Light as a Feather

by Cameron James

  “Ash is working wonders on you, isn’t he?” Connor said, I almost laughed.

  “I ate some of Max and Cameron’s takeaway on Friday, and I didn’t throw it back up.” I said, Connor smiled at me.

  “That might be the best news I’ve heard all week.” He said nodding, I nodded back, then turned to look at the stage as it lit up, and the music began to play.

  Arlo appeared beside me when the interval began, he must have spotted me during the first act as he slid into the seat beside me without a thought.

  “I’m glad you came Jacob.” He said as I looked at him, I nodded back to him. “How are you feeling?”

  “Better.” I said, then I sighed, “but it’s slow and steady. Ash, and Cameron keep reminding me that it’s not going to happen overnight.” I said, he agreed,

  “We look forward to having you back in class. Although I think these guys are ready for the break.” He said amused, so I laughed because I figured that was what he expected. “They’ve been working very hard.” he said, probably more for the benefit of the rest of the audience,

  “I’m hoping to be back in January.” I said, then I chewed on my lip. “But Ash said we have to get through Christmas first, then he wants me to do ballet with Max, or by myself for a bit.” I said, Arlo began to nod.

  “How is Max?” he asked, I laughed for real that time.

  “He’s fine. He’s actually in a musical currently.” I said, Arlo nodded he looked intrigued.

  “He wasn’t too hard on you?” he asked, I looked down.

  “I think Jacob’s been harder on Max.” Connor said, I scowled him but only briefly.

  “Oh. Well, stay in touch Jacob, yeah?”

  “Yeah.” I said nodding, as he smiled and stood, Connor and I both watched him leave the row we were sat on.

  “Who was that wonderful being?” Connor asked, I laughed. “My male technique teacher.” I said, Connor tutted, “he’s slept with Max.” I added, Connor almost choked.

  “What?”

  “Years ago. I think. Prior to a competition, apparently, they slept together, I didn’t exactly dig deeper into any details.” I said, Connor hit my arm,

  “And why not? Max’s sex life is amazing.” He said, I laughed, it became rather nasal so I covered my face embarrassed. “First Samuel Bing, then, this Arlo, and of course you’re exceptionally beautiful father Cameron.”

  “Your crush on Cameron concerns me.” I said, he winked as the music for the second act began.

  Margo appeared first when we stood in the parents meet and greet area, she appeared then she was hugging me, and I was hugging her back, so tightly.

  “I have missed you Jacob.” She said into my ear, I nodded because I was sure if I spoke, I’d start crying. She let go first, but only to turn to present me to Kian, he smiled at me then came to me and hugged me himself.

  “How are you Jacob?” he asked, I began to nod to him, taking a deep breath as I did.

  “I’ve missed your company, for sure.” I said, he grinned at me,

  “Do I dare ask when we might see you back?” Margo asked, I hummed at them then crossed my fingers.

  “January.” I said, “Even if it’s just dancing and not boarding, I’m hopeful.” I said, they both nodded with me, “I just have to get through Christmas. It’s my next achievable goal.” I said, then looked at Connor as he smiled back at me.

  “Now I better get you home.” Connor said, “otherwise I’ll have a pretty angry Max on my back. I’ll drive you home, and Kian…”

  “I’m yours.” Kian said nodding, Connor grinned then looked away from me embarrassed as he did. I hugged Margo again, giving her an extra squeeze then walked with Kian and Connor to the carpark. “I’m going home for Christmas on Monday.” Kian said more to Connor, “after this week, which was unbelievable.” He said nodding, then he looked at me. “We’ve missed you so much.” He said, I laughed. “What did you think though? Did we deliver?”

  “You were amazing.” I said,

  “I concur.” Connor said, Kian laughed,

  “You’re already getting laid tonight, you don’t need to work for it.” he said, I laughed as I got into the back of Connor’s car.

  “You’ve got yourself a good boyfriend there, I am mildly jealous.” I said, Connor winked at me as he got in the driver side then grinned at Kian who grinned right back as they both put their seatbelts on.

