Wayward Heart

by Cathryn Hein

  Antje ran her business from a custom-built studio at the back of her house. Half of the studio was dedicated to her craft, with a polished timber floor, sewing machines and overlockers of mind-boggling complexity, cutting boards, custom storage units and dressmakers’ mannequins. The other side was fitted with lush carpet, lounges and angled mirrors for consultations and fittings. A large sliding glass door bathed the area in light.

  Jasmine’s dress had been finished the week before and hung on a rack ready to be taken for pressing with the other gowns, which meant she could relax with a glass of fizz and a broad smile while Teagan and Em took their turns being fitted. Having had her bridesmaid’s dress made via emailed measurements, Teagan’s required a few tweaks. Em’s, on the other hand, required only hemming and a small tuck at the waist. Even incomplete, it was stunning. As was she, protected by the unwavering armour of Josh’s love.

  Jas had phoned Em on Sunday, immediately after opening her gift. Apologies and tears had followed, and it was proof of the strength of their lifelong friendship that a single phone call could put them back to rights. Even so, Jas had been careful to back it up Monday with a lunchtime call into PaperPassion. She and Em had eaten their sandwiches together behind the counter, sipped cups of tea, and shared the chocolate éclair that Jas had grabbed from a bakery along the way.

  Em was desperately curious about Jasmine’s relationship with Digby but did her best not to pry. Torn between respect for Digby’s privacy and her friendship with Em, Jas erred on the side of caution and revealed little, while remaining steadfast that the relationship was healthy for them both.

  ‘He laughs, Em,’ Jas had said. ‘Not often, but more and more all the time.’

  Em had frowned. ‘So he’s over Felicity? He must be if you and he are … you know.’

  ‘No. No he’s not.’ Jas had had to swallow at the roughness that admission left in her throat. ‘He misses her terribly. I doubt he’ll ever stop.’ Knowing there was more underlying the question than Digby’s feelings for his late fiancée, Jas had regarded Em with sympathy. ‘He’ll forgive you, Em. In time. Once he’s finished grieving for her.’

  ‘But if he’s with you, that means he’s moving on, doesn’t it?’

  ‘It’s not as simple as that. Our relationship is more a comfort thing. A way to halt the loneliness that comes with loss.’ Jas took a last bite of éclair, feigning composure when inside she felt dragged with sadness.

  Em couldn’t seem to get her head around the idea, which was understandable. Other than a highly regrettable instance in her youth, Em had never been into casual relationships. She picked at crumbs, sorting them into little piles on her plate. ‘So there’s no future with you and Dig?’

  ‘Who knows? The thing is, neither of us are thinking about that. We’re taking each day as it comes. Which is why we’re not advertising what’s going on. People will only form expectations when that’s not the point.’

  ‘But what is the point?’

  ‘Like I said, comfort.’ And great sex. A thought that at last gave rise to a smile.

  ‘Oh, I know that look,’ said Em. ‘And I do not want to know.’

  Jas laughed. ‘Don’t worry, I won’t inflict that pain on you. You have enough of that from your gran.’

  With that exchange they were back to normal.

  Jas smiled at Em now, resplendent in her gown.

  Teagan leaned to press her shoulder against Jasmine’s. ‘She looks amazing.’

  ‘She does.’

  Teagan sighed. ‘I can only hope I look half as good.’

  The remark had Jas rolling her eyes. Teagan was a very pretty redhead, and since her move to New South Wales happiness shone from her pores, making her even more attractive. She glowed with good health and that special inner fire that being deeply in love ignited. Certainly Lucas clearly thought she was gorgeous, constantly smiling at her, whispering things, touching her hair and face and hands as if afraid some fairy would wave a wand and make her disappear from his life.

  Lucas had met Em and Josh when they floated Teagan’s horse Astra to The Falls, where she’d moved, but this was his first visit to her home town and introduction to her other friends, and what everyone noticed—other than Lucas’s movie-star looks—was his unadulterated adoration of Teagan. That he’d made her so happy granted him instant approval.

  ‘Any closer to setting a date?’ asked Jas.

  ‘Not yet. It’s more about where than when. Nearly all my family are here, while Lucas’s are mostly in western Sydney.’

  ‘You could always elope.’

