by C. Sunrise
“I’m not like Kace, you know,” he says as I rest my head on his chest while we stand there embracing each other. “We come from different places. Our pasts are very different and that has shaped us into the men we are today.”
He gently strokes my hair with one hand while the other rests on the small of my back, rubbing circles with his thumb. Then he places a soft kiss on my head, his lips lingering for a moment.
“I just want you to know that no matter what happens in the future,” he says, lifting my head to look me in the eye. “I truly care about you, Whoopsie. I love you. Those aren’t words I’ve spoken often in my life, and they aren’t easy for me to say. But I need you to hear it now, before it’s too late.”
He loves me? Blaze loves me?! I knew he was attracted to me, but I never expected this.
My heart races at his admission. This isn’t a ploy to get me naked, it’s coming straight from his heart. The sincerity in his voice and face and the fact that he used my full name instead of sugar tells me he wholeheartedly believes those words and hopes I will too. He isn’t the type to wear his heart on his sleeve, and that only makes his words even more powerful.
How do you reply to that? A man who rarely expresses his emotions has confessed his love for you. How could anything I say even come close to the significance of those words? Especially since I still don’t know what I want.
Do I care about him? Yes. Do I love him?
As I ponder this question, the answer becomes clear. I love him. I love both of them.
What a mess.
I used to tease Bel about her constant hook-ups, but what I’m doing is much worse. At least she wasn’t stringing two guys along at the same time and letting hearts get involved, giving them both hope but knowing someone would eventually get hurt. At least they both know about each other, and it’s not like we are sneaking around behind each other’s backs. This helps me feel a little less dirty about the situation. But I still feel quite dirty none the less, especially since I seem to have no ability to control my behaviour around these two.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, these boys will be the death of me.
I choose to show, not tell. I lace my hands behind his neck and draw him into a soft, passionate kiss. Not a passionate kiss that would lead to the bedroom, but one that shows him he has a place in my heart. He kisses me back with the same passion. Unlike our previous kisses, this one sparks something else inside me—something more than just a carnal desire to rip his clothes off.
He smiles against my lips, and then he pulls back and we stare at each other. The power of physical touch can be greater than words. It feels like the entire world has vanished around us. He gently brushes some hair away from my face, tucking it behind my ear. Then he sighs and places a soft kiss on my forehead, lingering for a few moments before stepping back and out of my embrace.
I smile and nod, not wanting the moment to end but letting it drift away peacefully. That was the moment I realised things would never be the same between us. Although I already knew he cared about me, I hadn’t realised how much he cared. I have a new understanding of Blaze and that has completely changed the way I look at him. He’s no longer another playboy out for a good time while trying to drive his cousin crazy; he’s a good man with a good heart. Who knew?
The next several days consist of sensory training with Blaze in the morning and fight training with Kace in the afternoons. I’m already experienced in fighting, but Kace teaches me to harness my beast, to move faster and improve my endurance. Exactly what I was hoping to learn.
Naturally, the close, intimate quarters with these two during training exercises leads to occasional unavoidable make out sessions.
Who can resist a gorgeous man staring deep into your eyes from inches in front of you, his breath tickling your lips? Or a man who you pin down in a rather compromising position during fight training and can feel his excitement growing beneath you?
Fortunately, these training slip ups only happen when I’m alone with one of the boys. Not that I wouldn’t entertain wrestling naked with both of them, but I don’t think they’re as eager to do that as I am.
Damn hormones.
By the time the weekend hits, I’m completely exhausted. Kace has to leave town for two days on business and The Aze Team is working at a big event at The Den and will have to stay there the entire time. Percy is still away, taking care of Papa’s business; he has been away since before I came back home. This means I have the whole house to myself for the weekend.
I spend Saturday morning lazing around and binge-watching various shows online. It’s nice to have a day where I don’t have to do anything. I don’t have to answer to anyone. I don’t have to be an adult. I can spend the day chilling in my pjs and replying to the occasional text message.
I scroll through my phone, looking at past messages with Blaze and Kace. They like to send random videos and links throughout the day—most are ridiculous or funny and some are more on the mushy side, more so if they are from Kace. I don’t know where they find half the stuff they send me or who comes up with these things.
I pause as I get to the messages from Bel. A small smile forms as I tap on her name in the list. My smile gets bigger as I scroll through all of our messages. Her personality shines through perfectly in her messages and it’s as though she is in the room with me. It seems like a lifetime ago that we were in the same room together. I get to the pictures from the night of my birthday and decide on my plans for the weekend.
‘Hey, Blueberry.’
‘Do you have plans this weekend? Can you come over?’
I type the message into my phone. My finger hovers over the send button for a moment before finally tapping it.
TWENTY-SIX
‘On my way!’
‘Need me to bring anything?’
‘Don’t answer. I’m bringing ice cream!’
‘And wine.’
‘Scratch that. You bring the wine. ;P’
‘See you in 30.’
‘Also, I’m spending the night.’
‘Pyjama Par-tae! I’m putting on my onesie now.’
