A lead ball hit him in the gut. With everything that had happened, he had forgotten all about Gwen. She would be sitting in Lee Green tomorrow on her own waiting for him to show up. Of course, she might spend the night in Peg’s house, or Dougal’s, though that wouldn’t make it any easier for her. But he couldn’t help it. He had promised to look after Lexie tonight, and he couldn’t let her down. He couldn’t even phone Dougal to explain. If Lexie knew he had promised to go to Lee Green, she would make him go.
He raised his head with a smile when she came back with a bottle of Five Star Cognac, and watched while she took out two goblets and almost filled them. Then, after sitting down beside him again, she murmured, ‘I don’t know what I’d have done tonight without you, Alistair, d’you know that?’
‘I’m just glad I was here, though I’m sure Liddell wouldn’t have gone back on duty if you’d been on your own.’
She gave a tremulous smile. ‘I wouldn’t be too sure of that. Doesn’t duty come first, last and always with a cop?’
‘Do you … is it serious between you?’
Shrugging sadly, she said, ‘I wish I knew. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I always pick men who can’t make a definite commitment to me.’
He took this as a hit at him. ‘Lexie, we were far too young …’
‘Forget what I said, I’m not thinking straight. You know, you don’t have to stay with me all night. I’ve got over the worst, and I’ll be all right.’
‘No, Lexie, if I leave now, you’ll go over and over things in your mind till you’re in a right old state.’
She looked at him cautiously. ‘I need to go over it again, Alistair. I want to remember how it happened. Now I know it wasn’t my father, maybe other details will come back to me. As a matter of fact, just a few minutes ago, something that man said came into my head. It was while he was … actually doing it, and he must have thought the sleeping pills he gave me had taken effect, but if he’d only realized, he was keeping me awake with the pain he was causing.’
‘I think you should try to forget,’ Alistair muttered, uncomfortably.
‘No, Al, I have to remember everything that happened that night, to lay it all out and see the truth of it, before I can let myself forget. Please don’t try to stop me.’
His heart aching with pity for her – or could it be that love was blossoming after all this time? – he put an arm around her and pulled her against him so that her head was resting on his shoulder. ‘Get it off your chest, then, but remember, I’m here to catch you if you feel you’re falling into a bottomless pit.’
She fished for his free hand and gripped it tightly, reassuring herself and drawing comfort from him before she began. She told him how happy her childhood had been, how her father had been everything a child could wish for, how he had given her a love of music. ‘I’m sure he was disappointed that I couldn’t sing for peanuts, but he never said anything. He was always loving towards Mum and me, and she was quite happy for him to be helping people out of little troubles they couldn’t see a way round themselves, men as well as women, and girls. Mum trusted him, that’s why it came as such a shock when he just went off. He hadn’t told her about Nancy, I don’t know why. If he had, things might have turned out differently. As it was, she couldn’t bring herself to believe he’d run away with a young girl, but there wasn’t any other explanation.’
Lexie suddenly twisted round to look up into Alistair’s face. ‘That’s really what killed her, you know, the thought of him betraying her and the nagging suspicion he could have been carrying on with other females for years.’
Her lovely blue eyes were pleading, her trembling lips only inches away from his as he looked down on her, and he was overcome with love for her, but he knew better than to kiss her – not yet. He had to let her work out the sequence of events, had to listen if she wanted to describe every move the evil doctor had made. ‘I’m sorry, my dear.’ It was all he could say.
She did go into every last detail which had flooded into her reawakened mind, describing Birnie’s lascivious face – although she said ‘drooling’ – as she undressed after taking the sleeping tablets. ‘He even unfastened my bra because my fingers wouldn’t work. I don’t think he put my pyjamas on for me. I think he wanted me naked …’ She shuddered. ‘Wait, though, something else is coming back …’ She closed her eyes for a few moments then whispered, ‘He was gripping my … breasts and moaning, not words, just sounds, then he muttered something about the sins of the fathers. It was after that, when he was fastening his trousers, that he gave a horrible, cackling laugh and said, ‘That’s paid you back for sticking your nose in where it wasn’t wanted, you interfering slimy bastard.’ I thought it was me he was calling names and I was too young to understand what they meant, but now I do.’
