by Toni Aleo
And I wonder if he’ll still love me when I come onstage as Diamond.
Jude couldn’t come even if I had the balls to ask. He has a game in Chattanooga, which sucks because I had to tell him I couldn’t go, and I had to lie again.
“Can I ask you to blow off Phillip and Reese and have you not be mad?” he asks, pulling me in close. I’m standing between his legs as he leans against my car while we wait for them to finish loading the bus.
“I can’t. We have plans, I’m sorry. Rain check?”
He smiles, hooking his fingers in my belt loops. “I guess. You’re lucky I love you.”
“Yeah, I am,” I say, emotion tickling my throat. “Very lucky.”
“Can I at least get some good-luck loving?” he says, his eyes dark with desire.
“What do you want?” I ask, waggling my eyebrows at him.
He laughs. “I want a piece of this ass,” he says, taking two handfuls of my ass. “But we’re leaving in a bit.”
“Yeah, how about a good-luck kiss?” I ask, looking at him through my eyelashes.
“I love when you do that. You look so innocent and hot. Come here,” he demands and then his mouth is crashing against mine. Roughly we kiss, his hand tangling in my hair as I take a fistful of his sweatshirt, bringing him closer, wanting to mold myself against him.
Parting only to breathe, I move my nose along his. I’m nervous about tonight. My heart is pounding and I know that it’s going to be okay, but I still wish Jude would be there too. Opening my eyes, I say, “Tonight is that investor thing. Wish me luck.”
“I didn’t know that was tonight,” he says, his brow coming up. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
I shrug. “We’ve both been so busy; it’s not a big deal.”
His brows come together as he shakes his head. “Yes, it is. This is important. I would have skipped the game tonight, said I hurt my groin or something.”
I roll my eyes. “No flipping way. It’s fine. I promise.”
He doesn’t say anything for a moment, his eyes searching mine. “I’m a little hurt you didn’t tell me,” he admits, tucking his hands into my pants pockets.
Cupping his face, I smile. “I’m sorry. Don’t be, okay?”
He runs his nose along mine and then nods. “Okay, I assume you’re going up there?”
“Yeah, probably after I’m done with Reese and Phillip. We’re all going together.”
“So you told them?” he asks, his eyes meeting mine, and I can see how much this bothers him.
“I’m sorry, Jude, I swear. I should have told you – you’re right. The only reason they know is ’cause I said I had to be done by nine to get down there.”
Nipping at my lip, he nods. “Okay, I forgive you, but next time, tell me. I want to be there for everything. I want to support you.”
My stomach churns a little as I nod. “I promise. I’m sorry.”
“Okay, well, let me know how it goes. I probably won’t be home till close to one.”
“Sinclair! Let’s go!” someone calls, and I look over to see that it was his coach. Meeting Jude’s gaze, I lean against him, hugging him close. Needing to feel his body against mine.
“Call me after the game. The show doesn’t start till ten. You’ll be done by then, right?” I ask, dusting my lips against his.
“Yeah, I’ll text you.”
“Okay, I love you.”
“I love you more,” he says, pressing his lips to mine again. He kisses me once more and then on my knuckles before saying, “Good luck.”
I smile. “You too.”
He sends me a grin, and I watch as he tucks his headphones in his ears and then heads toward the bus. I wait till they pull out, blowing a kiss to Jude before I slump against my car, letting out a breath. It’s all over after tonight. I won’t ever have to lie again or ever feel like shit the way I do now. I know I have brought this on myself, but I can’t wait till I never have to worry about it again. When I don’t ever have to wear sky-high shoes and dance in a way that disrespects my uncle and my boyfriend. When I started this, I don’t think I really thought it through. I was too blinded by the money. I never wanted to be cold or hungry again. I just wanted to live with the knowledge of being safe. I didn’t think I could hurt anyone, but now after the fight with Phillip, I know I can, and I never want anyone to feel the pain I felt for those six days not knowing what my uncle was thinking.
Now all I need is the love of my family and my man.
That’s it.
Getting in my car, fighting back the tears, I head back to my dorm. I plan on sleeping since it’s going to be a long night, but Jude has other plans, and for the next two hours we talk and bullshit around as he rides to Chattanooga.
