by Jina Bacarr
Then their voices faded down the long hallway, both laughing.
What were his lordship and Mrs Benn-Brady planning? His words had penetrated deep in her soul when he’d said she might run away. No, never. This charity dinner was too important. For the Titanic survivors. For Buck. And for her.
It was Ava’s way of paying homage to the countess.
Yet the moment she’d heard Buck’s voice, something inside her had stirred. She felt sad she’d lost him, but strong. He hadn’t merely changed her life. He’d changed her. She still had that wild streak, but he had turned her into a lady. Now it was her turn to do good with it.
She’d given him her word she’d go through with this marriage—
Wait… that was it! A wedding.
Here. Tonight.
At the Benn-Brady residence on Fifth Avenue. They’d made all the arrangements.
She was going to marry Trey in front of New York society.
Divine mercy, she was now in God’s hands.
She was a beauty in white.
Buck stood very still, tugging on his high collar and loosening his white tie. His eyes fixed on Ava’s pretty face. All night long he wrestled with how he’d feel when he saw her and now he had the feeling the ground had been swept from beneath him.
Standing at the top of the marble staircase under a bower of white roses, orchids and lilies, she was dressed like an angel, a halo of diamonds and emeralds setting off her upswept red hair.
Gorgeous, but unattainable.
To all but him. If his luck held.
Their eyes met and a quick flash of desire swept across her face. Her lips parted, but she didn’t speak. Instead, she floated down the stairs with the distinguished grace and elegant air of a great lady.
Exactly as he’d taught her.
‘I was right, Buck, you are in love with her.’ Irene swished her train around her like a dragon’s tail to get his attention. Dressed in a silver lamé gown that hugged her figure, the blonde waved about the red ostrich feather in her hair, causing the rubies at her throat and around her wrists to spark like fire. A long white ermine stole hung off one bare shoulder and trailed behind her.
‘Does it bother you, Irene?’ He didn’t deny it.
‘Surprisingly, no, Buck. Once I realized I had more debts than diamonds, I knew our relationship could never be more than an affair.’ Smiling at him, she straightened his tie. ‘I’ll miss you terribly.’ She gave him a look of longing, but it didn’t last. Buck could see Trey smiling at her from across the room. ‘Then again, we have our scruples, don’t we?’
‘Yes, we do, Irene,’ Buck said with a sly smile. ‘I must warn you, Trey is quite the ladies’ man.’
‘So I’ve heard.’ Irene wiggled her shoulders and her ermine stole fell away, revealing her stunning figure. ‘Not jealous, are you?’
‘Should I be?’
She gave him a dazzling smile, inviting him to light her cigarette, he didn’t, then she was off.
Buck looked around for Ava, but she was busily engaged with a dapper gentleman who couldn’t take his eyes off her. What man could?
When she caught him staring at her, she turned away. No doubt she had seen Irene hovering around him with a possessive air.
Didn’t the Irish girl know he was in love with her?
So was New York society.
He couldn’t get near her. It was all Mrs Benn-Brady’s doing. She knew how to play the game to her advantage. She’d introduced her aristocratic guests one at a time.
First, Lady Pennington.
Then it was his turn as her guest of honor. But she held the best for last.
The Countess of Marbury.
Buck had to admit the society matron had great organizing ability, brains and a flair for the dramatic. While another party was in full swing this evening at a Fifth Avenue palace with the archduke of an eastern European country as the main attraction, society’s elite flocked instead to her soiree.
Not only to see him, but to show support for the Titanic survivors.
He felt privileged to make that happen. He knew the ladies would be divided into two arenas. Ladies who came to see if he lived up to his scandalous reputation and ladies who came to try to add to that reputation. Their claws had been out to get him since his name first appeared on the list of survivors.
They wanted to see who the next lady of his favor would be. They believed Lady Pennington couldn’t compare to their New York debutantes.
A wry smile set his nerves on edge. The only woman he wanted was the one he couldn’t have.
