by Walker, Nina
Lying on the grass, I allowed a gentle peace to sweep over me. It was something I hadn’t felt in a long time. Not since before Lacey’s accident months ago. I gazed at the first stars peeking through the clear sky, thinking of my family. Were they watching the same ones? Stargazing was a favorite pastime of ours, and I could almost imagine myself with them, enjoying this warm night.
Lucas turned back to me for a few minutes, then moved the plates aside. When he lay down next to me, I bit back a small smile.
He didn’t touch me, but he was close enough that I could feel the heat of his body against my arm. The urge to look over at him was so overwhelming that I almost gave in. But I didn’t. I was afraid he’d be looking back.
And I was more afraid he wouldn’t.
“I’m always being watched.” Lucas’s voice was calm. “Ever since I was born, I’ve been the property of New Colony. Everybody wanted something. Everybody thought they knew who I was. They still do.”
I could tell he wanted to say more, but he fell silent. I didn’t know how to respond. I was more surprised by his openness than anything else. So I just waited, ready to listen.
“I guess that’s why I come out here a lot or go downstairs to the kitchens. To be alone, or at least be around people who won’t bother me. I’m trying to figure out who I am. I don’t like all that other stuff getting in the way.”
In that moment, I wanted to say the perfect thing. I wanted to tell him that I understood, but honestly, I wasn’t sure I did. I had always known exactly who I was, exactly who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do. And even though people were telling me I couldn’t be that person anymore, I couldn’t let her go. That girl on the ballet stage was more real to me now than ever.
Maybe Lucas wasn’t such a bad guy.
Without stopping to think it through, I reached out and laced his fingers through mine. It was intended to be an act of friendliness, support, solidarity.
But when he stiffened, I shut my eyes tight. I was sure he was going to laugh or push me away. But he didn’t. He squeezed my hand tighter and rolled toward me.
My fear of looking at him, and what could happen if I did, was no match for my need to see his face. I had to know if the electric chemistry between us was real. Did he feel it too? My eyes fluttered open and caught myself in his steely gaze. His charcoal eyes held mine, intense, like smoke from a wildfire.
He moved in closer, ever so slightly raising his chin, parting his lips. I knew what was about to happen. I knew he was going to kiss me.
And I was going to let him.
“There he is!” a female voice echoed through the night.
Lucas shot up, letting my hand—and the moment—go.
She was coming from the direction of the palace, her laugh ringing out, sultry and comfortable. I sat up and saw the silhouette of a petite girl flanked on either side by four palace guards.
When my eyes adjusted, insignificance burned through me. Her beauty was obvious. She was perfect in all the ways I wasn’t. While I was too thin, she was softly curved. While I had unruly brown hair, hers was long, glossy blond, and neatly styled. Her smile was so infectious that I couldn’t help but return it, despite my embarrassment.
She sashayed over to Lucas and practically yanked him to standing. He didn’t look at me when she wrapped her fingers through his and spoke in a sweet singsong voice.
“Baby, they wouldn’t let me into your room. I thought we had a date. You didn’t tell me you were working.”
Working? Did Lucas have a girlfriend?
I was so stupid. Obviously, they were together. She was the type of girl he would date. Of course she was!
Why don’t I follow the gossip feeds?
“You know I hate it when you work all the time,” she continued, pouting.
Was that what I was to him? Work? But something in me didn’t believe it. He was going to kiss me before this girl came along. And so what? That doesn’t mean he cares about you. Apparently, his reputation was justified. He played around. He was a flirt. And he got into girls’ hearts.
Well, he wasn’t going to get to mine. I wouldn’t be so naïve again.
“What are you doing here?” Lucas asked, his voice cracking. I almost laughed. He probably thought he’d been caught cheating on his girlfriend. Almost cheating. Strangely, this girl didn’t seem to care.
The palace guards stepped forward. “Sir, is this woman bothering you?” one asked, motioning to the girl and shining his flashlight on us.
She looked close to Lucas’s eighteen years. Given her casual indifference to the question, I was sure they were dating. That, or something else I didn’t want to think about.
“Don’t be rude.” She playfully slapped Lucas’s arm. “Don’t you remember inviting me over tonight? Seriously, Lucas, you need to start writing things down.”
He paused and then relaxed, still never looking down at me. “I forgot. I’m sorry,” he said, pulling her into an intimate hug. “You’re right. I was working, but we’re done now.”
Are you kidding me?
Lucas had his back to me, and the girl smiled over his shoulder and curled herself into his embrace. When she looked down, I was taken aback by her expression. It wasn’t angry, accusing, or predatory like I was expecting. Instead, she looked sorry for me.
And that made it even worse.
I jumped up, brushing the grass from my clothes. Politeness took over, and before I knew it, I was gathering up the dirty dishes.
Lucas turned to me, puzzled. “Jessa, you don’t have to do that. The guards will call someone to take care of it.”
I carefully handed them to the nearest guard before meeting Lucas’s gaze. “You two have a wonderful night,” I said, before giving them the most sarcastic curtsy I could manage.
Then I turned and walked away.
