Tattooed Dots

by Kimberly Knight

  I tried to focus on doing some work now that I had something to look forward to. Before I could get engrossed in all my work emails that I had missed from being on vacation and going to the doctor the day before, Nicole called on my work phone:

  “Hey, it’s me. How are you holding up?”

  “Better. Easton just texted me.”

  “I see how it is. Hot men always win over yogurt. Sorry I didn’t cheer you up more last night.”

  “Stop being a bitch.” I laughed slightly.

  “Yay! That made you laugh.”

  “Get to the point,” I said, twirling the cord of my office phone. “I’m at work, and you know Ian doesn’t like us to take personal calls.”

  She sighed before she began. “Doctor Sam talked to the radiologist and a surgeon. They want you to have a CT.”

  “Okay, when?”

  “Since it’s in-house and I work magic, I can get you in tomorrow.”

  “Maybe I should just take the rest of the week off.”

  “I’m sorry, B. Doctor Sam and I are pulling all the strings since you’re my best friend.”

  “I know.” I sighed.

  “Hey, hold on for a second.”

  “Okay,” I said, resting my head on the back of my office chair.

  She put me on hold, and elevator music played in the receiver. I knew I would need more testing, I just didn’t know I would have it so soon. I was angry with my first doctor who told me that it was a pulled muscle and didn’t even touch my shoulder. If she had just taken the time to get an X-ray, I would know if I had cancer or not by now. I would probably already have the damn thing removed!

  Not only did she not touch me when I went to her after I first hurt my shoulder, but she just kept prescribing me medication to mask the pain. No matter how much I told her that nothing was helping, she wasn’t listening.

  “Sorry, B. Doctor Sam just came in, and she wants you to have a biopsy done, too.”

  “Okay, just schedule me for whatever.” I sighed again.

  The last few days, I noticed that I did a lot of sighing. It was as if the more I sighed, the more the weight on my shoulders would disappear. I didn’t want to deal with any of it. If I never had gone bowling, would I not know about the tumor? So many thoughts were running through my head. Things I could have done different. I couldn’t imagine if I had cancer. The mention of a biopsy scared the shit out of me.

  Nicole placed me on hold while she did—something. After about five minutes of being on hold and Michael Buble serenading me, she returned to the line. “I scheduled your biopsy for Saturday.”

  “Saturday?”

  “Yeah, it’s at the hospital, not here. That way, I can go with you.”

  “Thank you,” I sobbed, and started to tear up. No one usually took care of me, and just the thought of Nicole coming with me and also being there for my procedures made me cry happy tears.

  I didn’t know how she was getting me into everything so fast, but I didn’t care. The quicker I had everything done, the sooner I would be pain free.

  *~*~*

  I wasn’t much use as an employee with all the medical procedures rolling around in my head. After I told Lucy about the tumor and assured her that I had been in the office the whole time, I went home for the day—well, the week. If Ian had a problem with me taking sick time, he could go fuck himself.

  As I sulked towards my front door, I heard giggling on the inside. I thought that maybe Nicole called Bailee and told her about my tumor, but when I opened the door and saw Jared sitting on the couch with Tramp Tarah, I lost my shit.

  “What the fuck?” I yelled, slamming the door behind me.

  “Brooke, it’s not what you think,” Jared said, standing and putting his hands up defensively.

  “Really? You have another girl in our apartment and it’s not what I think?” I asked, placing my hands on my hips.

  “I should go,” Tramp Tarah murmured.

  “You might as well take this asshole with you!” I shouted, pointing to Jared.

  “Brooke, let me explain,” Jared said, stepping towards me.

  I took a step back. “Explain what? Explain that you’re fucking cheating on me? Explain that you were with her when you were supposed to pick me up at the airport? Explain that you were with her when I found out I have a tumor in my shoulder and might have cancer?”

  “Tumor? Cancer? Wait. What are you talking about?”

  “It doesn’t fucking matter. Just get the fuck out!”

