by Yan Lianke
“… Can you believe it? Today, when those male experts came to vote, half of them had nannies who were in fact whores from Explosion—they were whores trained in that special vocational school in Explosion, of which neither you nor I has any knowledge.
“… Mayor Kong, you are the mayor of the twenty million residents of Explosion. Do you know who is the principal of that special vocational school? She is none other than your family’s old whore—that yellow-faced bitch! All of the whore nannies from Explosion, if they were not able to contact the high-level cadres whom they were targeting, settled for the cadres’ drivers, secretaries, and cooks. In this way, they managed to take down those experts, professors, and academicians!”
Cheng Qing concluded with a tearful plea. “Mayor Kong, listen to me. You must divorce your wife either today or tomorrow. You don’t necessarily need to marry me—I’m no longer thinking about that. But for the sake of Explosion, and for the sake of the people of Explosion, I beg you to immediately have someone deliver the divorce papers to her. You must cut off her dreams, so that she will no longer think about your and Explosion’s future.”
When he hung up the phone, Kong Mingliang thought he was calm, but he actually threw the phone. He hurled it into a rosebush in front of him. The rosebush was in full bloom and was flaming red, like a women having sex in the middle of her period. He stared at that flowerpot and suddenly had an evil thought. He wanted to stamp on that rosebush, but it had a single blossom, and the rest was only green leaves. When he went over and lifted his foot to stomp on that single rose, the flowerpot suddenly didn’t have any green leaves left and instead, in the blink of an eye, dozens of red roses had bloomed, resembling layers upon layers of flames.
When he looked away, he saw that none of the rosebushes that were located every few meters along the path and beneath the grape trellis had any green leaves left, and instead they had all burst into fiery bloom. Even the cell phone he had just thrown down burst into bloom inside the tile flowerpot.
The mayor didn’t know how his evil thought could have made all of those rosebushes simultaneously burst into bloom, to the point that there were no green leaves left in any of the flowerpots. He stared at those rosebushes, until the red phone with a direct connection to the heart of the Beijing government finally began to ring. It rang like an epileptic having a seizure. As he lunged forward to grab that trembling receiver, Mingliang first cupped his hand over the receiver and then, after he caught his breath, said politely and warmly, “Hello!” He waited for the response from some important personage or Beijing official, but instead the voice he heard coming from the receiver was the steely voice of his brother Mingyao.
“Brother, I know everything. From the perspective of our family, we should destroy Second Sister-in-Law. But from the perspective of Explosion and of the nation, not only must you leave her alone, but furthermore you must treat her well.”
Mingyao said, “My brother, your entire life you have been foiled by women.”
He added, “As long as Explosion can receive at least half the votes in the next round of voting, you can kneel down before Sister-in-Law. You should agree to anything she asks, even if it involves killing someone!
“… You should have all of the city’s cadres kneel down before her. If Sister-in-Law wants someone dead, you should have that person locked away until they die—as long as Sister-in-Law doesn’t interfere any further with the voting process.
“… Your next directive should instruct Explosion’s residents to go kneel down in front of Sister-in-Law—for the sake of Explosion and its twenty million residents!”
After putting down the phone, Mingliang overturned the tea table in front of him, broke the red phone’s cord, then smashed the telephone to the ground next to the overturned table. Then, bizarrely, he repeatedly slapped the face of the secretary who had run over to help him, and kicked a squirrel that was sitting at his feet watching him. The squirrel spat up blood all over the ground and all over Mingliang’s shoes, and after waiting for the squirrel to stop breathing he—with his toes still pointed—screamed like a barbarian at the sky,
“Zhu Ying, you beast, you whore, you slut who has been tormenting me my entire life—if I, Kong Mingliang, don’t send you to prison, then I don’t deserve to be mayor or even Kong Mingliang!”
He shouted, “All of the people, trees, and plants of the city government, please listen—if I don’t succeed in killing Zhu Ying after Explosion has been promoted to a provincial-level metropolis, then I want you to kill me right here instead. That way, this city government compound will become my cemetery and my graveyard.”
