by Neel Shah
To: David Meyer
You’re mean.
Subject: Heyo!
From: Elliot Rowe
Date: Tue, Apr 29 at 6:00 PM
To: Madeline Whittaker
Sooo . . .
So here’s the link to the house (barn?) I was talking about. Looks pretty awesome.
http://www.vrbo.com/31189#photos
I think David (who you met) and Eric are going up Thursday. Everyone else is leaving Fri. afternoon. If you can get out of work a little early, we could probably hitch a ride? If not, happy to Zip Car it.
I think you’ve probably met most of the people there, other than whatever random chicks David and Eric wrangle this week. I can’t imagine we’ll do anything more strenuous than go apple picking or sit in a hot tub and drink bourbon, but I’m not really mad at those things, so I’m okay with it.
(Oh. Looks like there are only two actual bedrooms, but given the fact that I’ll probably end up doing most of the cooking, I think I’ll be able to call dibs on one . . .)
Subject: Re: Heyo!
From: Madeline Whittaker
Date: Tue, Apr 29 at 7:30 PM
To: Elliot Rowe
This looks great. Is it weird to ask for a Zip Car in this scenario? I could probably get out of work early but I feel like I’ve been staying out pretty late and showing up kind of half-mast. So probably can’t realistically leave until 4, which would put us on a highway at 4:45 at the earliest. Or we can take the train. I looked up schedules and it looks like they run at hour intervals between Grand Central and the sticks. So we would be catching the 5:07. Assuming someone from your crew can pick us up . . .
Anyway . . . I’m psyched. Let me know about the logistics.
xo
Madeline
Apr 30, 8:37 AM
Emily
Apr 30, 8:39 AM
Apr 30, 8:39 AM
Madeline
Apr 30, 8:42 AM
Emily
Apr 30, 8:42 AM
Madeline
Apr 30, 9:23 AM
Emily
Apr 30, 9:44 AM
Madeline
Apr 30, 9:45 AM
Emily
Apr 30, 10:06 AM
Subject: (no subject)
From: Madeline Whittaker
Date: Mon, May 5 at 8:54 AM
To: Elliot Rowe
Soo . . . I am currently in a massive meeting with some Food Network chef who is throwing a hissy fit over the layout of his book (he thinks there are “too many pictures of his hands and not enough of his face”). To distract myself, I am going to make a list of my favorite things from this weekend, in order:
1) Watching David and Eric convince The Girls (still not sure I can tell them apart) to play spin the bottle.
2) Watching David’s and Eric’s faces when David got Eric three times in a row.
3) Watching David and Eric awkwardly kiss three times.
Oh yeah. You (and your turkey chili) were pretty great too.
Banner weekend, chef.
Maddy x
Subject: (no subject)
From: Elliot Rowe
Date: Fri, May 9 at 11:43 AM
To: Madeline Whittaker
I was thinking you really need to get a coffeemaker. Seriously, how do you not own one?!
Subject: Re: (no subject)
From: Madeline Whittaker
Date: Fri, May 9 at 12:09 PM
To: Elliot Rowe
Because we have coffee at the office and I don’t have many overnight guests?
Subject: Re: (no subject)
From: Elliot Rowe
Date: Fri, May 9 at 12:34 PM
To: Madeline Whittaker
I’ve never worked in an office. What’s it like? Tell me everything!
Subject: Re: (no subject)
From: Madeline Whittaker
Date: Fri, May 9 at 12:45 PM
To: Elliot Rowe
Omg amazing. It’s like you were hatched out of a free-will womb!
In an office they not only keep you in ass-fattening identical chairs, sitting under fluorescent lights, but they force you to drink coffee from freeze-dried packets and it’s so weak, I’d make tea out of the water that comes out. Save me. :(
Subject: Re: (no subject)
From: Elliot Rowe
Date: Fri, May 9 at 1:30 PM
To: Madeline Whittaker
I just ate a quarter pound of Iberico ham out of our fridge.
Subject: Re: (no subject)
From: Madeline Whittaker
Date: Fri, May 9 at 1:56 PM
To: Elliot Rowe
That’s the most sexual thing I’ve ever heard.
I’ll be free by 7:30 btw.
Subject: Re: (no subject)
From: Elliot Rowe
Date: Fri, May 9 at 3:12 PM
To: Madeline Whittaker
Wait, did I black out and forget we have plans tonight? I’m supposed to get drinks with Eric and Jess . . .
Subject: Re: (no subject)
From: Madeline Whittaker
Date: Fri, May 9 at 3:55 PM
To: Elliot Rowe
Oh, no . . . honestly, I just kind of assumed we were hanging out. I don’t know why. Sorry to be unclear. I was saying that I am free starting around 7:30. Been a total zombie (long week). x.
