by Ford, Lizzy
“I was betrothed when I was sixteen to another servant. My father had just landed a gig working for one of the lesser nobles after he saved the life of the noble’s son. It pulled us off the streets. At first, I was thrilled, until I realized any freedom I had was now gone. On the streets, I could do what I wanted. In a noble house, everything down to my shoes was scripted for me. Our lord even chose the man I was to wed, another lesser servant in need of wife. He was twenty years older than me, born into his position. He didn’t question anyone or anything, and I couldn’t understand his world,” she began. “I found out I was eligible to join the Guardians the day before I found out I was pregnant with Talia. I tried to run away twice, to take us both to the mortal world, where we could start over. My husband and father forbid it, locked me away until I had Talia, and believed a child would tame that part of me they couldn’t. She couldn’t.”
Jenn’s gaze grew distant. She fell quiet for a moment, and Darian watched the disjointed images in her mind as she recalled the memories.
“I left them both when she was two. I signed up for the Guardians, and I was getting ready to leave for the mortal world. My plan was to go, find a place, then come back for Talia. Then the first wave of the Schism hit. I went to check on them. The house was crushed. My … Talia was dead. My whole family.”
Darian couldn’t help feeling dirty for causing her to relive the pain.
“I took back the marker of my family and buried it at their obelisk. I left. Free at last,” she said with bitterness. She focused on him again, pain and anger in her gaze. “Now answer my fucking question, Darian.”
“If I must destroy a world, I’ll do it,” he said firmly. “If that’s the only way to keep my family safe, I won’t think twice. I don’t think the Others or Watchers can stop me.”
“You’ll protect whichever world your family is in?”
“My turn.”
She muttered a curse, and the cool façade slipped. Jenn ran a hand through her short hair. The discussion was costing her much more than it did him. As much as Darian empathized, he did what he thought necessary. Only when he’d been broken and faced his past had he been able to let go of his own demons.
“Jonny,” he said. “He got to you. How?”
“Chink in my armor,” she said. “I met him when he was a broken soul. He thought he’d lost his only family. I took pity on him, not knowing he would become the Black God. Ikir sent me on assignment to spy on him. I went too far. I thought he could be … salvaged. I wanted it to be true. But it’s not. I know that now. We all make our choices and live with the results.”
“Yes,” Darian said. “I’ll protect whichever world you are in.”
Jenn met his gaze again, surprised.
“The most sacred vow a White God takes is to his family.”
“You’re not a White God.”
“I get to make up my own rules. That’s one of them.”
After a thick silence, she whispered, “Explains why the Others want to drag me over there. So I was right in thinking it’s better they—or Jonny—kills me, before you destroy our world to get to them. In any case, it’s my turn.”
The glint in her eyes warned him. “Claire.”
“Unlike you, a White God had some choice in who he took as a mate. Claire had your spirit. Her beauty was flashier, the kind that drew every man around her, including me. I wanted her, and I got her. But so did a few others at court. I thought the nobles were jealous that I took her as my bride, instead of a daughter from a more prominent family. I believe now the rumors were true,” Darian said, at peace after his trip to the immortal world. He’d buried his emotions for Claire there, among the apple trees where he’d first met her. “I was blind to her other side. She was ambitious, driven by her controlling father and then by her own need for power.
“The last day I remember her, she invited me to a picnic outside the city, near a stream. We were newly mated and made love under a tree near a fountain. Afterwards, I went to the horses to grab our lunch. It’s my last memory of the immortal world until I returned a day ago.”
“Ikir Damian avenged you when he finally learned of what happened,” Jenn said quietly.
“I remember every day enslaved to the Black God,” Darian said. “I remember every time she visited to donate more blood to keep me enslaved. She was proud of what she’d done, how she’d beaten the White God. Her only regret: the Schism kept her from becoming the rightful queen of the immortal world. Poor timing for her, good for me.”
“I wouldn’t call thousands of years enslaved good timing,” Jenn voiced. Her features were still, her dark eyes riveted to him. He saw his pain in her gaze.
“I could’ve been outright killed.”
“Your fate was much worse than death.”
“At first, when Sofi freed my mind, I thought so. I don’t think that way now.”
“I can’t accept my past that easily,” Jenn said.
“Mine made me what I am, Jenn. A life with Claire would’ve been more hellish than a life with the Black God,” he said with a smile. “And it would’ve prevented a life with you.”
Confusion crossed her features. “Darian—”
“My turn,” he interjected. “Me.”
Jenn looked away again. “No.”
“Rules of the game. You have to answer.”
“How do I answer that?” she demanded and rose, moving to the window. “What do you want me to say, Darian?”
“Easy. Yes or no.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Tell me why.”
“You know why!”
“I want to hear you say it,” he insisted, joining her at the window.
Jenn’s distraught features gazed up at him, and he felt bad again for causing her any sort of pain. The air between them was electric, her breathing uneven.
“We’ve established there’s no one between us but you,” he pushed. “Not Claire, not your mate—past or present—no one. Just you.”
