‘MC tattoo?’ I asked, tracing the outline of one of the eagle’s wings, my fingers lingering on the dripping blood.
Eddie looked at me, reaching out to push the covers further down over my hip. ‘Aye. It is.’
‘Is it true what they say? About these clubs sometimes being like a surrogate family for some people? Is that what it was like for you?’
He moved onto his side, so he was facing me. ‘They were there when I needed them, Lana. That’s all. And I guess I ended up liking the warped sense of security these places can provide.’
I smiled, moving that little bit closer to him, the heat of his body as it touched mine charging my senses and feeding my habit like a shot of caffeine. ‘I could give you a new tattoo, if you like. I’m not a complete novice anymore.’
In a move so quick I didn’t even have time to think about putting up a protest, he’d pushed me onto my back, his hands pinning mine to the pillows either side of my head. ‘You may be the most beautiful woman I have ever had in my bed, darlin’, but you ain’t coming anywhere near me with a needle in your hand.’
I laughed, a low, husky laugh I hadn’t even known I was capable of. The things this man could do to me! The way he could make me feel…
‘You should get more, though.’ His eyes scanned my naked body, his grip on my hands showing no signs of loosening. It was a strangely erotic sensation, because that was the only part of him that was touching me – his hands. Yet, it felt as though every inch of my skin was pressing against his. ‘Those hips of yours would look fucking incredible with ink snaking around them… all the way up your back. And those tits…’
I closed my eyes, throwing my head back as his knee nudged my legs apart, and I felt him thrust into me almost immediately; hard, rough thrusts that sent my body rocking back into the mattress. I’d never felt so turned-on. It was going to be quick, it was going to be fast, and it was going to make me scream so loud I just hoped the neighbours were already up, but it was every reason why I was here, with this man. He made me want to stay awake all night because sleeping was only wasting time we could be spending together. Doing this. And when sleep did hit, he was even there, in my dreams, letting me know he was still around. Neither of us really knew where this was going. Neither of us was looking for any kind of commitment, and right now it didn’t really matter. We had our road trip to look forward to, all that time together with nobody else around to get in the way. Maybe then, after that, we’d know more about a future I didn’t really need mapping out. I’d been there and done all that. The not knowing for sure where your life was going to end up, that was so much more exciting.
Letting go of my hands, he pushed my legs as far apart as they could go, and I gripped the pillow tight, crying out in a mixture of pain and pure ecstasy, his body bucking and jerking as he came in a series of short, abrupt waves, each one hitting me with a white-hot heat that seemed to fill every inch of me. Angling my hips just a touch, his fingers once more intertwining with mine, I felt my own climax start its journey and I pushed up against him, letting him rub against me, helping me on to my own, glorious endgame, screaming out his name… ‘Eddie!’ I was filled with a hope I’d never experienced before; an excitement that scared me because it all seemed too good to be true and I didn’t want anything to spoil what we had here. I didn’t want anything to get in the way.
‘Jesus, Lana…’ he breathed, letting his whole body collapse onto mine, his grip on my hands finally loosening. ‘Jesus!’
I breathed out slowly, running my hand over the back of his neck, catching his mouth in a long, deep kiss. ‘Is this crazy, Eddie?’ I whispered, a brief moment of fear enveloping me.
He rolled over onto his back, gently pulling me on top of him. ‘Life’s just one short, crazy, fucking ride, darlin’. And all we can do is roll with it. See where the journey takes us.’
‘Have you ever been in love?’ I wasn’t sure I’d meant to say that out loud, but somehow it had slipped out. And I was kind of intrigued to find out if there was another reason why he’d never married. Had he even had a serious relationship before?
His eyes bored into mine, a momentary glimmer of darkness turning them from brown to almost black, which in turn sent a river of trepidation running through me. ‘I’m not sure love exists, Lana.’
That was a strange thing to say. At least, I thought it was. ‘It does,’ I whispered. ‘I promise you, it does.’