Alistair felt really uncomfortable at hearing what Lexie had gone through, but he had promised to listen and he supposed it was good that she could talk about it. Luckily for him, having satisfied herself as to what had been done to her and by whom, she didn’t want to go any further down that particular path.
For the last minute or two, she had been looking into the fire, but she swivelled round once more. ‘Maybe now you’ll see why I couldn’t let you do what you wanted, nor any of the other boys I went out with, locals and boys from Ardley Camp during the war. Not only that, I couldn’t forget you, Al, you were always there in my mind. Even after you got married, I still believed I could get you back. After I met Gwen, though, I knew I’d just been fooling myself. That reminds me, have you heard from her yet?’
He shook his head vehemently. It was true – he hadn’t heard from Gwen. He’d only heard of her through Peggy when she phoned. ‘Since she went away, I’ve been thinking more about how things used to be between us, Lexie. I think I did love you, but …’
‘But I was too eager?’
‘Aye, that was it. We … I’ve wasted a lot of years, Lexie … darling.’
She gave him no encouragement – he had to lift her chin with his thumb – but the minute their lips touched he believed that he could sense the electricity between them. ‘Oh, Lexie,’ he groaned.
Strangely, he didn’t even think of going any further than that. It wouldn’t have been fair to her after what she had learned earlier, and he was content just to hold her in his arms and stroke her fine blonde hair.
They stayed like that until the fire died down. ‘Will I put on more coal?’ he asked.
‘It’s hardly worth it. It’s ten to ten.’
‘Yes, it’s time you went to bed. I’ll sleep on the couch, if you look out a couple of blankets for me.’
She propped herself up on one elbow and looked deep into his eyes. ‘I don’t want you to sleep down here. Come upstairs and just be there for me – if that’s all right?’
He wasn’t too sure of the wisdom of this – in such a situation wouldn’t he be tempted? – but if that was what she wanted, he would do his best.
Later, lying on top of the bedcovers while she slept in fits and starts in the crook of his arm, he thought of his wife, who would be expecting him in the morning; of his children, who would believe that he was on his way to London until Peggy or Gwen phoned to let them know he hadn’t arrived. But he resolutely put all thoughts of them out of his mind. What did anything matter? He had been reunited with Lexie and she would never, ever, let him down.
Chapter 36
Chilled to the bone despite the electric fire which Lexie had switched on so that he wouldn’t be cold, Alistair regarded it doubtfully; he could just make out the faint glow of the spiralled strip of its single element; there didn’t seem to be any heat coming from the damned thing. Shouldn’t it be brighter than that? Lexie must be warm enough, though. Astonishingly, despite what she had learned last night, she was fast asleep, not, however, an altogether peaceful sleep. Her body was restless, moving, jerking involuntarily every now and then.
Poor lass. She hadn’t had an easy life, especially with that awful s
uspicion about her father at the back of her mind for so many years. Thank goodness she knew the truth now, which, he had to admit, much as it went against the grain, was entirely due to the efforts of Detective Inspector Roderick Liddell. Still, there was no need to be jealous of him now. With the case solved, he wouldn’t be bothering Lexie much longer. She’d be free to get on with her life, a life that she had dreamed of for twenty years, a life with her first and only love.
Alistair’s sigh came out louder than he intended, so loud that his companion stirred and opened her eyes. ‘Are you OK, Al? You look cold.’
‘I’m not too bad,’ he fibbed. ‘Go back to sleep. You need all the rest you can get.’
‘I haven’t really been asleep, just dozing off and on. I’ve been conscious of you there all the time, thank goodness. Come under the blankets and speak to me.’
