by Sarra Cannon
“Up until I met you, I was successful at protecting my heart. But there’s been nothing I could do to push you away. Every time I decided never to see you again or let you into my heart, all you had to do was look at me with those silver-black eyes of yours and I was falling all over again.”
“I know exactly how you feel,” he said.
“Do you?” I asked in a whisper. I was too afraid to look into his eyes. Scared of what I might see there.
Instead, I leaned my cheek against his chest, concentrating on the beat of his heart. He was here. He was really alive. Every fear I’d held inside, from the moment that club exploded before my eyes, was tied to my separation from Rend.
In the span of less than a week, I had fallen for him so hard, I couldn’t imagine my life without him.
And in some ways, that was the scariest part of this whole thing.
“When Selena set off that bomb and the club exploded, I thought Venom had been destroyed,” I said. “I thought I had lost you forever.”
“I’m sorry, I should have told you—”
I looked up and placed my fingertips across his lips. “Rend, I never want to feel that way again,” I said. “I know we haven’t known each other for long, and every step of the way I’ve questioned what I was feeling, not believing I could feel something so intense for someone I barely knew.”
I took a shallow breath, unable to control the racing of my pulse and the words coming directly from my heart. As afraid as I was, I knew I couldn't hold this inside any longer.
“Ever since the other night when you bit me, I’ve been completely clueless about your feelings for me,” I said. “I’ve agonized over whether you ever were attracted to me, or if it was just the power of the blood running through my veins that drew you to me.”
He opened his mouth again, but I shook my head. I wanted to say what I had to say before I realized how vulnerable I was allowing myself to be in front of him. I wanted to lay it out there before fear took hold of my voice and silenced me.
“Just when I thought I felt something between us again last night at the club when we kissed, Azure turned it all upside down by telling me that you would never risk your heart. She told me that if you pretended to care for me, it was only so that you could manipulate and control me.” I was talking so fast, I could barely catch my breath, but I had to know the truth. I couldn’t wait another moment, and I couldn’t keep questioning this. “She said I was nothing more than currency to you. An asset you could trade to keep yourself and everyone else safe.”
His eyes flashed with specks of silver and his arms tensed around me.
“After everything that’s happened since the explosion, I keep coming back to that,” I said. “I have to know if you’re doing all this to save me just because you think you can use me, or if you care about me in a deeper way. Because if you’re playing games to control my heart, you might as well walk away right now and never look back. I’ll never be yours because of some game of make believe. The only way I’ll be yours is if you’re mine, too. You need to understand that about me right now. Right now, you need to tell me the truth, no matter how much it may hurt me to hear it.”
Rend placed his hands on my face and forced my eyes to his. A smile curled the corners of his luscious lips and his eyes darkened.
“You are the most insufferable woman I’ve ever met in my life,” he said. “You never let me get a word in edgewise, and you never let me get away with anything.”
My heart beat fast, pounding against my ribs. I had never put myself out there with anyone the way I’d just opened up to him, and if he looked me in the eyes and said he didn’t feel the same way, I wasn’t sure how I’d survive it.
“Azure's right. I’m no good at love, Franki. I care about a great deal of people and would do anything—even risk my own life—to save the lives of those who are closest to me. But I have never in all my hundreds of years been the kind of man who could fall in love,” he said.
I couldn’t control the tears that spilled down my cheeks. I didn’t want to believe what he was saying.
“But maybe in all that time, it wasn’t me at all,” he said. “Maybe it was never about my inability to love a woman. Maybe it was about never having found the one woman I was always destined to love.”
He lifted my face to his and kissed me with a fury that took my breath away. His mouth closed over mine, his tongue brushing the soft skin on my lips, coaxing them open.
I wanted him with a fierceness that set my body aflame, but I was terrified of what might happen if he lost control again. Would he be able to stop this time?
“I want you so badly, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared,” I said, breathless. “How do we do this without ending up right back where we were the other night in my apartment?”
He licked his lips and breathed in through his nose. “Believe me when I say I’ve thought of this a million times since that night,” he said. “I haven’t taken the blood of a witch without her consent in decades. I have practiced the art of control for so long, I never imagined I could still lose myself to the passion of the moment. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned since we met, it’s that you can surprise me in ways no one ever has.”
I smiled, but my insides quivered. I wasn’t sure I could take knowing he felt the same way, but that we could never be together the way I longed to be with him.
“I’ll take you however I can get you,” I said. “Even if that means we can’t ever—”
“Oh, hell no,” Rend said. “Being with you and not being able to make love to you is not an option for me. We’re going to figure this out.”
“How?”
“One step at a time,” he said. “We’ll take it slowly and if I feel close to losing control, we’ll slow down.”
“Can you do that?” I asked. “I mean, the very nature of sex is about losing control. It’s about surrender.”
“I don’t know if I can or not,” he said. “But I’m willing to try if you are.”
“Oh, I’m willing,” I said, biting back a smile.