  I groaned into my pillow before giving myself the motivation to get myself up out of bed and strip the sheets. It was almost muscle memory now, stripping back the sheet, the quilt and my pillows, wrapping them up into my pillowcase and taking them downstairs. I startled as I walked into the kitchen, finding Cameron stood at the counter with a cup of something. He raised his eyebrow at me, I did it back.

  “Everything okay?” He asked, not at all fighting the smirk on his face, I rolled my eyes holding the pillowcase to him.

  “I had a sticky dream.” I said, he laughed softly then took a sip out of his mug.

  “You know where the washing machine is.” He said as he turned to lean on the countertop, he watched me as I filled the washing machine. “It’s been a while.” He said, I laughed.

  “Are you making small talk?” I asked, he shook his head as he drank from his mug.

  “No. I’m just happy to know you’re eating again.” He said, I looked at him. “One cannot produce a sticky dream, without energy, without food in their stomach.” He said then he smiled. “So, in a way I’m glad.” He said, I laughed, shaking my head at him. “Hey, you should be glad too. You’ve never had to do the walk of shame down the corridor with at least two of your dorm mates because, they so have to see this, to the only male teacher in the whole school to express you’ve had a wet dream and need new bedding.” He said, I laughed ensuring I covered my mouth as I did. “It happened at least bimonthly, in my dorm.”

  “To you.” I replied, ensuring he understood how much I was mocking him, he obviously did the way he quirked his eyebrow back at me.

  “Until I began sleeping with Max.” He said, I groaned covering my face.

  “You win.” I said, he laughed.

  “Come on. Let’s go up. I’ll get you some fresh bedding.” He said, I nodded to him as he put his mug by the sink, an action I’m sure Max will be displeased with in the morning, then began to lead me up the stairs. I waited outside when he went into his bedroom and to the airing cupboard. He reappeared with the pile of bedding in his hands.

  “Thank you.” I said, he nodded to me.

  “Goodnight.” He whispered, I smiled at him as I turned back to my bedroom.

  “Goodnight.”

  ***

  I remembered the Christmas’ in the home vividly, and I remembered them often. It had started with a pantomime. Ste and Diane took us to a pantomime every year, it was the one night we could get away with buying sweets and slushes in the foyer.

  We were always very excited and almost unruly but it was Christmas and Ste and Diane let us off at Christmas. We always got a McDonalds on the day we went to see the pantomime, we took up multiple tables and all somehow ended up getting the same toys in our happy meals, but they had stuck with me, for the years after, when my pantomime trip became ballet trips and our once a year McDonalds had become far more frequent.

  I had agreed, after much badgering from Connor to accompany the home and him to the pantomime that Christmas, he stated it be good for me, then Ash agreed and suddenly I was an additional adult with two teenagers to keep an eye on.

  Connor had been showered in hugs when we’d gotten out the car, mostly by the younger children, then a teenage who had dark purple hair had bumped shoulders with him, and whispered something to him that made Connor squeeze him tight in a hug.

  “Don’t worry they’re not as scary as you think.” Ste said as we stood on the edge of the curb watching the kids as they grouped, they weren’t running wild, they weren’t actually doing anything but talking to each other, so I looked at Ste.


  “We were not as good as this?” I said, Ste laughed.

  “What are you basing that on, the yearly pantomimes? Or the party you once went to, when you drank at fourteen?” he asked, I laughed. “They’re just kids. The girls can be a bit feisty, the boys are pretty laid back, well most of them anyway. They love Connor, and they adore Jack. I’m pretty certain they’ll have a fondness for you too.” He said, I nodded as I let my deep breath out. “How are you feeling anyway?” he asked, I looked at him.

  “I kind of wish people will stop asking me that.” I said, he nodded as if he completely understood, there was no hurt in his expression, just complete understanding.

  “That makes sense. Okay, how about I ask, any plans for Christmas?” he said, I smiled at him.

  “Apparently Cameron has planned something which I am so beyond wary about, but Christmas kind of runs the same. We go to see a ballet, eat out on Christmas eve, then Christmas day is presents and dinner and alcohol. Usually.” I said,

  “That sounds good.” He said, I agreed.

