Light as a Feather

by Cameron James

  “Yes.” I said, then I nodded to her. “I dance pointe.”

  “I booked this studio.”

  “So did I.” I said, she sighed. “Leave.”

  “No.” I said frowning at her. “We’re dancing to the same music, make do.” I said, she scoffed, throwing her duffle bag onto the floor, the blocks in her pointes hitting the floor with a sort of trotting noise. I looked at her as she walked around the perimeter of the studio until she reached a barre and she began to warm up. I watched her for a few minutes then I circled myself starting the dance again.

  “You’re off time.” Abi commented, I didn’t turn to look at her.

  “You’re dancing the female.” I replied, then actually turned to look at her as she stood, her arms folded watching me, I frowned back at her as the music played on behind us.

  “Oh, I presumed with your pointes on, you were dancing the female.” She said, I laughed, it almost came out like a bark.

  “You think you can do better?” I said, she nodded to me walking to the centre. She met my eyes then began to dance to the part of music that we were instructed to stand strong during. I covered my mouth as I watched to ensure the smile that was growing on my face didn’t come through.

  There were multiple pirouettes in the section she danced, and it made me smile to think of how the flowy skirt, that I’m sure who ever was playing the principal ballerina would be wearing, would raise and fall as she spun. Then she stood, her own frame strong as she stood in the position that my dance section started with, she tilted her head at me as if she was asking me to join in, so I did. Ensuring I started perfectly on time. I could have sworn she smiled at me as we danced alongside each other, until I stopped for our pause section, watching as she pirouetted around me.

  We soon ended up dancing into each other.

  “Perfectly on time.” I said frowning at her as she frowned up at me, then she hummed as if she didn’t want to agree with me.

  “You should do the audition en pointe.” She said, I frowned at her, she began to nod. “You dance really well, en pointe.” She added,

  “Thank you.” I said, but I heard the wariness in my voice.

  “Do you know the Pas De Deux section?” she asked, I shrugged lightly as I continued to alternate my feet on and off pointe.

  “Firsts don’t need to do it.” I said, she raised her eyebrow at me.

  “Oh.” She said, then turned away from me. “So, you don’t know it.” she added, I rolled my eyes.

  “I know it.” I said, she scoffed. “I’m surprised you’d even consider letting me lift you.”

  “You’re my Pas De Deux partner.” She replied turning to look back at me, as the music looped again.

  She began the dance without thinking, and I joined in with her when I was supposed to, until we danced into each other again, and I walked away. She ran up behind me, lifting my arm over her shoulder and starting the step sequence, until she jumped and I lifted her with just my knee. We spun together when I placed her down, then broke apart, running in our own personal circles.

  I held my arms straight watching as she barely lifted herself off the floor and somehow landed in my arms, letting me lift her, then she led me to my knees, she nodded at me briefly, so I nodded back as she slipped her foot between my legs and leant onto my shoulder.

  I impressed myself as I kept my balance, stretching my arms out as she almost lay vertical on my shoulder, until I turned and placed her down, but kept my arm around her waist, turning us both back and smiling as she pointed her toes out, lifting her arm into fifth.

  She landed strong, watching me as I knelt up, holding my arms out then I stood, she walked back towards me. I lowered myself from my pointes, almost smiling to myself because I was still a head and shoulders taller than her, I looked down at her until she wrapped her hands around my neck, pulling my head down to her and kissing me.

  We ran together down the corridor, to my room, as it was the closest. I opened the door taking a step in then looking around.

  “He’s not here.” I said, turning my head to look at Abi, she bit her lip then nodded to me so I opened the door further letting her in.

  She placed her duffle bag against the wall then walked towards my bed as I attached the tie Kian had hung on the mirror beside the door, onto the doorknob. I closed the door behind me, leaning on it for a few minutes then I walked towards her sitting beside her on my bed and kissing her. She laughed against my mouth, then held my chin, stroking her fingers over my cheeks, I smiled at her, she smiled back, then we began to kiss again, until we’d moved so we were lying on my bed.