“Wait, Jessa, let us walk you back,” Lucas called.
I refused to stop or turn around. I stumbled across the lawn, eager to make it to my room before anyone could see the tears blurring my vision. Why did I care so much? I just met him! He shouldn’t matter to me anyway. All my focus needed to be on getting out of the palace. He would only get in the way of that. I had to find a way to prove to these people that I wasn’t the alchemist they wanted. I needed them to give me my old life back. I would not let these stupid tears fall. Enough was enough. I was done with crying.
8
Lucas
“Sorry about that,” the girl said, letting go of my hand after the guards left. “I guess I never properly introduced myself. I’m Sasha.”
The name suited her. It matched her exotic qualities. Her timing. The reason she was here, the Resistance. Yes, she was very mysterious, but I couldn’t help my frustration at our situation.
Sasha had just interrupted something I wanted to happen, despite my better instincts. And yet my feelings didn’t matter. I should’ve been relieved that I didn’t kiss Jessa, but I wasn’t. At the same time, my desire was foolish; kissing her would have made things too complicated.
“Sasha.” I shook her hand. “Nice to see you again.”
She was the woman from the ballet, the representative that the Resistance had sent to install spy software on my father’s slatebook. She carried herself like a woman of society, but she looked almost as young and innocent as Jessa.
“What are you doing here?” I asked. I couldn’t imagine how she got access to the palace, let alone, to me.
“Is it safe to speak out here?” She was all business now.
I considered going farther into the gardens, since our voices might carry out here. But then again, anyone could easily hide in them.
“It’s not safe to speak to you anywhere.” This place was always crawling with people. At least we were alone outside. “Let’s just keep it down and hope we’ll be fine.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Again, I’m sorry about your friend. I told the guards that you are I are dating. It was the only way I could find you. One of them remembere
d me from the other night and agreed to bring me here.”
It made sense. And she was so stunning that nobody would have been surprised. Just a few days ago, I was attracted and intrigued. It’s likely that I would have tried to casually date her. But right now, those feelings just weren’t there. I suspected that had a lot to do with Jessa and the feelings she brought out in me. Feelings that would be better served to keep to myself. “Honestly, you just did me a favor. And it’s actually a good cover. We’ll go with it.”
“It’s the only believable one.” She glanced around one last time. “I’ve been relocated to the palace, to join the guardians here, so it should be easier to communicate.”
Relocated? That could only mean she was one of the guardians who’d been assigned to a different location. I would say that it was a convenient coincidence, but more than likely, the Resistance had pulled some strings to land her here.
“You’re a color alchemist? You’re GC?”
She nodded and then looked around, searching for something. She held up a finger, then skipped off in the direction of the nearest flower bushes. After a moment, she jogged back with a silky flower held snugly between her fingers.
Immediately, she manipulated the color, pulling a bit of the delicate blue out of the flower and into the open air. It danced between us. Even in the darkness, I could discern her talent. After a moment, she released the color into us and placed the flower gently behind her ear. Must mean she had blue alchemy.
“Shhh,” she whispered. “It’s a secret. Wouldn’t want the officers to know about that little trick.” She was good. How had the Resistance gotten her on their side? Before I could ask the question, she explained.
“I was sent to the northeastern edge of the kingdom when I was still really young. Too young.” She stared off into the night, a mixture of longing and fear etched across her face.
I frowned. I didn’t remember her. I’d been involved with the guardians ever since I was a child. It was my father’s most important project, and he included me in their work now and again.
But that didn’t mean I should know her. There were a few hundred guardians at the palace at any given time. And most of the ones living full-time in the palace were the children, teenagers, and their trainers. Older guardians were sent on assignments all over the kingdom.
“Tell me about the Resistance. Why should I continue to align with them?” I was eager for information. It seemed that the more I worked with them, the less I knew. And I was beginning to worry I’d jumped into bed with them way too quickly. If I didn’t get some solid ground with them soon, I would have to pull out. What other choice did they leave me?
“There’s a lot you probably think you know. But you don’t.” She returned her gaze to me, her eyes stoic. Maybe there was a lot I didn’t know, but I had my secrets too.
“The thing is, Sasha, I can’t be led on forever. I need some concrete information about who you people are and what you’re planning. It’s too risky for me to be in the dark much longer. I need to know I am doing the right thing.”
The warm breeze caught her hair. A warm, flowery scent brushed by.
“Oh, you’re doing the right thing. I honestly don’t know what I can tell you at this point. But I can tell you this. We’re the good guys.”
“I hope so. So why are you here with me now?” Her vague responses were starting to get to me. Yes, they wanted to stop the deaths happening in the shadow lands. But beyond that, how could I really know what they wanted?
“Listen,” she said. “I don’t know if I can trust you either. My life is on the line here. But we came to you first, and I’ve been told that you’re the real deal. But seriously, Lucas, you’re the crown prince. How do I know you’re not going to turn on me? How do I know this isn’t just some boyish vendetta against your father, and tomorrow you’ll wake up and change your mind?”