He gently pushed me off him, climbing out of bed, and I watched as he pulled a packet of cigarettes from his jacket pocket, lighting one up as he stared out of the window.
I got up too, walking over to him, running my hands lightly over his hips, kissing his shoulder. He didn’t say anything for a few seconds, just took another long draw on his cigarette, blowing smoke out of the slightly open window.
‘We didn’t say this was gonna be forever, Eddie,’ I said, breaking the brief silence.
He stubbed out his cigarette and turned around, leaning back against the windowsill, pulling me in between his legs. ‘Do you know how you make me feel, Lana? Have you any idea how…?’ He stopped talking, but his eyes never left mine. ‘I’m all about the here and now, remember? Because forever is a long time. But right now, darlin’, I just need you here. I want you here.’
‘Good.’ I smiled, cupping his face in my hands, running my thumb over his mouth. ‘Because I’ve got no intention of going anywhere just yet.’
His face broke into a grin, any remnants of the seriousness that had been there seconds earlier now gone. ‘I have never wanted to fuck a woman as many times in one night the way I’ve wanted to fuck you, do you know that?’
I laughed, throwing my head back as his fingers grazed my nipples, his head dropping so his mouth could take over, turning my laugh into a growling moan that rose from the pit of my diaphragm.
Nobody had said this was going to be forever. Forever wasn’t even something I believed in anymore. Because I wasn’t sure I needed to…
‘What’s up, Finn? You sound distracted.’ I tucked the phone between my shoulder and chin as I spooned coffee into the machine, looking over at Eddie as he came into the kitchen all showered and dressed, his hair pushed back off his face.
‘Do I?’
‘Yes. You do. You okay?’
Eddie slid an arm around my waist, whispering something in my ear that caused an unexpected groan to escape.
‘I’m fine. What’s up with you?’
‘Nothing.’ I gave in to Eddie’s kiss, holding the phone against my chest for a second to block the mouthpiece. ‘Just realised we’re out of milk.’
There was a pause on the other end of the line. ‘Whatever.’
Eddie mouthed something at me – something that I now knew was going to make me start wishing the rest of the day away just so he could come home and deliver that filthy promise – before leaving me with a wink and a smile, closing the back door behind him.
I leant against the counter, swapping the phone over to my other ear, my voice rising just a touch so I could be heard above the roar of Eddie’s bike coming from outside. ‘Are you sure you’re okay, Finn?’
‘Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that?’
‘I’m fine, thanks.’
‘Any closer to coming back home?’
I closed my eyes, rubbing the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger. ‘Can we please just have one conversation where you don’t nag me?
‘Who’s nagging? I’m asking. There’s a difference.’
‘Really?’
‘It’s been a fortnight now, Lana. Isn’t the novelty wearing off yet?’
‘No.’
There was another slight pause, and I opened my eyes, looking out of the window, into the back yard, for no reason other than I needed something to focus on.
‘What time is it over there?’ Finn asked.
I frowned. ‘Early afternoon. Why? I thought we were over the whole time difference thing?’
‘I just wondered. What y
ou been up to today?’
‘You’re genuinely interested?’
‘I miss you, Lana. Okay? Like you wouldn’t believe. Hearing what you’ve been up to is the only way I can feel close to the sister who deserted me for some ex-pat Scot with a Harley.’
‘Two.’
‘What?’
‘Eddie’s got two Harleys.’
‘Yeah. Of course he has. Is he treating you alright?’
‘Finn, he’s treating me fine. Better than fine. And I don’t need looking after.’
‘So, you’re familiar with your new surroundings now, are you? You know Vegas like the back of your hand after just two weeks?’
‘I’m gonna hang up in a minute.’
‘What you been doing today?’
‘Nice diversion. I’ve been with Eddie.’
‘Do you ever leave his side?’
‘I really am gonna hang up now.’
‘I’m sorry, alright?’
‘Are you, though?’