  I ran my hands down her bodysuit, and found myself pleased that it was as soft as it looked, she laughed softly so I looked up at her then began to chew on my lip as she pulled down the straps, pushing the top of the bodysuit to her hips so I could see her baby pink bra. I ran my fingers up her stomach, tracing her bra then reaching for the straps, pulling them down until she began to laugh, so I met her eyes. She smiled softly at me as she reached behind her back, she brought the bra strap with her then held it up, before dropping her bra off the side of my bed.

  I watched it until it hit the floor before looking back at her. My eyes danced over her body until I gave and moved closer to her, kissing her neck, then her chest, kissing down her body then back up, feeling as her breath quickened under my lips, so I continued to move her bodysuit down, pushing it past her hips then losing my breath, so I met her eyes again.

  “What?” she whispered as I knelt myself up, pulling her bodysuit and legwarmers down in one go.

  “You’re not…” I said, she laughed quietly behind her hand.

  “You’re not supposed to wear knickers under a leotard.” She whispered, I smirked. “Didn’t you know that?” she added, quirking an eyebrow at me, I shook my head softly then let my eyes travel down her body, taking in every detail I could. “You can touch me.” she whispered, I sucked on my bottom lip. “I want you to touch me.” she added, then took my wrist, moving my hand closer to her, until she gasped. I gasped with her.

  There was a knock on my bedroom door. I frowned at it.

  “Yeah?” I asked, the door opened, Kian’s head appeared around it, I frowned at him. “Tie on the door.” He said, untying it from the door and holding it up to me, I laughed quietly and looked back down at my phone. “Or did you just do that for fun?” he asked as he came and sat on the end of my bed, he tied the tie around his wrist.

  “It was definitely fun.” I said, Kian’s frown became curious.

  “I’m sorry. What?” he said then moved closer to me until he was sat at my feet.

  “Where you with Connor?” I asked, he scoffed.

  “Jacob.” He said, I tilted my head at him. “Yes, I was.”

  “He was texting me all afternoon.” I said frowning, Kian laughed.

  “I know.” he replied, then shook his head. “What did you do this afternoon?”

  “I had sex.” I said, he almost choked.

  “With who exactly?” he asked, I looked away from him.

  “Do you know girls don’t wear knickers under their leotards?” I said, Kian rolled his eyes. “It’s given me this whole other view point. Especially in Pas De Deux.” I said, managing to sound as surprised as I’d felt earlier this afternoon.

  “Jacob.” He said, “Pas De Deux?” he added as he looked at me, then he gasped. “You had sex with Abi.” He said, then he laughed, “what the actual fuck?” he added, I figured I must have been blushing up a storm. “How?”

  “Well, I…”

  “Please don’t describe the mechanics of sex to me.” he said, I laughed because I was literally just about to.

  “I was practicing Edward.” I said, he nodded because he’d seen me leave for the studio this afternoon. “I decided to practice Edward en pointe. That is kind of irrelevant. She came in, she stated she’d booked the studio. She didn’t seem too impressed that I was there, but I told her we could just dance to the same music.” I sa
id, he smirked as I continued to tell him, then he stopped me.

  “I’m going to pass on the details of straight sex, knowing she has a baby pink bra and doesn’t wear underwear under her leotard is enough.” He said raising his eyebrow at me, I laughed. “How do you feel?” he asked, I shrugged at him.

  “I don’t know. Weird. I guess.”

  “Weird?” he repeated amused, I nodded.

  “Like even though I’ve had a shower my bed still smells of her perfume and stuff.” I shrugged as I stroked my duvet.

  “Do you regret it?”

  “I don’t know.” I said, he hummed.

  “Are you hungry?” he asked, I began to nod.

  “I could eat.” I said, he smiled at me then he stood nodding to me, so I stood with him following him out of our room to the canteen. I went through behind him, getting two sausages and some mash, then smothering it in gravy and following Kian to the table he’d sat at beside Margo. I glanced at her almost embarrassed then frowned at the two of them as they examined my plate.

