Complicate Me

by M. Robinson

  She shrugged.

  I hated all this lingering bullshit placed in between us. I didn’t know how to express myself into words without getting pissed off and letting my temper get the best of me.

  “Did you take me out because of him, Bo?” she murmured, not taking her stare away from her cone that melted everywhere. I grabbed it and licked all around the edges, making it good as new and handing it right back to her.

  She shyly smiled. “Thanks.” Immediately licking where I just did, making my dick twitch. It was so innocent, she didn’t even realize the effect it might have on me. All it did was reinforce the fact that she was still so fucking young. I had to stop watching her and shake away the thoughts, but I didn’t want to answer her question either. It wouldn’t come out the right way. The truth was he did have something to do with it, but not in the way she would interpret it.

  She was mine.

  I didn’t want to share her.

  Not with Cole.

  Not with anyone.

  How do you explain something you don’t even understand?

  “You take Stacey out,” she said, pulling me away from my thoughts and making me look at her again.

  “Not like that.”

  “Like what then?”

  “She doesn’t matter,” I firmly stated.

  “You always say that.”

  “It’s the truth.”

  She sighed and then opened her mouth to say something but quickly shut it.

  “Say it,” I ordered in a serious tone.

  “It’s nice having a new friend.”

  My head jerked back and I narrowed my eyes at her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It just means that it’s nice meeting new people. All I’ve ever had is you boys, and sometimes I’ve felt left out, is all.”

  “When?”

  She bowed her head, looking at her cone once again. “Dylan has Aubrey, Jacob has different girls all the time and don’t even get me started on Austin,” she hesitated for a few seconds, “You have—”

  “You,” I clearly asserted. “I have you.”

  She finally looked up at me. “Do I?”

  I didn’t falter. “Always.”

  We stared at each other for a few minutes, neither one of us saying anything, but I knew hundreds of thoughts ran rampant through our minds and there was much more we wanted to express. When you’re that young, you don’t realize how short life truly was. You think you will have all the time in the world to be and do whatever your heart desires, it will eventually get there. It’s bound to happen.

  One day.

  Two simple words that meant everything.

  In the back of my mind I always thought our time would come, it was only a matter of time. When we were older, when we understood what we meant to each other, when our parents would understand, when the boys could understand.

  When… when… when…

  Our relationship was filled with what ifs, and maybe some days…

  It was complicated.

  It was messy.

  It was us.

  I couldn’t take her in small doses and I couldn’t take her in large ones. Nothing was ever enough. As we got older, it just piled on and before we both knew it, we went from hundreds of things to say to nothing. The pile became a mountain of endless questions and not enough answers.

  As any sixteen-year-old boy would do, I ignored the warning signs and this was the first one that would lead to many. So I did the only thing that came naturally to me, I lunged on top of her and she shrieked, catching myself before all my weight fell on her. I gazed into her serene eyes before kissing her cheeks, her chin, her forehead, and then the tip of her nose.

  “You’re heavy,” she laughed, trying to squirm her way out of my hold.

  “Nah.”

  “I can’t breathe.”

  “That’s because you’re laughing. Why ya laughin’ if you can’t breathe?” I teased, moving my hand to her ribs.

  “Don’t,” she warned.

  “What are you talkin’ about?”

  “Bo, I will hurt you.”

  “Nah.” I tickled her anyway.

  “This is torture!”

  “It’s not torture when you like it.”

  I held her down and started tickling her everywhere until I found her sweet spot, it was right in her inner top thigh. I dug my fingers in and tickled the hell out of her, she screamed, kicked, and laughed all at the same time. Her laugh was fucking contagious and I finally had to let go, falling over on my back laughing. She immediately gasped out of breath, and I grabbed her hand kissing it and laying it back on my chest.

  We laid in comfortable silence for a long time.

  “Bo…”

  “Hmmm…”

  “I’m going to show Cole—”

  “Shhh, let’s just lay here okay?”

  “Okay,” she half-whispered.

  I had to let her grow up, but it didn’t mean I had to fucking like it.

  A few days had gone by before I saw Cole again. He was dressed in slacks and a button-down shirt with a tie when I watched him walk into the restaurant with an older man that I assumed was his father. They sat inside instead of his usual table on the deck.

  “Hey,” I greeted.

  He gave me a simple nod and then looked down at his menu. Which was odd but I didn’t say anything about it.

  “Would you like to hear the specials?” I asked them.

  “I don’t have time to hear the specials. We will take your soup of the day and some salads, can you put a rush order on that. I don’t have time to waste,” the man demanded.

  “Oh. Umm, yeah. Would you like—”

  A scowl appeared on his face as he looked up at me. “No, I would not. Run along. Put our orders in.”

  My eyes widened and I looked over at Cole who had his head bowed with shame, but he didn’t say anything. Not one word.

  I nodded and backed away to go put in their orders. The rest of the lunch went exactly like that. Cole wouldn’t meet my eyes and the man he was with was rude and mean, although he did leave me a thirty-dollar tip on a twenty-dollar meal. Several hours had past when I saw Cole sitting outside on the deck in his usual seat. A huge part of me didn’t want to acknowledge him at all, or even serve him for that matter, but I decided against it.