Ava.
Until now.
Before he could make his way over to her, several guests came up to him, asking about the fateful voyage. After answering their questions, he maneuvered his way over to where Ava was deep in conversation with several guests. He could see she was a spectacular success with everyone begging to be introduced to her. He tried to speak to her, but she was whisked off by a pair of ladies eager to be seen chatting with her as if they were old friends.
‘The mayor has just arrived, your lordship,’ Mrs Benn-Brady said, using his title in front of her guests to impress them. She was beside herself, showing off her trio of aristocrats. ‘He asked to meet you.’
‘Excellent,’ Buck said. ‘I want to thank him for coming and for his help in securing a special license.’
‘The mayor tells me the relief fund has raised over a hundred thousand dollars so far,’ Mrs Benn-Brady said. ‘My spies tell me we’ll double that amount before the night is over.’
He was pleasantly surprised. It heartened him to realize how giving these American millionaires with all their extravagance could be.
He said, ‘This dinner party must be costing you twice that figure, Mrs Benn-Brady.’
She smiled wide. ‘What’s the use of having it if you can’t flaunt it?’
A curious frown crossed Buck’s brow. ‘Did I notice a reporter from the New York Times among the crowd?’
‘Why not? Publicity is the life blood of society,’ she said, beaming. ‘He’s here to cover the wedding.’
Buck frowned, finding irony in the moment. ‘I haven’t asked Ava to marry me yet.’
‘You’d better do it quickly, your lordship,’ said Mrs Benn-Brady, regarding him with a touch of anxiety she made no effort to conceal. ‘Dinner is about to be served.’
Ava’s heart sank when she saw Buck with Lady Irene Pennington. How could he flaunt that woman?
It was a sin unto itself like no other. The woman was as brazen as the devil.
Her lips tightened.
Ava was hurt, but she’d not let him see it.
She ignored him, but his eyes followed her everywhere.
She let out a sigh of relief when she discovered she wasn’t seated next to Buck at dinner. Why prolong her agony?
That didn’t stop him from torturing her.
‘Ava, I must speak to you.’
‘Shouldn’t you take your seat before your soup gets cold?’ Ava lowered her head, as if signaling an end to the conversation.
‘Listen to me, Countess,’ Buck said, his frustrated tone giving away his underlying emotions. ‘I’ve put up with your rebel ways long enough. I have something to say to you, and by damn, you’re going to listen to me.’
The lady on her left choked on her asparagus tops as Buck leaned closer to her and whispered in her ear. The man on her left was speaking so loudly, Ava couldn’t hear what his lordship said.
‘I believe Lady Pennington needs someone to light her cigarette, your lordship,’ she shot back.
‘She can light it herself.’
Then, frustrated, he stomped off, leaving Ava to wonder what all the fuss was about.
Pride prevented her from going after him.
All the while Ava was thinking about how her life was like the pieces of her mother’s rosary she kept hidden in her dresser.
Tangled and broken.
Warm memories that would always remind her who she was
, along with the countess’s letter, the folded-up menu from the first-class dining saloon aboard ship, her ladyship’s red lace shawl—
And her third-class ticket for passage aboard the Titanic.
She kept her eyes lowered, her lashes wet and her heart heavy. Everyone had been so full of hope on that hushed morning when they boarded the ship at Queenstown.
And now so many of them were gone.
Beautiful souls taken too soon.
Oh, Lord, what a bloody fool she was. Thinking about herself, when she should be thinking about the countess and all the others who died that night.
An unholy chill made her quiver. Would that icy feeling ever go away?
As each course was presented, Ava peeked at Buck from out of the corner of her eye. He appeared nervous, his face sweating, but when he turned his head, she could see his proud profile. So noble, but there was something about his behavior that disturbed her. Something that moved her in a manner that had nothing to do with her bruised feminine ego. Something bigger than the both of them.
What was he trying to tell her?