  “I live here. too!”

  “You have some balls if you think I’m going to stay in the same apartment as you when you’re a lying cheating bastard!” I said, turning his X-Box on.

  “What are you doing? Put my shit down,” Jared said, reaching to turn the X-Box off.

  I nudged him out of the way. “No!”

  “Brooke, just let me explain. Tarah’s my friend.”

  “Do you think that I’m an idiot?” I said, pulling Call of Duty from the slot.

  “Seriously, put my shit back!”

  I looked up at him as he hovered over me, holding the CD in my hands. Without a word, I snapped the game in half.

  “What the fuck? You didn’t seriously just break my game!”

  “Oh, I did. And I’m not done!”

  “I’ve never put a hand on a woman before, but if you break my X-Box, I’m going to kill you!”

  “You wouldn’t…” I said, looking him in the eye.

  Something inside me snapped more. I ripped the X-Box from the wall, and threw it on the carpeted floor. It did nothing but bounce a little. I was so pissed off that I started to stomp on it. It crushed beneath my black ballet slippers, and I continued to jump on it, hurting my feet in the process, but I didn’t care.

  The X-Box was his heart, and I felt like crushing it.

  I didn’t love Jared like I thought I did, but walking in on your boyfriend with another woman isn’t a fairytale worth living no matter how unhappy you are with him. He had no idea that I wanted to break up with him and that I was in love with Easton. and it felt good watching him freak out and gather the pieces of the crushed box.

  “You’re fucking crazy, and you’re going to buy me a new one.”

  “You want to see crazy?” I ran into the bedroom, pulling open the walk-in closet door with too much force. I stumbled back as I almost fell back on my ass. I grabbed an armful of clothes that was hanging and walked towards the front door.

  “What are you doing?” he asked, racing to the front door.

  He wasn’t in time. I threw his clothes over the railing of my second floor apartment. I didn’t know where Tarah went, but I was thankful she left the door open when she left.

  “Get the fuck out and have your tramp buy you a new one!” I said, coming back to the crushed X-Box and throwing a big chunk at his head.

  He ducked before it hit him, and it shattered against the white wall. After he told me I was crazy a few more times, he finally got the hint and left. I stared at the broken pieces as I sat around them and texted Nicole:

  Me: I went home early from work and walked into my apartment where Jared and Tramp Tarah were watching TV on MY couch.

  I knew she wouldn’t respond until she got off work and I had another text to make anyway.

  Me: I did it! I broke up with Jared.

  I set my phone on the kitchen counter as I grabbed a glass of water and took two pain pills. My shoulder was on fire from my rage. I grabbed my phone when I heard a text come in:

  Easton: Are you okay?

  Me: More than okay. I walked in on him cheating on me.

  My phone started to ring in my hand and Easton’s name popped up.

  “I’m a fucking idiot,” I groaned without a hello.

  “Want me to kill him for you?”

  I smiled at his offer. “No. I don’t think I can survive on only conjugal visits with you.”

  “Oh, so there will be sex in our future?” I could hear the smile in his voice.
>
  I felt like a hypocrite for already moving on from Jared, but it also felt good that I didn’t give into temptation on the cruise. I wanted my relationship with Easton to start off with a clean slate.

  “There is definitely sex in our future. How does this weekend sound?” I smiled back, just thinking about him naked.

  “Damn, you don’t take things slow,” he teased.

  “Not when I’ve been wanting to do it for ten days now.”

  “You’ll need to come here. I can’t leave Cheyenne again. Being away a week…”

  I cut him off. “Right, Cheyenne. Sorry, I was caught up in the moment. I can’t come there.”

  “Oh…”

  “I’m having a biopsy done on Saturday,” I said and sunk into the couch, but quickly sprang up, remembering Tramp Tarah and Jared were just on it doing God knows what. “And I have to burn my couch.”

  “I’ll figure something out. I really want to see you.”