  As soon as he heard the door open he looked up and we locked eyes.

  I reached his table. “What can I get you?”

  “I owe you an explanation.”

  I shook my head. “You don’t owe me anything.”

  “My dad, he’s well, he’s… fuck, he’s an asshole.”

  I raised my eyebrows, surprised with his stammer.

  “My mom is better but not by much. My parents, they’re just pretentious and self-righteous. They treat everyone like that, it’s not personal.”

  “Why—”

  “Why didn’t I say anything?” he interrupted. “It’s not going to change, it’s better when I ignore it.”

  I nodded, not knowing what to say or do.

  “I meant it when I told you I don’t have a lot of friends, and all the so-called ones I do have aren’t anything to brag about. My family has a lot of money and I’ve been everywhere, Alexandra. You seem real and honest, and I haven’t really ever met someone like you.”

  I weakly smiled.

  “I would love for us to be friends. I know I need one and something tells me that you do, too.”

  “I’d like that, Cole.”

  “Good.”

  “So, I’ll take you up on your offer to show you around. I mean if you still want me to?”

  “Of course.”

  “I have off tomorrow. My dad has a golf cart that we could use, it makes things much easier than walking around.”

  “That sounds perfect.”

  I wrote down my address on the pad of paper, ripping it out and handing it to him.

  “That’s my address. Let’s say around noon?”

  “I’ll b
e there.”

  “Now. What can I get you?”

  He stood up. “You gave me what I wanted.” He slipped the piece of paper in his pocket. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  I watched him leave with anticipation and sadness. I felt bad for him. There was more to Cole than meets the eye and I knew right then and there.

  That we had that in common.

  “Please don’t embarrass me,” I repeated for the tenth time to my dad.

  “Why would I embarrass you? I’m a cool dad.”

  I looked over at my mom as she leaned against the kitchen counter, taking in the desperation that was probably clearly written across my face.

  “Mom…”

  She smiled. “Alex, you’re going on your first date—”

  “It’s not a date,” I interrupted.

  Her eyebrows lowered.

  “I’m just showing him around.”

  She raised an eyebrow.

  “It’s not like that,” I clarified.

  She folded her arms over her chest. “When a boy asks you to hang out with him, that meant a date in my time. What’s the big deal? You’re allowed to date, sweetie, you’re going to be fifteen in a few weeks.”

  “Speak for yourself, Jana, I need to make sure this boy knows that he can’t mess around with my daughter. He’s only here for the summer. I know what those kinds of guys are interested in,” Dad chimed in, making me bow my head.

  “Please don’t embarrass me,” I repeated again.

  “Nathanial…”

  He spun to look at her. “What? Jana, you know I’m right.”

  “Not every boy is like you, honey,” she stated, teasingly.

  “I should call the boys and tell them to—”

  “NO! No calling the boys. Mom!” I whined.

  My eyes widened as I heard the knock on the door.

  “And he’s early, I like him already,” Mom said, grabbing Dad by the arm so that I could go open the door instead of him.

  The anxiety crept higher and higher with each step I took as I made my way to the front door, but it only became worse when I saw Lucas standing there.

  “What are you doing here?” I blurted.

  His smile disappeared. “Well hello to you, too.”

  “No, I mean we didn’t have plans.”

  I tried to ignore his questioning stare. “Since when do we make plans?”

  “Right...”

  “What’s up with you?”

  I reluctantly met his gaze. “Nothing.”

  “Are you going to let me in?”

  “Umm…”

  I felt my dad’s arm go around me as he pushed the door open further, allowing more sunlight to come in.

  “Alex here is just nervous that I’m going to embarrass her on her date today.”

  Lucas raised his stunned eyebrows. “Date?” he frowned, and for a moment I held his intense glare before I couldn’t take it anymore and had to look down at the floor.

  My dad followed. “They don’t know about your date?”

  “I told you it’s not a date,” I muttered.

  “You know this guy Cole?” Dad asked Lucas.

  I stepped away, avoiding any further conversation by escaping to my room. It didn’t take long for me to hear the light tapping on my door before he walked in. I kept my attention to my closet, pretending I was still deciding what to wear. Lucas’s arm grazed mine as he pulled out a cream dress.

  “I love this color on you. I’m sure Cole will, too,” he alleged in a tone I couldn’t place.

  I didn’t know if he meant it in a condescending way, and when I raised my eyes to him, he lowered his gaze. I fought hard with myself, trying not to be the one to break the focus. Instant anger overpowered his demeanor as he looked back up at me and I held his stare. I wasn’t about to back down. Not this time. Something in the way his eyes glared at me with his heated composure radiating all around me caused me to feel something. Something familiar, yet I couldn’t put my finger on it. The feeling was new. A fulfillment I couldn’t explain or even understand for that matter. I felt pleased. Gratified by the fact that his fire was being fueled by me.

