“You’re only saying that because you’ve found a patch of light in what you’re working on. Luck had me finding you at this time in your career.”
“Don’t play yourself short, Rosa. You give me reason to strive to be something more. A better man and a better musician.”
Those words struck a chord so deep in her that she knew if she didn’t pull away now, she’d be forever lost to him. With a strength she was surprised she possessed, she slipped her hand away from his and stepped away from the bed.
“You shouldn’t be so candid. It’s only a matter of time before the world sees the mad genius that has always been hidden in their midst. If it’s anyone’s time to shine, it’s yours. My time was buried with my past.”
“And I think your judgment is biased since you seem to like me,” he teased.
She gave him a smile and she searched the floor for her clothes with her feet stretching out along the rug. “Perhaps.”
“You’re a better musician than I, Rosa. Don’t try and deny that. I’ve been listening closely this past week.”
She was not better than he. They were very different. She would never play in the public eye again; he, on the other hand, would become a household name. Celebrated and appreciated for the beautiful music he created.
“My playing hit its plateau long ago, Teddy. Surely you see this as the truth. I will never be more than a muse.”
“I can’t say I agree with your self-deprecating opinions.”
He was wrong. It didn’t matter that she had a widely celebrated past or that she’d been a genius in the eyes of royalty. None of it mattered now that she was blind, now that she’d lowered herself to becoming a courtesan.
They were both silent as she found her chemise and pulled it over her head.
Teddy was in front of her, handing her the rest of her clothes. “I could arrange for you to be heard.” His offer was sincere, questioning. He wanted her to say yes, but she wouldn’t.
“They would only see my disability. It wouldn’t be about the music.” She turned away, feeling tears threaten the last thread of her composure. She’d lived her fantasy for nearly a week; it was time to walk away before it was too late. “You will be the rage in London when you open up the Hanover Square Rooms. You’ll be lauded widely and requests will come in from everywhere between Frankfurt and Vienna for you to play for them. The concerto that you’ve written is beyond what words can describe.”
“I can only hope it’s well received. Everyone will have high expectations after having written nothing for so long. I’ve not shared this latest one with anyone but you. I haven’t even shared it with the musicians I’ve been putting together these past few weeks.”
She sat on the edge of the bed and put on her stockings, once done she handed him the rest of her clothes, she’d need help doing up her bodice, she turned and gave him her back.
“The musicians will be ecstatic to have the opportunity to play this piece. I believe in your work and in your gift for music, Teddy.”
“You are the only inspiration I need to move forward.” Once he was finished tying her bodice, her turned her around. “You’re a distraction that I couldn’t do without.”
She frowned at that. “You might think that now, but once our lives are back to some sense of normal, you’ll hardly notice the change. Everything you’ve accomplished you’ve done on your own.”
“Don’t underplay your role in all this,” he said.
“I didn’t intend to. I just think you are losing sight of what is important in your life. I’ll be but a passing memory.”
“You’re right, I can’t think straight where you’re concerned. Not when I’m with you, not when I’m away from you. While you might think you fill the role of mistress and companion, you’re much more than that to me.”
She ran the tips of her fingers down the side of his face, feeling the smooth line of his cheek and jaw. “I don’t know how to even respond to that,” was all she could manage. She didn’t want to disappoint him, but they would inevitably part ways and she knew that would tear her up on the inside.
So she gave him a flippant response instead of being truthful to what she felt. “You know how to flatter a woman.”
Fingers threading through hers, he pulled her hand away from his face. “I speak truthfully and from the heart.”
She heard the frustration tightening his voice.
“I never said your words were false, but you have to realize that I have my own life I have to get back to. There comes a time when everyone has to move on and our time is closer to wrapping up than either of us wants to believe.”
“You make it sound like we’d be no good for each other. I’m inviting you to stay. I don’t know for how long, but I do want you here. I’d be happy if you stayed until winter finished.” She shook her head, striving for fortitude, which escaped her with his sincere request. He pressed his finger to her lips before she could respond. “Don’t answer now. I’m asking that you consider it.”
Sensing he’d brook no argument, she nodded her agreement.
All Rosa knew was that she could not afford to lose her heart to this man. Staying here would destroy any resolve she had to deny him and losing herself in the process was a price she couldn’t pay.
SHE WASN’T GOING TO STAY. She hadn’t come back after making excuses to leave for a couple of hours, either. So the question was: What was she so afraid of?
Not having an answer to that question, he’d given her a little time away from him since she craved it so thoroughly. Instead of pursuing her like he wanted to do, he’d spent the better part of the afternoon scribbling down the finishing touches of one of her piano pieces. Did she have a title for it? He scrolled her name above the stave on the right of the page. Miss Rosalie Montgomery.
Carrying the music over to the desk, he dusted a handful of sand over the drying ink. One down; how many more could he convince her to share? Leaning closer to the music lit by soft candlelight, he blew the sand away from her name. It truly was a work of art, and only lacked a title. Grabbing the pen up again, he dipped it into the ink and scrolled Sonata in C-sharp Minor along the top. Now it looked much better.
