Her smile, her laugh, her beautiful eyes and smoothed legs had been enough of a distraction and I didn’t want it to end. She made me feel good in ways that I hadn’t experienced in a very long time. No woman had ever had that effect on me and it scared me to death just thinking about her going home to Jared and not feeling the same way I did.
I knew that if she broke up with him, I wouldn’t be a rebound guy. She’s made it clear to me in the last six days, that she doesn’t really love him. She’s been hiding her true feelings with the comfort of knowing that she isn’t going home to an empty house. I wanted her to come to my house. I wanted her to meet Cheyenne. I just—wanted her.
She deserves so much better and I will fight to prove it to her. I need to be true to myself. I can’t hide or lie anymore.
I love her. I love her? I love her!
I stared into her eyes behind her mask as the music played around us while we danced. The night was coming to an end and I needed to show her. I could only talk so much, I needed to take some sort of action. I needed to show her that I wanted to be more than friends for once. She’s got me thinking a lot of crazy things—like love and it wasn’t making me scared.
The way we were dancing would portray that we were in love. I spun her around and around and falling more in love with her as we laughed and never left each other. I knew we were perfect for each other. No woman had ever moved me the way Brooke did.
The DJ slowed the tempo a bit, changing the song to It Will Rain by Bruno Mars and the opening verse rang true to me. If she didn’t go home and break up with Jared, my life would be dark again. I would go back to hiding my feelings with random women.
“You know this isn’t goodbye, right?” I whispered into her ear.
She leaned back, lifting her head from my shoulder. “I know,” she nodded with a sad smile.
I couldn’t last any longer. If I didn’t show her tonight, I may never have another chance. Cupping her face with both hands, her mask beneath my fingers, I leaned in and tasted her. My lips pressed into hers, parting a little as she mimicked mine. My body instantly relaxed, my tongue slipping in and licking against hers. I felt her body relax too, her hands around my neck tightened as she deepened the kiss.
The people dancing in the room around us disappeared and I thought of nothing but the way she let a whisper of a moan escape her mouth into mine. I’d never had a kiss as intense as the way we were kissing. It made me forget my own name, made me forget to breath—I couldn’t think of anything but that moment. It was a feeling I’d never known, felt better than any other kiss over my thirty-one years. Better than the first kiss I ever had with my neighbor, Page, growing up.
The kiss made perfect sense.
My dick started to stiffen in my black tux pants, my head spinning as I leaned forward, ours bodies flush and still swaying to the words of the song. She rubbed her body directly on my cock, moaning again as our tongues swirled around each other and it became hard to breath. I wasn’t pulling away. If I died from kissing her, I would die happy.
But then everything came crashing down. I felt Brooke stiffen beneath me and I wanted to go back ten seconds and capture the way everything was perfect. To never let go of that feeling and to kiss her for the rest of my life.
But, I kissed her. I fucking kissed her. I couldn’t take it anymore and now I’m here with her in my arms, pretending that it didn’t happen. Her body was still tense against my body as we danced, but I just wanted her to relax. I shouldn’t have kissed her. I thought she wanted it. I’d seen the way she looked at me. Seen the way she was staring at me when she thought I was sleeping.
I was so far off my game it was ridiculous. Easton Crawford doesn’t let women regret being with him. I give them what they wanted and they’d give me what I wanted.
Fuck, I shouldn’t have kissed her, but I just couldn’t wait any longer. Tomorrow she would be back in Boston and I might never get the chance again. I had to know what her lips tasted like and they fucking tasted—perfect.
“I…I’m tired. I’m going to call it a night,” Brooke said, leaving my arms and walked out the doors.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck—fuck!
*~*~*
I tossed and turned all night, replaying the moment Brooke’s lips and mine met. The way they felt, the way they tasted like a mix of cranberry and champagne, the way her body tensed after she felt my cock pressed into her and the way I forgot everything but her for a moment in time.