  I didn’t understand the strange vibes searing between us, it boiled to the point of discomfort. The feelings I had, what he provoked and stirred within me, what he always did to me. No one could ever explain or understand what it was. How it happened. No one else could do this.

  It was only Lucas.

  Always Lucas.

  Not one other soul had this pull.

  On me.

  On him.

  On us.

  My glare slowly moved away from his and toward my closet. With all the attitude I could give. And I didn’t even know why. Why did I feel like this was a turning point?

  “He’s just a boy, Lucas,” I assured him as he had for me time and time again.

  I wasn’t trying to be mean or maybe I was, but the recognition of my words on his face answered my doubt. His eyes flickered with rage and a familiarity. It made me feel satisfied for some reason, I never wanted to hurt him. At least I didn’t think I did. Though at that moment it felt nice for him to be on the other side of the fence looking in, and maybe for the first time he would feel what it was like in my shoes.

  “I thought it wasn’t a date?” he snapped not missing a beat with frustration spreading across his face.

  There was no room for me to walk past him and he wasn’t moving his stance either.

  “Excuse me, Bo, I have to go change. I think you’re right about the dress,” I crudely replied, wanting to get more of a rise out of him.

  How did we always go from one to ten in nanoseconds?

  He narrowed his eyes at me. I saw irritation and annoyance quickly replacing the anger and confusion. Neither one of us spoke for what felt like several minutes but was probably just seconds. When the doorbell rang I tried to step aside but he blocked me in with his daunting, bulky stance, his folded arms over his chest only accenting his large frame over mine.

  “You didn’t answer my question.”

  He already knew the answer, but he wanted to hear me say the words. Again. And for the first time I didn’t want to give him the reassurance.

  “You heard me the first time and the second,” I simply stated.

  He cocked his head to the side. “This the way you want to play it, Alexandra?”

  I didn’t know what the hell he vowed, but I couldn’t falter. “I have to go. I’ll see you later, Lucas.” I pushed him aside with my shoulder and walked into my bathroom to put on the dress he so scornfully told me to wear.

  I placed the twenty-dollar bill on her bed, except this one didn’t have Cole’s phone number on it. I threw that one in the fucking garbage, not that it mattered she was still going on a “date” with the douchebag. I knew what he tried to pull, I didn’t trust him as far as I could fucking throw him. I decided to walk through the kitchen and go out the back door to the pool. I could leave by the side gate. My truck was parked in front of the house, but at least this way I wouldn’t have to look at his fucking pretty boy face.

  I stood outside in the backyard, the place that held so much of my childhood memories, and I tried desperately to ignore the bitter feeling that formed in my stomach. I heard the door open and then close and for a split second I thought it was Alex, choosing me over him.

  It wasn’t.

  “Are you okay?” Alex’s mom questioned, standing beside me, her arms folded over her chest like mine. Except hers were in comfort, mine were in aggravation over the fact that I caused this. It was my fault. I was more pissed off at myself than anything else, but it was easier to blame Alex.

  I shrugged not knowing what to say.

  She softly smiled over at me and it reminded me of Alex, except it didn’t provide the security I needed, that’s only something she could do.

  “I’ve seen Cole around the restaurant a few times. He seems like a nice boy,” she sincerely expressed.

  I knew what she tried to do
, she wanted to ease my worry that Alex was being taken care of, but all it did was add to my insecurity that maybe she was right. And I didn’t want to like Cole, not now. Not ever.

  “Appearances can be deceiving.”

  She took in my words for a moment. “You know we all grew up together and then we all had kids together. When I was your age, I thought I was in love with your dad.”

  “What?” I replied, stunned. My parents had never revealed that to me.

  She smiled, relieved. “Don’t look so surprised, Lucas. You’ve seen your dad. Your mom and I were best friends. She knows. But in the end the best woman won. I realized that it was just a childhood crush, I ended up with the man I was supposed to be with.”

  I shook my head, baffled and speechless of what she shared. I wasn’t expecting that. “What are you trying to say?”

  “That everything happens for a reason. You’ll realize that when you’re older.”

  “Why doesn’t anyone want Alex and I to be together?” I finally asked. It was the first time I acknowledged that I actually felt something stronger than just friendship with Alex and her mom didn’t even seem phased. It was like she already knew and was more shocked at the fact that I finally admitted it out loud.

  “You’re young and she’s even younger. I think that everything will work out the way it’s supposed to. In the meantime have fun, summer is almost over.”

  I nodded. “Yeah.” I wanted to say more, but it wouldn’t change anything, it wouldn’t prove anything that she didn’t already know.

  For years to come, I would think that our mothers were one of the biggest obstacles to us not being together, and I would learn way too late that it was the exact opposite.

  She smiled again. “I’ll see you later, honey.” She kissed my head and left me with nothing but the empty feeling that I would also carry with me for years to come.

  I did the only thing that made me forget…

  I went and picked up Stacey.

  “Your dad is intense,” Cole exclaimed as he drove the golf cart toward the lighthouse.

  “Sorry about that,” I replied, thoroughly embarrassed. Lucas’s truck was still parked in front of my house when we left, but he was nowhere to be seen when I walked back downstairs.