What the hell do I want? I’m not sure.
Clueless Alexis. I know her really well.
But that doesn’t mean I just want to stay friends with West. Not when I like kissing him. Not after everything that he’s done for me. And if I’m being really honest with myself, hearing him confess that he likes me is making my heart act like a total nutjob.
West likes me. Gorgeous, flirty West, who beautiful girls like Stella get crushes on.
“I don’t know how you can like me.” The words just sort of tumble out of my mouth. “I mean, I know you said all of those things, but I’m a mess, and I’m not … I’m just …” I take a deep breath as Jay’s words pierce through my mind.
You’re a freak.
Ugly.
No one wants you.
I hate that I can’t shake his words.
Hate him for making me hate myself.
“Hey.” He grabs my waist and pulls me forward until I’m standing between his legs. “You’re all the things I said and more. And I don’t know what happened to you, although that fucking video gives me a bit of insight”—his tone briefly quivers with rage, but he quickly collects himself—“but all the things I said, I meant. You are all those things, and I really do like you, a fucking ton.”
He likes me a fucking ton?
West? My frenemy? Well, my friend now … fake boyfriend … the guy I like …
We really need to figure out what we are, I think.
“I like you, too.” I guess that might be a start.
“Yeah?” he asks with a crooked smile, and I give an unsteady nod, feeling like that wall I built around me cracked apart. He releases the most relieved breath I’ve ever heard then slants toward me, tracing his thumb along my bottom lip. “I’m going to kiss you, okay? And it’s going to be a fucking real kiss—a true one. I want to make sure you understand that.”
I want to say something epic, but I’m way too erratic of a mess right now to form comprehendible words, so I just nod.
He wets his lips with his tongue then leans in to kiss me, shutting his eyes. So I do mine. The moment his lips touch mine, I swear to God sparks sizzle around me.
Zap.
My eyelids shoot open just in time to see the lightbulbs flicker on and off. Then darkness encases us.
West jerks back from me. “Shit.” He gently guides me back then lowers himself from the counter, his hand finding mine. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah … But what happened?” I ask. “Was that like a power outage or something?”
“I have no idea.” He holds my hand while digging his phone out of his pocket. He turns on the flashlight app and light pierces the darkness. “I want you to stay here,” he says, giving my hand a squeeze. “Lock the door until I come back. You have your phone on you, right?”
“Yes, but … West …” The protest fades as he wiggles his hand from mine and strides toward the door “West,” I hiss, trailing after him. “I don’t think you should go out there.”
Not that I’m entirely convinced we should be concerned about the power going off. Maybe there was a power shortage. Or maybe the bulb just burnt out and the rest of the lights in the house will work. Then again, I have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that I can’t shake, like a warning flag. This has happened to me before, and one time in particular was right before my parents were in that car accident.
Maybe I should tell them not to go, I thought after a nightmare I’d had.
But I didn’t tell them to …
“Please don’t go.” I stumble over to him and clutch his arm. “Or let me come with you at least.”
He turns to look at me, his face just a shadow in the dark. “I don’t … It makes me nervous—you being out there when we’re not sure if there’s someone here.”
“I know.” I briefly pause. “But the same thing makes me nervous for you.”
His cheeks puff as he blows out a breath. “I … Fine. We’ll both go out there, but just keep ahold of my hand and hold on to your phone in case we need to call the cops.”
Nodding, I retrieve my phone from my pocket then thread my fingers with his.
“You ready?” he asks, although he doesn’t sound ready himself.
“Yeah.” It’s probably the biggest lie I’ve ever told.
10
West
She’s busting with anxiety, and I hate it. Hate that this blackmailer has got her so wound up that she’s giving herself anxiety. It pisses me off, although not as much as when she told me about what happened in the alleyway. No, the level of rage I feel toward that is almost as potent as when I saw that video of what Jay did to her.
I’m going to figure this out for her.
And I’m going to protect her.
I just hope I can keep my own life together while I do.
“You doing okay?” I ask Lex as we make our way down the dark hallway and toward the stairway.
I have the flashlight on my phone on and am sweeping it from left to right as we walk, edginess rippling through me. Part of me wants to call the cops, but we don’t really have a reason to right now. And I hope it stays that way. Hope this is just a power outage. But with everything going on, I can’t look at things that way—
The lights suddenly turn back on, and I have to blink several times for my eyes to readjust to the light. Then I turn off my flashlight and twist to face Lex. She’s rubbing her eyes with her free hand, her other hand clutching onto mine with the phone between our palms. She has a few droplets of paint splatters across her cheeks and in her hair. The sight of it reminds me of when she used to be really into art and would always have paint or charcoal on her.
I thought she had stopped drawing and painting. Then I saw that drawing of me that captured the pain I was feeling so perfectly that it was alarming. I might have ended up feeling those emotions all over again just looking at that drawing, but the fact that she drew me had me so distracted.
Lex drew me. Me. Not Blaine.
“I guess it was just a power shortage,” Lex says, drawing me from my thoughts.
“I guess so.” Unable to help myself, I reach forward and rub at the spots of paint on her cheeks.
