Contents
Light as a
Published in 2021
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Epilogue
Books By This Author
Light as a
Feather
By
CAMERON JAMES
Published in 2021
Copyright © The author as named on the book cover.
The author or authors assert their moral right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988, to be identified as the author or authors of this work.
All Rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, copied, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written consent of the copyright holder, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.
For Ellie
Stay Strong. Keep Fighting.
Stay Hydrated.
Chapter 1
“Off your phone prodigy.” Frankie said from behind me, I just about managed to move my phone out of the way before he grabbed it. “We’re going on.” He added, so I looked up at him. “Tie your ribbons.” He stated, I laughed lifting my foot onto the chair in front of me and tied my ribbons up my ankle,
“This is weird.” I said as Max sat on the chair I’d just lowered my foot from. I lifted my other foot onto his knee, he smiled at me as he began to tie my shoe for me.
“I can imagine it is weird.” He whispered, I hummed.
“This, this show was the first time I ever saw you. I hadn’t even done ballet beforehand. This is mad.” I stated, he nodded as he tapped my foot so I lowered it, then held his hands out to me, I stood and walked with him to the side of the stage.
“Nervous?” he whispered as we stood opposite Cory and Frankie.
“About this? No.” I said, he laughed quietly.
“No, about your audition for the National Ballet School. Tomorrow.” He stressed, I looked at him. “Don’t act chill, it’s the National Ballet School Jacob.” He said, I smiled.
“Not the Royal Ballet.” I said,
“Yet.” He replied, “two years, then you’ll be there Jacob, all because of National Ballet School.”
“Great. Now I’m nervous.” I said, he laughed hugging my shoulders, placing a kiss on the side of my head.
“Go get ‘em kid.” He said, I nodded taking a deep breath before following him onto the stage taking hold of Frankie’s waiting hand. He smiled at me as Max held my other. I nodded to him, he squeezed my hand back then the curtain rose, and I could look around my old school hall.
The school hall that hadn’t changed at all, but given that I only left two years ago it was unlikely the school would’ve changed too much. I squeezed Max’s hand back as the music began. My solo within the compilation was Dancing by Kylie. I took over from Max, who winked at me as he left the stage.
I am stood on stage. The lights were not as bright as they could be, I could see every face that was looking back at me, each of them sat watching in silence. I wear my performance leotard, white with black shorts, which are accompanied by a slightly padded ballet belt, and on my feet are my black strong pointes, the ribbons of them not tied too perfectly around my ankles although the ones Max had tied were.. I probably needed to replace sometime in the near future, as they were beginning to look a bit worn.
I take my bow.
***
“I got in.” I said, as I reread the letter, two, three, four times. “Oh my god. I got in.”
“You got in.” Max repeated, then lifted me up as he hugged me, I laughed hugging him back but not dropping the letter.
“You got in? To the National Ballet School? You got in?” Cameron said, I nodded to him once Max put me down, then went in for another hug. “We knew you’d do it.” Cameron said into my ear. “Congratulations.” He added, “we should go out tonight. Have a celebratory meal?” he asked Max, he got a very happy nod back, I smiled at them both as I refolded my letter.
It had been one thousand, five hundred and twenty-one days since Max and Cameron had officially adopted me. Since the three of us had stood in that court room and had been overjoyed to hear the judge say that Max and Cameron now had full parental rights of me. Training for the National Ballet School started a year later, when I was almost sixteen, as I’d always been under Max’s guidance when it came to ballet, he had always been my ballet teacher, and sometimes that came before everything else.
He had suggested the National Ballet School to me when we were sat in the studio after a lesson of pointe, he suggested if I wanted to be in the Royal Ballet by the time I was twenty it was where I needed to go, and I had accepted that.
Training began the next week. I went to school, then I went to the studio, every night after school. If Max was teaching I trained alone, or I taught alongside him, and if he wasn’t, he danced alongside me. We spent hours, and hours in the studio, using Cameron’s role on the West End as an excuse not to go home. Until of course, Cameron’s contract came to an end and he requested his husband and son were home of a reasonable time to eat our evening meal. We didn’t always make it home to eat, but it was always in the microwave to be reheated when we got home.
“A toast.” Cameron said lifting up his glass of wine, Max copied, so I lifted up my coke. “To Jacob.”
“For getting into The National Ballet School.” Max said, his smile almost splitting his face in half. I laughed, looking down only slightly embarrassed as I could feel the pride radiating off him, it made me feel oddly warm but mostly embarrassed.
“I can’t even gush enough to justify how I feel.” Cameron said, I laughed as I looked up. “Look, we raised a ballet genius.” He said, Max almost scoffed.
“I will not be satisfied until we’ve raised a Prima Ballerina.” He said, then he winked at me, I laughed picking up my burger to start an attempt at eating it. “Have you told Connor?”
“Not yet, I think I’ll go and see him tomorrow.” I said nodding to the both of them, to confirm it, they both nodded back. “I’m sure he’ll be pretty excited.” I added smiling at my burger, they both laughed, then started a conversation between themselves, so I continued to eat my burger.