I heard him sigh down the line and I closed my eyes again. ‘Yeah. I am. I’m sorry. Really. Lana, look I… I love you. Okay?’
‘Okay… Finn?’
‘Yeah.’
‘I feel like I’m losing you again. And I hate that. I don’t want to lose you, but I feel like…’
‘You’re not losing me, Lana. I promise you. I’m just… I’m just worried about you, that’s all.’
I waited a couple of beats before speaking again. ‘There’s nothing to be worried about. I promise.’
‘I still can’t believe what you’re doing. That you stayed over there with a complete stranger. Do you know how hard that still is for me to get my head around? And having to explain it to everybody… They all miss you, Lana. Everyone. They miss you. You had a great life here, and I don’t understand… Don’t you miss it?’
‘Of course I miss it. I miss you, like crazy, I really do. But being here… It’s so hard to explain, Finn, it just feels as though… as though I have to be here. For some reason.’
‘You’re talking crap again.’
‘Okay. I’m going now. Say hi to the guys for me.’
I ended the call and threw my phone down onto the counter, pushing both hands through my hair, throwing my head back and sighing loudly. Why did everything feel like such a battle now? But fighting to try and make Finn understand why I’d done this, it was bound to be hard, when I still didn’t really understand it myself.
I let out another frustrated sigh as my phone started ringing. I picked it up and answered it without even checking to see who it was, something I never usually did. But I just assumed it was Finn again. ‘Yeah?’
‘Lana, sweetheart? It’s me.’
I felt my heart almost leap into my throat as I heard his voice, my head spinning so fast I had to grip the counter behind me to steady myself. ‘Adam?’
‘How are you, darling?’
The way he called me ‘darling’ was so different to the way Eddie said it. So, so different. I hadn’t spoken to Adam in months. Hadn’t heard his voice in so long, and I was struggling to get my head around the fact I was hearing it now.
‘Lana? Are you still there?’
It was as if a part of me thought I was dreaming this conversation, and I actually held the phone away from my ear for a second or two, bringing it back to see if it really was him on the other end of the line.
‘I… Yeah, I’m still here. But… why are you calling me, Adam? I thought the divorce… I thought we were done.’
‘Lana, I…I need to talk to you.’
‘Why?’ I whispered. ‘What’s left to talk about?’
‘Darling, please…’
‘Why are you calling, Adam?’ But then the penny slowly started to drop, and I threw back my head, sighing quietly. All of a sudden the reason for Finn’s distracted tone became clear. And that thing he’d thought I should know… ‘Has Finn said something?’ An obviously rhetorical question.
‘He’s worried about you.’
‘He had no right… He had no right to say anything, especially not to you. It’s got nothing to do with you…’
‘He didn’t say anything because he knew how you’d react.’
‘And he’d be fucking right! Jesus!’ I was so angry I couldn’t even get the words out. And confused. Both emotions I didn’t want to feel.
‘I’m worried about you, Lana.’
‘I’m fine, Adam.’ My voice was quieter now. Calmer. But this was a conversation I didn’t want to continue. ‘So, whatever Finn’s asked you to do, don’t waste your time.’ I hung up before he could say anything else. I couldn’t believe Finn had gone behind my back – it stung. Because if there’d been one person in this entire world I’d thought I could trust now, it was Finn. And what he’d just done… He must really be desperate to make me see what he considered to be sense if he was turning to a man he’d never really got on with for help.
I looked at my phone, wondering whether I was just a bit too angry right now to call my brother. He was more than likely expecting to hear from me at some point soon, because he quite obviously knew Adam would ring me. But I wasn’t sure that spilling forth a tirade of abuse at him was the best idea, not just yet. Even though it was exactly what I wanted to do. But the sensible side of me was telling me that waiting was the best way to handle this, even though some people seemed unable to believe that I actually had a sensible side. I was beginning to doubt it myself.