  ‘That’s been suggested. More than once too.’

  ‘Singing Elvises in Las Vegas?’

  Teagan grinned. ‘Don’t tempt me.’

  ‘It’d be lovely if you were married here,’ said Em, catching their conversation. ‘But wherever you have it, we’ll be there.’

  ‘Even Vegas?’

  ‘You, madam,’ teased Jas, ‘will be barefoot and pregnant soon and won’t be able to go anywhere.’

  ‘I hope so.’ Em spread her palms over her flat belly. ‘The pregnant bit, not the barefoot.’

  ‘You’ll have stunning children,’ said Teagan wistfully.

  ‘Oh, right,’ scoffed Jas, ‘like yours and Lucas’s would be ugly.’

  Teagan appraised her. ‘You’d have good-looking children too, you know. Once we get you married off.’

  Jas and Em exchanged a glance. Jas took a hefty swig of champagne. Digby’s children by any woman would be gorgeous, but that wasn’t a thought-path she wanted to travel. She was going to be hurt enough without indulging in those kinds of fantasies. ‘By the time that happens I’ll probably be past it. Anyway, I’ll be too busy playing doting aunty to your broods.’

  It was another twenty minutes before Antje finished her pinning, by which time Jas had scoffed enough champagne to not only feel giggly but a touch lustful too. A few more minutes and they’d be off to meet Digby and the boys at the spa—Em’s idea for some fun bridal party bonding and indulgence. Perhaps she and Digby could sneak off somewhere for a massage of their own.

  Jas sighed and gave herself another scold, but the wedding and children chatter had embedded a lump of longing in her chest that refused to budge. She wanted Digby so badly it was painful, made worse by the knowledge that there was a limit on how much he could give in return.

  Teagan, who these days was teetotal, drove them to the town centre. After parking in Em’s car space behind PaperPassion they strolled in the sunshine to the side street where Lush Spa and Beauty was located. The day was suitably glorious, as if in celebration for them, and Jas thought they made a special group as they strode along the footpath, chatting and laughing.

  Em was also fizzed on champagne, although much less so than Jas, and greeted her fiancé with a kiss, before turning to smile at a nervous-looking Harry, and finally Digby. It was the first time they’d faced one another since Sunday, and though Jas had tried to broach the subject with Digby, he’d stonewalled every conversation with ‘I’m working on it’ and a quiet directive to leave it at that.

  Jasmine’s optimism that this might signal an end to their acrimony was flattened by Digby’s cool response to Em. His sister’s smile faltered as her joy was punctured by his emotionless stare.

  ‘Dig, please,’ whispered Jas. ‘Don’t spoil things.’

  He seemed hurt by the accusation. ‘I’m not.’

  ‘You barely smiled.’

  He let out a long breath. ‘I’m trying. But I’m not going to play happy families just for the sake of it. Not after how she treated you. And Felicity.’

  Jas glanced at the others. Teagan was observing them with curiosity, Em and Josh were pretending not to notice their tête–à–tête, while Harry was studying a poster advertising enzyme peels with something akin to terror. ‘It’s not me you should be worrying about.’

  Further conversation was interrupted by the sound of clapped hands demanding attention. Em had recovered from Digb
y’s snub and stood near the counter, smiling again. ‘Ready?’

  ‘Dig and I am,’ said Josh. ‘Harry’s not. The big girl. He’s terrified he’s going to get waxed and lose all his manliness like Samson.’

  Harry rolled his eyes. ‘At least I’ve got the testosterone to grow more.’

  It was a relief to have the tension eased by the boys’ ribbing. Even Digby seemed amused. Jas poked Harry in the ribs. He was so huge she barely came up to his armpit, but despite his powerful size, Harry was a big softie and much adored. ‘They’ll only wax you if you ask. Stop fretting.’

  ‘I wasn’t.’

  Jas grinned. ‘Sure, you weren’t.’

  Grace, the salon manager, stepped from the corridor and greeted them. ‘Everyone here?’ she asked.

  Em nodded. ‘And looking forward to it.’

  ‘Great. Everything’s prepared.’ Grace smiled at them in turn. ‘Now, girls first.’ Three women appeared at the entrance to the corridor that led to the treatment rooms, smiling and professional in their pristine white uniforms. ‘Em, you’re with Megan. Jas, if you’ll go with Sandy? And Teagan, we’ve paired you with Katie.’