“I’m terrified, Darian!” she snapped. Her voice rose until she was shouting at him, and any control she had over herself slid away. “When I left the immortal world, I taught myself not to feel, never to be vulnerable to someone else hurting me. I’ll live with their deaths on my shoulders for the rest of my life. That’s what love does to you, Darian! It makes you vulnerable. It destroys you over the course of a very, very long time! If that means I dive off a cliff to keep the Others from using me against you, I’ll do it. I couldn’t bear it, Darian, if I hurt you like Claire did or to be hurt like that again!”
Jenn moved away from him and swiped at tears on her face. Darian debated whether to pursue or let her go. She was a proud woman, one who didn’t like being out of control. Right now, she was nowhere near control.
“I won’t let myself love you, and I won’t let you fall in love with me,” she added, snatching her coat and jerkily pulling it on as she strode to the door.
“Too late,” he replied.
She froze, hand on the doorknob.
“For me, anyway,” he added carefully, moving towards her. “Anything Jonny and the Others do to you, they do to me. You can’t run from me, Jenn, any more than you can run from yourself.”
Her hand dropped.
“Now, about my question,” he pushed again.
“I’m sensing any objection I have to this game is futile,” she said after a pause. Her voice was ragged.
“You can object all you want. But this isn’t a game you’ll win. I’ll push you until you break. Eventually, you’ll give up and admit you see what’s right in front of your face.”
“One condition, and I’ll answer your question.”
“Depends on the condition,” he replied.
“If the Others take me to the immortal world, and you must choose between me and the fate of humanity, you will save the mortal world,” she said, turning to look up at him again.
Darian met her gaze, debating. It was a loaded question by a woman capable of manipulating a
situation to her advantage.
“My devotion to being a Guardian is the foundation of who I am. I won’t accept you, if you don’t understand that about me.”
“Deal.” He reached forward, half expecting her to punch him, and wiped the tears from her cheek with his thumb.
“Then my answer is yes,” she said.
“You earned yourself another cheeseburger,” he said. He dropped his hand and stepped aside, motioning to the living room.
Jenn hesitated before moving past him. Darian relaxed, aware he’d won the hardest battle yet. His gaze followed her as she sat on the couch again. Their exchange kicked her ass more than an hour of sparring. She rubbed her face.
Until she recovered, he was content to feed her. She’d lost too much weight over the past couple of weeks. Sofi and Bianca had taught him how to care for someone else, and he was going to put those lessons to good use with his stubborn mate. Like him, she didn’t know when to throw in the towel. Darian retrieved more cheeseburgers and beers from the kitchen.
“What happens now?” Jenn asked as he returned. The guardedness was back in her voice.
“Whatever you want,” he said in as level a voice as he could. He set their dinner down.
“What if I don’t want anything to happen?”
Darian sat down. “Then nothing happens.”
“No, really,” she said, crossing her arms.
“Yes, really. I’m not some source you’re obligated to sleep with. You have a few things to learn about a healthy relationship,” he said. “Though I’ll admit, I’m really curious for you to teach me a few things, since you’ve been with so many men. Like, thousands, right?”
Fuck. Darian wished to take the words back the moment he said them. He grabbed a cheeseburger and took a huge bite, glancing up.
Jenn looked startled. She began to laugh.
“That was meant as a compliment. I meant to say, you probably know a lot more than I do because I’ve been with one woman only,” he said when he’d swallowed. “It didn’t come out right that time either, did it?”
Jenn laughed harder. Darian relaxed, pleased to see her genuinely laughing after their otherwise traumatic night.
“Sorry,” she managed at last. “I’m really not laughing at you.”
“It’s fine if you do. I’m happy to see you smile again.”
“Not many people can take me by surprise, but you manage to every time we’re together.”
“I imagine you like that about me,” he guessed. “Seems like it would appeal to your cruel streak of messing with people to see what they’ll do.”
“It does,” she confirmed. “I admire you, Darian. No one can go through what you have and still have the sense of humor you do.”
“Do we have a shot together?”
She hesitated then said slowly, “If you felt a fraction of what I did in the wine cellar …”
“Good,” he said.
“Did you?”
“Like nothing I ever felt before,” he replied honestly. “I’ve never wanted anyone the way I do you. I wouldn’t have walked away that day.”
Jenn’s gaze flashed with a different emotion before she looked away. He recognized her desire. It ran through him as well. She hadn’t quite yet surrendered to her fate at his side; this much he sensed.
“I’ll sleep on the couch tonight,” he added. “No pressure.”
“I think I can handle you if you get fresh,” she replied, amused.
“I’ll cave if you get fresh with me. This is for my own good.”
“Thank you, Darian.” The tight note in her voice told him how heartfelt the simple words were. She stood. “I promise not to make you wait too long. I just need a little time to think.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Jenn nodded and strode towards the stairwell. Darian watched her then finished his cheeseburger slowly, listening to her thoughts. She was at war with herself, a war he understood too well. She’d never forgiven herself for leaving her family, and she’d never given herself permission to move on and be happy.
He rose, distressed by the familiar despair. Darian hesitated before making his decision and taking the stairs two at a time. The door to his room was closed. He pushed it open. Jenn lay across his bed in the dark, sobbing quietly. Affected, he pushed off his boots and sat beside her. He touched her shoulder. When she neither rejected nor attacked him, he lay down beside her and wrapped an arm around her, holding her tightly against him.