I put the phone down, then picked it straight back up again, wondering whether to call Eddie this time. But what good would that do? He was on his way to the club for a meeting, and I wasn’t sure he needed to be bothered with this. Adam would get the message, eventually. Because I wasn’t planning on indulging him or anything Finn had asked him to do. Our marriage was over. He had no say in my life anymore, no right to tell me how to live it. He’d never had the right to do that, but I’d allowed him to. For too many years I’d let too many people tell me how to live my life, but I’d broken that habit now. And I wasn’t going back to it.
I opened the nearest drawer and flung my phone into it, slamming it shut before walking over to the fridge, taking out a bottle of vodka and pouring myself a shot, downing it in one before pouring another. But I just looked at that one, remembering the kind of headache I got when I downed vodka shots too quickly.
Putting the glass down on the counter top I walked back over to the drawer, wrenching it open to retrieve my phone. But I must have thrown it so far back in there, I couldn’t see it. Sliding my hand inside I rummaged around, reaching right to the back of the drawer, but instead of finding my phone my fingers touched something cold and hard, something unfamiliar; something that made my skin turn clammy, my stomach turning as I pulled it out, because I’d known what it was the second I’d touched it. A gun. As it sat there in the palm of my hand, all I could do was stare at it, not quite sure what to do next. It was like someone had pressed the pause button. Everything around me stood still, even my eyes couldn’t seem to move, their gaze never leaving the black metal object that was balancing precariously in my shaking hand. But then my fingers began to curl around it, slowly, almost as though someone else was making me do it, because holding this, even looking at it, was the last thing I wanted to do. So why was I running my thumb over it? Why was I letting myself do that?
And then, as if someone had flicked another switch, as though they were writing a scene from a book and had suddenly changed their minds, erased that paragraph, and re-written it all, I threw the gun back into the drawer, retrieved my now-visible phone and slammed the drawer shut so hard it made the whole cupboard shake.
Picking up the glass of vodka I’d discarded just minutes ago, I downed that second shot in one mouthful, keeping my eyes closed as the clear liquid burned my throat, a feeling I welcomed. I needed it. And it wasn’t as though I was naïve enough to think guns didn’t exist in some households in this country. It was just that, I’d never seen a real one before. Never been that close or
held one in my hand. Never realised how heavy something like that could be; how cold and terrifying it had felt in my hand. It had shaken me slightly, that was all and because of that, along with the phone call from Adam, two shots of vodka weren’t feeling like anything near enough now.
I reached for the bottle again but stopped myself. Getting drunk fast was never a good idea. I’d tried that a lot in the early days following my split from Adam, and Finn had had to cope with the aftermath on more than one occasion. I didn’t really want to put Eddie through all that. But I couldn’t help thinking about what he’d told me at the clubhouse a couple of weeks ago, about Deanne getting shot, and the run-in with a rival MC. And then I quickly shook those thoughts out of my mind. Now wasn’t the time for my overactive imagination to start working overtime.
The doorbell ringing brought me back to a now-confusing reality, and it was because of that that I blindly headed out into the hall, swinging the door open without even thinking about asking who it was first.
‘Did you honestly think I was just going to let you hang up on me like that and not pursue this?’
13
I couldn’t say anything. I was too busy staring at him. Too busy trying to get my head around the fact my ex-husband was here, in Las Vegas. And to make matters more confusing, if that was even possible, the man standing there in front of me, that wasn’t the man I’d walked out on almost a year ago. At least, he didn’t look like the man I’d walked out on. The man standing there in front of me, his voice was still the same, he was still tall and handsome, and his dark hair was still short, but instead of it being perfect with not a strand out of place it was messed-up and ever-so-slightly ruffled, his usually clean-shaven face now sporting a neat, slightly greying beard. And, for some reason, all of that seemed to make his ice-blue eyes stand out even more – seemed to render me unable to break the stare. Because I couldn’t believe what – who – I was looking at. I was struggling to believe it really was Adam. That he was here. Invading a world I didn’t want him anywhere near.
Shirley Valentine Goes to Vegas Page 11