  Jas snuck a squeeze of Digby’s fingers and was rewarded with a quick squeeze back. It was only a small thing, but the intimacy of it made her momentarily breathless. And she hadn’t missed the way he’d placed her first before Felicity, when talking about how Em had treated her. Combined with the champagne in her system, the thought that his feelings might be growing left Jas giddy.

  After kissing Josh farewell, Em waved at Harry and Digby and disappeared with her therapist with a call of ‘Enjoy!’ Throwing Digby a last promise-filled wink, Jas followed her.

  Two hours later she emerged to find Digby pacing the shop floor, Harry staring dazedly at nothing, and Josh regarding the corridor as if fearful Em might never reappear. All three held their fists jammed into their pockets.

  Bemused, Jas glanced at each of their faces in turn. ‘Good massages?’

  Josh and Digby returned with a solid ‘Yes’. All Harry could manage was a distracted ‘Mmm’ before drifting back off into ga-ga land.

  ‘Where’s Em?’ asked Jas.

  ‘Won’t be long,’ answered Grace from behind her desk. ‘She’s just getting changed. Did you wish to settle the bill?’

  Josh already had his wallet out. ‘I’ll pay for both Em and me.’

  Harry lined up behind him, fidgeting with his own wallet as he stared dopily towards the treatment rooms. Ignoring them both, Digby stepped alongside Jas and quietly asked where she’d left her car.

  ‘At Camrick.’

  ‘Shit.’

  She stared at him, wondering what the hell was going on. Then realisation dawned and the urge to giggle rose huge, only to be seared sober by Digby’s white-hot gaze. She knew that expression, the fire behind it. Heat pulsed in her groin, along with the need to escape the spa as fast as possible.

  Em emerged with Teagan just as Josh finished paying. He regarded his fiancée with an expression almost as blistering as Digby’s, before dragging his attention away to Teagan. ‘I’ll take Em home, if you like.’

  ‘Oh, good. Thanks.’ Teagan blushed slightly. ‘I should get back to Lucas.’ Then she caught Jasmine’s eye and winced. ‘Sorry, Jas. I’ll drop you back to Camrick, of course.’

  ‘I’ll take care of Jas,’ said Digby.

  ‘I should go too,’ said Harry, sounding as though his brain had vacated to another planet.

  ‘Hadn’t you better pay?’ said Josh.

  Now it was Harry’s turn to redden. Somewhere during his discombobulation he’d returned his wallet to his pocket. He glanced at the corridor and back at Grace. ‘Oh. Right. Sorry.’

  With everyone’s rides home arranged, Josh fairly hustled Em out the door. As soon as they’d paid, Teagan and Harry bid rapid-fire farewells and scuttled after them, leaving Digby and Jas alone.

  Digby passed a credit card to Grace. ‘I’ll take care of Jasmine’s account as well.’

  Jas stayed his arm. ‘No, I’ll look after it.’

  He shrugged her off and nodded for Grace to go ahead.

  ‘Digby!’

  ‘You can argue with me later.’

  She would too, once they’d dealt with more important matters. That Digby was probably rich enough to buy her a thousand spa sessions without putting a dent in his wealth was irrelevant—Jas could take care of herself.

  Digby was parked a short walk away. He crossed the distance with one hand on Jasmine’s back, urging her to match his long strides.

  It wasn’t until they were strapped in the car and Digby had taken a turn south that Jas spoke. ‘Not going back to Camrick?’

  ‘No.’

  She eyed the speedometer. Digby wasn’t speeding but it was obvious from the impatient wrench of his hands around the wheel that he was desperate to. ‘What about my car?’

  ‘I’ll drive you back later.’

  She kept her voice casual, as if unaware what was going on. ‘Must have been a hell of a massage.’

  Digby threw her a hot glance. ‘It was.’

  ‘From the way everyone was acting, all they could think of was getting laid. Except for Harry. Poor thing doesn’t have anyone to get laid with.’

  ‘Men have other techniques, you know.’

  ‘Really? Want to show me?’

  Digby’s eyes raked her breasts and lower, before flicking back to the road. ‘Only if you’ll show me yours.’

