by Rachel Hanna
“I wish I had your confidence,” Julie said, laughing. “And then there’s something else.”
“What’s that?”
Julie walked over and sat on the edge of her bed. “I’m a little worried about Meg.”
“Worried? Why?”
“She’s just acting strange. Like, she barely interacts with me, and she hasn’t even visited the bookstore yet. I mean, I know she’s a kid, and I know she’s trying to readjust to life here, but I don’t know. I guess I just expected her to be more excited about being back with her family.”
Janine sat down beside her. “Oh, I think she’s very excited to be here. Maybe she just misses her friends back in Europe.”
“Maybe. I’ve just been waiting for her to come around, spend time with me, you know? Do you think she’s mad at me for anything? Has she said anything to you?”
Janine paused for a moment longer than Julie would’ve expected and then smiled. “She hasn’t said anything about you to me. She loves you, sis. I’m sure she’ll come around soon. Just give her some time.”
Julie nodded. “I’m sure you’re right.” She looked over at her phone sitting on the vanity. “Yikes, we’d better get a move on. The guys will be here in fifteen minutes!”
Colleen sat on the sand, her bare feet digging down into the softness. She pulled her thick cardigan tighter around her shoulders and stared at the ocean in front of her. The winds were milder tonight than normal, and she sucked in a long breath of the salty sea air. This place was intoxicating.
She’d been to plenty of beaches in California, but the low country areas of South Carolina were totally different. Mixtures of darkness and light, earthy smells and the glow of fireflies in the trees just behind her. Dawson had offered his private beach up to her anytime she needed a place to get away, and tonight was just such a night.
She was finding it hard to get back to regular life. She missed Peter in some ways, but never had any regrets about breaking up with him. More than anything, she missed having someone to talk to, someone who cared about how she was feeling. Actually, Peter had never been really good at those things anyway.
As she watched the faint light of a ship passing way out in the ocean, she thought about how different her life was now than just a few months ago. Gone were the swanky parties she’d attended with her law firm co-workers. Those had been replaced with a quick sandwich at the bistro and people watching on the square of her new town.
A few of her old co-workers kept in touch, usually just by a quick text, but those messages were getting fewer and farther between. Had they really been her friends? She laid back and stared up at the sky, now a solid black, and was amazed at how many stars she could see. There were no big streetlights to block her view. It was just her, the sound of the ocean and the flickering fireflies off in the distant thick tree-line.
She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, like the ones her Aunt Janine did during her meditations. Before long, she felt herself drift off into that place between wakefulness and sleep. She hadn’t meant to actually fall asleep, but the island wasn’t a place she feared for her safety if she did. She could probably sleep all night, every night right in the middle of the beach and never have to worry.
“Ma’am, are you okay?” she suddenly heard a male voice say above her. All she could see was the outline of a male figure, the moon glowing behind the silhouette of his head.
She jumped to her feet, ready to employ those self defense skills she’d learned at her company retreat back in California. As she backed up a few steps, holding up her hands, she stared at the dark figure in front of her. How was she going to get past him and run fast enough to get away?
“I’m warning you, don’t come any closer!”
The guy put up his hands and stood still. “I’m not trying to hurt you. I was just asking if you’re okay.”
He was young, probably around her age. She still couldn’t see his face, the moon having been obscured by a passing cloud.
“This is a private beach. What are you doing here?”
“Oh, jeez. Sorry. I’m new around here, and a friend told me…”
“I don’t care what anyone told you. You shouldn’t…” she started to say. As the cloud passed, the moonlight shone down on the beach again and she realized she was talking to Tucker. The way too handsome new guy in town. Her secret crush. Her face turned red, but thank goodness he couldn’t see that.
“I’m going to go…”
“No!”
“What?” He cocked his head to the side. “Wait. Didn’t we meet the other day?”
She smiled. “Yes. I’m Colleen. I’m so sorry…”
He chuckled. “No need to be sorry. I shouldn’t have walked up to you like that. It’s just that I called out a couple of times, and you didn’t answer.”
“I must’ve fallen asleep. And, again, I apologize for trying to, you know, attack you.”
Tucker smiled. “You had me a little scared, I have to admit. And I was in the Marines for a few years.”
“Really? Wow. Well, thanks for your service.”
“You’re very welcome. So, can I ask why you’re sleeping on a beach rather than in your own house?”
Colleen pointed at the sand before sitting down. Thankfully, he joined her. She felt like a giddy middle schooler, trying to keep her crush from switching to a different lunch table.
“I’m not actually homeless or anything. I live down the road there. My mother’s… friend… owns that house over there. He lets me use this beach whenever I need some time to myself.”
“And here I came over and ruined it.”
“No, not at all,” she said, struggling not to break her own face from smiling.
“So, what are you getting away from, exactly?”
Colleen sighed. “I think I’m taking my work home with me a little too much.”
“You said you work as an attorney?”
“A starter attorney, I guess you’d say,” she said with a laugh. “They sure don’t pay me like a real one.”
“And what kind of law do you practice?”
