“Actually, I ….” I trailed off, and our eyes met.
He watched me expectantly.
“I ….” Am I really doing this? My mouth hung open, and I heard the words, but they weren’t there. They were still stuck in my head.
“What?” He searched my eyes, almost as if he knew something big was about to happen. “Do you want to tell me something, Emma?”
“Yeah, I do.”
Chapter 23
“Emma! There you are.”
I released my grasp on Guy and turned to find Jayne lunging toward us with Hank in tow.
“Jayne, hi,” I said in some type of robotic voice. It took me a minute to get my bearings and retrieve my game face. Then the reality of Hank standing there grinning like Big Foot with a lobotomy sank in. Wow, I guess Emalia was right. I knew in that instant that Jayne couldn’t marry him. It wasn’t because he was big, dumb, hairy, and a loser that used his runaway dog as an excuse for a booty call. It was because I knew Jayne didn’t love him. I could see it on her face as she leaned in to hug me. Almost like an apology.
“You look beautiful,” I said. She wore a low-cut black dress with off-the-shoulder, quarter-length sleeves with a teardrop necklace that landed right at the top of her cleavage like a sign saying “Look here.”
“Thanks, sweetie. You too.” She yanked Hank to her side. He wore dark pants with a button-down, dark gray shirt that was tucked in with a thin leather belt circa 1988. His free hand held a cream puff he must have picked up from the dessert table.
“Guy, this is my fiancé, Hank.”
“Good to meet you, man,” Guy said, sticking out his hand.
Hank inspected the cream puff in his hand. “You too.” Then he crammed the whole thing in his pie hole and shook Guy’s hand.
We all sidestepped off the dance floor to clear the way for others. I thought about sidestepping all the way out the door.
“I hear congratulations are in order,” Guy said after brushing the crumbs off his palm.
Shit, I blew that one. What kind of maid of honor doesn’t congratulate the bride and groom?
Jayne and Hank exchanged smiles and nods. “Yeah, she finally came to her senses and realized she couldn’t live without her Hankburger.”
I caught myself before my body convulsed, but my face may have given me away. I glanced over at a cluster of dancers to cover.
“Congratulations, you two,” I finally said. “I’m really happy for you.”
Jayne eyed me suspiciously as I held my breath in and my smile in place. Hank spread his arms wide and trained his sights on me with an expectant look. Me? I almost looked over my shoulder. Was that what I had to look forward to as the maid of honor? He wrapped his meat hooks around my waist, a tad too low for my comfort, and lifted me into a hug. I could only imagine poor Jaynie in this same position.
“Good thing you’re tall,” Hank said. He set me down and smoothed out his shirt. “My brother is my best man, and he’s bigger than me.” An unusual pride emanated from his silly grin.
I took a step back, checking myself to make sure my boobs hadn’t gotten shoved out of place for viewing. “Great.”
“Well, I’m going to make sure all the equipment is working fine,” Guy said. He nodded a goodbye and disappeared into the crowd.
“Yeah, Howard’s probably wondering where I am.” I started to back away myself. “And I should probably make sure—”
“Emma, wait.”
I stopped and Jayne turned to Hank. “Sweetie, can you get us some drinks and have a seat? I’ll find you in a minute.”
“Yeah, sure. I’ll get me some more of those donut holes, too.”
“Okay, go ahead,” she said, nudging him off like a toddler. “I just need to help Emma with a few things.”
We walked silently to the lobby, both knowing the conversation would warrant a little privacy. I didn’t know what she was going to say, so I couldn’t plan what I was going to say. Did she want me to talk her out of it? Did she want me to make her feel good about her decision? Dammit. My frustration was not from being unprepared, but from needing to be that way.