Hey Jude: My dad is an asshole.
Me: I could have told u that.
Hey Jude: Yeah, he told my mom she couldn’t drive to Chattanooga for our game. He’s in New York so she isn’t allowed to drive herself. Thankfully Lucy is going to drive her and Jace and Angie.
Me: Wow, what a jerk. I would have driven her, but I’m a bad girlfriend.
Hey Jude: Lol. Yeah u are. U naughty, naughty girl.
I smile.
Me: Stop, ur turning me on.
Hey Jude: Oh yeah? Hmm. I like that it doesn’t take much.
Me: Ha. I bet ur hard just thinking about me being turned on.
Hey Jude: Guilty.
Holding my stomach, I laugh so hard as I roll over to my stomach, holding my phone as I text him.
Me: U r so horny!
Hey Jude: Only for u.
Closing my eyes, I cuddle into my pillow as I look at the screen, wishing it was him instead.
Me: I wish you were here, lying with me.
Hey Jude: I wish I was too, but we’d be doing more than lying.
I laugh as I roll my eyes.
Me: Agreed.
Hey Jude:
Me: I do miss you though. Like a lot.
Hey Jude: I miss you more than that and then some.
Me: I think we should have another Disney night.
Hey Jude: Okay, but I swear if you make me watch Frozen more than once, I will never watch with you again.
Me: You don’t want to build a snowman?
Hey Jude: Shut up.
I can’t type, I’m laughing so hard.
Me: #lolololololololololololololololololol
Hey Jude: #ImGoingToBlowUpURSnowman
Me: You wouldn’t dare!
Hey Jude: Probably not. But no more Frozen.
Me: Okay, promise.
Hey Jude: Thank sweet baby Jesus.
Yawning through my smile, I giggle as I look up at the wall that is fully collaged with pictures of us together. Each one so quirky and full of love. There is one where he’s biting my chin, my ear. Us making funny faces and cuddling. Us kissing and even a picture of us playing a little hockey in the front of the Bullies’ house. He won’t admit it to anyone, but I won that game. When my eyes set on the picture of us with Jayden and then one with his mom, my smile grows. When I get to the one of us with Phillip and Reese at their wedding, my eyes start to cloud with tears.
Looking back at the screen, I text.
Me: I love you. #SoMuchItHurts
Hey Jude: Nothing could ever come close to my love for you. #RealTalk
Me: I’m so glad you chased me all over campus. #HeyJude
Hey Jude: I’m so glad you weren’t a butterface. #HotAllOver #MyBabyIsFine
Holding my phone to my chest, I lose it with laughter as my heart explodes in my chest.
God, I love him.
Chapter 44
Claire
Knowing I have to leave, I rush to the club and still I’m so late.
“Claire! You’re late! Tonight is not the night to be late!” Prissy yells at me as I run by.
“I’m sorry. I overslept!” I call as I rush to my station. Quickly, I change in to the first costume, which is a skimpy little corset and even skimpier black lace panties. Thr
owing in my brown contacts, I do my makeup in record time. I make sure I look perfect before placing the long black lashes and the crystals underneath my eyes to complete my look. As I’m placing my long, straight, blond wig on, I see that I have a text from Phillip.
Phillip: We’re here, front row. Don’t shake your ass in my direction.
For some reason that makes me laugh harder than it should. When my phone sounds again, I look down to see that it’s from Jude.
Hey Jude: Good Luck, hope your dancers don’t mess up. If they do, you can use my hockey stick to break their kneecaps. #JustKidding #kinda
I smile as I paint on my bright red lipstick before puckering my lips and standing up to put my high heels on.
“Claire! Let’s go!” Prissy yells.
“Coming!” I call and then I rush to where everyone is already standing, waiting on me. Standing in my spot behind the black curtain, I pose as everyone wishes me luck, and I do the same to them.