When we got back to the room, she showered and then went to bed. Everything was awkward. We didn’t say more than a few words to each other and now the sun was starting to rise and I knew that we would arrive back in Los Angeles at any moment.
I reached for my cell, turned it on and waited for it to boot. After a few seconds, it turned on and read that it was six fifty. I got up, quietly getting into the shower and replayed the evening over and over again in my head. I couldn’t believe that I fucked everything up. Everything was perfect between us. The kiss was perfect—almost.
After some time, I stepped out, grabbing a towel to dry myself off and slipped on my boxers and jeans. I looked into the steamy mirror, scolding myself for fucking things up with Brooke and not having time to fix them.
The Captain announced over the loud speaker that rooms would be called shortly when it was time to deboard. I exited the bathroom into an empty room. My heart dropping as I realized Brooke left without even a goodbye.
Walking to my bed, I picked up my phone to look at the time—seven thirty. I groaned, setting it onto the nightstand between the two beds and noticed a torn receipt with her writing.
Easton,
This isn’t goodbye. I need time to think and figure out what I need to do with Jared. I know things are awkward right now, but I’ve never cheated on someone before. My head is fucked up. Please forgive me and give me time.
Brooke
“I’m in love!” Avery said, barreling into the room as I finished reading the note for the tenth time.
I hadn’t moved from the spot that I sat down on my bed to read the note from Brooke. Looking up I question, “What?”
“I’m in love, dude.”
“Good for you.”
“What the fuck is your problem?”
“Nothing,” I said, folding the flimsy paper and stuck it in my pocket.
The girls were gone—or at least we wouldn’t see them again for a long time. I had no idea that I wouldn’t get to say goodbye to Brooke. If her note was true, I didn’t fuck up, but how much time will she need? She didn’t even leave me her phone number. Does that mean she doesn’t want me to contact her? She wants me to wait for her?
“Why are you in a bad mood? I’m the one leaving the one I love.”
Usually with Avery’s talk about love and shit, wouldn’t piss me off. I would usually say or think that you can’t fall in love with someone so fast and laugh at him, but I was in love with Brooke and it was the same amount of time as he and Nicole had been together—actually longer if you consider the ten minutes we stood side by side during the safety speech.
“I kissed Brooke and she didn’t say goodbye. Sue me alright?”
“She didn’t say goodbye?” he asked.
We were both going around the room, getting our shit together, making sure I hadn’t left anything and getting ready to leave.
“Yeah,” I sighed.
“Wow, you fucked up.”
“I know.” Even though Brooke told me in the note that I didn’t fuck up, I felt like I did. I felt like I would never see her again. The girl that stole my heart, left with just a note. “Let’s talk about you. I don’t want to talk about this shit.”
“Dude, Nicole is—fuck man, she is fucking…I can’t even comprehend how fucking amazing she is and not just in bed. I’ve never had this connection with anyone before.”
I knew exactly what he meant. We didn’t need to talk about it anymore. The difference between Avery and Nicole and Brooke and I, was that they got to
experience the whole package: emotional and physical. Brooke and I shared something on the emotional level. A level that scared the shit out of me, but a level I wanted to dive head first in.
*~*~*
“Daddy!” Cheyenne screamed as she opened the door from the front seat to rush to me.
Bill and my Peanut picked Avery and me up at the docks once we deboarded the ship. I had no idea how long they waited for us, but it took over an hour for them to call our room number. We didn’t see the girls leaving the ship, didn’t see them in customs, and didn’t see them waiting for any of the buses for the airport.
“Hey, Peanut, I’ve missed you so much!” I dropped my bags, picked Cheyenne up in my arms and twirled her around as I hugged the shit out of her.
After a few spins, I kissed her cheek and set her down. She hugged Avery and she and I got in the backseat of Bill’s car while Avery got shotgun after putting our bags in the trunk.
“Hey,” I said to Bill in the driver’s seat.
“Have fun?”
“It was awesome!” Avery answered.
“I got you something Peanut,” I said, reaching into my pocket.