We sat on a sofa bench right outside the ballroom. I waited for Jayne to speak first. A man exited the restroom across from us, stopped to zip his fly, and found both of us watching him. I don’t think either of us was really looking at him, more like through him. But he didn’t seem to mind. He straightened up, sucking in a deep breath that puffed out his chest. Then he stuck a hand in his pocket and started to amble over like he was Jay Z. I narrowed my eyes at him and shook my head, sending him into a quick turn and back toward the ballroom. When I looked at Jayne she was smiling.
“What?”
“Really?” I gave her the head tilt.
“He was cute.”
“So anyway, I’m assuming you wanted to talk about your future husband.”
She turned her body toward me, placed her hands in her lap, and picked at a jagged nail. “Are you really happy for us?”
“I’m happy if you’re happy.”
She nodded and tried to make the corners of her mouth turn up.
“You are happy, aren’t you, Jaynie?”
“Of course I’m happy. I’m getting married.”
“And you’re sure that Hank’s the right guy for you?”
“I’ve … loved Hank for a long time. And we’re suited to each other.”
That was code for he’s the best she could get, or maybe deserve. This was unsteady ground, but I was pretty good at avoiding landmines.
“Wow, that’ll be great if you guys ever join a bowling league, or maybe a bridge club.”
I made her laugh, though I could see it was either that or cry.
“Do you even like Hank, Emma?”
Her desperation caused a tiny lump in my throat. “He’s … an interesting guy. And if you really love him—”
“I do.”
“But.”
“What?”
“Can I ask you something without your getting mad?”
“Of course.”
“Do you think Hank is the best you can get?”
“What? No. I don’t know. Maybe.” A couple holding hands walked by, and Jayne’s eyes followed them as they left.
“God, Jaynie. That really pisses me off.” I felt my heartbeat quicken, and I had to remind myself not to make this an argument.
That got her attention, and her head snapped back to me. “Why?”
“Stop selling yourself so short. You’re smart and pretty, and you have a lot to offer.”
Jayne shrugged and examined her engagement ring. I understood how women could settle to have that security on their finger.
“I’m not saying you’re too good for Hank.” She looked up at me again. “Actually, I am saying that. You’re too good, dammit! I mean ….” I tried to think of all the things I loved about Jayne. All the things that were so different from me. “You’re the only one I know who always buys candy from those kids outside the grocery store.”
“So, I love chocolate.”
“And what about those hideous scarves that Nannette’s daughter made and sold for a fundraiser? You wore it to our Christmas party.”
“I was just being nice, Emma. Lots of people do it.”
“Not me. And who else but you would be friends with the office bitch?”
That seemed to surprise her, and her mouth flew open. “Nobody thinks you’re a bitch.”
It was my turn to shrug. I’ve always wondered what everyone thought of me, but I was always too chicken to ask her.
“Emma, you kept to yourself. You worked hard and you had high expectations. There’s nothing wrong with that.” She hooked her arm in mine. “Besides, I brought you out of your little cave. And you don’t growl quite as much.”
This conversation was heading in the wrong direction. I could have easily taken advantage of that. Told Jayne my secret and hoped she understood. But it wouldn’t be fair to her. This wasn’t about me. She needed to f
ocus on her feelings for Hank and figure out what she was going to do.
“And I appreciate that. But the point is, just because you haven’t found your prince charming yet doesn’t mean he’s not out there looking for you. And you know he’s not going to find you behind Hank.”
We both giggled and instinctively clasped hands. The bond we shared in that moment felt strong, like that between two sisters. I sighed, knowing I’d said everything I wanted to say, and it all came so naturally.
Bill appeared in the doorway to the ballroom. “Everything okay out here?”
“Yeah, just a little girl talk,” I said.
“I could use my right-hand woman in here. People are actually starting to show some interest and ask questions.”
I held up a finger and told Bill I’d be right there. Jayne and I both stood. “Thank you, Emma,” she said and gave me a hug.
“Please think about what I said. We’ll talk more later.”
I left Jayne in the lobby and found Bill talking with two women at the main viewing station. We spent half an hour there, and by the time I left, a small crowd had gathered.