Ignoring the warning bell ringing in his head, he hoisted himself up then slid in beside her. ‘You are cold!’ she exclaimed. ‘You’re shivering. Come closer till I see if I can get some heat into you.’
She moved over and he obediently lay in the spot she had vacated for him, his temperature shooting up with the heat of her as she snuggled against him. Good God, he thought, that wasn’t bad going – from well below zero to well above boiling point in a couple of seconds – but he said nothing, for fear of breaking the spell.
‘I’ve something to tell you, Al,’ she murmured after a while.
His limbs feeling as if they belonged to him again and wouldn’t cut off her circulation if they touched her, he put an arm round her and ran his hand gently down her back. He wanted to show that he loved her, too, that he had come to his senses at long last. Her little intake of breath showed that the caress had pleased her, but he wanted to hear her say what he was sure she was going to say. ‘Yes? What is it, my darling?’
She kissed him first. ‘Oh, Al, my dear, dear Al. All my life it was you I wanted …’
‘Yes,’ he breathed, ‘and you’ve got me now.’
‘But that’s just the point,’ she whispered. ‘Now I know I can have you …’
His kiss was tender. It wasn’t time yet for passion. ‘There’s no need for you to worry, my darling. I know what you’re trying to say.’
‘Do you?’ She sounded surprised. ‘How could you? You can’t have guessed?’
‘Yes, it wasn’t difficult, all the signs were there.’
‘But we tried to keep it a secret till …’
This wasn’t going as he thought. In fact, his mouth had dried up, the chill had settled on him again. ‘We? You and who else? Oh, no!’ The understanding almost crushed him. ‘Don’t tell me that bloody ’tec’s been at you, got you fooled.’
She pulled away from him. ‘Alistair, that’s not fair. Roddy’s been very good to me, very considerate, and I love him … more than I ever loved you.’
He didn’t believe her. He had caught her on the raw, and she was trying to get back at him by saying that. ‘You hardly know him. How long is it since you met him?’
‘Long enough. It doesn’t take long to fall in love, and it doesn’t take long to be sure if the other person loves you back.’
‘You can’t know that for sure.’ Alistair was fighting against the intrusive feeling that it wasn’t only Gwen who had betrayed him. ‘I bet he’s married and you’re just a bit on the side for him.’
Her open hand slapped his cheek, and as he jumped back, she spat out, ‘Thank you for those kind words!’ Her voice was icy. ‘But let me tell you, his wife died over five years ago, and I would trust him before you, any day! Get out of my house, Alistair Ritchie, and I don’t want to see you ever again!’
Needing no second telling, he leapt out of bed, scuttled down the stairs and slammed out of the house. His mind was in such a state of torment that he completely forgot parking his car at the shop door the day before and walked in the other direction … and carried on walking, sheer instinct alone guiding his feet. All he was conscious of, apart from the jagged pain of rejection, was self-pity, an overwhelming deluge of self-pity. Why did all these bad things have to happen to him? What had he done, for God’s sake, that he had to be punished for it? Hadn’t he fought for his King and country? Hadn’t he endured over two years in a prisoner-of-war camp? Hadn’t he worked his gut out to run a business successful enough to keep his family in a decent style?
And then he’d been felled by learning that his wife had cheated on him while he was away, that she had filled her lonely hours with another man, that she had even let this other man make love to her and plant a child inside her. All that of course, according to her, was Marge’s fault, and God had certainly punished her. One smack with a sewage pipe and poof!
Poof? Why did that remind him of something? Somebody? Somebody who said ‘Poof’, and snapped his fingers? His fingers. Yes, it had been a man. Manny! Manny Isaacson. Oh, if only those happy days could come back again. If only there had never been a war. If only he had never made Gwen take their children to Forvit. If only he’d never left Forvit in the first place. He would likely have married Lexie, and they’d have been happy ever after. She wouldn’t have broken her marriage vows.
