by J. D. Robb
It was hers now. One little bit of him to keep. She squeezed her eyes shut. Where had her pride gone? She was a mature woman, not greatly experienced, but one who knew the ways of the world.
Yes, she knew the ways of society, but she wanted so much more, had always wanted more. Oh how she wished that he could love her in return. She wished it as much as she wished for children.
Even as she thought how foolish it was to make wishes, when none had ever been granted, the coin warmed her hand. How odd, she thought. She studied it more carefully. It was bright and shiny, as though well cared for despite the slight dent, and she wondered if it was some kind of talisman for him.
Had it saved his life? Would David worry when he found it missing?
George would give it to him if she asked. Yes, that is what she would do. She could not trust herself to see him again and not beg for his attention. She owed his honor and her own better than that.
From her point of view love might make all things allowable, but for David Lindsay honor outweighed every other consideration. She would respect that. She would, even if it broke her heart.
Fifteen
He did not want to come back to the house on Norfolk Street, but it would have been insulting to ignore Cardovan’s request. Coward that he was, Lindsay waited until he saw Grace and her aunt leave in the carriage, then trusted they would be gone long enough for him to complete his business with George and depart before they returned.
Petkin met him at the door with a smile. “Ah, Major, you have only just missed her ladyship. She and Mrs. Cardovan have gone to the milliner’s.”
“Thank you, Petkin, but I am come to see Captain Cardovan today.”
Petkin took his hat and gloves with an apology for the mistake and went off to see if the captain was available.
Cardovan came back with Petkin. Walking without his cane, looking amazingly fit. There was an air about him, a resolve that gave him the authority he had lost after the misfortune at Ostend.
“Major, come in. I did not expect you so quickly.”
Cardovan led him into the library, a room David would have as soon avoided. It reminded him too forcefully of Grace. If he was honest with himself, everything about the place reminded him of Grace, from the bright front door to the whimsical unicorn on the weather vane four floors above them. He should have suggested they meet elsewhere.
He was so lost in thought that he missed the first of Cardovan’s words. But he could not help but be brought to the moment when Cardovan finished with “. . . that I might buy your commission.”
He must have looked as shocked as he felt, for Cardovan’s confidence faded. “It’s the real reason I was so pleased by the colonel’s visit. He came to see if I was ready to rejoin the regiment. He was actually the one who suggested I consider your commission. Can you believe that?”
Of course he could. But Cardovan gave him no time to comment.
“Even though I missed the whole of the Waterloo campaign, he still wants me with the 28th. He was afraid I was aiming for another regiment. He said that I am the captain he most wants to move up. He says he wants someone who is equal to the challenge of replacing you—not that I think I can.” Cardovan reddened a little. “There are two captains senior to me; one is selling out and the other Wendle does not want as a major.”
Cardovan paused, and Lindsay grabbed the chance to speak. “That is by all means wonderful, George.”
“Then you are sure that you will not regret it?”
Cardovan looked as though it was the height of folly to give up a commission.
“Yes, I’m sure, George. I have responsibilities here now, and ten years in uniform is as much as I wish to test fate.”
“I’m not finished. It’s because I missed Waterloo.” He stopped a moment and considered before he spoke. “Do you think Boney will give us another chance?”
“Pray God, not.”
Cardovan nodded and shrugged away his disappointment. One thing they both knew is that there would always be wars.
“I hesitated because I know my mother wants me here with her. But, Lindsay, I cannot live my life because some woman wants me to be safe, even if it is my mother. I hate it here. I want the army life. That’s all there is to it.”
“I understand completely. But have you told her yet?”
“No.” He was smart enough to look slightly worried at the prospect. “I wanted to be sure this was not some fantastic dream.”
“The colonel wants you. You hardly need my blessing.”
“But I want it, sir. You have been my model for as long as we have served together. Even as an ensign I knew you were the best the 28th had to name.”
It appeared as if Cardovan was ready to list his virtues, and Lindsay raised his hand. “Enough, George. The commission is yours and I thank you for the consideration.”
As Cardovan chattered on about the new uniform he was to order from Westin and who was the best boot maker, Lindsay realized that this was the George Cardovan he had known in the Peninsula. The man who had spent the last two years in London was a pale imitation. Surely even his mother could see that he was meant for the military life.
They had not been together twenty minutes when he heard voices in the hall.
“I will not be a minute, Aunt. Come into the library while I send Petkin for George.”
Suddenly Mrs. Cardovan and Grace were in the room. Grace stopped short when she saw him, George’s mother’s expression was guarded, but she greeted him with her usual good humor.
Lindsay could see that the impetuous George Cardovan was fully restored. He took his mother’s arm. “Come with me, Mama. I must speak with you immediately.”
“That would be rude, George. You have a guest.”
“Now, Mother.”
Lindsay smiled, Cardovan already sounded as though he was in command, and if he could make his mother obey him then the men of the 28th would be child’s play.