As the music to “Show Me How You Burlesque” starts, the dark black curtain rises, leaving me behind a black lace one with a light shining behind me. Slowly I move in a tantalizing way to the song, but as soon as it picks up in tempo, the curtain opens and I move quickly down the stairs, rotating my hips to the song as my mouth moves with the words. The place is packed something crazy, but the only people I see are my aunt and my uncle clapping along to the song. I can see Phillip shaking his head at my outfit, but a smile sits on his face as I’m joined by every dancer in the club onstage. Quickly we move to hard-hitting steps, enhancing the music on another level.
Snapping our fingers, I lip-synch as I move my body to the music, getting the club pumped before we go back into another sequence of dance moves. Turning, I bend over, shaking my ass, and over my shoulder I can see that Phillip is hiding his face. It cracks me up, but still I work the room like it’s mine.
Which, in a way, it is.
As I strut off the stage, I see Ms. Prissy with a grin as big as Texas, and as I pass by, my fellow dancers smack my ass, saying, “Way to go, baby! Let’s do this!”
Excited, I rush back to my station and get ready for my pole solo so that I can watch the rest of the show. Wearing a crystal-encrusted bra and panty set, I rub glitter lotion all over myself before making sure my wig is tight and secure on my head. I can’t be hanging upside down and the sucker falls off my head. Heading to where Ms. Prissy is standing, I cross my arms and watch as the show goes off without a hitch. Everyone is performing amazingly and pride sizzles in my chest. With the lights and smoke and atmosphere, it makes my choreography look a billion times better.
“The investors are here?” I ask and she nods.
“Yup, sitting up in VIP. I tried to get them drunk, but they aren’t drinking apparently. Bullshit. I’m hoping for a Ms. Prissy’s in Vegas.”
“Or a Ms. Diamond’s,” I say and laugh.
“Or a Ms. Diamond’s,” she agrees.
“Or maybe Prissy’s Diamond’s.”
Looking at me like a mom would her child, she smiles. “Yes, that sounds amazing.”
We share a long look and then both look out where Ellen is moving across the stage like a cat in heat. She’s a wonderful dancer, but she’s more slutty than burlesque. Some of the guys like it, but the older ones are sometimes offended. Not all the time, though. For the next hour, I watch as the girls kill the floor, giving the crowd exactly what they want. My pole solo is last, and when the floor lights come on so that the crew can install my pole, nervousness eats at my heart. This is just me and my pole. That’s it.
When the music to “Cabaret” by Justin Timberlake starts, the lights flash once, and then I come out with a swagger that has everyone hollering for me. Reaching for my pole, I move myself against it before lifting my leg and using the pole as leverage as I lean back, my head almost touching the ground. Doing various poses and leg stretches, I finally get on the pole, spinning around it and giving the crowd a great show. The only thing that bothers me is that I’m pretty sure Phillip didn’t watch a lick of the performance, but the crazy thing was he was the loudest to cheer for me.
He’s so amazing.
As the song ends, the lights shut off and I slowly walk off the stage, stepping on all the money that has been left on the stage for me. Prissy grins at me as I pass by, and for the next few minutes, I count my money and lock it up before changing in to a pair of sweats. I leave my hair and makeup on since I know I’ll be meeting with the investors in a matter of minutes. Picking up my phone, I see that Jude will be home in less than an hour, and I pray that I will be done here.
Looking up at the mirror, I take a long look at myself, and I don’t like what I see. I want to take all this stuff off because it’s not me. I sorta don’t want to be Diamond anymore. As I take in the long, fake lashes, the dark makeup around my eyes, my lips done up to be bigger and fuller, my straight, blond wig, the dark brown eyes, I don’t like it. I know that if I get a job as a burlesque choreographer, I’ll have to be glamorous, but I can be me. I want to be Claire. I look around my area, and I’m not sad at all to pack up my things. Not one bit. I’ll miss the people, I’ll miss my friends, but I’m going to bigger and better things, with the love and respect of my family and Jude.
When Reese and Phillip come into my line of sight, I turn in my seat to grin at them.
“You were so good!” Reese says excitedly.
“Thanks!” I gush as I stand to hug them.
“Really good. Great job; it was amazing,” Phillip says, and I beam with pride.
“Thanks, I’m really happy. Hopefully, the investors like me,” I say, my hands fidgety at my sides.
