by Xavier Neal
Should I pour a little gasoline on this fire? No? What do you mean no? Why are you choosing his side?
I readjust my head on Tony’s shoulder, which is when Logan snarls loud enough for all of us to hear. Tony rolls his head over towards Logan and asks, “Something in your throat?”
“You want something in your face?”
“Do we have a problem?” Tony sits up. I push my body off of his and fold my arms across my chest.
“You’re in my goddamn seat.”
“Didn’t see your name on it.”
“Let me write it for you in your own blood, pretty boy.”
Mockingly Tony says, “Aw. You think I’m pretty.”
“I think you’re—”
“Enough!” Erin tosses her hands in the air shooting up. “Sit in my seat.”
Pleased, Logan flops down next to me on the other side while Erin relocates to the recliner.
Well…that fucking backfired.
The room settles back down so that the only noise is coming from the T.V. and the heavy breathing from the two overly riled up men beside me.
Sure. Tony doesn’t have feelings for me, but he hates the way Logan treats me. He’s made that crystal clear. And no, Logan hasn’t caught on to the fact me and Tony are only friends, but what does it matter anymore? He’s back to his old ways, remember?
“Kellar, Luke left something for you on the counter.” Erin mentions casually. “And there’s left over Chinese food in the fridge.”
“Maxx didn’t eat all her sesame chicken did she?” He threatens to smile.
“Actually she shared sweet and sour with me.” Tony’s words cause Logan to stiffen back up.
Logan’s eyes lower to glare at me. “You shared food with him?”
“Oh you can share a hotel room with the sluttiest girl in town, but you are gonna go all 1770s on me and tell me I can’t share food with a friend?” My voice booms.
Sitting up on the edge of the couch Logan says slowly, “What did you just say?”
“And now you need a hearing aid? Did all of Liz’s screaming blow an eardrum?”
Logan opens his mouth respond when Tony stands up. “I should go.”
“Good idea,” Logan says sharply.
“Not leaving for you, Kellar.” Tony clarifies as I watch him pull out his phone. “I have a date.” Shooting me a look he smiles. “Text me if you need me.”
“Always.” My assurance causes Logan to growl.
“What are you a grizzly bear now?”
Oh shit. I meant to say that to you not him!
“Did you just call me a grizzly bear?” His voice over powers Tony’s who says goodbye once more before disappearing out the front door.
“Ugh.” I respond, standing up.
Following the motion, he blocks my path, and sternly says, “We. Need. To. Talk.”
“You know, I don’t really feel like talking.” My snarky tone is followed by me bracing my arms against my chest. “Since Liz’s lips aren’t busy wrapped around your dick, why don’t you see if she’s up for it?”
His eyes shut. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“No?”
The minute his mouth opens his cell phone goes off. Reluctantly, he reaches into his pocket and stares at the screen. Shaking his head he points a finger at me. “We’re not finished.”
“Oh…but we are…” I say and walk around him as he answers the call.
This time…I think we really are.
CHAPTER 13
MAXX
Once upon a time, pre Fight Night was something I looked forward to. Ice cream. Video games. Laughs. Hope. And now, every time it comes around there seems to be more dread submerged in it than before.
“You’re avoiding going home,” Tony snaps as he closes his laptop.
“I am not.”
“You so are.” He chuckles, sliding it into his shoulder bag. “Still haven’t talked to Kellar huh?”
His name alone makes me wanna eat something.
Yes. I’m an emotional eater. Fucking sue me. Or give me a slice of pie. In fact, I’d prefer the pie. Pecan if you have it.
“Sorry about yesterday,” I say sheepishly.
“You knew what you were doing.” He pulls the bag onto his shoulder. “And I don’t blame you. But I don’t wanna be a pawn anymore, Maxx. We have a friendship and I like it. But don’t put me in the middle of anymore of your attacks please.”
“Sorry,” I whisper. “You didn’t deserve that. I was out of line. I know I was. I was just…not thinking straight.”
His hand lifts my chin up. “It’s all good. And you can reach me whenever you need me. That’s what friends are for.”
Him. Did you hear him? This is the kind of a guy I should want! That we should all want. Understanding. Caring. Thoughtful. Why didn’t I go this direction? Why did I go the other fucking way? That’s right. Because that’s how it works in the movies! Because that’s how it works in books! When I get home I’m burning all my books for being full of lies and slander! No. No! I take that back! I could never hurt a book…well like that. I may or may not have thrown a novel across the room a time or two in my life. Oh come on, I know you have too! Or you’ve at least thought about it.
“Now go home. Enjoy dinner. And you can call me if you need to.” He plants a brotherly like kiss on my forehead.
“No date?” I follow him out of the office, my own computer bag dangling from my shoulder.
“Flop last night. Major.”
“Problem?”
Shaking his head while we walk out the back exit he says, “Just wasn’t what I was looking for.”
A thought wanders into my head. “Tony?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you even know what you’re looking for?”