“Grace and the major are quite capable of finding something to talk about.”
With a glance over her shoulder, Mrs. Cardovan allowed herself to be led from the room.
Grace remained near the door, staring at him, still as a statue. Lindsay walked toward her, and his movement seemed to awaken her. She did not approach him but went to the mantel.
“I believe you left this here.”
She handed him Poppy’s coin and he took it, their hands barely touching.
“Ah, thank you, Grace. I would be lost without Poppy’s magic coin.”
“It is magic, then? Did it save your life? When I saw the dent in it I wondered.”
How could his whole world have changed in less than twelve hours? When he’d walked out of her bedroom he thought he would never see her again. Cardovan’s news had changed that. But Grace still looked as miserable as he had been. No wonder Poppy had asked him if he was ill or if someone had died.
“Grace, the first day I saw you, I followed you down Bond Street. You were laughing with Kitty, and that laugh was like a siren’s song. It always has been. It always will be. I wanted you from that moment. Just before Fetters performed his version of an introduction, I was thinking that once I sold my commission I would discover an entrée into society and find you.”
Lindsay walked over to her and took her hands. They were cold, and he raised each to his lips and would not let them go.
“I’ve sold my commission, Grace. To your cousin, of all people.”
“You’ve sold it? To George? Why did he wait so long? Did he not know how important it was to you? To us?”
He could have answered each of those questions. He kissed her instead, and felt all the tension melt from her.
“I thought I would never see you again, David.”
“I’m so sorry, Grace.”
She pressed a kiss to his mouth to silence him. “Your sense of honor is one of the most admirable things about you. Never think you must apologize for it.” She leaned back in his arms. “I should be furious with yo
u, with George, for torturing me this way, but I love you too much to be anything but grateful that you are here again.” Her kiss proved it, the love pouring from her as it had last night, filling him, making him more completely a person than he had ever been before.
Grace pulled him down onto the settee and sat as close to him as possible without actually being in his lap, though she did seem to be considering that. She nodded at the coin on the table. “Is this really magic?”
“Yes, I think it must be.” For his wish had been granted and had brought him to this moment. “Magic, verging on a miracle.”
“I wished on it.” She leaned toward him and whispered, “I wished that you could love me.”
“Oh darling, you did not waste a wish on that, did you? For you have had my heart from the first, and my love not long after. That night you were so angry with me. That first time you did your best to command me to do your bidding? How could I not love someone who was trying so hard?”
“That was the moment you knew you loved me? When you were so angry?”
“And you do not think that love and anger can exist together?”
“Well, yes, they can, since I have felt the same. But will it not make for an unsettled life?”
“It may well, but who could wish for more?”
She shook her head at his optimism but did not argue. There was no need for words. Their kisses ended in laughter, and Grace brushed away what she called her happy tears.
“You know, David, if we had met at some ball or picnic, I would not have let you close to me. You are used to command, and I wanted to be the one in charge. It would have taken no more than one dance for me to see that and to send you on your way.”
“You think that what happened between us was meant to be, was the only way for you to come to know me and me to know you?”
“Yes, and I worry even now that we do not know each other as we really are.” She was resting her head on his shoulder as she spoke, and he was sure that her worry was not so deep as to be an obstacle, especially since he had thought this through and had an answer.
“I think we have each lived the other’s life, Grace. What could be a better way to learn? It is bound to make both of us more understanding. It is not what I asked for, but it is the true gift of that wish.”
She stood up then, moved away from him and made a circuit of the room. “Clear thinking is impossible when we are so close. Do you think that door has a lock? I have never had any reason to care before.”
As he went to the door, Grace faced her one last fear. David said he would have no money to leave an heir. But leaving money to one’s offspring was not the only reason men longed for children.
He would never have a child from her. Heaven had decreed otherwise. They would have to talk about it sometime. But neither one of them had spoken of marriage; perhaps they never would. She would not ruin the joy of the moment. She would be selfish for a little longer before she reminded him that he had to make a choice.
He turned the key with a satisfied “Aha” and pulled it from the lock. Holding it as though it was a battle prize, he came to her and presented it with a bow.
She took it and set it on the table with the coin, the glitter distracting her just a little. She turned to him. “How did you come to have a magic coin, David?”
“My daughter Poppy gave it to me.”
Amazement and a little thread of fear trickled through her.
He stopped kissing her neck. “What is it?”
“You have a daughter?” She moved out of his arms, looked at the coin and wondered.
“Yes. They are not precisely my children. There is Poppy, who is nine, and Billy, who is not quite a year. I am their guardian and will raise them as if they were my own.”
He was not smiling, but watching her with an intensity she had not seen before. She realized that he was afraid. “Children were the rest of my wish last night. I wished you would love me as much as I wished for children.” She raised his hand and kissed it. “Oh, David, I will love Poppy and Billy. As I would my own.”