After tea, fruit, and coffee had been served, Mrs Benn-Brady stood up from her place at the head of the long table and tapped her glass with a gold teaspoon. She thanked her guests for coming and for their generosity in helping the Titanic survivors, many of whom still found themselves housed in the city’s shelter for the homeless.
‘And now a word from our guest of honor, Captain Lord James Buck Blackthorn,’ Mrs Benn-Brady said, clapping her hands. The others joined her in welcoming Buck as he rose from his seat.
He looked up and down the long table of dinner guests consisting of the charmed circle of New York society waiting to hear his story, each one hoping to catch his eye.
His gaze stopped on Ava.
She sat up straighter, her eyes glistening with tears as she listened to Buck speak about that fateful night. How the Titanic raced through ice-infested waters on what was an unusually calm sea, the blackness of the night with so many stars in the sky it was as if the heavens were trying to guide the liner through the danger.
But nothing could save the ship.
‘For the next two and a half hours, every man, woman and child lived through the horrible reality that lay between the hope we had for rescue and the gnawing in our gut that said many would die,’ Buck said. ‘I’ll never forget their faces. The young Marconi operator who worked the wireless until the power failed, the diligent ship’s officers who stayed at their posts even when the ship foundered, the first cabin ladies who questioned why they had to get into the lifeboats while their husbands stayed behind.’
He inhaled a deep breath, then let it out slowly, wiping the perspiration from his face, his eyes burning like hot coals as the wrenching memories overtook him. The dinner guests held their breath.
No one moved.
‘My heart broke when I saw an emigrant family with small children clinging to their mother’s skirt make their way up on top only to discover all the lifeboats were gone,’ Buck continued. ‘I’ll never forget the unmarried lady who gave up her seat in the lifeboat so her friend might live to see her children again. Or the elegant gentlemen standing bravely on deck when the liner went down, taking their place next to the faithful kneeling in prayer as a priest called on God to welcome all their souls.’
He paused, then said, ‘My heart bleeds when I think about the unbelievable heroism of the ship’s musicians who played until the end. Their courage serves as an inspiration to us all. I believe their music still echoes over the dark waters of the North Atlantic, reminding us that everyone who survived that harrowing night must tell their story. Mine is but one of many.’
Ava shivered, the clammy smell of ice visiting her again as she surrendered herself to her memories, but feeling strangely free, as if a great burden had been lifted from her soul. Buck spoke for every survivor, his deep voice rich with emotion, his words capturing every moment with such realism, a blur of images from that night rushed through her mind.
A sea like glass.
The bitter cold.
The women in the lifeboat whispering, ‘She’s gone’ when the ship disappeared.
Buck was so brave, nearly drowning to save others. Swimming in the freezing water to find her, then struggling to hold her in his arms when he reached the Carpathia half-dead.
She couldn’t help herself. She fell in love with him all over again.
‘As a gentleman, my duty was to the ladies,’ Buck said, ‘but I’m no hero. I did what any man would do in any class. Get the women and children into the lifeboats, help a gentleman caught in the icy waters by giving him my lifebelt. And do my best to save the woman I love.’
Ava’s heart skipped when he looked directly at her. What was he about? Saying such a thing in front of all these people?
He continued, ‘I saw what needed to be done and God willing, I had the strength to do it. All I ask, ladies and gentlemen, is that you never forget the victims and the survivors of the Titanic. Thank you.’ Applause.
Ava gathered her long white train over her arm and rushed to his side. Her lips trembled as she burst out with the words, ‘You were wonderful, Buck. No one could have expressed the terror we faced better than you. The fear of death as well as the belief help would come, then knowing it wouldn’t for so many… and finally, the unsettling peace that came with the dawn.’
She waited and saw him gazing down at her with an expression so reminiscent of how he looked that night when he kissed her, not knowing if he would ever see her again.
‘Ava, my darling,’ was all he said.
There was a moment of utter silence as they looked at each other. Buck was staring at her in an odd way, perspiration running down the sides of his handsome face. He waited for her to speak. She couldn’t.