Subject: Re: (no subject)
From: Elliot Rowe
Date: Fri, May 9 at 4:15 PM
To: Madeline Whittaker
Why don’t you just text me when you’re off work and I’ll let you know what we’re doing?
Subject: Re: (no subject)
From: Madeline Whittaker
Date: Fri, May 9 at 4:26 PM
To: Elliot Rowe
Great. Sounds like a plan.
Madeline
May 9, 7:42 PM
Elliot
May 9, 8:06 PM
Madeline
May 9, 9:12 PM
---------Forwarded Message----------
Subject: Re: (no subject)
From: Madeline Whittaker
Date: Fri, May 9 at 3:55 PM
To: Elliot Rowe
Oh, no . . . honestly, I just kind of assumed we were hanging out. I don’t know why. Sorry to be unclear. I was saying that I am free . . .
Subject: Re: (no subject)
From: Elliot Rowe
Date: Fri, May 9 at 3:12 PM
To: Madeline Whittaker
Wait, did I black out and forget we have plans tonight? I’m supposed to get drinks with Eric and Jess . . .
Subject: [Fwd: Re: (no subject)]
From: Madeline Whittaker
Date: Fri, May 9 at 10:15 PM
To: Emily Roberts
Read bottom up. So this is what is going on. I don’t know. Am I nuts? I feel this kind of tacit step back on his part?
In a way I am obsessing about this on purpose. Because I know that “be yourself” is the name of the game, especially at this stage when we should be past games. So I have this theory that I can get to a state of “casual” by exhausting myself with analysis. Like a cat chasing its own tail.
Anyway, I kind of want to just ask him what’s up but then I feel like it will
turn into a “talk” that gets clocked in the context of the relationship and kind of chips away at that blissful beginning time. I’m not saying I am going to marry Elliot (though I would have amazing dinners for the rest of my life) but let’s just say we did, let’s say we’re old people in rocking chairs (go with it) and we’re looking back over our lives being like, “Grandkids, when we were first together it was so romantic! But then Grandpa avoided defining us, kept weird hours, backtracked, flaked, and Grandma freaked the fuck out and didn’t know where she stood. . . . Now, someone get me my bunion cream.”
Anyway, I was (am?) so excited because guess what? I finagled an opportunity for us to check into the Four Seasons for the night (next wk). Staying in hotels in one’s own city! Hot! Romantic! And screw the weird vibes, I’m still going to ask him (and force him to make actual plans – oh, the horror). One tiny lie? I kind of talked my author (who the suite was actually meant for) into staying with friends because she’s a Norwegian chef who I convinced would be lonely in a big fancy hotel . . . I am the devil. And could get into real trouble with this, especially since promotion budgets aren’t what they used to be. This guy is driving me to a life of crime?
Love and straitjackets,
Mad
---------Forwarded Message----------
Subject: Re: (no subject)
From: Madeline Whittaker
Date: Fri, May 9 at 3:55 PM
To: Elliot Rowe
Oh, no . . . honestly, I just kind of assumed we were hanging out. I don’t know why. Sorry to be unclear. I was saying that I am free . . .
Subject: Re: (no subject)
From: Elliot Rowe
Date: Fri, May 9 at 3:12 PM
To: Madeline Whittaker
Wait, did I black out and forget we have plans tonight? I’m supposed to get drinks with Eric and Jess . . .
Subject: [Fwd: Re: (no subject)]
From: Elliot Rowe
Date: Fri, May 9 at 11:17 PM
To: David Meyer
So I think you were right
Subject: Re: [Fwd: Re: (no subject)]
From: David Meyer
Date: Fri, May 9 at 11:30 PM
To: Elliot Rowe
I’m right about most things. You’re going to have to be more specific.
Subject: Re: [Fwd: Re: (no subject)]
From: Elliot Rowe
Date: Fri, May 9 at 11:33 PM
To: David Meyer
About me needing to clarify things with Madeline.
Seeing her tomorrow for brunch, though not exactly sure what I’m gonna say.
Subject: Re: [Fwd: Re: (no subject)]
From: David Meyer
Date: Fri, May 9 at 11:54 PM
To: Elliot Rowe
Obviously do what you want, you’re a grown up, etc., but I will say one thing: Do you even remember how much of a struggle it was getting Ellie to date you in the first place? I do, because you bitched about it constantly. First she wanted to hang out, then she pulled back, then she’d text you obsessively for a week, then you wouldn’t hear from her for a few days, then she’d say come over right now, then she’d make you leave, then she’d say “No, wait, turn the cab around come back.” She basically gave you full-blown Stockholm Syndrome. But you got so addicted to the drama you stuck it out way longer than you should have.