  “I really want to see you, too,” I sighed, looking around at the disaster I created.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Easton

  “So…I met someone,” I said to my mother as she started to take a bite of her salad.

  “Are you trying to kill me? You could have waited until I didn’t have a mouth full of food!”

  “Sorry, I just couldn’t wait any longer,” I said, taking a bite of my pastrami sandwich.

  Since the first day I met Brooke, most of my thoughts were of her. I was still trying to wrap my head around all the emotions I was feeling for her. I wanted to talk to her every second I had, I wanted to drive to Boston and wrap her in my arms—fuck, I just wanted her.

  If her tumor was cancerous, I didn’t want to waste any time being without her. I wasted a lot of time when I could have been a better person to Dana. I didn’t want to make the same mistakes. I felt different when I was with Brooke, felt a different way towards her. Dana was my first love, but the more I thought about it, I thought that Brooke was my soul mate.

  I’d never believed in soul mates before—that was Avery’s state of mind, but I was starting to change my mind. Brooke was in my thoughts, in every song I heard, in every TV show and movie I watched, and in my heart.

  “Did you meet her on the cruise?” My mother was grinning wide.

  “Yes.”

  “When do I get to meet her?”

  “That’s the thing. What if it doesn’t work out? What if I introduce her to Cheyenne and she gets attached, and then I fuck it up and we don’t work out?”

  “Just take it slow and when the time is right, you’ll know that it’s okay to introduce her to Chey.”

  “I can’t take it slow. She might have cancer.”

  “Oh my!” she gasped.

  “She needs me. She doesn’t have anyone except her best friend, who is now in love with Avery.”

  “I’m so confused. Her best friend knows Av?”

  “Yeah, we all met on the cruise.”

  “Oh.”

  “They got close on the cruise, and Brooke and I got close on the cruise.”

  “Brooke—that’s a lovely name.”

  “I know.” I paused to take a sip of my beer. “I fell in love with her on the cruise—before any of us knew that she had a tumor, and I can’t get her out of my head. I just want to be with her, but if she dies…” I shook my head at the thought and started to tear up.

  “Oh honey,” she reached over and grabbed my hand.

  “If she dies and Cheyenne is attached—I just can’t do that to her again.”

  “East—Baby, Dana’s death was not your fault.”

  “If I had never cheated on her—if I was a better husband, we wouldn’t have been at the courthouse, and she wouldn’t have been driving on that street.”

  “Oh Honey, you know we aren’t very religious, but God works in mysterious ways. It was her time. Nothing you could have done or not done would have prevented her death. Who’s to say that she wouldn’t have been running an errand and the same accident wouldn’t have happened? Her death was not your fault, and you need to stop beating yourself up. You need to move on and let love in again.”

  “But what if Brooke dies and my heart is ripped from my chest again—from Cheyenne’s chest?”

  “People fight cancer all the time.”

  “That’s true. She is strong. She raised her sister from the age of thirteen.”

  “Where were her parents?”

  I told my mom everything that Brooke told me about her mother not being there for her, how she doesn’t know who her father is and how her sister is in college. I also told her about Brooke’s tumor and that she was having a biopsy done on Saturday. She told me not to worry about anything until Brooke got the results of the biopsy. But that was easier said than done.

  I was freaking out, and I could only imagine how Brooke was feeling on the inside. When I called her, we didn’t really talk about it. I didn’t want to bring it up, and I was trying to distract her.

  If Brooke were to have cancer, I would be there to help her fight it—no matter what.

  “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you this way. You know it makes me happy, right?” Her eyes were glossy as she spoke.

  “What? That I’m in love?”

  “Yes. This means I might get more grandchildren.”

  “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I don’t even know if she wants kids after having raised her sister, and I’ve only known her for two weeks.”

  “Alright, alright,” she said, holding her hands up in defense. “I just haven’t seen you in love since Dana.”

  “I know,” I said, smiling as I remembered Brooke’s smile.