Pulling his pocket watch from his vest, he flipped the cover open. Dinner would be in an hour. He should search out his lady friend in the meantime. See if she’d take a walk with him or maybe join him for an aperitif so he could play her piece for her now that he’d finished transcribing it.
Teddy made his way to her room and rapped lightly on the door. Her maid answered. “My lord,” she said with a curtsy, then opened the door enough for him to enter. “His lordship is here to speak with you, Miss Rosalie.”
Teddy took a quick look around the room. There was no mistaking Rosa’s intent; she was packing her bags. “Have I done something to offend you?”
“No. Nothing of the sort.”
Rosa picked up where the maid left off and folded articles of clothing and placed them in a neat stack on her bed.
“Why are you leaving?”
“I’ve overstayed my welcome. With your concerto nearly completed, you don’t need me anymore. You’ll start regular rehearsals this week and everything will fall into place once that starts.”
“That’s a bald-faced lie, and you know it.”
She turned away from him, and sat on the edge of the bed, shoulders slumped forward, hands clutched around a shawl she’d been folding. “I can’t stay. We are both becoming too distracted.”
He walked farther into the room, fighting his first instinct to go to her and hold her. He knew doing that would only push her further away from him right now. “Tell me what you need.”
“Time, Teddy. I need time. We’ve lost track of what we were doing.”
“I can’t agree with that. We’re exactly where we should be, but if you need some time alone, I can give you a few days.”
“I can’t stay in this house with you.”
No, of course she couldn’t. Hell, he didn’t eve
n know what he wanted out of their union. Yes, he did. He wanted ... more. But what did more encompass? Rosa was used to living her life alone and outside of the rest of the world, and while he appreciated the need for privacy, being a very private man himself, he didn’t want to be without her.
He sat next to her on the bed so they were shoulder to shoulder.
“A few days I can live with, Rosa. But we need to figure out us after that.”
“I won’t be the cause of your ruin.”
“Is that how you will always see our joining? I’d say I’m flattered by your concern, but I’m feeling quite the opposite right now.”
With his hand at her waist, her urged her to her feet and had her stand in front of him. He guided her until she stood between the vee of his thighs, both her hands captured by one of his. He kissed them before releasing them, then settled his hands firmly around her hips. “I never expected to feel the way I do about you. We’ve found something special in each other, and whatever it is, it feels right.”
She pressed her palm to his cheek. “Your heart is pure and true, Teddy. I’ve known that from the moment we met. And I also know that you’re going to make some lucky lady very happy one day.”
He frowned at the assumption. She couldn’t be more wrong. The only lucky lady he could think of was in his arms. “We are made for each other, Rosa. You’re the only woman for me.”
With a resigned sigh, she stepped away from him. “I need to continue packing if I’m to be home before night falls.”
Whatever wall she thought to put up between them would be torn down in a few days, that was the only reason he was agreeing to her leaving. If he could take away her concerns about what people might think of them and about her brother, would that change her mind and keep her here longer? There was only one way to find out, and it involved finding her brother so she could put that worry to rest.
He stood and pulled her into his arms for a kiss before they parted. While she might be telling him she needed time by herself, that was the last thing her body was suggesting when she sank into the embrace. Her lips were soft, and easily coaxed into opening for him, but he kept it brief. He pulled away hesitantly.
Insisting that they could handle a few days apart, he kissed her cheek and left her.
Vane Estate
November 12, 1855
Thaddeus,
I regretfully write that I have found Daniel; or rather, he has found me. I’ve enclosed a letter for Rosa that only says I hope she’ll join us in Maidstone, and that her brother will be staying on for a while. The truth of the matter is, Daniel seems to have gotten mixed up with the wrong lot, and was left beaten, bloody, and half starved at my servants’ entrance. I don’t know what circumstance brought him to my door, but I’m glad I was here to call on the doctor.
I stood vigil over his bed through the night, but he has surprised even the doctor with his resilience. I don’t know if it’s better to tell Rosa how badly off he is, or if it’s better to tell her to come to the estate and hope he heals more before she reaches us. I will see you both soon.
Godspeed, Nathan
ROSA WASN’T SURE HOW SHE felt about spending the next few days with Teddy close by. While they’d only spent one day apart, the letter from Nathan had come as a welcome surprise. But she didn’t fail to notice the tension surrounding Teddy since he’d told her about Daniel. He was hiding something from her. But what? Had her brother found more trouble than he could handle this time? She supposed she would find out soon enough.
“I know this isn’t the best time to discuss this,” Teddy said, “but we have nothing but open roads for another three hours. Have you put any thought into staying on with me?”
In truth, that was all she had thought about since leaving his residence. And still, she had no answers where he was concerned. “We have both met our ends of the deal, now that Daniel is found.”
“I don’t care about the bloody deal, Rosa. I missed you after only a few hours. Don’t tell me the feeling wasn’t mutual.”