Rend lifted me into his arms and carried me over the threshold of the little red house. He kissed me as he made his way through the house, searching for a bedroom. We found one at the end of the hall, equipped with nothing more than a small bed covered with a tattered blanket.
“I'm sorry this isn't more glamorous,” he said.
“Trust me. I don't care about anything fancy,” I said. “I just want you.”
He set my feet on the floor. The fiery passion on the porch had been replaced by the heated realization that we were really doing this. Time slowed between us and every inch of my body trembled in anticipation.
I reached down and grabbed the bottom of my tank top, crossing my arms as I pulled it up and over my head. I tossed it onto the floor, my heart beating wildly as his eyes devoured me.
“You are so beautiful,” he said. His voice was rough and filled with longing. “I have wanted to touch you since the moment I saw you beating up those vampires behind my club.”
My skin quivered as his fingers brushed the skin beneath my breasts, following the curves of my body. The thought of his hands exploring every inch of my bare skin sent waves of longing through me.
This wasn't the first time I'd been with a man, but it was the first time I'd ever been with someone I wanted on this level. Someone I could really be with.
Impatient, I reached for the edge of his black t-shirt, running my fingertips along the waistband of his jeans. His stomach trembled at my touch and I looked up to meet his eyes. They were the darkest black now, filled with passion and hunger.
The only light around us was the amber glow of the setting sun pouring through a small window in the room. He pulled his shirt from his body and I bit my lip as I ran my palm across his taut muscles. His body was lean and solid, every muscle clearly defined and hard as a rock.
And even then, I knew his muscles were only the beginning of his strength.
He moved his hands along the curve of my hips, his hands gathering the cotton into tight fists as he leaned down to kiss me again. His bare chest pressed against me, our bodies skin-to-skin for the first time. He slid his hands around to my back and pulled me harder against him.
I gasped for air as his hands explored me and his mouth claimed mine. I circled my arms around his neck, pressing my hips against him, yearning for more.
He grew hard against me, and I moaned. Just the thought of seeing him naked and touching him—pleasing him—was enough to send my mind spiraling out of control.
His body tensed and he pulled away, breathing hard. He turned away and in the dim light, I could see the flash of white fangs.
I couldn't speak. I knew he was struggling to control himself and that there was nothing I could do to help him, but god, I wanted him so badly. I wasn’t sure I would survive the push and pull of it. I wasn't sure I could take it slowly.
But I also didn't want him to lose control and really hurt me.
I couldn’t trust him completely, but I also couldn’t resist him.
“Are you okay?” I asked, finally finding my voice. “Is there anything I can do?”
He shook his head and leaned one hand against the frame of the door.
I waited, my stomach in knots and my body flushed with warmth. Need circled in my veins, but I couldn't rush him.
After a few agonizing minutes, he finally turned, his eyes black as night, but his fangs retracted. He walked over without a word and pushed me down on the bed.
With his eyes locked on mine, he hooked his fingers inside the waistband of my pants and pulled them down. I writhed against the bed. Each piece of clothing we removed brought us one step closer to abandonment.
He ran his fingers gently up the inside of my legs. My thighs trembled as his fingertips brushed past, almost reaching the hot core between my legs, but torturously bypassing it to explore farther up my body.
Rend crawled onto the bed beside me, taking his time as his fingers moved up my stomach to my breasts. He circled them with the lightest of touches, his breath deep and controlled, but his eyes hungry.
My chest rose against his hand with each breath, fear mingling with pleasure and need. I wasn’t sure I could take much more teasing, but I didn't want to push him past his breaking point either.
I decided maybe it was time to test the boundaries a little, though.
I rose, pushing him back against the pillows with both hands on his bare chest.
He kissed me again, the heat growing between us. He moaned and moved around me, as if we were in a constant battle for who was in control.
I had a feeling neither of us were in control, anymore.
He stood and met my eyes, as if making sure this is really what I wanted. I sat up on my knees and crawled across the bed toward him, placing my hands on the waist of his jeans. His heart was racing so hard, I could see it pulsing against his skin as if it were trying to escape.
There was no doubt I wanted this. No doubt we both wanted this. I had no idea how joining our bodies together would change things between us, but I knew it was inevitable. I knew we could no longer keep ourselves from it.
I unbuttoned the top of his jeans and slid the metal zipper down, my hand brushing him. He closed his eyes and breathed in through his nose.
I watched his face, every pained expression, every flash of desire, as I pushed his jeans to the floor.
Rend grabbed my wrist as I moved to touch him, his grip hard and unrelenting. He moved his other hand to my face, brushing my hair off my cheek. “I don't want to hurt you, Franki,” he said, his voice deep and low. “But one step further and I'm not sure I'll be able to stop myself.”
There were only two pieces of clothing separating us now. Two moments of hesitation.
I had to make a decision. Should I trust this man I'd only known for a few days? Or was I playing with fire here? How many times did I need to learn that the danger in this new world was far greater than I could ever imagine?