She flung her arms around him and kissed him fully, then leaned back in his arms. “Why did you never tell me about them?”
“Because you never asked. You were very careful never to ask of my personal life.”
“Only because you were so offended at all the information George had given me. You called it spying. After that, I was ever trying to respect your privacy.” When he did no more than shake his head, she had to nod in agreement. “No more secrets. Never again.”
“Did I hear you say that you would love my children as you would your own? Does that mean you might marry me?” He paused, then added, “Two children are not the traditional wedding gift, but will you at least consider it? I cannot imagine life without you.”
This kiss was happiness, pure joy given from one to another. It would anchor their world forever. Another thought occurred to him, and he gave her a devilish smile. “Or can I use the children as a bribe?”
She laughed. “Children? Two children? And one is a babe? David, I cannot imagine a better wedding present.”
Epilogue
LONDON, ENGLAND
MARCH 2007
The girl sat in silence as the docent ended his story. “Why, that was wonderful.” She leaned forward in her chair. “Is it true?”
When he would have answered, she shook her head. “No, don’t tell me. I want to believe that Grace and David are as real as you and I and lived forever happy. Did they ever have any children of their own?” Again she answered her own question. “No, but Poppy and Billy were enough.
“I guess I’d better catch up with Jim,” she added, but she didn’t move from the seat. The docent waited patiently. The question burst from her. “What do you do when you are just days from leaving a country that calls to your soul? I can’t imagine leaving. The thought of Topeka makes me shudder, and not because it’s still winter in Kansas.”
“Why can’t you stay?” the docent asked.
“There’s the whole visa thing. Jim says I can come back, but once I’m home there are my sisters and mother and grandmother and best friends from school. Not a one of them would understand. They think Topeka is perfect.”
“For them it may be.” The docent handed her the coin. “Take this with you as a memento. It will remind you that anything is possible.”
“You can’t give that away!”
“Of course I can.” The docent shrugged. “I can get another one easily.”
She let him talk her into it. It was only later, as she sank onto a bar stool at Earl’s Place, that she actually considered whether the coin was magic. She put it on the bar in front of her, then picked it up and held it tight. “I wish there was a way for me to stay here.” The coin felt warm, but then, the place was filled with people, the room overheated, the crowd cheering as they watched the last minutes of a soccer game.
She hadn’t spotted Jim yet, but it hardly mattered. He wouldn’t be interested in anything but the score. Instead she watched as the bartender worked his way to her spot at the end of the bar. Not the usual guy. An extra hired because of the crowd? With a practiced efficiency he took orders, got drinks and made change.
He was nice enough looking, and then he smiled. It changed his pleasant face to fabulous. It was a smile that made the world a brighter place and drew an answering one from her.
“What can I get you?”
His accent was different, not at all suited to a pub. This voice belonged at Eton or Oxford. Or somewhere with Prince William.
She pointed to the wine bottle he held, for some stupid reason not wanting to open her mouth and betray the fact she was an American. She’d forgotten about the magic coin and it fell from her hand, rolled along the bar toward him and onto the floor.
She gasped and stood on the stool, trying to see where it had gone.
“Under the cooler.” He considered. “Is it important to you?”
“Oh, yes,” she answered, “it’s v
ery special.”
“Right then.” He squatted, reaching under the cooler. He looked up at her with a grimace. “Time to do a little cleaning down here.” He stretched a little farther and with a triumphant “Yes!” stood up and handed her the coin.
“Thanks,” she said, “thanks a lot.”
He nodded and held up the wine bottle, and when she said, “Please,” he poured her a glass. She reached for her purse, but he waved off payment. “Give me a look at the coin. That’s all the pay I want.”
She was about to hand it back to him when the room erupted into shouts and cheers. The game was over and any number of thirsty sports fiends surged toward the bar.
“If you like, I can wait until the crowd’s gone.”
He leaned across the bar and smiled at her. “Great. That’s exactly what I wished you would say.”
The Passenger
RUTHRYANLANGAN
For Jennifer and Betty, who know why.
For Nora, Mary, and Mary Kay—
friends and fellow believers.
And for Tom. Always.
One
“Just one more shot, Josh.”
“Josh. Over here.”
The crush of photographers stood elbow to elbow, vying for that one special shot of this amazing athlete who had caught the attention of the world’s media.
A reporter’s voice could be heard speaking into his microphone. “Josh Cramer isn’t your typical athlete. A free spirit, he doesn’t fit into any mold. Having already set a new world’s record for sailing the Atlantic solo, and taking an around-the-world hot air balloon trip, he has now completed his latest adventure, extreme skiing in the Alps. This isn’t for the faint of heart. As our viewing audience can see by the footage that has been released, Josh was launched from a helicopter, skiing through narrow passageways that looked for all the world like ice chambers. Josh Cramer’s fearlessness, as well as his rugged good looks and charm, have brought him international acclaim.”