A crinkle forms between her brows. “What’re you doing?”
“You have paint on your cheeks,” I tell her with a smile. “It’s cute how it’s all splattered amongst your freckles.”
She crinkles her nose. “My freckles aren’t cute.”
“No, they’re fucking adorable.” I slowly back her up against the wall and cup her chin in my hand. “The power outrage ruined my kiss.”
She nervously wets her lips with her tongue. “I know.”
I skim my thumb along her jawline. “And I want to finish it so you know I’m being serious about this.”
“That you …? That you want to kiss me?”
“And date you.” I move my thumb to her bottom lip. “For reals. Not fake.”
“And … And what about what the blackmailer wants me to do?”
“That can be an added bonus to us dating. We can play the blackmailer with this. Make him think that you’re playing me, but it can be real.” I smile at her, waiting for her to agree, but when she doesn’t, my smile fades into apprehension. “Unless you don’t want to.”
“No … I think I do … I mean, I do … I just …” She grimaces. “I’m just a little bit nervous about this. I mean, everything is so new to me, and I don’t really know what I’m doing. And you do. And I …” She blows out a frustrated sigh. “I’m not Stella Mafelerton.”
“I know you’re not.” My brows knit. “Why are you pointing that out?”
She continues to grow more frustrated. “Stella Mafelerton is experienced and knows what she’s doing, like you do. And I just had my first kiss, like, a few days ago, which you know since you’re the one who kissed me.”
“Again, I know all of this,” I tell her, confused. “What I don’t get is why you’re saying all this stuff.”
“I just
think …” Her gaze wanders up to the ceiling as she shakes her head and takes a deep breath. “You’re experienced, and I’m not. And if we dated, we’d have to go kind of slow since I’m still working on stuff. Plus, with everything going on, I don’t want to make things more complicated.”
I relax a smidgeon. “Lex, what did you think I meant earlier when I said I want to do this right?”
She shrugs, her gaze returning to mine, confusion filling her eyes. “I have no idea.”
I sweep a strand of her hair out of her face. “I meant that I want to do this right with you. I don’t want to just hook up. Trust me; I’ve waited a while for things to happen between us. I’m not going to risk screwing it up by rushing into anything.”
“So … So, you don’t want to have sex, then?” she asks, her cheeks flushing.
Jesus, that blush. Lex rarely blushes, but I really wish she would more, because it’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.
I nibble on my bottom lip, choosing my next words carefully. “No, that’s not what I’m saying. I do want to have sex with you. I’m just saying that we can take things slow.” As her cheeks turn even more pink, I can’t help smiling. “You’re blushing.”
“No, I’m not,” she scoffs.
“Yeah, you are.”
“Yeah, well … you’re saying you want to have sex with me, so I don’t know what you expect.”
“I don’t expect anything. That’s what I’m trying to say.” I swallow hard as I prepare to put a truth out there between us. “But I do want you, like, a lot. I’ve fucking fantasized about it for a while now.”
Her breathing starts to quicken. I think she is freaking out, but she’s looking me in the eye, not somewhere else like she would be if she was contemplating running.
“I’m going to kiss you now, okay?” My voice is a lot more wobbly than I want it to be.
She bobs her head up and down, quiet breaths rushing from her lips. “Okay.”
My own breathing starts to pick up as I lean in. With how worked up we both are, I know that, when we kiss, it’s going to be intense. But even knowing that doesn’t prepare me for the intensity that pulsates through me when my lips touch hers.
I groan as desire courses through me, and I let my hands drift to her waist, holding her up. Or maybe I’m trying to hold myself up. Who the hell knows and who the hell cares? All I know is that I want this. Want her.
“You okay with this?” I double-check, my lips hovering a sliver of an inch away from hers.
“Yeah,” she breathes out, moving her hands to the hem of my shirt.
As she clutches onto the fabric, her fingers graze across the skin of my waist. Desire ripples through me, and I kiss her deeply, our tongues tangling.
My hands unconsciously wander up and down her sides as I work to keep us both upright. I’m trying to go slow, to keep control of myself, but the longer we kiss, the quicker our movements become. And when she leans against the wall behind her and hitches her leg around my waist, I damn near lose it.
I grind my hips against hers, and she moans, digging her fingers into my sides. I just about pull back, not wanting to push her, when she rolls her hips against mine. We did this a little bit in my car in the school parking lot, but this feels different, maybe because I made it pretty clear we’re not pretending.
This is real, and Lex knows it. And she’s not pulling away.
But I also told her I’d take things slow, and this doesn’t feel slow. So, instead of rocking my hips against hers again, I focus on kissing her, focus on letting my hands travel up and down her sides, along her arms, the sides of her neck.
Her skin is so soft, and she tastes like cherries. I want to taste her everywhere. But I’m not going to yet. I’m not going to screw this up like I’ve done with everything else in my life. So, I keep kissing her, tasting her lips and feeling her skin. And nothing exists in that moment. Not my parents. Not those papers. Not the drug deals waiting for me when I leave. It’s just Lex and me here. And if I could, I would stay this way for a while. And maybe I would’ve if the house alarm didn’t go off, letting us know someone is here.