  “And your Christmas?” I asked, he smiled fondly towards the kids as Jack gathered them around the poster of the pantomime and took a picture.

  “Oh, standard.” He said, I smiled. “Pancakes…”

  “For breakfast, presents after breakfast, then you’d just let us play, all day.” I said, Ste nodded.

  “When all the kids go to bed, Diane and I would stay up with any of you that were over sixteen at the time, we’d have a drink whilst watching a film, or some sort of sitcoms Christmas special.” He said, I smiled.

  “I didn’t know that.” I said, he shook his head.

  “It was a secret.” He said putting his finger on his lips, I laughed as Diane clapped her hands to get all the kids’ attention, then she began to ferry them into the theatre.

  “Riley passed his theory.” Connor said as we walked behind the group into the theatre, I frowned at Connor so he laughed. “The teenager with purple hair…” he said, I nodded. “He passed his theory. He’s the second kid ever to pass their theory whilst they’re still living in the home.” He said, I laughed.

  “Says the first.” I said, he nodded,

  “Says the first.” he agreed, “I’m so proud of him.” He said in a sigh, so I nudged my elbow against his. “Shush.” He said, as we took our seats.

  I lay looking at Connor in his bed. He’d driven me back to his flat after we’d crowd controlled in McDonalds, we’d both decided it was a far wiser decision for me to sleep over at Connor’s than go home to an empty house as Max and Cameron’s run was well underway.

  I had sent a text to Cameron, informing him of my whereabouts, and letting him know what I’d eaten so far, he had replied during what I presumed was the interval with a few very happy emoji’s.

  “You didn’t tell me that you’ve drank with Ste on Christmas.” I whispered, Connor laughed quietly as he lay looking back at me, he was playing with the aqua sequin cushion he had on his bed, the hot pink K was evident in it, Connor appeared to be stroking it back to the blue.

  “He’d let us have either one glass of prosecco, a can of beer or a mixer, and only one.” He said softly, “he said, it was better that we learnt about drinking, and drank appropriately with them, than getting drunk in an alleyway somewhere.” He said, I nodded because that logic was sound.

  “Even if we had our first drink at fourteen.” I said, Connor laughed.

  “I was thirteen.” He replied, I grinned, “and it was a blue WKD. We were rebels.”

  “Totally.” I agreed amused, he grinned at me.

  “Do you remember our first real drink?” he asked, I squinted at him, so he shook his head. “Your eighteenth?”

  “Oh my god. I got so drunk.” I said, he nodded whilst not hiding his laugh.

  “And you weren’t the only one.” He said, I frowned at him then began to laugh myself.

  “Max.” I said, he began to nod.

  “Max.” he agreed, then he sighed but it sounded amused. “I’ve missed doing this with you.” He said, I smiled at him,

  “Thank you.” I said, he frowned,

  “For missing you?”

  “No, for persuading me to go tonight, I didn’t realise how much I needed that, but I did.”

  “They’re pretty great kids.” He said nodding, “and helping out is the least I can do, especially after Ste and Diane were parents to me.” he said then he smiled at us. “Sorry. To us.” He said, I nodded then smiled when he kissed my forehead.

  ***

  We had a family meeting, and all agreed that we’d forgo our annual Christmas ballet, given Max had already taken me to see the Nutcracker, and instead, Frankie, Cory, and Cameron’s twin brother Caspar accompanied me to watch Pippin.

  “Has there been any progress with the adoption?” I asked Cory as we took our seats, Frankie and Caspar had both well disappeared, probably to the merchandise store.

  “Some actually.” Cory said nodding, “when I spoke to Frankie he said both babies and teenagers scare him.” He said, I laughed, “so we thought we’d look about seven, eight.” He said happily, I smiled back at him. “We are waiting for our documents to be checked and approved and then, it looks like we’re moving forward.”

  “That’s exciting.” I said, he agreed as Frankie reappeared passing Cory a plastic cup with some sort of drink in it, Caspar passed me one from the other side.