He uncomfortably scratches the back of his neck before pulling the keys out of his pocket. “No.”
I watch Tony climb into his car waving goodbye at me while he’s suddenly stuck in the moment.
What’s worse? Having no idea what you want, getting lost while you try looking for it, or knowing exactly what you want, but not being able to have it? Clearly either way is a Catch 22. But shouldn’t one of the shitty choices be remotely less shitty?
After taking the long way, not only to avoid traffic but to reduce the time that I have to be in the same house with my former best friend, I eventually arrive home. Seeing his car in the driveway causes me to close my eyes as my head hits the headrest.
You can do this, Maxx. You can do this. Just go in the house and head straight to your room. Make no eye contact with Erin. You can eat the stash of Twinkies in your room for dinner.
Quickly, I grab my stuff and hustle to the front door with my game plan in mind. However the minute my feet are free from my shoes and I turn to head up the stairs, Logan is traveling down.
You knew this was gonna happen.
Before either of us has a chance to leak out a word Luke’s voice bellows, “Both of you. Dinner. Now.”
In unison we croak out, “But—”
“Now.” Luke firmly states.
Knowing better than to argue with him, the two of us stroll into the kitchen side by side to sit in our spots. Once we’re seated Erin sweetly puts a plate of seafood pasta in front of each of us. My stomach gurgles the moment the smell invades my nose.
Judas! Food and sex force it to turn its back on me! Every time! I should turn my back on it! Though this food smells too good to blame my body for wanting it.
I pick my fork up and take a bite, silence circling the table.
Erin taps her finger against her wine glass. “So you’re not gonna talk?”
After finishing the mouthful I force on a fake smirk. “Sure, honey. What do you wanna talk about? The weather? Sports? The new book I ordered online yesterday?”
“I meant to each other, smartass.” The look on her face shows that she’s not even mildly amused.
“If she would stop being so fucking stubborn I would,” Logan s
ays, shoveling a forkful of food into his mouth.
“And when would you like me to stop being stubborn? Now, or the next time you go to a hotel with a girl who’s seen more action than a video ho at the BET awards?” Erin snickers and I shake my head. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Clearly there is.” Luke puts down his fork. “And left to your own devices you two can’t seem to solve this little problem, like it’s some sort of fucking Rubix Cube. Talk to each other.”
Neither of us says anything.
Luke demands, “And talk now.”
“Nothing to say.” I lie.
“Bullshit,” he says. “I mean it, Maxx. I’m putting my foot down. Enough is enough. Talk to each other.”
“Okay.” I toss my fork. “Fine.” My head shoots sharply in Logan’s direction. “You are a man slut.”
Not my prettiest colors.
Taken off guard, Logan pushes his plate away from him. “That’s where we’re gonna start?”
“Yeah.” I push my plate away too. “Let’s start with the fact that you can’t keep your dick in your pants!”
“It’s in there now.”
“Thank God,” Erin mutters.
“And where was it two hours ago? Do you even remember the girl’s name?”
“Maxx—”
“Why Logan?”
“Why what?”
“Why? Why do you have to fuck every girl that comes your way?”
“I haven’t slept with anybody since you!”
“Survey says…” I point to an imaginary board behind me. “Bullshit! Ding! Ding! Ding!”
Eerily calm he says, “It’s not bullshit, Maxx.”
“Looks like shit, smells like shit, came out of your ass…it’s probably shit.”
Can’t you help me here with some of these lines? I’m too pissed off to think straight.
“You accuse me of fucking around when every time you walk away from me, you walk straight into the arms of another dude!”
Point. Logan.
Erin catches the look of panic on my face. “Maybe we should stop this.”
“Let. Them. Fight.” Luke’s demand is immediately followed by Logan shouting again.
“You wanna sit back and accuse me of getting my dick touched when I watched you let some other guy feel you up like you’re as easy as sliced bread?”
Annoyed I huff, “Did you just call me easy?”
“He called you sliced bread,” Erin repeats.
“Sh.” Luke scolds his sister.
“Do you know what the fuck it feels like to watch the girl who you claimed as your own drunkenly let some random prick fondle her in public?”
“I’m pretty sure I have a good general idea since that’s your goddamn M.O.!”
“Fuck you for that, Maxx. I’ve been nothing but fucking faithful to you since I said I chose you!”
“Side stepping that blatant LIE, you only said that to get me into bed!” My voice shrieks so loudly I scare myself a little.
“That’s what all this is about?” His voice now sounds hurt, broken even. “You think that I kissed you in a room full of people as a way to manipulate you into letting me fuck you?”
Okay when he says it like that, it makes me sound, and feel, a little crazy.
“You think that I’m such a lowlife that I would say anything to convince you to get into bed?”
I don’t voice an answer.
In a cocky tone he leans back in his seat and grunts. “What pisses you off more, Maxx? The fact that you’re right, or the fact that the first time in four years that you spread your legs was just to be another notch on my bedpost?”