My hands trembled as I slipped my wrist from his grasp. I moved my palms across his taut stomach, his muscles jumping with each touch. I slid them down the length of his stomach, never taking my eyes off his as I removed one of the final barriers between us.
No more hesitation or indecision.
Now, there was only passion.
Rend moaned and joined me on the bed. He stripped me down until we were both naked and vulnerable, finally giving in to something we'd both wanted from the moment we laid eyes on each other. He pulled me into his arms, passionately at first, then softening.
His eyes met mine in one final moment of question.
I swallowed and nodded. I was ready to surrender to him, come what may.
He positioned himself above me, his dark eyes closing as he took several deep breaths. The struggle for control was evident in his tense jaw and furrowed brow. I ran my hands in soft circles against his back, my body lying still beneath him. It was torture not to move toward him, press against him. I pushed my hips down into the bed, my legs slightly parted, waiting, but my thighs trembling.
Finally, Rend opened his eyes and lowered himself, pushing into me with one glorious stroke. I gasped and cried out from the fullness of him. My hands tensed and scratched at his back, pulling him down as my hips rose.
We found a rhythm as we danced along the edge of abandon, taking our time exploring and learning each other's limits. It was a game of push and pull, reaching one limit, then backing away until control could be found again.
Wind whipped around us, cooling our heated bodies as my magic took over. When it got too strong, Rend slowed and waited until the wind died down. If he moved his lips toward my neck, I pulled him back, forcing his eyes to mine until he calmed.
But eventually, desire took hold. We brought each other to the edge, then pushed past. Debris moved around as passion exploded within my core. I cried his name as the window broke and glass fell to the floor.
Rend groaned as he moved inside me. He pushed a hand into my black hair and pulled my head back hard against the bed, exposing my neck. I screamed in both pleasure and pain as his fangs grew long and he lowered his head to my bare skin.
His teeth drew blood just as he reached his climax. I dug my nails into his side, trying to push him off me, even while a part of me still wanted to draw him closer.
“Rend,” I cried as I pushed against him. My mouth grew dry and fear pounded through my veins.
He let out a low, unearthly growl, then pushed me away. In an instant, his body shifted to smoke and flew from the room, leaving me panting there on the bed alone and exposed.
I reached up to touch the sticky wet blood on my neck, then fell back against the bed and smiled, exhausted and satisfied.
And still very much alive.
The Flutter Of Black Wings
I crawled out of bed and pulled the tattered blanket around my body. I tiptoed across the creaky old floor and made my way out the front door of the house.
I wasn't sure how long I'd slept or where Rend had disappeared to, but I wanted to make sure he knew I was okay.
I moved to the edge of the front porch railing and looked out across the crow village. Rend sat near the stone altar in the center of town, wearing nothing but his jeans. He was bent over, his head in his hands.
But as my eyes landed on him, he looked up and straightened. I smiled and lifted a hand in a wave and his shoulders relaxed. His eyes tensed, but I noticed a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.
I knew we still had a long way to go and so much we still needed to discuss and figure out, but for now, I was happy just to be here with him. Just to have had this one night with him.
I sat down on the railing and imagined what my life would have been if my mother had never left this place behind.
Where would I be now? What kind of woman would I be?
I had spent so much of my life being angry with my mom for her choices and her regrets. I would have given almost anything for the chance to talk to her about why she’d left in the first place. And why she didn’t love me the way I deserved to be loved as a small child.
I wiped a tear from my cheek. Now was not the time for sadness and regret, but somehow opening myself to Rend had also opened a chamber in my heart that held memories and sorrow. I was overcome by more emotion than I'd allowed myself to feel in a very long time.
Part of me wished Rend and I could stay here forever, never having to face the dangers of the outside world. I was sure we could learn to find a balance between surrender and control. But I knew our time here was limited. When the sun came up in the morning, I knew we would have to get serious about making a long-term plan.
We couldn’t run forever, which meant only one thing.
We would have to stand and fight.
Movement near the entrance caught my eye and I pulled the blanket tighter around my body.
Mary Anne must have come back already. Did that mean there was trouble back at the house? Had they been attacked?
Rend saw my concern and moved to my side in seconds.
“Who is it?” he said.
“Mary Anne, I think,” I said. “We’re safe here, right? No one else can get in.”
“Stay here,” he said.
I heard him, but didn’t want him to go out there without me, so I followed right behind him.
Near the entrance, I saw the flutter of black wings.
I sped up and moved ahead of Rend to the entrance to greet her, not even caring that I was dressed in nothing more than an old rag.
Only, the figure shifting into human form at the entrance to the crow village was not Mary Anne at all.
The sight of the woman standing there froze my feet to the ground. The breath was knocked from my lungs with the sheer force of surprise.
I opened my mouth to speak, my lower lip trembling. Could this be real?
She stepped forward, a sad smile etched on her familiar face. “Franki,” she said.