  My mother wiped the corner of her eye with her white linen napkin.

  After we finished our lunches, I paid and kissed her goodbye, then headed back to Halo to talk to Avery before hitting the gym. Avery mentioned that he was going to Boston for the weekend to see Nicole, and I needed to find out the details so I could leave Saturday morning when I got off work.

  I wanted to surprise Brooke, and my mother agreed to watch Cheyenne on Sunday until I got home. Usually Cheyenne woke up to me cooking breakfast Sunday mornings. I didn’t feel comfortable leaving Cheyenne after I had just spent a week without her, but my mother assured me that I needed to be there for Brooke. She would tell Cheyenne that she missed her and wanted to spend extra time with her.

  *~*~*

  I convinced Avery to not tell Nicole or Brooke that I was coming. If Avery were to tell Nicole, she would probably spill the beans, and I just wanted to see Brooke’s face and make her feel good before going in for the biopsy. I also just wanted to see her. I missed her laugh, her smile and her sense of humor. Everything was just better in person, and I was counting down the days. Avery found out that the procedure wasn’t until noon, and that was cutting it close, but I was going to make it, no matter if I had to get a speeding ticket doing it. I was going to be there for her.

  Wednesday and Thursday night after Cheyenne’s softball practice, I talked to Brooke on the phone. It felt like we were on the cruise again and in the tiny room as we laid on the twin beds. Our conversation never faltered, and I tried giving her advice about Jared, but I didn’t want her to go back to him. He came back on Wednesday for his things, and Brooke and Nicole watched him like a hawk while he boxed up his shit.

  Brooke told me how he begged her to forgive him—that the girl was just a friend, but Brooke didn’t believe him. Hell, I didn’t believe him. I was once a cheater myself, and I knew how to work the system. Jared didn’t expect Brooke to come home early from work, and when she did, the cat was out of the bag and the shit hit the fan.

  I couldn’t believe she smashed his X-Box and snapped his game in half. It actually terrified me, but I would never do such a thing to her now. I’ve been there and done that, and I’ve grown.

  Brooke knew something was off when she came home from the cruise to an apartment not lived in. I told her that he probably stayed
at the girl’s place because he kinda had a conscience to not fuck a girl on her bed. She was relieved, but still bought new sheets—new sheets I couldn’t wait to christen.

  We talked about my superstar out on the softball field. I didn’t know that Brooke played growing up, but it made me that much more excited about the possibility that she could teach Cheyenne how to play, too.

  Everything I found out about Brooke made her that more perfect for me. It slightly scared me, but excited me even more.

  Every day, I couldn’t wait to talk to her. I was trying to play it cool and not act like a total girl, but I craved her. I wanted to show her that I was there for her, and I was going to figure out how to be with her. Long distance relationships don’t always work out, but I was determined to make this one last.

  When I wanted something or someone, I made it work.

  If she were to have cancer, I was moving her in with me so I could take care of her. I didn’t care that I’d only known her for two weeks. Being with her for twenty-four hours a day on the cruise, made the time seem longer. I wanted this—I wanted her. Just like my dad once told me, Brooke made my dick hard when she walked into a room, and she put a smile on my face at the same time. That’s when you know you’re in love.

  Just hearing her voice on the phone each day and night did the same thing. I wanted to show her what she had been missing by being with a loser like Jared. I’d jerked off every night after we hung up the phone, and then went to sleep dreaming about her. I was a total mess, but I liked it—loved it. Usually, I would jerk off to porn, but just remembering her smile and laugh was all I needed to get off.

  I wished Brooke luck when I spoke with her Friday before I had to start my shift at the bar. She thought that I wouldn’t get to talk to her before her procedure. I planned to call her from the road, but she didn’t know that. I knew she was scared, but I assured her that she was in good hands with Avery and Nicole. I’d even given flowers to Avery to bring to her to let her know that I was thinking of her.

  “You are to never give me shit again,” Avery said as I handed him the red roses.