Overall the night was a complete success. Two of the media contacts we invited actually showed up, and we should be getting some great coverage. The only problem that occurred the whole night was the live feed going down. That only lasted about twenty minutes before the problem was resolved. Eleanor found her way back to being June Cleaver, and by the end of the night, she and Bill were on the dance floor looking as cozy as ever.
“Shall we join them?” Howard said. He’d been watching me watch them and must have seen my expression.
We strolled to the dance floor and stopped a few feet away from our surrogate parents. Smiles and nods were exchanged and for a moment, it all felt so right. Bill whispered in her ear and she giggled like a teenager.
“I’m so proud of you,” Howard said. He swayed me back and forth with his usual soulful luster. “You really pulled this thing off.”
“Thanks. It has been a pretty great night.”
He was quiet for a moment, watching me, seemingly trying to summon the right words. “It’s been a great few years.” He gave me one of those pitiful grins you give someone who just lost a loved one or found out they have cancer.
I gave the look right back to him. “Sure has.” Then I lowered my eyes. “I know what you’re going to say to me. What you’ve been wanting to say.”
“We’ve both learned a lot, haven’t we?”
I nodded, but let him finish.
“And no matter what, I’m always going to be there for you, Emma.”
In my heart I knew that was true, and I looked him in squarely in the eye. “I’ll always be there for you, Howard.”
“But it’s way past time. We both know it.”
“Yeah.” He was right. It was ridiculous what we’d let this come to.
“Thirteen months to be exact.”
“I know, but—”
He shook his head, stopping me. “I’m just going to say it.” He took a breath. “I think I’m in love with Kelly.”
Now that’s not exactly what I was expecting him to say. “You’re in love with Kelly? Your business partner?” I hadn’t meant to say it that loud.
“Yes, I mean, I don’t know. We’ve been spending so much time together and—”
“Howard, you’re having an affair with another woman?” Jayne was at our side before I even saw her coming. She pulled Howard’s arm away from my waist and glared at him. Hank hovered over us, confused.
“No, Jayne, it’s not what you think.” I glanced around hoping this didn’t become a scene from one of those pathetic reality shows.
“We just heard you! Right, Hank?”
“Uh, I guess.” Hank shrugged.
I shot a quick glance over my shoulder to see if Bill and Eleanor were still dancing, but they were already walking toward us. My worst nightmare was about to play out right there for everyone to see.
“I can’t believe this, Howard,” Jayne said in a high-pitched voice. Any concern about making a scene had gone out the window. “How could you do this to Emma?”
Howard squinted at me, pleading with his eyes, and then back to Jayne. “No, I’m—it’s not what you think.”
“Want me to punch him in the face, Jayne?” Hank’s words held no emotion, as if he was offering to pick up Chinese on the way home.
“No, Hank,” I said, pleading. “Please both of you listen. There IS NO other woman.”
“But I heard you. You said—”
“Kelly is a man!” I shouted.
Well, that was a party stopper if I’d ever heard one. We all sort of froze in place, our eyes ping-ponging around the circle like a weird game of hot potato. My mind raced hopelessly, searching for troubleshooting ideas. There was no plan for this. Then Jayne broke the silence.
“Howard’s cheating on you with a … man?”
I noticed Bill and Eleanor had joined our little party. So many emotions flashed across each of their faces, but mostly confusion. I couldn’t let this go on any longer. I let out a deep sigh and said, “No, he’s not cheating. Because … we’re not married.”
Chapter 24
I sat on Emilia’s back patio, hiding my eyes behind a pair of oversized sunglasses. I was next to Howard and across from his parents. Emilia was taking her time in the kitchen. Smart girl. The only thing keeping my eyes open was a headache from a massive hangover. That along with the constant replay in my head of last night’s bout of Emma versus the world. All those faces just staring at me, waiting for answers I wasn’t sure I had. The worst part of the whole thing was when I realized Guy was standing behind me. I don’t know how long he was there, but when I finally ran for cover, I literally ran right into him. The look of hurt and confusion on his face felt like a dagger to my already guilt-ridden heart.
