you.”
“Fabulous,” I retorted irritably. I inclined my head towards the church. “Are they killing each other in there?”
Epi allowed himself a brief smile. “I think that was their initial plan. Right now though, they're talking.”
“Talking?” I repeated blankly. I wasn't sure I liked that any idea any more than them coming to blows.
“They are both adults, Charlotte. As much as they share a love for you, they also know they must find a way to work through this. The situation we find ourselves in; the likelihood of war with the Consiliului means both Lucas and Conal have to work together for the greater good. If they talk through this situation like grown men, it must surely be better than fighting one another.”
“I'm not sure I like that idea,” I muttered mutinously. “Couldn't you just do some spell on them both, make them forget any of this ever happened?”
“As I may, or may not have told you recently, I am not some two bit magician,” Epi grumbled. “I most certainly do not use magic on people to adjust their feelings.”
I drew my hair to one side, tying it in a loose knot. “I've made a mess of things,” I admitted sheepishly. “I don't understand how I got into such a disastrous situation.”
Epi watched me, blue eyes scrutinizing me carefully. “You are young, child.” He made it sound as if that explained everything and I thought he'd stopped, but he continued a moment later. “Remember when we talked about love a few weeks ago? When I said there were all types of love?”
I nodded morosely.
“You produce that love, through the purity running through your veins.”
“So this is all my fault.” I kicked at the dirt, stubbing my toe in the process.
“To an extent. It would certainly have been helpful if you had managed to fall in love with only one man,” Epi offered sagely and I scowled at him. “Charlotte, each and every person in there loves you. Even Phelan who struggled with his suspicions. He now loves you, too.”
“You don't think I've got enough problems? He's married, for God's sake!”
Epi sighed. “You think like a recalcitrant teenager. Different types of love, child. All strong, all having a profound effect on those feeling it. Ben and Rowena love you as they would their own child. Striker, Ripley; the Tines as a whole, love you as a sibling. The Tremaine pack, the Lingards' - all have differing but valid reasons. Phelan sees you as a daughter, as does Ralph. Marco regards you as a very cool big sister.” He tapped his fingers against the edge of the tomb. “I feel my own love for you, equivalent, I would suggest, to a grandfather's fondness for his granddaughter. Of course, you can be a painfully infuriating granddaughter - but a beloved one just the same. This is the effect your blood has on the people around you.”
I rubbed my toes through the dirt as I considered his explanation. “So Conal and Lucas - they're both in love with me and there's nothing I can do to fix this? Is that what you're saying?”
"No. You are always looking at things as if there is only one perspective. There is always darkness and light, fire and ice and the spectrum in between. The blood that runs within you, in turn confuses you. It allows you to see things only in the opposing sides of the spectrum, nothing in between. You love strongly; you are capable of hating just as strongly. It's the line in between which blurred for you, purely because of the angel blood.
I forced myself to look at the wizened old man. “I'm sorry, Epi. I'm not following you.”
“Charlotte, your life has been unusual to say the least. As you admitted to me, you grew up an only child before your mother remarried. You had siblings, who were tragically lost before you could develop a true relationship with them. This was followed by a number of years you spent on your own, before you came into contact with the Tine Kiss.”
I twirled the Hj�
�rdis between my fingers thoughtfully. “So - are you trying to tell me I'm emotionally stunted?”
He eyed me patiently. “I'm telling you that you find it difficult to see the trueness of your relationship with these two men. You love them both, it's obvious to us all. But one of them - and I don't know which one - holds something more for you.”
“How do I know? And they both love me - how do I sort this out without hurting them?” Tears brimmed against my lashes. “How do I fix this without losing either of them? I need them both in my life, Epi.”
Epi pulled himself to his feet, smoothing down the front of his tunic. “The answer is within you, Charlotte. I've seen you in the past few months with Conal and now I've seen the way you look at Lucas. The love you feel is evident for both of them. But you need to consider your emotional and psychological relationship with them. They both offer you something you need. Only you can work out which need is the most important.”
He strolled towards the church and I stared after him, dumbfounded by his abrupt departure. “Well, thanks Epi. That's cleared everything up perfectly,” I yelled at his departing back. He waved his arm in response and continued towards the church without pause.
For a long time I sat in the churchyard, immersed in thought and wondering if there was a way of fixing things. I wanted both Lucas and Conal in my life. Despite knowing how selfish it sounded, I couldn't imagine being without either one of them.
The weather was cooling, although humid and sultry, a hint of a slight breeze rose in the night air, relieving the oppressiveness. There were no other sounds, no cars driving by, none of the hustle and bustle that being in the suburbs should produce. I could only assume it was because of the other supernatural creatures who dwelled around here.
I dropped the Hjördis back into my pocket and pulled the Katchet out, twirling it between my fingers. The long thin blade glowed softly in the darkness and I ran my fingers over the sigils marking the golden handle. I ran the tip of the blade lightly across my right hand, studying the vivid red mark where Archangelo's Philaris had sliced into the palm.
Knowledge Hurts Page 6