  “What?” I said,

  “You have food.” Margo said, Kian hit her arm shushing her as he did.

  “Yeah?” I said, Kian shrugged.

  “Just surprised you went for the bangers and mash.” He said, then moved some lettuce pieces around his plate before eating them.

  I woke up with a start. The room was dark except for the orange light that shone through the window, we’d discovered that was the light on the side of the boarding house that guided people down the path.

  It created an orange streak down the middle of our two beds, it didn’t affect either of us at all. I looked at the end of the stream of light then I sat up. I touched my stomach as it churned. I swallowed hard, groaning quietly as I felt my mouth fill with saliva then I got out of bed, hitting the wall around the light switch until the en-suite light came on.

  I went in and barely lifted the seat before I was throwing up into the toilet. I sighed folding my arms on the toilet tank and resting my head on them, taking in a few deep breaths until I felt like I could stand up, I flushed the toilet then washed my hands and my face. I jumped as I looked in the mirror and saw Kian so I turned to him.

  “Okay?” he asked frowning at me as he leant on the doorframe, I shrugged at him.

  “Sorry I woke you up.” I said, he shook his head,

  “Are you okay?” he asked again as he stood himself up properly. I nodded to him.

  “Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay.” I said, he sighed nodding to me.

  “Good.” He said, “now get out, I might as well pee now I’ve stood up.” He said, I laughed as I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand then stepped out of the en-suite, closing the door behind me, sitting back on my bed. I lay down under my cover as Kian came out of the en-suite turning off the light as he did. I looked at him as a light lit up his face, I presumed it was his phone.

  “We’ve got about three hours before we have to wake up.” He said, ending the sentence with a yawn.

  “Goodnight Kian.” I almost whispered as I closed my eyes burying my face into my pillow.

  “Goodnight.”

  ***

  “Take a seat first years.” Madame Rose ordered so we did. I hugged my pointes closer to my chest as I sat myself in the boy’s line.

  Madame Rose had insisted we all sit in and watch the auditions. I figured she wanted us all to suffer watching the same dance thirty-two times. The second years were first up, so were sat on the opposite side of the three little chairs and the table, that Arlo and Miss Olivia were currently sat on, leaving the centre seat for Madame Rose.

  “We will call your number. You will stand centre, say your name then wait for the music to begin. We will not give you any hints or any help. We want to see your musicality; we want to ensure you can dance to cues. Call backs for the Pas De Deux auditions will be this afternoon. If you are not called back, I expect you to use your afternoons wisely. Parts will be posted this evening.” She stated, “so, let’s begin.” She said, then took her seat, she flipped through her clipboard then she placed her hands together on the table top. “Number one please.” She said, a second year boy stood from his seat, then stood before the table. His feet in first position as he rested her hands against his abdomen.

  “Wow.” Kian muttered; I dragged my eyes away from the attractive second year in front of us to look at Kian.

  “I agree.” I said, he laughed as the music began, so I looked back at the second year as he stood, his arms in fifth waiting for the cue in the music.

  “Number twenty-seven.” Madame Rose said as she swapped her papers around on the desk, I looked at Kian as he took a deep breath then he stood, he nodded to me so I nodded back as he took his place on the floor, and answered Madame Rose’s questions.

  I smiled as I watched him, placing my pointes on the floor beside me and began to put them on as Kian went into his last extension. “Thank you, number twenty-seven.” Madame Rose said, so Kian took his seat, he picked up my pointe before he sat on it then sat, twirling the ribbons around his fingers, until I took it from him.

  “Twenty-eight.” Madame Rose requested, Abi stood from the row behind us and took her position. I watched her until the music began then looked down again. I fixed my ribbons even though there was nothing to fix.