“I know they will,” Phillip assures me. His eyebrows pull together and he says, “I really don’t like you as a blonde.”
I laugh. “Hey, it’s so no one knows it’s me.”
“I knew from first glance,” he says and I smile. “I know that face.”
“Me too, but that’s ’cause we know and love you so much,” Reese says with a loving grin.
“So what are you doing now?” Phillip asks.
“I’m waiting for the investors or Ms. Prissy or something. I’m ready to go. Jude should be back in town in a bit.”
He nods. “Okay, well, Reese is supertired, so we’re going to go. I’ll wait up to hear from you.”
I wave him off. “Don’t. I’ll call you guys in the morning.”
“Are you sure?” he asks uncertainly. “I don’t want to leave, but she’s about to pass out.”
“True, this baby is sucking my life away,” Reese says, but she doesn’t seem upset about it. “Don’t be mad.”
“Not at all. I don’t know how long this is going to be, so don’t worry about it. I’ll call y’all in the morning.”
“Okay,” Phillip says, kissing my forehead. “Good job tonight.”
“Thanks,” I say as Reese hugs me tightly.
I say bye, watching as they head out the back door before falling back in my seat to wait. Crossing my legs, I only have to wait a few more minutes before Ms. Prissy is coming around the corner with three men. All three are in expensive suits, all looking very important and serious from what I see as they walk behind Ms. Prissy to me. Today, surprisingly, Ms. Prissy is wearing a pantsuit, one that isn’t leather. Guess she really does want to impress. When she grins at me, I smile back as I stand.
“This is Diamond. She’s the choreographer of most of the numbers you saw today. She’s the one y’all want to see,” she says as she glances back at them. Looking back at me, she says, “Diamond, honey, these fine men are our guests for the night.”
With a bright grin, I say sweetly, “Nice to meet y’all.”
Two of the men smile, but I can’t see the third. When he does step into the light, time stops.
“Diamond, this is Don Jackson from Vegas, Bruce Phillips from Florida, and Mark Sinclair from New York.”
Oh. My. God.
Mark Sinclair.
Jude’s dad.
/> I stand there as the three men look me over, all with smiles on their faces, and when Mr. Sinclair’s eyes linger on my naughty bits, my stomach churns with disgust. When his eyes meet mine, I look away but feel his gaze on me as I say, “Thank you for coming out. I hope you enjoyed the show.”
I try to make my voice higher. I’m not sure if he remembers how I talk, but just in case, I make sure to alter it even more.
“I did, very much,” Don says with a nod. “So much so that I want to offer you the opportunity of your life.”
“Really?” I ask, my heart speeding up. I’m not sure if it’s from the excitement of Don’s deal or if it’s from the fact that Mr. Sinclair has not stopped staring at me.
“Let’s go into my office,” Ms. Prissy suggests.
The next thing I know, I’m sitting behind Ms. Prissy’s desk with the three men in front of me. Mr. Sinclair’s eyes have yet to leave my face, and my palms are clammy from the nerves. As much as I want to know what these men have to offer, I want to get the hell out of here. I thought Mr. Sinclair was a lawyer; why the hell is he doing investor shit? Does Jude know? Does anyone know?
“I’ll go first,” Mr. Sinclair says, and I force myself to look him in the eyes. Surely he doesn’t recognize me, but I can see him trying to place me in his mind. His eyes roam over each of my features as he says, “I think you’ve heard my deal, twenty-grand signing bonus, with an annual contract of seventy-five grand, and full management of Ms. Prissy’s in New York.”
When Bruce scoffs, Mr. Sinclair shoots him a dark look, but that doesn’t derail him. Looking at me, Bruce says, “We want to sign you for three years, fifty-thousand dollar signing bonus, a hundred-grand yearly contract, and free rein at the Ms. Prissy’s in Miami. We will give you lodging, a new car, and a clothing budget. You will be treated like the queen you are, Ms. Diamond.”
Holy mother of God. I knew the New York deal was going to be crap, but I never expected the Florida deal to be so amazing.
My lips go to form the word yes, but before they can, Don says, “Ms. Diamond – by the way, is that your real name?”