I went to visit Connor’s garage the next day, after promising Max I’d be back in enough time for my individual session with him this afternoon. He’d given me a hug and smiled so wide that I left in a hurry so I wouldn’t get embarrassed again.
Connor was under the hood of a car when I got to the garage. I’d taken a detour to get a frappe and was still sucking on the straw as I walked towards him. I sat on his workbench, crossing my knees and swinging my legs until he re-emerged from the hood of the car.
“Alright?” Connor asked as he pulled the rag off his shoulder and began to wipe his hands, I laughed as he turned to look at me.
“You knew I was here?”
“I always know when you’re here.” he replied I smiled at him as he came to me, I passed him my frappe, he took a sip from it. “So, why are you here?” he asked,
“I like to watch you being a rugged man, working hard on a car.”
“Shut up.” He said laughing, I smiled at him then lifted my hips so I could get my letter out of my back pocket. I
waved it at him, he tried to grab it. I lifted it above his head. He still attempted to grab it, then he tickled me. I gasped lowering my arm instantly, he snatched it out of my hand, walking away from me as he began to unfold it. He turned to me from the other side of the car. “You got in.”
“I got in.” I said, he laughed running back to me, then picking me up off the work bench as he hugged me.
Connor and I have been friends since we were four, when we’d both been moved to the residential home we lived together in. Connor had always been a massive part of my life, and I’d promised him, when I had been adopted that he still would be, and I had kept it up.
Initially it had been easy, we were in the same class in school, so saw each other every day, but since we’d left two years ago, and Connor had gone into a mechanical apprenticeship and my life had begun to completely revolve around ballet, I ensured I saw him at least once a week.
In the end, when it had come to Connor’s eighteenth birthday earlier this year he hadn’t been adopted, he’d had two ‘almosts’, but not a lot of people liked to adopt teenagers, and once Connor had turned fifteen, he’d told me that he’d accepted that fact and figured he was probably not going to be adopted.
Instead, he began to focus on his life following leaving the house, and he had. Having gotten a job in the garage he’d been an apprentice at, and now happily lived in a flat that wasn’t too far away. He still visited the home sometimes, he went back to see our social workers and I promised I’d go with him. Every single time I promised I’d go with him.
I still hadn’t.
“How the hell do you plan on celebrating?” Connor asked as he put me back down on the floor, I laughed taking back the letter and reading it again myself.
“I don’t know.” I admitted, “Max and Cameron took me out for a meal last night, and Max is so proud he might burst.” I said,
“I am so proud I might burst.” Connor agreed, “I’m so happy for you, you wouldn’t believe it.” he said, “you need to tell Ste.” He added, I looked at him. “You need to, he’d be over the fucking moon for you.” He stated, I began to nod, because Ste, the man who was more like father to me for ten years of my life, than a social worker would be over the moon for me.
“There’s a lot of people I need to tell.” I said nodding, “Ste is one of them.” I added before Connor could argue. “But I felt you needed to know first.”
“We should do something.” He said nodding then he frowned at him, “I have a date tonight, tomorrow?” he asked, I lay my hand on his chest.
“Excuse me, you have a date?” I asked, he began to nod. “With a real life boy?”
“With a real life boy.” He repeated amused, “I’ll let you know all the details when we meet up tomorrow to celebrate.”
“I should think so.” I said, he laughed as I grinned at him.
“Cutting it a bit fine.” Cameron commented as I ran through the house, picking up the sandwich he’d made for me then straight back up to my bedroom to change into my leotard. I came back down the stairs as I pulled my t-shirt over my head.
“Connor wanted to congratulate me.” I said as I leant on the kitchen door and ate the sandwich, Cameron turned his head to look at me. “We’re meeting tomorrow to celebrate properly, but you know how old friends talk.”
“You’re far too young to have ‘old’ friends.” Cameron replied amused, then threw the dish cloth he was drying his hands on over the back of the chair nearest to him. “I’ll give you a lift to the studio.” He said, I nodded to him, picking up my dance bag and stepping back to let him pass.
“You know as I’m now in big ballet school.” I said as we got into the car, Cameron laughed but nodded all the same. “When can I learnt to drive?” I asked, Cameron smiled as he started the car,
“Max taught me how to drive.” He said, I looked at him, “he’s a good teacher. Weirdly.” He said tilting his head at me, I smirked at him.
“No really, I wouldn’t have thought.” I replied,
“If you ask him, he might teach you to drive, but I don’t know if you’d feel like he’s always teaching you.” He said,
“Well, it might make the transition from him no longer teaching me ballet easier?” I said, Cameron chewed on his bottom lip.
“You know he’s so proud of you, so pleased for you?” he said, I nodded,
“I do, but I also know he’s devastated.” I said, Cameron smiled.
“Not quite devastated. Yes, he’s sad that he will no longer be your teacher but he knows what opportunities this’ll open up for you.” He said then he smiled, “he truly believes you deserve this, and I truly believe you deserve this.”