I chuckle at Bel’s barrage of texts. I really have missed having her around, and I’m glad that I’m finally at a place where I can mend my relationships and move forward. Yes, I’m still pissed that everyone kept such huge secrets from me and I’m still struggling to get over that, but I know everyone thought they were doing the right thing. Also, I really just miss having Bel and the others around. I miss my parents too and can’t wait for them to get back; a little over one week to go.
Thirty minutes is enough time for me to enjoy a quick shower and dig through the closest to find my onesie. Bel and I have had matching onesies since we became friends many years ago. Every year we buy new, usually matching, onesies for each other for Christmas and donate the old ones to the local Women’s and Children’s shelter; it’s our Christmas tradition. This year, we ordered custom-made onesies from a small local shop in town. The owner said she would have them ready by Christmas, which I can’t believe is only a couple months away.
Maybe we should have ordered onesies for our beasts this year instead.
I chuckle at the image of my beast wearing a knit onesie with reindeer on it. That could be a hot seller, I’ll have to make a note of it in my ‘great ideas journal’.
I just finish throwing on my onesie and drying my hair when I hear the front door slam shut. Papa used to chastise Bel for waiting at the door. ‘You have no problem eating all our food, but yet you insist on ringing the damn doorbell. You are family Bel, just walk in.’ He would say. It seemed to take years before she was comfortable just walking into our house, but I’d say she’s more than comfortable now.
Seconds later, Bel comes screeching through my bedroom door, rushing over to me and embracing me in an aggressive teddy bear-like hug.
“You’re... choking... me,” I cough out.
“I have missed you so much!” She squeals in my ear.
She releases me from her death grip we walk down to the living room and get comfortable on the couch. We exchange the usual pleasantries, how are you, what’s new, and so on. Once that is out of the way, Bel immediately jumps in to explain her connection to my family and more specifically to my parents.
“As you know, I’m adopted and my adoptive parents weren’t exactly what I’d consider family to me,” she explains. “They had little interest in me growing up, and I used to get in lots of trouble. They moved here when a relative died and willed them their house. My parents aren’t the type to turn down free stuff. I didn’t know anyone here and spent most of my time alone until I met your family.” She pauses for a second as a smile creeps on her face. “Papa was the one who taught me about beasts and helped me learn how to control mine and to shift. He saved my life.”
I nod my head, keeping quiet and letting her continue with her story.
“I was walking home from school one day and I felt strange,” she explains as she fiddled with her fingers. “I had an overpowering urge to go to the forest. I ran until I found one of the hiking trails and wandered aimlessly down the trail. Once I was a fair distance down the trail and well into the forest, a strange burning sensation consumed my body—like I was overheating. I screamed as the pain became unbearable. Papa was out for a run and heard my screams. He came running over and explained that my body was shifting. Scared, confused, and hurt, I fought Papa. I thought he was some creeper that would offer me candy in his van or something. I resisted Papa and tried to run away, but the pain was too much for my little body. I dropped to the ground, writhing around as the pain consumed me.”
“I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you.” I reach over and squeeze her hand reassuringly.
“Papa didn’t give up on me.” She smiles warmly, the adoration and respect for Papa clear in her face and voice as she speaks. “He stayed by my side and spoke softly and calmly while gently stroking my arm. Which, to be honest, in any other situation would have been some real red flags for stranger danger. I didn’t know it at the time, but he was using his alpha command to help keep me calm. That and his physical touch were the only things stopping my heart from exploding in my chest. The pain went on for what felt like hours. It was getting dark by the time I completed the shift. Once I turned, I was too exhausted to do anything. I lay down in my beast form and fell asleep. Papa had called Momma in the meantime and she came rushing over with some of your clothes. They carried me back to your place because I didn’t have any identification on me, and they didn’t want to leave me alone in the forest or take me to the police and raise suspicions about our kind.”
I nod again while biting the inside of my cheek, and she continues.
“After that, Momma and Papa continued to help me. They taught me everything about our kind and how to control my beast, which was especially important since I was prone to the occasional outburst.” Bel quietly chuckles.
“What? No way, not my sweet, innocent Bel.” I tease and we both laugh.
“They made me a better person.” She lets out a heavy breath. “I shudder to think how my life would’ve turned out without them. I would’ve likely turned to a life of crime and ended up a rogue. I’ve heard stories about what happens to rogues. They’re hunted and killed. There is zero tolerance for unstable shifters, who could easily reveal our secrets. Papa used his alpha command to command me to not tell anyone about our secrets. That way, if I ever became a rogue, I would have a fighting chance at staying hidden. That’s also why I couldn’t tell you what was happening to you. I could only tell Momma and Papa that you were experiencing some changes.”
Her face expresses her shame as she talks about keeping secrets from me. We were always open with each other, and that was probably one of the main reasons our friendship lasted this long. But this was different. I’ve been told that alpha commands hold intense power over shifters and that once given a command by an alpha, the person must obey. This is another one of those ‘science can’t explain it yet’ phenomena I’m curious to know more about. The “magic” of the alpha command.