A sharp gasp comes from everyone at the table.
I heard yours too!
Rising to my feet, barely able to stop trembling, I wet my lips, a tear begging to drop. “And let those be the last words you ever fucking to say to me.”
Without another word spoken from anyone, I storm out the front door, purse, keys, and phone in hand.
How about you do me a favor and make sure to remind me of this moment the next time he’s on his knees begging for forgiveness, huh? The next time that I even consider sending him a heated glance remind me that he admitted I am nothing special, nothing different, nothing more than another checked box on a long list of fucking conquests.
CHAPTER 14
LOGAN
I can’t believe I just fucking said that.
“Kellar.” Erin’s voice is even toned.
I pull my plate back to me.
Maybe if I ignore her—
She slams her wine glass down. “In the car.”
“But I’m eating.”
Outraged, she yanks my plate away and tosses the entire thing in the trash. “And now you’re done. Car. Now.”
Running my fingers through my hair I slam my chair back. With my body slumped I cave to her command.
No point in fighting with her. As pissed as she is, I wouldn’t be surprised if we were going on this car ride for her to kill me and hide my body in the woods. I fucking deserve it. Of all the fucked up things I’ve done and said in my life, that officially tops the list.
My head is hung low while I follow Erin to her car, leaving Luke alone to fester in the disaster that is dinner. This disaster that is pre Fight Night.
When the fuck did my life get so fucking bad? Oh that’s right. The minute I was born. Fucking Kellar curse. And if you didn’t believe in that shit, I bet you do now.
I plop down in Erin’s car, buckle my seat belt, and stare straight ahead at the garage door. For a bit nothing happens. Neither of us moves or says anything.
Is there really anything to say at this point? I’ve got my foot so far down my throat right now I should shit shoe laces.
Suddenly, a very loud, “FUCK!” comes out of Erin’s mouth.
I shut my eyes. “I know.”
“How the fuck could you say that to her?”
“I don’t know.”
“What the hell do you mean you don’t know?!”
“I mean, I don’t know!” I scream back squeezing my eyes tight as the argument replays in my head. “One minute I was ready to fucking explain everything to her, and the next I was so goddamn irate that she really believed I would treat her like a random piece of ass! That’s not fucking fair, Erin! I didn’t deserve that!”
“And she did?” Her voice drops.
My eyes don’t budge open. “I was wrong for what I said.”
“You were so beyond wrong.” She finally backs out of the driveway. “You were so far passed the line of wrong that you need a fucking passport to return to it!”
Don’t laugh. It’s not funny.
“It’s over isn’t it?” The words fall out of me leaving a clear hollow feeling behind.
When Erin doesn’t respond I finally lift my eyelids. “All of it. It’s over.” Silence nestles between us. I do my best to steady my breathing, but it’s hard. It’s unstable. Every time my chest contracts it feels like it’s gonna cave in.
Which is fine really. There’s nothing left in there anyway. The one thing that gave me life I just fucking threw away because why? My feelings were hurt? When did I turn into such a fucking pussy? And how the hell am I supposed to teach the Kid to be a man about his shit when I can’t even step up to my own?
“Remember the first time we went on our drive?” Erin asks, her voice more mellow than I’ve ever heard it.
And yet I recognize that tone. It’s the one we use when we know life is fucked up beyond all repair. When we know there’s no turning back. When we know there’s nothing left behind for us to turn back to.
“It was about a week after your parents died. Maxx had barely seen you. Luke hadn’t seen you at all. Practically no one could find you, like you were some sort of depressed Waldo. But I did. And I told you to get your ass in the car we were going for a drive.”
The memory fades back to me while I watch the cars pass the setting sun. “Yeah. And you told me I
didn’t have to talk to you. I didn’t have to listen to you. All I had to do was get in.”
Erin takes a left turn down a neighborhood road. “Same story today, Kellar. You don’t have to talk. You don’t have to listen. You just have to ride…”
Music invades the vehicle and I close my eyes again.
When I was little, four or five, sometimes after she got a lashing from the old man, my mom would put me in the car once he passed out and take me for a drive. It was never long or far because she didn’t want him to know she’d been driving, not to mention that if he had hit in her in the face chances were she couldn’t see…but she would put me in the car and the calmness of the atmosphere would put me right to sleep. I’d always felt safe. Protected. Like the rest of the world couldn’t harm me in those minor moments. That’s the story I told Erin that night. She’s the only person who knows. Well, and now you.
CHAPTER 15
MAXX
Tony hands me another Oreo as he sits on the couch. His arm gently nudges me to lay my head down on his leg while I stay curled in the fetal ball I have rolled myself into. Somehow between sniffling and crying I have managed to devour almost an entire package of Oreos and half a gallon of milk.
I just got fucking dumped! I can eat like a cow! Stop judging me! Whoa. Sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. After all, it’s not your fault I crawled into bed and opened my legs for the first time in four years just to be a notch someone’s bedpost, right? Ugh. Asshole!