‘Tell me if I’m hurting you,’ he whispered, his fingers keeping up a steady rhythm as they continued to push as deep as they could possibly go.
‘You’re not hurting me,’ I breathed, willing him to keep going, to push as hard as he wanted because I could take it. I wanted to feel it, to feel him, and know that I was really living this.
‘My beautiful bad girl,’ he growled, and I was sure he was doing that deliberately now, because the shiver it sent coursing through my body seemed to accelerate another impending climax brought on by his finger-fucking and the way his mouth seemed to travel over my skin without touching it, yet I could feel it. Right there. Almost burning me. ‘Jesus, Lana, baby…’ he groaned as my muscles gripped his fingers, holding him there, until the white-hot wave of pins and needles he’d caused had washed right over me, my body shuddering in his arms, my legs instinctively opening as wide as they could go, my cries loud and long as he held me. And when it was over, when the wave had subsided and he’d pulled free of me, I felt as though I’d just been through the most incredible out-of-body experience, because it still took some getting used to, the fact I was here, in Las Vegas, with this man I was fast becoming addicted to. He was my sordid drug, my bad-boy biker. And he was making me love my life like I’d never loved it before. ‘You should never have to put clothes on that killer body,’ he murmured, and I stretched out, my fingers still buried in his hair, a long, satisfied groan escaping my slightly parted lips. Nobody had ever described my body as “killer” before. And I liked it. No, I loved it; loved the way he made me feel.
‘Yeah, well, as much as I’m quite liking being naked, with your hands all over me, I think it’s probably illegal to ride like this.’
He laughed that low, downright filthy laugh again, and once more my body reacted by shivering slightly, those post-sex tingles still very much evident as his hands ran lightly up over my thighs and hips. ‘I needed this, Lana. What we’ve just done. I needed this.’
I turned my head just a touch, our mouths meeting, the kiss slow and deep. ‘Yeah. So did I, baby.’
‘I told you I’d give you the ride of your life.’
It was my turn to laugh, feeling my stomach turn somersaults as his hand rested on it. ‘As long as this isn’t the only ride I get, biker boy.’
‘Believe me, darlin’, this is just the first of many.’
And all I could do was close my eyes, lose myself in another deep, soulful kiss, and hope with every beat of my heart that he meant that.
15
Walking into the foyer, I stood completely still, staring out ahead of me at the huge expanse of space that seemed to stretch out for miles. The hotel I’d stayed in just a couple of weeks ago had been breathtaking enough, its foyer also bigger than the length of my entire street back in Newcastle, but this one – this was something else. From its ornate ceiling with the brightly coloured glass centrepiece that you couldn’t take your eyes off, to the sheer number of people that were making their way across the marble floor, veering off in various directions, off to do whatever their own Vegas adventure entailed. And I knew better than anyone that this town could certainly throw up a few surprises.
Doing a quick spin around on the heels of my faithful biker boots, I started walking towards reception. He was already there, my eyes falling on him immediately. He was leaning back against the desk, his hands in his pockets, his head down. Dressed in dark jeans and a pale-blue shirt, the sleeves rolled up over his forearms, I noticed he still hadn’t shaved, and his hair was still slightly ruffled. In fact, the only familiar thing about him was the smell of his cologne, which hit me the second I drew closer to him.
‘Adam?’
He looked up, smiling slightly as I approached. ‘You look… you look, different.’
I wasn’t sure whether he meant that as a compliment or not, but in my skin-tight black jeans, biker boots, and a t-shirt that clung to me, showing off both my curves and my tattoos, my long, blonde, black-tipped hair loose around my shoulders, I certainly wasn’t the woman he’d once been married to. The one who, yes, might have dressed in jeans and boots and had more than a slight aversion to dresses and skirts, but I’d never pushed it as far as I was pushing it now.
‘I’m sorry, I meant… I mean, you do look different to the last time I saw you, back in England, and I know I saw you yesterday, but, I didn’t really look at you properly, take in what…’ He looked down, running a hand along the back of his neck before his eyes once more met mine. He almost sounded a touch intimidated, which was strange. For a man like Adam. I’d never known him be intimidated by anything. ‘You look beautiful, Lana.’