“Well, I can’t say I didn’t see it coming,” Howard’s dad said. The permanent scowl on his face appeared softer than I remembered.
He and Mrs. Neri were dressed in golf attire, complete with white visors. They had a tee time scheduled for the afternoon.
“Glen, these kids don’t need to hear that from you right now. That’s not why we’re here.”
“Thank you, mother,” Howard said. He rested his chin on his fist like the whole thing was futile. The only reason he was there was because he felt sorry for me. I’d blurted it out last night after finishing off a newly opened pinot, and he didn’t have the heart to yell at me. He said that we both needed to put our big-girl panties on and face the music. We were in this mess together, but his big mouth at the party made it blow up in our faces at the worst time possible for me.
“Look son. I didn’t raise you to be a liar.”
“Or gay, right?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Right, but you didn’t exactly make it easy to tell the truth, did you?”
Mr. Neri opened his mouth to speak. Mrs. Neri touched his leg and he stopped. “We’ve been through all this before. And we’ve all made mistakes,” she said.
The first time I met Howard’s parents was when they came to visit him in college. After I got over the devastation that Howard and I would never be together, I found comfort in a new relationship with him. We’d become best friends, practically soul mates, and spent every spare minute together. He confided in me about his sexuality and how he’d kept it secret from his parents. And I don’t know how I would have dealt with my father’s death without him. Part of me understood that our relationship was our way of avoiding real life. When his parents arrived that first time and saw us together, they assumed I was his girlfriend. That was the beginning of a lie that became not only useful, but a necessity in both of our lives.
“Yes, we have,” I said. “And now, we are going to try and make it all right. We just need a fresh start.”
“I guess we could all use a fresh start,” Mr. Neri said.
Howard sat up straight and regarded his father. “That
all sounds great on paper, Dad. But what happens when we all get together for holidays? Are you going to pretend my boyfriend is some homeless guy I brought along for a free meal?”
“Of course not,” Mr. Neri said.
“Obviously, it will take a bit of getting used to. But we are willing to try.” Mrs. Neri looked at her husband for reinforcement. When he didn’t respond, she added, “Aren’t we, dear?”
“Yes, but all this would have been much easier if you’d just told us the truth in the beginning, before ….”
Before the incident. Howard’s parents had wanted to surprise him for his birthday, so they’d showed up unannounced. But the surprise was on them when they witnessed his son in a lip-lock with another man. I told Howard that their reaction, the complete shock and horror they displayed, was more about Howard’s deception than anything else. I’m sure their feelings were hurt, as well. But Howard took the whole thing personally. Over the next few years we all worked to get past it. Then we had a major setback: our fake marriage.
“You’re right, Mr. Neri,” I said. “Howard and I, for various reasons, basically hid in our relationship. And we know what we did was wrong and no way to live our lives. For me personally, I just want to apologize to both of you.” I turned to Howard, reached out and grabbed his hands in mine. “I’m sorry I wasted so many years of your life.”
“Stop that,” Howard said. He gripped my hands firmly. “This was both of our doing. And besides, time with you could never be wasted, honey. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
When Howard and I realized his parents were still sitting there, waiting for our sappy love fest to conclude, we got the conversation back on track. Howard filled them in on his new business and even mentioned Kelly. They seemed interested, and Mrs. Neri asked if we could all have dinner so they could meet him. I could tell by the looks Howard was giving me that he wasn’t quite convinced his father was sincere, but at least everyone remained civil. I told him that he needed to let his father get to know him, the real Howard. They’d been like strangers the last few years, and that wasn’t only his parents’ fault. There was still work to be done, and I intended to do my part.
The Tech Guy Page 18