Darian closed his eyes and watched the discordant memories flickering through her mind, not wanting her to suffer alone. His heart ached to see his mate in such pain, but he knew from experience there was nothing more he could do. She had to accept her past before she, too, could move on.
He held her until she cried herself free of tears, and her body relaxed in his arms. When her breathing grew steady, she shifted.
“You don’t have to stay,” she said.
“When you care about someone, you don’t run from them,” he said pointedly.
“Ouch.”
“Darian two, Jenn five hundred.”
“I’ll fuck this up, Darian. Somehow, I will,” she whispered, the raw note in her voice making his arms tighten around her.
“No, you won’t. Neither of us will. We’re a good pair. I kill Others and you rescue me,” he replied.
“I’m serious. Aren’t you worried?”
“I’m terrified by what comes, but I don’t fear what’s between us,” he said and kissed her temple. He let his hands travel down her arm and side, enjoying the sensation of her body.
Silence fell. The contact of their skin was causing a raging fire within him. Darian tried hard not to think about holding her body against his in his own bed. She didn’t move away from him, the first sign she’d given that maybe she had come to terms with their relationship moving to the next level. He left her mind alone, not wanting to intrude now that she was calmer.
His body burned for her, while her body relaxed even further as she drifted asleep. Darian didn’t let her go even then, instead soothing her mind enough for her to sleep in peace.
The muffled ring of his new phone woke him just as dawn’s light crept through the window. Jenn was asleep, curled against him. Darian withdrew from her and the room, trotting down the stairs to hunt down the phone.
He reached it as it ceased ringing.
Yully flashed across the screen, identifying who called.
Darian called her back.
“Darian!” she sounded panicked. “I can’t find anyone! Bianca, Sofi—”
“Wait, what’s wrong?” he asked.
Yully responded, her thick Irish lilt and the poor phone reception frustrating him.
“I’ll be there in a minute,” he said and snapped the phone closed. Darian started towards the stairwell then stopped, not wanting to disturb Jenn after their long night.
He’d go, grab Yully, and come back, he decided. He closed his eyes to Travel, opening them in the living area of Damian’s Texas ranch.
“Darian!” Yully cried from the second floor, where she all but hung over the railing. “They’re gone!”
“Yully, gods, can’t you tell me what’s going on?” he demanded, bounding up the stairs. Yully flew down the hall ahead of him, and he ran to catch up with her, not convinced she hadn’t lost it.
“Gone!” she said, throwing open Bianca’s door. She raced to the next one. “Gone!”
Darian peeked into one bedroom then the other, a sense of doom sinking into his stomach. His senses picked up more Watcher and Other activity than normal this morning. The house, however, was the opposite. He heard nothing aside from Yully’s quick step down the hall to yet another door.
“Charles!” she shouted and opened another door. “Oh. He’s here, but … no one else is, Darian.”
“You’re sure they didn’t go out for breakfast?” he asked uneasily, joining her at Charles’ door.
Charles was half dressed, wearing sweats
only. Darian stared at him. The former vamp’s baleful look remained, but his eyes were blue, not red.
“They don’t go out for breakfast,” Yully said. “All the vehicles are here. But none of the Guardians are.”
“That makes no sense. They can’t just disappear.” Darian moved into the center of the hallway, gazing around.
“Maybe the Others got fed up with you hauling off their people,” Charles replied. “You know, girl, not every vamp wants to be human.”
“You volunteered,” Yully said.
“I volunteered to help you catch a vamp, not become the vamp you experimented on!”
“If the Others came here and snatched everyone, why did they leave you two?” Darian asked.
“Because we can Travel,” Charles said. “The others can’t escape.”
“Yully can’t …” Darian gazed at her, alarm swirling within him.
“I can,” she said. “If I can use the magic of another.”
“Steal magic? Like you stole my fucking—” Charles sputtered.
“Charles, this is not the time,” Darian snapped. “Yully, go get Jule.”
Her features grew more worried at the mention of her mate. He held out his hand, and she shook her head.
“He’s gone, too,” she whispered. “All of them are. Sofi said Jule, Dusty, and Damian would all be taken. She said to tell you they’d be safe. I didn’t know she would be gone, too.”
Darian let her words sink in. Urgency rose within him, along with anger.
“Get dressed. We got shit to do,” he said to Charles. The vamp grudgingly disappeared into his room. “Do you still have Hunter powers?” he called after his back.
“Everything. I’ll starve to death by evening if you don’t change me back.”
“I don’t give a shit right now. I can’t change you back anyway,” Darian muttered, thoughts on his missing family. Only Watchers and Others could grab everyone in the house without raising one alarm. It made sense they’d take those who couldn’t escape.
The others can’t escape. Charles’ words struck Darian in a new light. The cuff around Jenn’s arm kept her from escaping as well. He strode into the vamp’s room and clamped a hand around his arm. Struggling into his shirt, Charles tried to yank away, but Darian Traveled to his cabin before releasing him.