Madeline, on the other hand, has been cool and accommodating and seems well-adjusted and seems to like you, which you now don’t even know how to process, because you’re so conditioned to only like girls who treat you like shit.
So, yeah, do what you want, but I thought you should at least be aware of that before you do something dumb.
Subject: Re: [Fwd: Re: (no subject)]
From: Elliot Rowe
Date: Fri, May 9 at 11:58 PM
To: David Meyer
There’s a reason you’re a lawyer and I make kale salad for a living.
Elliot
May 10, 1:15 PM
David
May 10, 1:17 PM
Subject: (no subject)
From: Elliot Rowe
Date: Sun, May 11 at 11:54 AM
To: Madeline Whittaker
Hey,
Just wanted to say that I’m really glad we talked. Believe it or not, while I have many talents, being able to immediately tell what’s bothering you isn’t one (yet).
Going forward, I am going to try to be as open/direct as possible. Hopefully, that will save us a lot of time and energy that can be better spent on other things. Like making out.
Obviously, we’re still kind of figuring this thing out, but that seems like something we can both agree on. Deal?
“Sounds good, Elliot! By the way, you’re super handsome. Just thought you should know!”
(Felt like I was on a roll, so just took the liberty of responding for you.) :)
Sincerely, Boyfriend(!)
Subject: Re: (no subject)
From: Madeline Whittaker
Date: Sun, May 11 at 12:36 PM
To: Elliot Rowe
Hey back,
I am happy we talked too. And you are handsome!
I think the thing is (how come there only ever gets to be one “thing” in these conversations?) that we obviously really like each other (hopefully this is obvious . . . sign me up for sex/snuggling/so forth please) but sometimes it’s hard to know the degree of on-board-ness the other person is experiencing. And so I don’t always feel comfortable saying when something bothers me because it either feels naggy or like I haven’t earned the right to say it because I’m not sure where we stand/I stand with you. Just, further to our chat—which was relatively painless, considering!—I want to be honest. I guess what I’m saying is that I’m a firm believer in the proportionate response. And we’re still figuring out what this is, so proportions are tricky. Anyway, you’re awesome.
And, this email is waaaay too us-talk-y. The cooler reply goes something like:
“It’s all good, Elliot. Now, call in sick to work because one of my big authors has just decided to stay with friends when she comes to New York on her book tour and I have not yet canceled her sweet SUITE at the Four Seasons this week . . .”
DO IT. Call me when you get this.
Girlfriend(!)
Subject: Re: (no subject)
From: Elliot Rowe
Date: Sun, May 11 at 8:06 PM
To: Madeline Whittaker
Just seeing this because the kitchen is a madhouse right now as two of our line cooks went home early because of food poisoning (irony! and no, not from eating here) but—BUT—I wanted to let you know that I’m glad we’re on the same page. Call soon.
P.S. Agreed. People who are dating and live in the same city shouldn’t have to write emails that are this long to each other. So let’s try not to do it anymore. :)
Subject: (no subject)
From: Emily Roberts
Date: Mon, May 12 at 2:15 PM
To: Madeline Whittaker
I know we already talked last night about your big convo with Elliot, but I have one extra thought re: you thinking he’s not as into this as you are because he doesn’t always respond as fast as you’d like him to: Forgive me but why do I have a hunch that when I don’t text/email you for a bit and then tell you it’s because I’ve been busy, you believe me, but when Elliot (aka YOUR BOYFRIEND) doesn’t respond in a timely fashion, you take it so personally?
You like him. And like most sane people, you don’t like that ma
ny other people. But watch that your anxiety doesn’t drive you to crazy town.
You know who else is normally too busy to press “reply” half the time? YOU. Find that bitch and put her to work.
Have fun at the Four Seasons.
x
Subject: Re: (no subject)
From: Madeline Whittaker
Date: Mon, May 12 at 2:31 PM
To: Emily Roberts
“Find that bitch and put her to work.”
Hearts to you.
Madeline
May 15, 11:45 AM
Elliot
May 15, 12:20 PM
Madeline
May 15, 1:45 PM
Elliot
May 15, 3:40 PM
Subject: Question!
From: Elliot Rowe
Date: Fri, May 16 at 2:45 PM
To: Madeline Whittaker
Do you seriously think they’re gonna charge me for this robe? You can’t stock your hotel room with robes that soft and not expect people to take them. It’s entrapment!
BTW—when I checked out, the lady at the concierge was like, “Did you and your girlfriend enjoy your stay?” Sounded nice. :)
Subject: Re: Question!
From: Madeline Whittaker
Date: Fri, May 16 at 3:15 PM
To: Elliot Rowe