Cheyenne’s eyes lit up bright. “You did?”
“Of course.” I handed her a bag that was folded small enough to fit in my pocket.
What do you get your kid when you go on a trip to Mexico. A trip where it’s legal to drink at eighteen and there are more people half your age partying than you yourself. I had no idea what to get Cheyenne when Avery and I left the girls in Cabo to venture off. I looked at t-shirts, but figured she would grow out of them. I looked at magnets, but thought those were lame for a ten-year-old. I looked at candy, but I figured my girl would be grossed out by a worm in a sucker. Then, I looked at jewelry.
My eyes ventured to the sea mammals and instantly went to the sea lion. It was a gift for Cheyenne, but it was also a story I could tell her. A story about how me, Avery, Brooke and Nicole swam with a sea lion named Cassandra in Puerto Vallarta.
At first the look on her face was “you gave me a necklace of a sea lion? You could have at least given me one of a dolphin dad!”, but as I told her the story, she instantly loved it.
She hugged me tight, thanking me and I didn’t let her go until we arrived at our hotel. Our flight to JFK wasn’t until the morning and Avery, Cheyenne and I were staying in a hotel for the night. After Bill dropped us off, Avery and I took Cheyenne to the indoor pool, played Marco Polo for an hour or so and then ate room service after we all showered.
Cheyenne told us all about her week; how she went to Disneyland and California Adventure, visited Dana’s grave and took in a pre-season game of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Avery was bummed that his parents couldn’t at least meet us half way for dinner or something, but he quickly forgot or at least pretended to as he talked to Nicole until she boarded her plane.
I didn’t bring up Brooke and apparently she didn’t bring me up either because Avery only talked about himself and occasionally made kissing noises in the phone.
Fucking pussy whipped bastard!
As I listened to Avery snore and Cheyenne texting on her phone instead of watching the Pay-per-view movie we ordered, I couldn’t stop thinking about Brooke and how she schooled me about becoming a better father. Before the sun set, I decided I needed to go to Dana’s grave and talk to her myself. Cheyenne found comfort in doing so, and I needed to talk to her about introducing Cheyenne to Brooke, like I needed her approval.
“Hey, can you watch Cheyenne for like an hour?” I asked Avery, shaking him a little to wake him up.
“Of course. What’s up?” he asked after adjusting to his surroundings.
“I need to run an errand.”
He looked at me with a skeptical look. “Okay…? Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, I just need to clear my head.”
I told Peanut that I needed to step out for a bit and called a taxi to come and pick me up to bring me to the cemetery. I didn’t know what I would say when I got there, but I couldn’t stop thinking about her giving me the approval I sought about Brooke.
I knew Brooke was genuine and would do nothing to hurt Cheyenne, but I just needed to talk to Dana. Some might think it’s crazy to talk to a grave stone, but since Dana died before Cheyenne was old enough to really know her, it was a way that she felt like she could see and talk to her mother. When she did, we left her alone and let her tell her whatever she wanted.
I had the cab stop at a grocery store first. I ran in to get some flowers and then continued to the cemetery. Once I was there, I walked slowly to her grave, trying to think of what I was going to say. No one was around as the sun set and the taxi waited for me to finish.
Taking a deep breath, I placed the white roses on Dana’s tombstone, got down on my knees and began to tell her about the last seven days. I started by telling her how sorry I was and then I started from the beginning when I met Brooke. The way Brooke tried to set me up with women and how I never left her side. How I didn’t have eyes for anyone else. How her smile turned me into a lovesick fool and how I fell in love with her.
“So I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I know you’re probably laughing at me, right? Anyway…” I started to say, then cleared my throat. “Every day I regret the way I acted the last time I saw you. Everything was my fault. If I would have been a better man—a better friend, we would have never been at the courthouse and you would have never left mad. You wouldn’t have died that day. And I’m sorry. I never want to feel the way I did that day again.