“Well, my firm is focused on a lot of domestic violence cases.”
“Ah. I can see how that might be hard to handle.”
“Yes. When I lived in California, we didn’t do these kinds of cases, so it was easier to go home at night with a fairly clear head. But, hearing these stories all day… about women and children… and the circumstances… well, it’s all a little much.”
“I can only imagine. My job isn’t nearly as stressful.”
“What do you do?”
“I play with toys all day.”
She stared at him, barely able to make out the blue color in his eyes. “Toys?”
“I’m a toy designer.”
“That’s a real job?” she said without thinking.
He chuckled. “I guess I’m pretty lucky. But, yes, it’s a real job. I went to school for engineering, ended up in product design, and here I am. A start-up hired me right out of school, and we just relocated our offices here.”
“Wow. So cool.”
“It’s a pretty laid back atmosphere. I mean, until we have a new launch. Then there’s a lot of stress and contracts and deadlines.”
“Maybe I’m in the wrong line of work. I can’t imagine designing toys and playing with them all day. That sounds divine right about now.”
“But your job makes such a difference. If you didn’t do what you do, what options would those women and children have?”
She smiled. “Thanks for trying to make me feel better, but I basically push papers around and look at evidence. I don’t do the real work.”
“Don’t sell yourself short. Everybody’s job is important. Take mine for example. If I don’t design a great educational toy for that kid who has a learning disability, who will? Or if I don’t test a toy thoroughly, some kid could get hurt.”
She looked back at the water, watching the moon dance off of it. “To be honest, I wish
I felt like my work mattered.”
Colleen couldn’t believe she was already bearing her soul to this poor guy. All he did was stumble upon her on the beach. Now he was caught like a bear in a trap. She decided to give him an out.
“I know you must have something better to do than sit here and listen to a strange woman vent about her job,” she said.
He smiled, big enough for her to see in the moonlight. “Are you kidding? I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to talk to you again for over a week.”
Her heart started pounding. Was she dreaming?
“What?”
“I don’t want to interrupt your evening of sleeping on the beach, but would you want to have a cup of coffee with me, by chance?”
She smiled. “I would love that.”
Meg stared at her phone. Thank goodness she had the house to herself tonight. Aunt Janine and her mother were both gone to the reunion, and Colleen had wandered off again. Meg had no idea where she kept going at night, but she had her own problems to worry about.
Christian had texted her.
Her heart ached. She missed him. Even though she was only nineteen, she knew it had been real love. Their age difference hadn’t mattered to either of them, and he’d treated her like a queen.
A tear rolled down her cheek as she imagined what he felt like when he realized she left in the middle of the night, hopping a plane back to America without a word. He had to be confused. She’d done it to protect him, to make sure he didn’t lose his job. Even though he hadn’t been her professor, if the university had found out a professor had impregnated a student, he might have lost his job.
She just couldn’t take the chance.
After all, this was her fault. At least, that’s how she saw it. On birth control since her teens for heavy periods, she’d always been good about taking her pills. Christian was the first guy she’d ever gotten that “close” with, and then one night they went further than she’d planned. Or hadn’t planned. She’d let her prescription run out, never thinking they would cross that line before she had a chance to think it through.
But they did. He didn’t push her into it. Honestly, it had been her idea. She got caught up in the romance of it all. An older man who adored her. The Paris skyline. The smell of baguettes everywhere she turned. Her brain had become mush, and she let her guard down. She made a split second decision that had turned into a lifetime commitment.
She hadn’t told him she was pregnant, opting instead to pack her things and jump on an airplane without explanation. He had called and texted her for days, terrified something bad had happened to her. Finally, she sent him a text and told him they were through and that she had gone back home.
Christian had texted her back, begging and pleading, wanting to know what he did wrong. She could almost hear the tears in his words. But there was no way she was telling him the truth, that she was so irresponsible to have put herself in this position. In her mind, she had let so many people down lately. The only control she had was to make the best decision for her baby, no matter what it did to the rest of her life.
Please, Meg. Call me. Text me. Anything. I’m so worried about you, my love. We can handle anything together. You can count on me.
Ugh. Her heart broke as she stared at his words. She wanted to text him back, tell him the situation, ask him to come to America and be a family. But, she loved him too much to do that. She knew his career would be over, and she wasn’t going back to Europe to raise her child, if she kept it. She wanted to be near her family if that happened. She needed them now more than ever, no matter what she decided.
So she turned her phone off. Answering him would only lead him on, and she felt a clean, swift break was the only way to go. Like pulling off a bandage stuck to a skinned knee. Better to just rip it off, feel the shocking pain and try to stand up again.
For tonight, the only thing that would help was a big tub of rocky road ice cream, a nice long cry and a warm bath.
Julie had never felt so out of place in her life. While her sister was having a blast, dancing around and meeting new people, she was stuck to Dawson’s side like an appendage. She’d never been great at meeting new people, and with Dawson obviously being the best looking guy in the room, she felt judged. He was only three years younger, but right now she felt like he should just check her into the assisted living center down the road.