Okay. He had meant it as a compliment. I just didn’t know whether to believe him or not. The Adam I used to know would’ve hated all this shit. But this wasn’t the Adam I used to know. This was a completely different man. Well, he looked different, anyway. I just had no idea why. Maybe he’d found someone else. I wouldn’t blame him if he had. Someone who could love him the way I’d once loved him. Someone who wouldn’t stop trying. Someone who wouldn’t give up. Because he deserved someone so much better than me.
‘Even with these?’ I questioned, holding out my arms, his gaze dropping as he scanned the tattoos that covered them.
‘Even with those,’ he whispered.
Our eyes locked for a few, brief seconds, and it felt strange, looking at him like this. I was still having trouble believing he was actually here. And after last night, out in the desert with Eddie; everything we’d done, the way he’d made me feel, being here now, with Adam, it was more confusing than I wanted it to be.
‘You wanted to talk,’ I said, trying to sound casual. But it was actually quite hard to sound relaxed when I wasn’t feeling it. As I stood there, looking at him, it felt like I was looking at a stranger. And that wasn’t right. That wasn’t how it should be.
‘Come on. We’ll go outside, by the pool. Well, one of the pools. You wouldn’t believe how many this place has…’
I watched as he bowed his head again, his hands back in his pockets.
‘Adam, I…’
He raised his gaze. ‘I’m sorry, Lana.’
I frowned.
‘For everything that happened. For the person I couldn’t be…’
‘Adam, please… Don’t.’
‘Because it makes the guilt creep back in?’
My frown deepened, and I took a couple of steps back, shaking my head. ‘I’m not doing this…’ I turned to walk away. Because I really didn’t want to do this.
‘No, Lana, hang on!’
I slowly turned back around, staring straight at him.
‘I didn’t mean it like that, I… This is just hard, you know? Confusing. Because I… I still love you, Lana.’
I shook my head again, more vigorously this time, but for some reason I was rooted to the spot now. I couldn’t seem to move. ‘No, Adam…’
He held out his hand, but I kept mine in my pockets. All those years of never holding hands, and he wanted to do it now?
‘Adam, I can’t.’ My voice was barely a whisper. I couldn’t make it go any louder. And the expression on his face almost broke my heart, a wave of confusion, so strong it almost knocked me sideways, washing over me. I took a deep breath, trying desperately to pull forward images of last night, of Eddie and the Harley and sex so incredible my body still wasn’t letting me forget it, even now. I could still feel the tingling in my legs. The mere thought of it brought my skin out in goose bumps.
‘We’re divorced, Lana. That doesn’t mean we can’t touch each other anymore.’
I hesitated for a second, before I reached out and took his hand, feeling his fingers curl around mine, a feeling so unfamiliar. And how the hell had we let it get to that?
He smiled, but I just couldn’t return it, not yet. The confusion was still too strong. ‘Let’s go.’
‘Adam, I…’
‘I just want to talk. Okay? I just want to talk.’
‘You shouldn�
�t have come here,’ I said, my voice still unable to rise above that whisper. ‘Finn shouldn’t have called you.’
‘I’m glad he did.’
His eyes locked with mine, and I felt almost resigned. But there was also this wave of anger simmering up inside me that I couldn’t push aside. I wasn’t a wayward teenager who’d run away to try and prove some kind of point. Yet that’s how I felt both Finn and Adam were treating me.
‘You shouldn’t have come here,’ I repeated.
His eyes wouldn’t leave mine, and as much as I wanted to look away it felt as though something was keeping my head fixed in place. I couldn’t seem to move it anywhere.
‘Maybe we should go somewhere a little quieter?’
I frowned. Again. I was doing a lot of that lately, frowning. ‘No. Adam, this really isn’t fair.’