“Wow, Bel. I had no idea.” I sigh. “I’m sorry I was angry about you not telling me, even if you weren’t commanded to keep the secret from me it still wouldn’t have been your place to tell me. I can’t stay mad and ruin our friendship over that. I knew my parents treated you like one of their own, and now it makes sense. Are your adoptive parents shifters?”
“No, they are plain old humans,” she said, her voice laced with disappointment. “Maybe that’s why they we never bonded. Maybe they could feel that we were different.”
I nod, deep in thought. Bel’s story is yet another reminder just how lucky I am to have my parents. They truly are great people.
“Bel, can I see your beast?” I ask, suddenly changing the topic.
Her face lights up like a Christmas tree. “I have wanted to show you my beast for so long!” She squeals with excitement.
“Funny, Blaze said something similar. More than once.” I roll my eyes and we both laugh.
“I’ll have to take my onesie off first,” she says, as she stands up and then pulls on the zipper.
“I’ll cover my eyes and you can just let me know once you’ve shifted.”
“Sounds good, although you have seen me naked several times before. It’s not like I have anything to hide.”
I chuckle at her comment. She has a point. We’ve never been shy around each other. A body is just a body, nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. Something about this just seemed more private, more intimate.
Perhaps it would be good for me to watch another shift though, it might make me more comfortable when Kace and Blaze decide I’m ready to shift again. Listen to me; since when did I give a man, or in this case men, control over my body? Tsk tsk, I scold myself.
I look at her and nod, letting her know I’m ready for her to shift.
“All I need is popcorn,” I joke, and Bel throws a small pillow from the couch at me.
As with the others when they shifted, Bel makes the process seem simple and painless. It would appear that the teeth are the most painful part of the process, which is odd considering some of the more intense changes that happen. I make a mental note to ask about this later.
She completes the shift in a matter of seconds and before me stands a large, beautiful dog with bright blue eyes and black fur with occasional patches of off white. She doesn’t have a wolfy appearance to her but looks like a mix of black German shepherd and a husky. She isn’t as large as the others but still stands at eye level with me sitting on the couch.
Beautiful!
She tilts her head to the side, looking at me quizzically.
“Did you just hear me say that?” I ask, and she nods.
“Great. Now I can’t even think in human form anymore.” I mutter and she tilts her head to the other side. Another conversation for later. “You’re beautiful, Bel. Can I touch you?”
She nods and walks closer, putting her chin on my lap and looking up at me. I reach down and brush my hands along her head, down her neck, and along her back; her eyes slowly close as I continue stroking. Her fur is silky smooth, and I wonder if that’s another trait of shifters—beasts with perfect fur. I bring my hands back up to her head and scratch behind her ears. Almost immediately her hind leg comes up and awkwardly scratches at the side of her rib cage. Again, I’m in awe of the similarities between these huge beasts and common animals.
Suddenly a thought dawns on me. This is Bel. My best friend. Bel. I’m scratching behind my best friend’s ears.
I picture Bel’s human head on my lap instead of her beast’s and burst into hysterical laughter.
She takes a step back and looks at me with a confused look on her face. She shakes her head as I continue laughing, wiping the tears from my eyes. Seconds later she is back in her human form.
“Care to tell me what all that was about?” she asks as she puts on her onesie.
> I tell her about the image that popped into my head and she looks at me with her lip curled up at first and then joins me in laughter. Thankfully, not all of my thoughts are being transmitted to people around me. After a few minutes of laughing and discussing Bel’s beast, we head downstairs to eat. It’s too late for lunch and too early for dinner, so we make a simple afternoon snack of cheese and crackers.
While we eat, I try to explain the whole sharing my thoughts thing. I tell her all about my shift in the woods and how Kace and Blaze could hear me talk, but that just now was the first time anyone heard my thoughts when I was in my human form.
“Wait a second,” she says once I’m done explaining. “You shifted? Because Kace was about to murder Blaze because you were about to have sex with him just hours after having sex with Kace?”
I blush at her summary of recent events. It really sounds bad hearing it replayed like that, but it is accurate.
“Of course that’s what you would focus on in that story,” I say, rolling my eyes.
Without a word, Bel gets up and walks over to the basement door, opens it, and disappears. A few minutes later she reappears with two bottles of wine from the cellar. She walks over to the island and pulls out a wine opener from the drawer. She opens both bottles and walks over to the table, placing one in front of each of us.
“No glasses?” I ask with a confused look on my face.
“Girl, you just graduated slut school with top honours,” she replies while holding her bottle of wine in the air. “I’m so proud of you.”
I laugh and shake my head before bringing my bottle up to hers.
“Cheers to finally popping that cherry of yours with a total ten,” she says with a smirk as we clang our bottles together.
“Cheers,” I say, and we both take a drink from our bottles.
The rest of the weekend goes really well. We hang around talking, eating pizza and ice cream, drinking wine, and watching movies.