  The first time I’d officially met Caspar had been at a huge family event. All five of Max’s sisters had been present and I had spent a fair bit of time trying to learn their names, when I felt like I’d achieved something I went to find Cameron for some comfort. It had turned out that instead I found Caspar, and had just began talking to him, I had recited all of Max’s sister’s names at least three times before Caspar stopped me and informed me that he wasn’t my Dad, I was confused, definitely as I was still fourteen, having been adopted just three months earlier, and hadn’t been informed that Cameron actually had a twin.

  Later, I’d sat in the garden with Caspar, and Cameron and after getting over the initial shock that they were in fact completely identical, I sat listening to Caspar playing his trumpet. Now, I could tell Cameron and Caspar apart, although that was aided by them having different haircuts, I however still did not know which of Max’s sister went with which name.

  “Thank you.” I said, Caspar nodded to me as he took his seat. “Did you bring your trumpet?”

  “Of course.” He said amused, “Cameron hates it after many years of having to hear me learn it.” he said happily, I heard Frankie laugh so I looked at him.

  “I often wished I had a brother, but listening to these two, I’m glad I didn’t.” He said, I began to nod.

  “I have a not biological brother. Does that count?”

  “Does he do mean things to you?” Frankie asked, I shook my head, “doesn’t count.” He said, so I began to laugh then turned towards the stage as the overture began.

  Caspar stayed at our house on Christmas Eve, he had for as long as I’d lived with Max and Cameron, and I presume he had before that. There had been big hugs when Max and Cameron had come off the stage, and confirmation of the time of Christmas dinner for Frankie and Cory before we took our separate cars and went home.

  I went to change into my pyjamas when I returned, laughing when I saw Christmas pyjamas on my made bed that hadn’t been made this morning, all tied up in a ribbon. I pulled out the top, smiling at the long sleeved grey top, and red pants that were covered in Christmas trees, candy canes and reindeers.

  Cameron seemed pleased when I reappeared downstairs.

  “You really don’t torture him as much as you should.” Caspar said as he passed a beer bottle to Cameron, Cameron began to laugh.

  “I’m too traumatised.” He said then took a sip out of his bottle, I frowned at him. “Our Mum, and grandparents used to work together and give us the worse Christmas pyjamas they ever could.”

  “Most years they matched.” Caspar said th
en sat on the couch, so I sat next to him, Cameron on my other side. Max came into the living room, two bottles of beer between his fingers, his phone in his other hand and his own pair of Christmas pyjamas on.

  “We were going to order a takeaway.” Max said, I looked at him, “what...?” he began, then looked at Cameron, so I also did.

  “How do you feel?” Cameron asked, I nodded slightly. “How about you get the appetiser box, and you eat some of that rather than a meal?” he said, nodding to me, then to Max, we both agreed with him. “You know what I’ll have.” He said to Max, Max smiled as he nodded to his phone, “and Caspar?” he asked, Max sighed and went to sit beside Caspar to take his order.

  “I’m pretty certain he always orders the entire menu.” Max said more to me when he gave up and passed his phone to Caspar to let him do it, then he passed the second beer bottle to me, I pushed the lime that was wedged into the neck of the bottle into the beer then took a sip,

  “He’s not old enough to drink, no way.” Caspar said as he handed Max’s phone back.

  “You went to his eighteenth.” Cameron said amused, Caspar shook his head to me so I began to laugh then drank more of the beer.

  I sat on the edge of the bath rubbing my forehead and running my hands through my hair, as my glasses sat on the toilet tank as they had become overly foggy. I coughed a few times, leaning over the toilet again just in case then I looked at the door as it opened, Cameron came in, passing me a bottle of water, then he sat next to me.

  “Can I blame the beer?” I asked, he sighed as he began to rub my back, “I was getting better.”

  “You are getting better.” He said, I closed my eyes as I leant my head against his. “You really are Jacob. To be fair, it was probably partially the beer and partially the greasiness of the takeaway.” He said, “that’s what I get for letting Max order it.” he added more into my ear, so I began to laugh.