He added, “Did you hear me? After one of us is dead, you should open your eyes and see that all of my goodwill toward this whore has been for the sake of you and Explosion, and if I manage to kill her you will all kowtow to me and to the city government, expressing your gratitude!”
After making this announcement, Kong Mingliang stood there for a while, his lips bleeding where he had bitten them. There were tears in his eyes, though it was unclear whether they were tears of love or tears of hatred.
II.
By afternoon, Mayor Kong decided to go implore his wife.
He knew that if there were in fact three thousand maid-whores who had been scattered throughout the capital’s streets and alleys, penetrating into the homes of experts who were about to vote, then Zhu Ying would be able to prevent Explosion from being promoted to a provincial-level metropolis. He waited under the grape trellises behind city hall until he was able to calm himself down and then, in addition to placing several telephone calls to Beijing instructing his people to undertake a variety of lobbying efforts on his behalf, he decided to go back and see his wife, Zhu Ying, in person. He sent three secretaries to go to Zhu Ying’s home and drive her to the city hall, but they reported back that when they arrived at her home, she was not even willing to open the door to them. Eventually, Mingliang realized that he had no choice but to go to her home, the same way that when he was trying to be elected village chief thirty years earlier, he also had to go see her in person. At the time of that earlier visit, the village board was located not very far from Zhu Ying’s house, and Mingliang could cover the distance in a dozen steps or so. But now the city government compound was located several dozen kilometers from the old main road, and he needed to take a forty-minute ride to cover the distance. Moreover, he had not anticipated that, even though Explosion’s promotion to the status of a provincial-level metropolis had not yet been approved, the streets would still be filled with people marching up and down while waving national flags and hibiscus flowers. Countless youngsters had gathered in the square, in the streets, and in the garden in the city center, and they were taking turns standing on tables and stones while making speeches celebrating the nation’s development and advocating that Explosion be promoted. The sound of their chants echoed through the city streets like claps of thunder, as the red flags and banners that were hanging everywhere made Explosion resemble a pot of boiling water. Some cars had stopped by the side of the road and were honking their horns, as though it were a national holiday.
In order to avoid those noisy crowds, Mingliang got out of the car and took some back streets to the old city, proceeding in the opposite direction from the crowds. The sun on this first day of June covered in a gold veneer the buildings, bridges, and twin towers that Mingyao had helped erect. Ever since he was promoted to county mayor ten years earlier, he had never walked alone through his city like this. This was his city, and these were his people. The city’s skyscrapers and overpasses, its gardens and its intersections, and every flower and plant lining its streets—all of these fell under his oversight. If he were but to give the word in his next directive, all of the city’s willow trees would bloom with scholar-tree blossoms; if it were known that he was on his way somewhere, all of the cars and bicycles in the streets would pull over to let him pass. To prevent people from recognizing him, he grabbed a white flag from somewhere and
held it up, as though he were just an ordinary citizen out celebrating in the streets. His face was covered in sweat, and he used the flag to wipe it. After he turned from the main road into a small alley called Deren, he threw down the white flag. Deren Alley led directly from Explosion’s main street to the old city road. At the time this alley was being reconstructed, and he had personally assigned it its current name. Because the alley led directly to the old city road, and all of the tumult and excitement was in the new city district, once he reached this alley he was able to sigh with relief. He drank a sip of water from a faucet in the alley, then hurried on toward the old city road.