There were less than a hundred people at the reunion, which meant he’d obviously gone to a much smaller school than she had. But everyone knew everyone, and she knew three people in the whole place.
Dating in her forties wasn’t something Julie had ever envisioned doing. She’d planned to stay married to Michael until they were old and gray, rocking grand babies on the front porch of their beach house. Things don’t always work out how you think they will.
“You okay?” Dawson asked as they refilled their punch cups.
She smiled up at him. “Of course. This hotel is beautiful, and the shrimp and grits on the buffet are almost as good as Lucy’s, but not quite.”
“You’re making small talk, and I’ve found that’s never a good sign,” he said, winking.
“I’m sorry. It’s just that I have a bit of social anxiety, I guess.”
He put his drink down and pulled her into a hug. “It’s okay, Julie. I’m just grateful you came with me. I look a lot better with you on my arm.”
She felt like melting into a puddle of goo right there on the floor.
“Dawson Lancaster?” a woman said from the other side of the table. She was drop dead gorgeous, like something out of a fashion magazine. Her long blond hair streamed down her back, her perfectly toned body adorned in a shimmery red dress with a slit up one side. Had she just come from the Miss America pageant or something?
“Tiffany?”
Uh oh. Tiffany? As in, the girl everyone had a crush on? That Tiffany? The one Dawson said would never come to the reunion?
Suddenly, Julie felt very inferior. She tried not to stare, but the woman looked like a supermodel. Was she aging in reverse? She tried to find a flaw, quickly, just to make herself feel better. Were her legs too long? Maybe her lips were a little too full? Nope. She was perfect, and Julie was a rumpled, stumpy old woman who needed to crawl under the nearest table and out the back door.
Or at least that’s how she felt in the moment.
“Hi. I’m Tiffany. I don’t think I remember you,” she said, her Southern accent sounding like something out of a movie. She reached out her perfectly manicured hand, complete with the most expensive rings Julie had ever seen. Reluctantly, Julie shook her hand.
“Oh, no, I didn’t go to your high school. I’m just here with Dawson.” Here with Dawson? That made it sound like she was his homely cousin, just tagging along because she had nothing better to do.
“Well, nice to meet you, hon,” she said in that sugary sweet way that Julie had always hated from the women she knew at the country club. Why did she feel so inferior? After all, she’d lived a pretty wealthy lifestyle herself. She was in the middle of the Atlanta social scene, her social calendar always booked up. But, the truth was she never felt like she fit in. The women were all phony, and the men were power hungry egomaniacs.
“I didn’t expect to see you here,” Dawson said, smiling down at her. Was he flirting? Surely not. But this was his high school crush, and those feelings often lingered. Julie hated how insecure she felt right now.
“I decided to come at the last minute. I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to see everyone. I heard about Tania, and I’m just so sorry. She was a sweet girl,” she said, rubbing Dawson’s forearm. Julie wanted to slap it away.
“Julie, you’ve got to come do the electric slide with me!” Janine said, running up to her, breathless.
“No, thanks…” Julie tried to say before her sister yanked her arm and pulled her across the room. For a tiny person, Janine was strong as an ox. All those years of yoga, Julie supposed.
When they arrived on the
dance floor, Janine immediately started dancing. Julie just stood there, staring across the room, expecting to see Tiffany lead Dawson out of the reunion at any moment.
“What are you looking at?” Janine said loudly, trying to talk over the music.
“My worst nightmare.”
Janine looked over and finally noticed the beautiful blonde standing in front of Dawson. “Oh, her? Come on. She’s nothing compared to you.”
Julie turned and stared at her sister. “Have you been drinking?”
“Just a glass of wine. Why?”
“Look at her. She looks like God made her as an example for the rest of us to aspire to.”
Janine stopped dancing, realizing her sister wasn’t in a good place. She pulled her arm and led her outside, the cold air shocking both of their systems.
“What on Earth has gotten into you?” Janine asked quietly as other party goers passed by going to and from their cars.
“That woman was Dawson’s high school crush.”
“So?”
“She’s stunning, Janine. I can’t compete with that.”
“Who says you have to? Dawson adores you, Julie. Just because this woman from twenty plus years ago came to the reunion doesn’t mean he’s interested in her.”
“Oh, come on, Janine. Remember that huge crush you had on Dennis Compton?”
Janine smiled. “Ah, yes, Dennis. Denny. He was adorable. Had that fire engine red hair, and he let me cheat off of him in biology class.”
“And if Denny showed up here tonight, you’d drop William like a hot potato!”
Janine laughed. “Um, no I wouldn’t! Denny was a nerd. I’ve moved on, and so has Dawson, I’m sure. Besides, that woman may be married.”
“Didn’t stop my husband.”
Janine sighed and put her hands on Julie’s shoulders. “Is that what this is about? You don’t trust men now because of what Michael did?”
“Maybe. I don’t know.”
“That’s no way to live, sis. And you can’t build something new with Dawson while punishing him for what Michael did.”