  Jasmine’s hand slipped between her thighs, her mouth tilted in a smug smile as Digby caught her movement and the car’s interior electrified. The power sex gave her over him was heady. ‘Now?’

  Digby swallowed and inhaled deeply. ‘Better not.’

  She used her other hand to fondle her breasts; already the nipples were turgid. God, this was turning her on. ‘Sure?’

  Digby lifted a hand off the wheel and wiped it down his leg, shifting uncomfortably as he did so. ‘You’re dangerous.’

  ‘Ah, but in a good way.’

  ‘In the best way, but if you keep that up we’ll end up in a paddock.’

  ‘I’m not sure I can hang on for that long.’

  He slid another look her way as she continued to tease. ‘Christ.’

  ‘Don’t speed now.’

  ‘Come on, Jas. Fifteen minutes. Even you can wait that long.’

  From the way she was feeling, Jas wasn’t so sure about that. She rolled onto her hip to face him, arm reaching across to finger circles over the back of his neck. ‘What will I get as reward?’

  ‘Promise no more touching yourself?’

  She pouted but agreed, only to immediately regret it when Digby spent the remainder of the trip describing exactly what he planned to do, leaving Jas flushed, panting and squirming like a worm.

  And wishing she could hold onto this sexy, playful man forever.

  CHAPTER

  20

  True dread didn’t set in until the week of the wedding. It crept up on Digby, silent and secretive, and like a nightmare evil twin, gave a vicious pinch when he least expected it.

  He’d been, if not happy, then as close to it as he’d been since Felicity died. Jas was driving him crazy in the best possible way. Her unrestrained and unapologetic sexiness was a siren’s call to his own desires. He adored her luscious body, the generosity of her lovemaking, her enthusiasm for trying anything, and her giggles when their experiments failed.

  But his happiness was due to more than sex. They laughed together, shared food and wine and television and beach walks. Talked about the town, swapped childhood anecdotes, compared their different perspectives of shared memories.

  It was when he’d shown her the final design for her garden, laid out properly on a large sheet of cartridge paper, that his sense that Jas was something more than a friend became truly real. He’d taken care with the plans, wanting her to see the potential of the space, the practical beauty it could provide. He filled outlines of the trees and shrubs in waterco
lours and labelled each with their botanical and common names. Pathways and garden beds were measured out, comfortable seats secreted in leafy bowers. Decking extended the house’s rear veranda, creating extra outdoor living space while keeping an all-important view of Oxy’s paddock, before stepping down to open lawn. At the beachside end, a pergola and barbecue area were measured out, a trail beyond leading to the dunes.

  ‘I have something for you,’ he’d said on Sunday night, hiding the rolled up cartridge paper behind his back. He’d worked on the plans all day in Uncle James’s study in Camrick. It was the one room in the mansion he claimed as private, and where he managed his business affairs. Or used to. After meeting Felicity, Digby had lost interest in his holdings. It was only after discovering Mike’s duplicity that he’d resumed scrutiny of his investments. Digby’s inheritance was extensive and though only part of his wealth was managed by the bank’s financial planning arm, in the hands of someone like Mike Boland, even that amount was too much.

  Jas had regarded him with one of her expressions. One eyebrow cocked, mouth tilted in one corner. ‘I bet you do.’

  He’d laughed and leaned in to kiss her. ‘Later, babe.’

  Using mugs and glasses as weights, he’d unrolled the plans on the kitchen bench, and stood back to let her study them.

  Jas peered at the layout and pursed her lips. ‘Is this for Camrick?’

  ‘It’s for here.’

  ‘Here?’ Her frown deepened. ‘What? You mean my garden?’

  ‘Yes.’ He leaned across her to point out the features. ‘See? That’s the back of your house. I’ve removed the rail and extended the veranda into a deck.’ He continued to demonstrate, highlighting the garden’s ease of maintenance, the entertainment areas, its secret crannies for surprise and privacy. Practical elements like pathways to the garage and relocated clothesline, access to Oxy’s paddock.

  ‘… and here I’ve added a lockable garden gate through to the dunes.’ He stared at her. Jasmine’s eyes were closed, her face scrunched as though against pain. ‘Jas?’