When he finally reached the opening to the road, the sun in the west reappeared and shone down, scattering red light over the old city streets and covering the houses, walls, and ground in red, yellow, and blue slogans and banners. The slogans and banners all bore the phrase “Welcome back Mayor Kong!” He didn’t know, however, whether all these banners on the trees, on the walls, and hanging in midair like late-autumn fruit had appeared on their own or whether someone had arranged for them in advance. The opening stretch of road was as quiet as the wilderness, and it was as if the residents of every house and every building had all gone out to celebrate in the streets and public squares, and even to city hall itself, leaving the smaller alleys completely empty. But when he emerged from the alley, he found himself in the old city streets, where everything was in a great tumult. A red carpet had been laid out leading right up to Zhu Ying’s house, and when Mingliang looked out at the red mountains and red ocean, he saw that all of the tree leaves were red, the houses’ old blue bricks were now red, and even the sparrows, turtledoves, and crows flying through the sky had turned red. Many of the residents of these old city streets were no longer people who had been born in Explosion, but rather outsiders who had flooded into Explosion after it began to develop. Because Mayor Kong had lived on this street when he was growing up, these newcomers had paid a high price to buy houses there. Standing on both sides of the red carpet, people applauded wildly when they saw Mingliang, and shouts of “Welcome Mayor Kong back to the old city!” echoed rhythmically through their applause. There were also boys and girls wearing matching red scarves, standing on both sides of the road and holding wreaths of flowers as they sang one welcoming song after another. Next, two elementary school students ran up to Mingliang and presented him with flowers and a red scarf. When Mingliang did not express any excitement, a passerby quickly went up to him and whispered in his ear, telling him to stop since Aunt Zhu’s home was ahead. Mingliang nodded and grunted in response. Then a worker pointed his right index finger at his left palm, gesturing for everyone to quiet down. Everyone who had gathered to welcome the mayor instantly grew quiet. The people stood along the sides of the road, looking as though they had done something wrong. Some of the leaves and petals from the flowers and wreaths they were holding fell to the ground, others fell into their outstretched hands, and still others hovered in midair, uncertain what to do. In this silence, Mingliang walked along the red carpet toward Zhu Ying’s house. He quickly remembered what her door looked like, what the wall around her house looked like, and even what sorts of grass had been growing in the cracks in the wall so many years earlier. He saw that where there used to be a pair of large red iron gates, now the red paint had disappeared, revealing a grayish maroon layer of rust. There were also many rust splotches on the gates themselves, making them look as though they were not thirty years old but rather had been left behind by some dynasty more than a century earlier.
When Mingliang reached those gates, he stopped and looked at the building, the courtyard wall, and the crowds around him, who had all retreated to a reasonable distance. He confirmed that the gates were not locked but rather merely latched. With this, he realized that Zhu Ying was definitely not in the house but rather standing in the courtyard behind the gate, listening and watching the commotion outside. Then he placed one hand on the head of the stone lion to the right of the door.
A chill emanated up from the lion’s head into his hand, and he used that chill to help calm himself down. He coughed to clear his throat, then quietly said to the gate, “Zhu Ying, please open this gate. I am the mayor of Explosion, Mayor Kong.” Then, after listening carefully for a moment and seeing that there was no response, he proceeded to walk up the steps to the gate and lightly knocked.
The residents who were gathered around collectively held their breath, afraid that if they made a sound they might startle and annoy the mayor, and Zhu Ying standing inside. A sparrow flew over and dropped a feather, which fell loudly to the street like a wooden club. All of the people who had gathered there held their hands to their mouths. They looked in the direction of the feather, until the feather finally came to a rest after bouncing twice, and only then did they turn back to the finger with which Mingliang was gently knocking on the gate.
Mingliang knocked several times, and as he did he said more loudly,
“I am Mayor Kong, the mayor of Explosion!”
Then, he repeated even more loudly,
“I am your husband, Mayor Kong.”
And again, as loudly as he could,
“Is it possible that you can’t even hear the voice of your husband, the mayor?”
Someone brought Mingliang a stool, and he stood on it in front of the gate and proceeded to scream,
“Zhu Ying—I said, Zhu Ying!—it’s all right if you don’t want to open the door for me, but there is something I need to tell you in my capacity as mayor. In this morning’s vote in Beijing over whether or not Explosion should be promoted to the status of a megalopolis under the direct jurisdiction of the central government, there were four hundred and ten ayes to eight hundred and twenty nays and abstentions. Why weren’t there eight hundred and twenty ayes and four hundred and ten nays? Why was this vote identical to that of the elections for village chief thirty years ago? I now understand that you’re trying to tell me that the two of us have rendered a meritorious service of creating this city and creating history. You’re this city’s mother and the bearer of its children, while I am the city’s father and the creator of its infrastructure. This city’s buildings, roads, airports, train stations, shopping areas, development districts, and foreign residential areas and even its handful of foreign consulates and business offices, as well as all of the city’s plants and trees, people and zoos—all of this will be inherited by your children, which is to say our descendants. Explosion now needs to be promoted to the status of a provincial-level metropolis. However, you sent three thousand girls, nannies, and students from your women’s vocational school to specific households and official posts in Beijing—so that they could use their status to snare the vote-wielding experts, professors, and academicians. But Zhu Ying, has it occurred to you that if you alter the outcome of this vote, you will be impeding Explosion’s future growth and development, while also undermining the hopes and dreams of Explosion’s twenty million residents? In this way, you will become Explosion’s criminal, don’t you know?