She continued tracing her finger over the cold glass of the window wondering what the scenery looked like. She wanted Teddy’s arms around her so badly.
“We hardly know each other.”
“So what’s to stop us from getting to know each other better?” His tone was derisive.
She heard his frustrated sigh and hoped he was done discussing the matter. “We’ll be in Maidstone for a few days, so we have nothing but time to talk then.” When she could easily put distance between them. In the carriage that was impossible.
They didn’t talk for the remainder of the ride, which meant Rosa was left to her thoughts.
So many conflicting feelings and thoughts tumbled around in her mind. This would be the first time Daniel would have seen her in nearly a decade. She wasn’t sure how their first meeting would go, if he would hate her, or be happy to see her after her long absence from his life.
When her thoughts weren’t wrapped around meeting her brother she thought of Teddy. Once he played at the Hanover Square Rooms he would be called on to write more music, to play more concert halls, to travel Europe to display his talents to everyone of importance.
That was the life he was destined for and she couldn’t be happier for him. But her? She would never be able to face the people from her old life. She’d be shunned and turned away and that would only break her heart all over again. Leaving him was breaking her heart, but there was no other choice for them.
Finally, the carriage pulled to a stop. As the door opened, Rosa heard Nathan’s familiar voice.
“How are you, darling?” Nathan took her hand and helped her down the steps. When she was on solid ground he embraced her in a hug, which was not something he usually did.
“What’s all this about?” she asked as he set her back down on her feet.
“I know I should have explained everything better in my note to you, but I didn’t want you to be concerned should your brother’s condition improve, which it has. He’s finally awake.”
“He’s awake? Nathan ...”
“I had no choice but to omit a few facts from the letters I sent you and Teddy.”
Teddy’s arm came up under her elbow, before Nathan could steal her.
“What aren’t you telling me, Nathan?” she asked, worry gnawing deep and making her stomach flip.
“Your brother found some trouble. He doesn’t remember a lot of the details of what happened, because he was beaten pretty badly before being brought here. But the doctor’s prognosis is positive.”
She suddenly felt as though she’d lose her breakfast and had to cover her mouth with her gloved hand and take a few steadying breaths.
When she had her riotous nerves under control, she asked, “Did you know, Teddy?”
Nathan cleared his throat. “I was intentionally vague about your brother’s appearance at my house.”
Which didn’t answer her question, and made her think Nathan was protecting Teddy. “Who hurt my brother?”
“Unfortunately, I don’t know. The best thing we can do right now is ensure your brother gets better. The doctor assures me that Daniel will remember everything that happened in time, time being key in this instance.”
Without a word, Teddy helped remove her jacket upon their entry into the house and handed her back the shawl she’d worn overtop of jacket in the carriage.
“Why do I feel as if you’re preparing me for the absolute worst, Nathan?”
Nathan took her hands in his and turned toward her. “I’m not preparing you for the worst. He’s on the mend, and that’s what matters most right now. His speech is slightly slurred and you’ll hear that it pains him to talk. I’m giving you fair warning only so you know what to expect.”
Rosa took a calming breath. It was not calming; it was ragged, forced, and had water prickling at her eyes. What had happened to her brother that had Nathan afraid to give her the full truth?
Teddy placed a handkerchief in her palm. “These
are not the best of circumstances for you to be reunited with your brother.” His hand caressed the side of her face. “I wish I could have found him sooner. It pains me that I didn’t.”
“Neither of you are to blame. Without your help ...” She sniffled, hating to think what could have happened. “Daniel might have found himself in a more dire situation by the sounds of things.”
He could be dead, her mind whispered. Her composure slipped again and her eyes welled over. She kicked the fear away. He was alive and at the duke’s house, which meant he was safe.
She dabbed under her eyes and held her head high as she stuck her hand out toward Nathan. “Please. Take me to see my brother.”
It was Teddy’s hand that threaded through hers, and his strong presence helped to anchor her feelings, helped give her the strength for whatever she was about to face.
The first thing she was aware of when she entered the room was the crackled sound of labored breathing. Her steps faltered the closer she got to her brother. Having Teddy at her side was the only thing holding her up right now.
“Daniel?” she called out gently.
“He’s asleep right now, but I’ve had a comfortable chair set up so you can keep vigil in here until he awakens,” Nathan said. “He’s been in and out of consciousness for the past few hours. It was obvious he hadn’t been kept in an ideal place. I don’t think he’s eaten for at least a few days so he’ll need some time to regain his strength.”
“What’s wrong with his breathing?”
“Two cracked ribs and some bruising around his chest. I’ll spare you the details of what I believe happened, but the sound will lessen so long as he stays off his feet for at least a few days. The doctor thinks that happened a couple of weeks ago.”
She nodded, feeling her heart break for a reason other than her predicament with Teddy. Her poor brother. What could he have gotten involved in that would result in this? “Will we able to find the person that did this to him?”
“I’m hoping that will come with his memory. Give him time, Rosa. Your brother has always been a fighter. He’ll pull through this like he has everything else.”
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