‘You want to talk about fair?’ His expression had darkened slightly and I finally found the strength to pull my hand away from his, shoving it back in my pocket. ‘What isn’t fair, Lana, is what happened to us.’
‘There is no us, not anymore.’
‘And don’t you find that sad?’
I looked at him again but I couldn’t say anything; couldn’t find any words that felt right. Why was he doing this now?
‘Twenty years, Lana, and we just stopped trying. That’s something I regret with every beat of my heart.’
I shook my head, taking another couple of steps back. ‘Why now, Adam? Why…? Look, I… I really can’t do this…’
‘So run away. Again. Go on, run away, and hope all of this will just disappear, but what you’re doing…’
I moved closer to him. ‘Not here, Adam. Don’t do this here.’
He stared deep into my eyes, almost daring me to turn away, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. ‘Room 3126. It’s up to you, Lana.’
I watched him walk away towards the elevator, my heart beating so fast I had to lean back against the wall to catch my breath. What was going on here? What was I doing?
I almost ran outside, reaching for my phone to call Finn, closing my eyes for a second or two as I waited for him to answer.
‘Jesus, Lana… You really have to…’
‘I don’t give a fuck about the time difference, okay?’
‘Shit. He’s there, then?’
‘I thought it best to wait a few hours, you know? See if I’d calm down a bit more but, well, that’s just not happening, so… Why, Finn? Why did you do that?’
‘Because I love you, Lana. And I don’t think you’re acting the grown-up right now.’
‘So, what? You just thought you’d take control of my life, is that it? Call the ex-husband, tell him I’d gone off the rails, needed pulling back into line.’
‘It wasn’t like that…’
‘What was it like, then? Do you want to explain why you felt the need to contact Adam, after everything I told you? I mean, why not go a step further and get our parents out here too?’
‘Lana, listen to me…’
‘No. You had no right, Finn. No right at all.’
‘I care about you. That’s why I did it. And Adam he… he’s not as bad as I thought he was. Not really. He still cares about you, Lana.’
‘I don’t believe this…’ I threw my head back, feeling more confused than I’d felt in a long time. It was almost as if every step forward I’d taken over this past year was slowly being erased, flinging me right back to square one, whether I liked it or not.
‘You’re over there, in a strange country, with a strange man, somebody you only met a few weeks ago, and you can’t see how odd that is? How weird it sounds?’
‘Jesus…’
‘Adam just wants to talk to you, Lana.’
‘No. Adam has just told me he still loves me. Adam is piling guilt on me, telling me I haven’t been fair. Adam wants to change my mind, turn me back into that woman I used to be and I’m not going there, Finn. So, no, Adam doesn’t just want to talk.’
‘Would it be such a bad thing? To listen to what he has to say? Maybe he’s changed…’
I hung up. I wasn’t even in the mood for a fight anymore. All of this was messing with my head and for a brief second I wondered why I hadn’t just done what my mother had always wanted – stayed in a steady job, married to Adam, had those grandkids she’d always nagged me about. If I’d chosen that life this confusion I was feeling right now wouldn’t even be a problem. None of this would be happening, and everybody would be happy. Everybody except me. But, hey, at least my life would be a whole lot easier. Settled. Ordinary. Normal.
Sliding my phone back into my jeans pocket I stared out ahead of me, taking a few seconds to just gather my thoughts, try and work out what to do next because I didn’t know now. I really didn’t know. It was almost as if a lightning bolt of reality had been fired straight at me, and I couldn’t ignore the damage it had caused.
16
Sitting on the wall outside Eddie’s MC clubhouse, my legs tucked up underneath me, an almost-full bottle of beer hanging from my fingers as I stared straight ahead at nothing in particular, I willed my mind to go blank. Adam turning up had really shaken me, and I didn’t know why, why his presence was getting to me so much, but today I just wanted to forget all about it, if that was possible. He quite obviously wasn’t going to go away, but I wasn’t in the mood to deal with him right now. I still had to get my head around the fact he was here at all before I could even begin to think about anything else.