“… Zhu Ying, I’m begging you in my capacity as city mayor—please quickly notify your girls and ask them to tell the men they snared that, in the second round of voting that begins tomorrow morning at nine, they should vote in favor of Explosion. If you don’t notify them now, it will be too late and you’ll become Explosion’s greatest criminal. If this fails, the people of Explosion will tear you to shreds, don’t you know?
“… Zhu Ying, open this door. Open this door so that we can talk things over. For the sake of Explosion, for the sake of the people, for the sake of the past and the future—tell me what you want, and I’ll agree to it.
“… Open this door. As the city’s mayor, I’m begging you.
“… Open this door. Although I am your husband, I am also the mayor of this city!
“… Open this door. For the sake of Explosion, for the people, and for history, open the door and I’ll kneel down to you!
“… I can kneel down before you an
d let you beat me, curse me, and even spit in my face!
“… For the sake of history, for the people, I won’t hesitate to take action!
“… Zhu Ying, what do you want me to do? Not only am I willing to kneel down before you, I can even have thousands of residents of Explosion kneel down before you. As long as you support Explosion’s promotion to the status of a provincial-level metropolis, I’m willing to remove any individuals you want from their current positions, and even send them to prison… .”
As dusk approached, Mingliang stood on that stool and shouted until his throat bled, to the point that all of the city’s streets were full of the smell of the blood from his throat. Moreover, because he was shouting for so long, his voice became increasingly hoarse. When it finally reached the point that he could barely produce any sound, he climbed down from the stool, knelt in front of the door to the Zhu family home, and in a deep voice said,
“Zhu Ying, I am your husband, and I have returned to you.
“… Open the door. If you open the door, you will see that not only am I kneeling here, but so are all of the residents of Explosion’s old street, together with many of the city’s other residents.”
At this point, as the old people, children, men, and women standing outside the door were kneeling with Mingliang in front of the Zhu home, and as they were shouting, “For the sake of Explosion, for the sake of the people, please open the door so that the mayor can talk to you” until they became hoarse, and as their cries were flying through the city streets like autumn leaves, and covering Zhu Ying’s house and courtyard walls—the Zhu family gate still didn’t open. There was, however, a mysterious sound that emerged from inside, and everyone thought that the gate was about to open and Zhu Ying would appear in the entranceway. But, in the end, the sound disappeared, and the sound of footsteps approaching the gate once again receded into the interior of the courtyard. After this happened two or three more times, everyone began to believe that Zhu Ying would never open those gates and that she was willing to face off against Mingliang and the people of Explosion until the death. They assumed that she preferred to become Explosion’s greatest criminal rather than allow Explosion to become promoted to the status of a provincial-level metropolis, which would thereby allow Kong Mingliang to become the mayor of this new megalopolis. At this point, the sun was setting in the west and its final rays were shining down on the city and on the heads of the thousands of city residents kneeling there. Just as darkness was about to fall, a sharp burst of frustration and anger emerged from the crowd. They kept passing notes up to Mingliang and whispering in his ear, as the words “Break down the gate! Drag her out!” came gushing from the crowd like a river. Some people had begun to quietly stand up, had found some sticks and stones, and were about to break one of Zhu Ying’s windows. However, a child who was not yet ten appeared amid that crowd of kneeling people. He was thin, with a long face and a crew cut. On his book bag there was a picture of a cacao tree and an olive tree, and as he walked a trail of chocolate and olive candies fell out. He didn’t know what was happening, so he went up to Mingliang and first looked at him as though he were a stranger, then as if he were someone he had once known, and finally he took two steps forward and said in a soft, halting voice,