Of course, I already knew she was risking her life to be here, talking to me. But when I’d first met her, I’d told her that I’d also been to the shadow lands. I’d seen what was happening up there, too. I saw the death, the destruction. We had that much in common—wasn’t it enough for her to trust me? “I’m not changing my mind unless the Resistance gives me a good reason to. I know why I’m here.”
I sometimes felt suffocated by my own secrets. There were so many layers to my identity; I was constantly concealing myself. First, I was the New Colony prince, the boy who would one day be king—loyal to his people, forever in service to crown and country. Then there was the supposed playboy—the one the media loved to create, always looking for the smallest flirtation to spin into a full-blown romance. Whose heart would I break today?
I cringed. This was the persona Sasha knew above all else. It was what everyone saw. And Jessa was the most recent person to witness it firsthand.
But under all the layers of masks and secrets and lies, in the dark corners of a beautiful palace, lived the truth. And I would have to spend the rest of my life trying to make up for those empty spaces, hiding the real me.
I couldn’t tell Sasha all the reasons I was working with her. The Resistance was an underground organization with a mission to overthrow the monarchy and return the country to the democracy we had once been. And even though that meant I wouldn’t be king one day, I supported them. Because what Richard was using alchemy for was wrong. And honestly, I was afraid what being king would do to me, who it would make me become. Would I be like him? No, democracy had to be the better way.
The members of the Resistance were well hidden. If Sasha was telling me the truth, they were nowhere and everywhere at once.
At least we had the same end goal: we wanted to stop Richard from harming more innocent people inside and outside of our borders. And we didn’t want civil war or execution to be the means for making that happen.
“I know what my father is capable of. I’ve been where you’ve been, remember? I heard the rumors, read the reports. And then I saw parts of it for myself.”
“The shadow lands?”
I nodded and she frowned. I was grateful that this was enough to satisfy her. But I didn’t want her pity. I was here to do something about the problem. And I was willing to betray my family to do what was best for the people. I couldn’t sit back and watch my father take innocent lives, just to get a chance at stronger alchemy. It didn’t matter what his reasons were.
“Fair enough,” she said, as if to seal the deal. “Let’s trust each other.”
I sighed, hoping I wouldn’t regret letting this mysterious girl in.
“There’s something I need help with. It’s my mother. I think someone is using alchemy to hurt her.”
“Her headaches?”
“How do you know about those? Are you guys doing something to her?”
“No, it’s not us, I swear. But, we’ve had our suspicions. We don’t know who’s doing it to her, Lucas. Is it getting worse?”
“Yes, they’re not as often, but each one is worse now. Can you help me? She’s losing her memory...her mind. I can feel it.”
“I’ll talk to my people, see what more we can do. And I’ll keep a look out myself. We’ll let you know if we find anything.”
I hoped that would be enough. I didn’t know how much more of this my mother could take. And I was scared to talk to anyone in the palace about it, clue them in, in case they were the culprits. What if my father was the one behind it? I didn’t want to entertain that thought. I needed to find the answer soon. “I need to save my mother.”
I promised myself that the next time I saw Jessa, I would apologize for leading her on. I never wanted to hurt her. I didn’t know if she’d forgive me, but at least I could try to smooth things over. But when I knocked on her door the next morning and let myself in, she wouldn’t even look at me.
“Listen, about last night. I never meant for any of that to happen.”
“Nothing happened,” she quickly cut me off, pretending to be interested in whatever was going on outside her window.
Which I knew was just a side view of the lawns.
Neither of us said anything for a while. I didn’t know what to do to get through to her. Should I just apologize? An apology would be disingenuous. I had wanted that kiss to happen. This whole mess wasn’t her fault.
“I need to take a shower. Can you please leave?”
Of course she didn’t want to see me. I didn’t deserve anything more from her right now. As I left, I uttered the only apology I could give her. “You can have the day to do as you please.”
“Are you serious?” she asked, turning to me with wide eyes.
Was I? I wasn’t sure how I’d explain this one to Faulk and Richard. But then again, it was just one day. She’d be happier for it. And that’s better for her training. “Yes, but stay within the grounds. Obviously.” She perked up. “Oh, and tonight you’ll be accompanying me to a palace party where you’ll officially be introduced to the Guardians of Color and my parents.”
Her mouth dropped. “Won’t you be taking your girlfriend?”
I blinked at her. I hadn’t thought about Sasha being my date when my father had announced the party plans over breakfast. But it was the perfect place to get some real traction for our cover. Sasha was a guardian, after all. But Richard had told me to escort Jessa myself.
“Sasha will be there, yes. But I’m taking you.”
“Sorry, but contrary to what you thought of me last night, I am not the other woman type of girl.”
Unfortunately for her, when Richard gave an order, he gave an order. Period. For her sake, it was better I forced this issue instead of him.
“I’ll pick you up at seven,” I replied, quickly leaving the room.
I stood outside her door and inhaled deeply. How am I going to do this? I had to escort Jessa tonight and, at the same time let everyone know that Sasha and I were together. It was a totally bad maneuver either way. I needed Jessa to trust me. But I also needed an easy excuse to be seen with Sasha.
I wasn’t looking forward to this evening.