Looking down at the bottle in my hand I sighed quietly. It was only eleven in the morning and I was already turning to alcohol. Were things really that bad?
‘Want some company?’
I looked up, smiling at Kaley as she leant back against the wall beside me.
‘You look miles away,’ she went on, taking the bottle from me and helping herself to a mouthful before handing it back to me.
‘I’m fine.’
She shrugged. ‘You don’t have to tell me anything, honey. I ain’t gonna pry.’
I stared back out ahead of me, watching Eddie as he talked to Nate over in the garage adjacent to the clubhouse. He’d brought a couple of Harleys over to the club compound because, as well as selling bikes he also fixed and customised them. But with no on-site garage over at the bike shop he brought everything here, to the garage at the compound, for any repair work or customisation to be carried out. I’d felt like coming with him today. It was a change of scenery. A different place for me to sit and think. About shit I didn’t really want to think about, but I didn’t have all that much choice now.
‘It’s nothing,’ I said, finally taking a sip of the beer, even though I didn’t really want it. ‘Just a few things going on I need to sort out.’
‘Anything to do with Eddie?’ She looked at me. ‘Oh, crap, and there’s me saying I wasn’t gonna pry.’
I threw her another smile. ‘It’s okay. And, no, it’s nothing to do with Eddie. Not really.’
She raised an eyebrow. ‘Not really?’
I took another sip of beer, wanting this conversation to end now. I didn’t need to confide in anyone about what was going on. I’d handle it myself. Eventually. ‘It’s complicated.’
‘Well, there’s an explanation that’s used all the time when someone’s talking about something they really don’t want to share.’
‘Kaley, I’m sorry, it’s just…’
‘It’s alright, honey. I’m only messing. You really don’t have to tell me anything. I just hate to see people looking down, is all.’
‘I’m fine, I am, it’s just… It’s taking a bit of time to get used to things; a new life, a new country…’
‘Missing home, huh?’
I looked down at my left hand, my third finger having now lost that indentation my wedding ring had left there for a good few months after I’d finally taken it off. And, strangely enough, it was the first time I’d actually acknowledged that.
‘No. I’m not missing home.’
‘Okay. Listen. I
know just what you need.’
I looked up again, frowning slightly.
‘We’re gonna have a girls’ day out.’
That was the last thing I needed. Or wanted. Coffee mornings, shopping expeditions, gossip sessions; all things I’d never really gone in for. Which was why I’d always chosen to work, predominantly, with men. I just seemed to get on better with groups of them than I did with women. Big groups of women intimidated me, because I just didn’t feel like I had anything in common with them.
‘Biker style,’ Kaley winked, and I laughed, relief washing over me as she took my hand, pulling me up from the wall. ‘And whatever’s on your mind, honey, I guarantee this’ll make you forget all about it. For a little while, anyway.’
We headed across the compound towards Nate and Eddie, both of them turning to look at us as we approached, their conversation suddenly stopping dead, which I thought a bit odd, but I shrugged it off. They obviously didn’t want us to overhear anything, and whatever they were talking about, it was none of my business anyway.
I let go of Kaley as she walked over to Nate, watching as he took a set of keys from a hook on the wall and handed them to her.
‘You heading out somewhere?’ Eddie asked, wiping his hands on a cloth he’d pulled out the pocket of his jeans.
I nodded, folding my arms. He reached out and unfolded them, pulling me loosely against him.
‘What’s all this, huh? This arm-folding shit, this looking all preoccupied? This isn’t the fun-loving, ass-kicking Lana I know. And you’ve been like this for days now. Ever since your ex rocked into town.’
‘It’s got nothing to do with Adam.’ I couldn’t believe I’d actually said that out loud. Because it had everything to do with Adam. How could it not?
‘Forgive me if I don’t believe that.’ He kissed me gently, and like they always managed to do, his kisses injected a shot of calm straight into me; a brief wave of serenity flooding my body. ‘If he’s making you this unhappy, darlin’, then make him leave.’
Shirley Valentine Goes to Vegas Page 13