Alistair had no control over his thoughts, which were leading him to ridiculous heights of improbability … nor over his feet, which were taking him towards the tower, his old trysting place with Lexie. They were averse to going home, where, his subconscious mind told him, lay decisions to be taken, explanations to be made, neither of which he was capable of at the present time.
There was a light layer of frost on the stony path, making his footsteps crackle as he made his way up the hill, and the scrub and clumps of heather on either side of him seemed to be ghostly, uneven, white shapes in the dim light of the half moon. When he reached the track which branched off to the right, the way to his own house, he stomped past it, firmly set now on getting to the old tower which had deteriorated even further since he was a youth, to the place where he could be sure of peace to think, to confront whatever it was that had been bothering him, ripping him apart.
Reaching his goal, he sat down on the far side, leaning against the crumbling stone wall, drawing his feet up and putting his arms round his knees. Why was he in such a state? What had happened to him? He felt completely and utterly lost, with no friends, no family, to guide him. Oh, Manny, if only you were here. You would advise me. You would keep me right. You would help me to make my decision.
What decision, though? That was the point. The ache inside him was growing angrier at the thought of having to make it. Clearly, whatever choice he made would not be a happy one. Nothing in his life would be happy now. Nothing could be even the least little bit happy any more. It was to do with … two women. That was it. One woman he loved, and the other woman he … also loved?
He sat up with a start. Where was Lexie? Why had she left him up here on his own, with these big boulders all round him. What if more bits fell down? Would anybody care if he was hurt, or killed? Nobody!
Gradually, however, as he sat regarding the surrounding stones with distaste rather than fear, a picture of two small children returned to him. Two fair-haired children – a boy and a girl. But there was another child’s face intruding – a face topped with bright ginger hair, an appealing face but one he didn’t want to see.
He closed his eyes, and tried to conjure something else up, and thankfully it was Lexie who came into his inner view. But where was she? Something was wrong somewhere, something far wrong. He had to find her … as soon as he could, before she …
Rising unsteadily to his feet, he skirted the debris and set off down the hill again, his feet, this time, scarcely taking time to touch the ground. But it wasn’t dark now. It was morning, early morning. His mind on what he knew was an urgent quest, he broke into a desperate run, gaining further momentum on the last steep slope before the track joined the road.
He didn’t see the single-decker bus coming, and even if he had, he would have been unable to stop.
&nbs
p; ‘Something could have happened. Why don’t you phone the shop and find out …?’
‘No, Peg, I know exactly what’s happened,’ Gwen interrupted. ‘He’s changed his mind. He’s had time to think, and he still can’t forgive me.’
‘Go home, anyway,’ her sister pleaded. ‘For David’s sake, and Leila’s.’
Shaking her head, Gwen murmured, ‘It’s for their sakes I’m not going back. Alistair can be very nasty, as I found out, and there would likely be another big scene. I can’t put them through that again. In any case, he probably wouldn’t let me in.’
‘Haven’t you got the doorkey with you?’
‘I didn’t think …’
‘I don’t suppose it matters.’
After a few minutes’ silence, however, Peggy suddenly said, ‘Don’t you love him any more, Gwennie?’
She didn’t have to think about this. ‘I’ve never stopped loving him, but it’s obvious he doesn’t love me now, so what’s the point?’
‘The point is,’ her sister said brusquely, ‘that you are his wife, and not only that, you have two children to think of.’ She paused, then went on, cautiously, ‘Yes, just two. It’s easier all round if you forget … Once we take Nicky to America, Alistair might come round.’
‘Do you think so?’ A trace of hope appeared in Gwen’s eyes.
‘It’s possible.’
* * *
‘It’s funny Dad hasn’t phoned yet,’ David said, as he and his sister were walking down to catch the bus. ‘He should have got to Lee Green by now.’
‘Maybe Mum and him were too busy talking to notice the time,’ Leila comforted. ‘One of them’ll likely phone the shop this forenoon.’
The Back of Beyond Page 46