  “Can’t even look at her.” Kian whispered, I glanced at him. “That good, or was it that bad?” he added, I laughed making him smile, then looked towards Madame Rose,

  “Thank you. Number twenty-nine.” She said, I swallowed then I stood taking my place in front of the table. I watched all of them as their eyes travelled down my body and stopped at my feet, there seemed to be a silent discussion when each of them reached it.

  “Right.” Madame Rose said, then nodded and the music began. I met each of their eyes then stepped into position, holding my frame strong, then raising up onto pointe as I lifted my arms into fifth.

  “Jacob.” Madame Rose said so I relaxed my final position. I nodded to her.

  “Yes, Madame Rose.” I replied then began to squeeze my fingers, pulling them all individually.

  “What footwear are males required to wear for warm up, repertoire, auditions and exams?” She asked, I sighed.

  “Flat ballet pump. Black.” I said, then looked at my feet, I resisted at all costs pointing out that my pointes were black.

  “So, why did you feel it appropriate to wear pointes Jacob?” she asked, I looked down, “Jacob, look at me when you are speaking.” She added, so I looked up and met her eyes.

  “I thought it would enhance my performance.” I said,

  “This may be, but pointes are not appropriate footwear for a male audition, do you understand?” she asked, I nodded once. “Also, this production does not have any numbers performed en pointe, by neither females, or males, so if this was an attempt of showing off, or an obvious disregard for the rules. It was unacceptable and you will not do it again.”

  “Madame Rose.”

  “You’ll be lucky if you get a role in this production.” She said, I sighed then watched as Arlo and Miss Olivia began whispering to Madame Rose. “Enough.” She declared, “sit down Jacob. Number thirty.”

  I wasn’t allowed to leave the studio following my audition, not until we’d gotten through number thirty, thirty-one and thirty-two. I stood and left orderly with the rest of my class once we were dismissed, following them into the canteen for lunch.

  “Jacob?” Kian said, I shook my head at him, as I got a tray and began to let myself through the food queue. Abi was on the other end of the queue.

  “Jacob?” she said, I shook my head at her as I actually turned to look at her.

  “Did you know?” I asked, she frowned at me. “Did you know Madame Rose would be pissed off at me? Did you know that there was no pointe in this show? Did you know all of this?”

  “No, Jacob. I didn’t.”

  “Did you sabotage me?”

  “Don’t be so dramatic Jacob, of course I didn’t s
abotage you.” She said, I shook my head at her.

  “Whatever Abi.” I said then took my tray,

  “Jacob… I’m sorry.” She said, I shook my head at her and walked away from her, slamming my tray onto the table that Margo was sat on.

  “Jacob it’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not.” I said simply as Kian came to sit down.

  “It is Jacob. It is.” She stated, I sighed.

  “Don’t eat that.” Kian said, I looked at him as he shook his head. “Don’t.” he said,

  “Whatever.” I muttered, picking up the bread roll I’d put on my plate and took a bite out of it.

  “You’re going to overload on carbohydrates, and you will be sick.” He said simply,

  “I don’t care.” I said, “I don’t care at all.” I said, then picked up the two other bread rolls that were on my plate. I left my tray and plate on the table and left towards my bedroom. Slamming the door behind me, then sitting myself on my bed, finishing off my rolls.

  I scowled at the door when I heard a knock, I waited for it to go away. There was a second knock.

  “Go away.” I shouted towards the door, it opened.

  “No chance.” Connor said, I frowned at him as he came towards my bed, I pulled my knees closer to my chest, resting my head on my knees. “Kian called.”

  “I guessed.” I murmured,

  “Want to talk about it?” he asked, I lifted my head to look at him. “Okay, so I’ll talk.” He said then came to sit on my bed. “Kian said something like, your audition went wrong and you got pretty upset by that.” He said, “then, he said you made yourself sick.” He said, I looked towards the en-suite where I had been throwing up not five minutes before he knocked.

  “That doesn’t matter.” I said, he sighed. “I wore my pointes for my audition, Madame Rose was not happy with that, and Abi told me I should, and now I’m angry at her because she fucked me over, even after I slept with her.”