That we’re no longer alone.
11
Alexis
I think I might really be starting to like this whole kissing thing. Like a freakin’ ton. Although, I wonder if I’d like it as much if I wasn’t kissing West. I honestly don’t think so. Not with how easy falling into kissing him is.
Not that the kissing isn’t intense. It’s beyond tense. Blazing. Full of heat. I can’t believe I haven’t been doing this for longer.
I probably would’ve kissed him all night if the house alarm hadn’t gone off.
Panic soars through me and yanks me out of my kissing-West daze. He tenses, too, as his lips leave mine.
His lips part. “Who do you—”
“Nik, can you turn off the alarm?” Loki calls out.
I relax.
“It’s Loki and Nik,” I state the obvious. Although, they’re earlier than Loki said. “We should go have Loki look at those papers.”
Nodding, he moves to step back, but then he dips his head and kisses me again.
“I just wanted one more,” he explains then moves back, smiling at me.
I try to smile back, but I’m sure I look like a riled-up freak with how fast my heart is sprinting. Then I head down the hallway with him trailing at my heels.
Right before I start down the stairs, he grabs my hand and stops me.
“Your brother’s not going to, like, freak out that we were here alone, is he?” he asks, scratching the back of his neck.
I shrug. “I don’t know. I’ve never really been in this situation before. And besides, as far as Loki knows, we’re just friends. Or, well, frenemies,” I joke, but he doesn’t even so much as smile. “Dude, why are you so stressed out about this?”
He gives a stiff shrug. “I don’t know. Adults just don’t seem to like me very much. And I want your family to like me.”
“Well, Zhara likes you, so you’ve won one person over already,” I tell him. “Nik’s going through his teenage angst phase, so he doesn’t even like me right now. Anna is … Well, I don’t really know what’s going on with her, but I doubt she’d judge you since she’s had to deal with being judged harshly before. And Loki’s barely an adult, so you don’t really need to worry about him. Honestly, it’s me he doesn’t really like right now.”
“Yeah, but—”
I cover his mouth with my hand. “No buts. You’ll be fine. Just be yourself.” When I lower my hand, he cracks a smile.
Finally.
“You’re acting like being myself is a good thing,” he says.
I roll my eyes. “We both know that you can be super charming when you want to be.”
He muses over that. “True. I did charm you over.”
I roll my eyes again, this time way more dramatically. “Come on; let’s go talk to him about those papers.”
He follows me, growing quiet again, and part of me wants to reach back and hold his hand. But the other part of me realizes that right now might not be the best time to declare my relationship status to Loki, considering I was home alone with West and am clearly coming from the direction of my bedroom.
“Lex, is that you?” Loki calls out as I reach the bottom of the stairway.
“Yeah.” I head for the kitchen with West right behind me.
When I enter, Nik is digging through the fridge and Loki is rummaging through a takeout bag that’s on the counter.
“I picked you, Zhara, and Anna some food up for dinner,” Loki says without glancing up at me. “Nik and I ate at the BBQ, but I got myself some dessert so we can sit down, eat, and talk …” He trails off as he glances up at me. Well, glances up at me and West, since his gaze is currently bouncing back and forth between us.
He probably thinks I brought him home with me to get out of talking to him, so I hurriedly tell him what’s going on. “I’m going to sit down with you and eat a
nd talk about all the things I know I messed up with,” I inform him. “But there’s this thing going on with West that we’re really hoping you can help us out with.”
Puzzlement creases his features. “Okay, what is it?”
I turn to West. “You wanna go grab those papers?”
West nods, glancing at Loki nervously before heading toward the front door.
Niki exits the kitchen, too, stuffing his face with a handful of chips.
The moment both of them walk out, Loki says to me, “West hasn’t been over here in a while.”
I shrug, wandering from the doorway and into the kitchen. “It’s not like we were super close friends.”
He gives me a funny look as he rests his arms on the counter of the kitchen island, looking at me. “Maybe you don’t see it that way.”
I stop on the other side of the counter. “What does that mean?”
He wavers with his lips pressed together, his gaze traveling to the doorway then back to me. “It means that he likes you as more than a friend.”
While I know that, I’m not sure … “How do you know that?”
He lifts a shoulder as he stands upright again. “About a year ago, he was over here. Blaine and Masie were here, too. You guys were working on some group project. Anyway, you and West were arguing about something—I honestly can’t even remember. What I do remember is the way he was looking at you when you weren’t paying attention to him.”
“How was he looking at me?”
“Like he wanted to be looking at you,” he explains. “I remember because it made me nervous.”
I’m taken back by the statement. “Why did it make you nervous?”
He shrugs. “Because it made me realize that, eventually, I was going to have to deal with you, Zhara, and Anna dating.”
“Oh.” I’m not sure how to deal with that. And I don’t have to since he continues.
“Plus, back then, everyone in this family knew you had a crush on Blaine.”
A Truthful Kiss: (Signed with a Kiss, Book 3) Page 8