Darling, he’d called her. Had she heard right?
The loud murmur of the crowd broke the spell, sending Buck into action. Before a swell of people enveloped them, he pulled her aside. She looked over her shoulder and saw Mrs Benn-Brady again tapping her glass with her spoon, then making an announcement that the after-dinner entertainment would begin shortly and for everyone to take their seats in the drawing room.
That left Ava alone with his lordship.
‘You won’t get away from me this time, Ava,’ he said, a deep huskiness coloring his voice. His eyes darkened into black pools, making it clear he would take no nonsense from her.
‘Don’t say a word, Buck,’ she said, her pent-up feelings bringing her close to tears. ‘I know what Mrs Benn-Brady is planning for her big surprise tonight.’
‘You do?’ he asked, not understanding. His expression changed to surprise. ‘It was supposed to be a secret.’
‘The mayor is going to marry Trey and me… isn’t he?’ she asked, her courage suddenly leaving her.
Look at him. Strong and handsome. How could she give him up?
She closed her eyes and a tremor slithered through her, such a delicious sensation it was. When she was brave enough to open her eyes, she saw that his gaze blazed at her as he fought to keep control. His jaw was clenched, as if he was holding back from taking her in his arms.
She had never seen him look so serious. There was an edge to how he moved, and then he grabbed her by the shoulders and stood there. Not speaking. Breathing hard.
‘Not exactly…’
‘Sweet saints, you’re telling me the marriage is off?’
‘Well…’
‘Oh, Lord, I’m a fool. Mrs Benn-Brady found out I’m not the countess… and she wants to send me back to Ireland.’ She lifted her head, stomped her foot. ‘I’ll not go. She can have her tiara and her grand ways. I’m staying here in America because… because…’
She fumbled for the words, wrinkling her white satin gown with her clenched fists.
Buck held her tight by the shoulders. His eyes pierced her heart when he said, ‘Because why, Ava? Tell me.’
Ava puffed up her chest and all her pent-up emo
tion came gushing out of her. ‘Because I love you with all my heart.’
‘Oh, my darling, you’re not going anywhere. You’re going to marry me.’ He held her tighter, his breath coming harder. His eyes searched hers as she blinked several times, believing she’d fainted and his proposal was but a lovely dream come to give her courage.
‘You? Tonight?’ Ava asked, her heart fluttering. She took a step back, her wits flying about her like goose feathers dancing on a breeze. Such beautiful words he’d said, but no, it couldn’t be true.
A familiar ache in her heart swelled, her whole body trembling from the want of him.
Just one more moment with his lordship… the man I truly love… please.
Then when she thought she’d wake up and be thrown into despair—
‘Yes, Ava. We’re getting married… if you agree.’ He held her close to his chest and she could hear his heart pounding. ‘Oh, you crazy, wonderful girl, do you think I could ever let you go? You’re my reason for living.’
Ava cried out with such joy, the tiara slipped off her head. ‘Sweet Jesus, it must be angels I hear singing in my ears,’ she said, feeling dizzy. ‘I think I’m going to faint.’
‘By the power invested in me by the state of New York, I now pronounce you man and wife.’ With a twinkle in his eye, Mayor William J. Gaynor cleared his throat and turned to Buck. ‘You may now kiss the bride, your lordship.’
‘Thank you, Your Honor.’ Without another word, he took Ava into his arms. He felt her trembling, her heart beating wildly, but no more wildly than his. Her kiss was filled with passion and he kissed her deeper, possessing his bride with a promise more binding than a kiss.
A promise he’d made on that starry night when the ship went down. That if he found her again, he’d never let her go.
It seemed impossible then, but she was here in his arms. He knew a vibrant joy and held a sincere belief in the future he never believed possible. Because of her. He’d never forget how the cream of New York society had watched him slide a plain gold band on Ava’s finger, though he tensed when she stumbled over the part where she promised to obey.