For a moment his eyes were filled with the warmth she had known from him her whole life. But just like that it was gone. “I can’t. And I won’t.”
Nicolas turned and left without another word.
She sat on the hospital bed and sobbed, emotions flooding her. The tears came with short, choking sobs, and she gripped the bed frame, struggling for breath. The control she had always held so dearly was escaping her entirely, and was replaced by the first real emotional pain she had ever known.
You are not going to play dumb with me. Those words had driven a wedge between them that was bigger than any imagined betrayal. It’s my own fault for loving you so fucking much. It’s not natural.
Ana would not dwell on his words. She could spend hours dissecting their meaning, but the truth would leave her emptier than she felt the moment she watched him walk away, and out of her life. And if she were honest with herself, she had always known the truth, instead choosing to live in the bliss of willful ignorance.
How much of her life had she given up, in order to live in the comfort of his unconditional love? How many experiences? How many relationships? It is not your fault, Nic. It is mine. I chose this path because it was easier to be loved by the wrong person than to be hurt by the right one.
A ray of sunlight splashed through the dark storm clouds, penetrating the grimy window to light up the floor near her feet. The light danced and sparkled on the cold linoleum, as the clouds moved across the sky.
She stared at the dancing patterns for a while, focusing on the patterns, the details. Her tongue found the roof of her mouth, and her toes curled tightly in her tennis shoes. Breathe, Muffins.
For the first time in my life, I am entirely on my own. Ana had never realized how much she relied on Nicolas to keep her stable, and secure. How she had taken for granted not only his presence, but his unwavering support and loyalty.
I never want to rely on another person that much ever again.
Ana continued to watch the light flood the room, and as the clouds left the sky, so they also left her thoughts. I am my father’s daughter.
Slowly, her control was restored. Her breathing calmed, her heart stopped skipping, and the heat in her face subsided.
Jon popped his head into the door. He pushed Finn in a wheelchair, and Finn was smiling at her. His eyes were filled with love, but also with understanding and acceptance.
“You ready?” Jon asked.
I am ready to leave the past behind and start a new life; to make up for my mistakes by giving myself, selflessly.
In letting me go, Nicolas may have given me the greatest gift he’s ever given me.
Ana smiled. She took a deep breath, standing straighter, Finn’s bag of clothes tucked under one arm.
Yes, she was ready.
Novels by Sarah M. Cradit
The House of Crimson and Clover Series
St. Charles at Dusk
The Storm and the Darkness
The Illusions of Eventide- Coming 2014
Midnight Dynasty- Coming 2014
Moonlight and Midwinter- Coming 2015
The Starlight Awakening- Coming 2015
Acknowledgements
This book would not have been possible without the overwhelming support from a large cast of amazing friends, family, and fellow writers. It’s impossible to name them all, but I will touch on as many as possible.
I will start with my beta readers. Without their feedback, you would not be reading this.
Amanda Richardson: It is not often we get to meet, and befriend, our biggest fan. You kept me focused, motivated, and inspired to move forward, by loving my characters as much as I did. You endured my crazy brainstorm sessions like a champ (and still do!). You help put the fun back in writing. Thank you, Amanda, for being my muse, and for being such a great friend.
Tara Shaner: What could I possibly say that would come close to covering the scope of the work you’ve done for me? Your comments and edits went far beyond anything I could have dreamed from a traditional beta reader. Your feedback made me a stronger writer, and I can’t put a price on the value of that. More than that, I enjoyed sharing this experience with you as you walked with me, step by step, into the world of the Deschanels and Sullivans once again. I imagine our friendship might one day come down to a fight over who gets Nicolas.
Candace Heath: I thoroughly enjoyed–and benefited from–your play-by-play reader feedback and witty commentary. The opportunity to get inside the reader’s head at each turn is invaluable to me, and you gave me an opportunity to take that journey as a reader instead of a writer. It’s one I would not have had otherwise.
Misty Maller: You’ve been one of my most vocal and powerful supporters since the very beginning. The support you’ve given me goes far beyond reader feedback. You continue to inspire me with everything you do, and I continue to be grateful to count you as a friend.
Stephanie Lindorff: You kept me in check on quite a few important details, not the least of which were the ones around proper storm preparation and equipment. The devil is in the details, and you kept me honest. It’s a Brady thing, right?
Allison Forsythe: Your insights around some of the philosophical aspects of the novel–such as Nicolas and Ana’s relationship–were completely on point and helped me to ensure that the reader was walking away with the right balance of clarity and ambiguity.
I hope each of you, as you read the published version, can see your influences woven into the story.
A huge thank you to Justin Mikkelsen for producing another amazing cover for me. You always seem to know how to deliver exactly what I want, with a cover I can be proud of.
I want to give a special thanks to the tremendous support from my followers and friends on Facebook, Twitter, and WordPress. Everyone who has shared, blogged, reblogged, commented, or supported me in any number of different ways. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting so many amazing people along the way, and the indie author network is a truly rare and wonderful experience. You added an unexpected layer of encouragement to this journey, and I am honored to know each of you.
A specific thank you to the Green Embers Crew on WordPress. I’m not as active as I’d like to be, but I have grown to know and love every one of you, and count you among my friends.
A huge thank you is in order, to all of my friends and family who have supported and encouraged me. Also to everyone who asked about my books along the way, and took a genuine interest in my projects. This means more than you’ll ever know.
I should probably also thank Google for making my research possible. Who knew there was that much to learn about the finer points of lobster fishing?
Thank you to everyone who read St. Charles at Dusk and to those of you who just finished reading The Storm and the Darkness. To the fans who have reached out and given me feedback.
And, most of all, James. I couldn’t do any of this without you by my side.
About The Author
Sarah is the author of the Southern Fiction series, The House of Crimson and Clover. The series was born of her combined love of New Orleans, family dramas, and the mysterious nature of love and desire. Her books combine elements of mystery, suspense, intrigue, romance, and even paranormal. She is always working on the next book in the mysterious world of the Sullivans and Deschanels.
Sarah lives in the Pacific Northwest, but has traveled the world from Asia to Europe to Africa. When she isn't working (either at her day career, or hard at work at writing), she is reading and discovering new authors. The great loves of her life (in order) are: her husband James, writing, and traveling the world.
Feel free to contact Sarah. She absolutely loves connecting with her fans:
Blog: http://sarahcradit.wordpress.com
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/houseofcrimsonandclover
Twitter: @thewritersarah
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