“I’m scared.” I said, Cameron nodded as he parked outside of Max’s studio. He put the handbrake on, then he took my hand.
“If you weren’t scared I’d be worried Jacob.” He said, I exhaled. “This is big, and it’ll probably make the top five of big things that have happened in your life, so being scared is right.”
“Right.” I said, he nodded, then he winked at me.
“Go to your lesson. Enjoy it.” he said, I nodded, smiling at him then getting out of his car. I let myself into the studio, smiling pleasantly at the receptionist as I walked past her, she smiled back as I made my way up to the studio.
The Grade Six class Max had taught before I arrived ran past me on the stairs, smiling at me and waving as I passed them. I didn’t knock when I reached the studio, letting myself in and sitting under the nearest barre to put my pointes on. Max turned to me as I tied and tucked in my ribbons.
“Pointe then?” He asked, I nodded to him, so he nodded back coming to sit opposite me to put his own pointes on.
“Well, at School I will be doing mostly flat ballet pump, no?” I asked, he nodded in agreement as he tied his pointes. “So, I figure I will dance on pointe as much as I can, that way I don’t get withdrawal.”
“Fair.” Max agreed, then he knocked the block of his shoe against mine. “You need new pointes.” He said as he looked up at me, I nodded. “Especially if you’ll be teaching my Saturday afternoon pointe class with me?”
“For real?” I asked, he smiled at me,
“For real.” He replied, I fist pumped, making him laugh then he stood, reaching his hands out to me, so I stood with him. “Let’s dance.” He said, then stood central, I stood beside him, watching him as he searched through his watch until he chose a song, I began to laugh when it started.
“Oh we haven’t danced to this in a while.” I said, Max nodded to me, then raised onto his pointes as I did. I grinned at him in the mirror, making him laugh as we began to dance
“Are you ready?” Max asked as we approached the chorus, I nodded to him as I began to prepare. “Three,”
“Two.” I said, then bit my lip so I wouldn’t begin to laugh, as that would most certainly not help my pirouettes.
“One.” Max said, he sounded amused then we began to turn, I got to four turns before I had to stop, Max laughed happily as he turned an extra two times then stopped with a flourish lifting his arms into the air, then he winked at me so I began to laugh, he soon did too, but we continued to dance not going a foot wrong as we laughed and taunted each other, it got worse as we approached the chorus again, going into the second pirouette section. I was laughing so hard I didn’t get pass two turns; Max didn’t pass three. I sat myself on the floor letting myself calm down, Max grinned at me as the music played out.
��
Chapter 2
I looked up shocked when I heard a knock on the doorframe, my eyes met Max’s quickly as he leant in the doorway.
“It’s half five Jacob?” He said, then he smiled at me. “You’re never up this early. Even if I promise you can train.” He added, I smiled then folded my legs on the seat, “what’s up?” he asked as he crossed his jacket over his front, the zips not quite meeting as he folded his arms, then he came to sit opposite me.
“I don’t know.” I said, shaking my head.
“I don’t know.” I whispered, he nudged his knee against mine under the table,
“Scared?” he asked, I nodded. “So am I.” he said, I frowned at him. “I’m terrified. You’re representing my teaching in this school, what if I’m crap?” He said, I laughed as he smiled at me. “You know, the night before I started in my boarding school. I didn’t sleep.” He said, I nodded to him, asking him to continue. “I was scared out of my wits. I was an eleven year old, who had always been the best in my class. I was so excited, don’t get me wrong, it had been my lifelong dream. Which you know at eleven is a pretty huge deal, but I was scared because I thought what if I’m not as good as everyone else? What if everyone hates me, what if they fail me?”
“What if I don’t like it?” I said, he nodded,
“Exactly. What if my dream is not all it’s cracked up to be?” he said, I nodded.
“Was it?” I asked, he smiled at me.
“Hell yes.” He replied, so I laughed. “I loved every second of school, and you know what I think you will too.” He said, then he sighed. “I get it. I promise. I do but you love ballet Jacob. You always have, and I know that, and you know what, if you don’t like your roommates, you can move back home. You don’t have to board.” He said, “and with you helping in Immediate Pointe, you’ll come home Saturday afternoons, you can then stay, and we’ll have our Sunday dinner.”
“I like the sound of that.” I said, he smiled at me as he stroked the back of my hand with his thumb. “I think I’m slightly nervous of the fact that it’d be like going back to the home.” I said, then I bit my lip because I’d been thinking that for weeks but I hadn’t wanted to say it, Max sighed.
“You’re eighteen Jacob.” He said, I nodded.
“I know, I know that means I’m off the social system, I know all this, but it might feel like it.”
“Boarding was the best experience of my life, and I believe if you ask Cameron, he’ll agree that boarding was the best time of his life as well. It’s normal to be scared, it’s not worth doing it if it doesn’t scare you.” He said, I nodded, then looked at the doorway again as Cameron stood in it, he looked moderately confused.
Light as a Feather Page 1