“It’s taken me a long time to realize how much of an asshole I was. I blamed you for years; blamed your nagging ways and how you tricked me into staying with you instead of living my dream of playing Major League Baseball. When you died, I was so lost. I didn’t know how to be a single father—didn’t want to be a single father.
“I always thought that you would be here, to help me raise our baby girl, but you’re not. I’m sorry. I’m truly fucking sorry. I’m sorry for being a jackass and sorry that you died not happy. I never imagined Cheyenne growing up without you and not seeing how much of a good person you truly were. To see how much she looks like you. I’m sorry you didn’t get to say goodbye to her. I’m sorry that she didn’t get to say goodbye to you.
“I show her pictures, but they’re not enough. She looks so much like you. She has your smile, your eyes and your attitude. She needs a mother, Dana. I can’t let my mother be her only mother figure. She needs a mother and a grandmother. Fuck, she needs a better father. I’m going to change that.”
I paused taking a moment to wipe a few tears from my face.
“I know you’re looking down on us from heaven and I want you to know that I met a girl. She’s amazing. She makes me laugh and I haven’t truly laughed in a long time. She called me out on my shit about how I’m raising Cheyenne and never letting a girl get close to me. But you know what I think? I think you sent her to me. It just took a long time for you to find her for me—or maybe you knew all along. Maybe you’re the one that made me move to New York where it’s closer to Boston. Maybe you’re the one that made Avery and I go on the cruise because you know I would have never done such a thing.
“I miss you Dana. I never told you, but I hated seeing you cry when you were mad at me. How you cried when you found out that I cheated on you. Hated the shit I put you through—the shit I said to you. I’m surprised you never cut my dick off while I was sleeping.” I paused again, laughing a little at the image of her actually cutting my cock off.
“You never deserved any of it. You deserved someone better. Someone that wouldn’t have put you through hell. I hope up in heaven you’ve found that person. Someone that has shown you what a woman deserves.
“Anyway, I need to wrap this up. The taxi driver is waiting for me and so are Cheyenne and Avery back at the hotel. I just wanted you to know that I plan on Cheyenne meeting Brooke. I plan on her being in my life forever, so if you don’t want her to be in my life, yo
u need to take her from me. I deserve that. But Brooke deserves to be happy too and I will make her happy. I promise.
“I know that I don’t always live up to my promises, but in this case, I will. You were my first love and I’m positive that Brooke is my last love. She needs to dump the loser boyfriend she has and when she does, I’m going to show her that men can change. I’m going to take every fight we had, every fuck up I did when we were together and never do or say any of that again. I’m going to love the shit out of her and I know Cheyenne will too. Brooke’s special. So please, give me a sign that I shouldn’t be with her or please take me to her—I need her.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Brooke
I woke up to the sound of running water. I didn’t sleep well, tossing and turning as I thought about how much of an idiot I was. Easton was in the shower, and I felt like running. I didn’t know how to react towards him after I turned our kiss into the most awkward moment of my life.
I’d been imagining his lips on mine, and then when they were, I enjoyed the feel of them until I remembered Jared at home. I knew I was going to break up with Jared, but I believed in karma, and I couldn’t cheat on him and feel good about being with Easton.
I needed time.
As I gathered my luggage, my right arm and shoulder were in the worst pain I had ever felt. I’d gotten a massage the day before and hoped that it would make it better, but it made it worse. It felt like the muscles were inflamed, like they were angry with me. I was fucking angry at them!
When will the pain go away?
With my hand on the doorknob, I turned, looking for a piece of paper to write Easton a note. This was the coward’s way out, but when my heart was telling me to do something that my head wasn’t, I tended to freak out.
I wanted Easton, but I needed to do it right.
I was struggling with falling out of love with Jared and falling in love with Easton. I was scared. Jared had been a part of my life for a long time, like a comfort blanket. The more I got to know Easton, the more I fell in love with him and out of love with Jared. I’d never experienced that before. I didn’t love two men at once; I loved one, and he wasn’t my boyfriend.
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