by Walker, Nina
He was right. With shaky hands, I closed my door behind him and stumbled to my bathroom.
I don’t remember getting undressed. I don’t remember stepping into the shower. But I must have, because some time later, I found myself sitting on the shower floor. The water beat down on my stoic body. When it turned lukewarm, I considered getting up. But I didn’t move until cold water pelted me.
I got dressed. What was I supposed to do now? There was a light knock on my door, and Thomas let himself in.
“How’re you holding up?”
“I don’t know.” It was true. I didn’t.
“Your father’s not doing so great either.”
I wasn’t ready to face him. As much as I hated Richard for the awful things he did, he was still my dad. I didn’t want to see him grieving. For as many issues we had, he always seemed to have a strong bond with Mom. Losing her wouldn’t be easy.
“What about Jessa?”
“There will be an investigation,” Thomas said. “It could have been her.”
“No, it wasn’t. It was someone else. I know it.”
“What do you mean?”
“This isn’t new alchemy. Jessa’s only been here for weeks. Whoever killed my mother has been tampering with her blood for years. So much of it was gray. That couldn’t have happened quickly. Plus, why else would she have all those headaches?”
“The headaches were chronic. Unrelated.”
“I don’t think so. They were a side effect of red. Someone was getting inside her mind. To control her and then take her memories.”
Thomas peered at me. “Why would someone do that? Why take that kind of risk?”
“I’m not sure. Information about my father, maybe? Secrets about the alchemists. It could be anything. We’re royal. We know more than we let on. Controlling one of us? That’s valuable.”
I was pacing the room at this point. Thomas crossed to me.
“Sit down, son,” he said, motioning to the bed. “You’re getting worked up. We’ll get to the bottom of it. Don’t worry.”
I did as he asked and sat on the edge of the bed. But I didn’t want to calm down. I wanted to figure this out. Who murdered my mother? They wouldn’t get away with it.
The old man sat down next to me, putting his arm around me again. We were never too close, but he was a family friend. He’d been with us my whole life. His comfort was the only thing I had. “Tell me again. What do you think Natasha knew?”
I shook my head. “Could be anything. Like I said, she was royal.”
Suddenly, a sting ripped my bicep. I jumped. A small pinprick of blood bubbled up on my skin. What the? I glanced around, confused. That’s when I saw it. The thin needle in Thomas’s fingers. I jumped back, slamming into my headboard.
“Stay away from me!”
“Don’t fight me on this, Lucas.” Thomas lurched toward me. For an old man, he was strong. His body loomed over me. He reached his hand toward the trail of blood running down my arm.
“What are you doing?”
“You know too much,” he said. “It’s okay. I’ll be more careful with you than I was with Natasha. I never meant for her to die. It’s too bad. She was rather useful to me over the years.”
“You! Why?”
“Don’t you get it? She found out who I am.” An alchemist. It made sense now. A royal officer for all these years, hiding magic. He couldn’t do both. That wasn’t allowed.
“Get away from me.” I gritted my teeth, catching his hands as they reached for me. We were in a tug-of-war. He pushed toward my blood.
“You royals think you have all the power,” he sneered. “But do you have any idea how powerful I am? I’m a royal officer and an alchemist. I’m not a slave to Richard. I’ve controlled Natasha for years.”
“You’re crazy! You had nothing to gain from that. And you killed her!”
We fought harder. Locked in a tight grip. But I could feel myself gaining headway. I was almost free.
“Don’t be so dense. You know what they say? The woman controls the man. Natasha was always his weak spot. She could get him to do just about anything, especially in the early days. Let him believe he’s in charge. I never cared. I was in control.”
“You’re sick.” With one final push, I slid from the bed, ready to run. But he was too quick. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back. His fingers were slick against my blood. The connection was instant.
“You lose,” he said. “Now it’s time to forget this conversation.”
I could feel the alchemy starting. It was as if bits and pieces of this whole exchange were fading away with each passing moment. I reached out, looking for something, anything to help me. My free hand gripped my pillowcase.
“You don’t know who I really am. You’re convinced Jessa killed your mother. In fact, you’re going to lead the charge against her. Make sure she’s executed. We don’t need another red alchemist around here.”
I nodded my head.
He let go and stood up. Bits of gray blood were smeared across my arm.
“Clean yourself up. I was never here.” He didn’t even look back as he left the room.
I sat motionless.
All along the answer was right in front of me. Of course I wasn’t the only alchemist hiding in plain sight. All these years Thomas was my favorite royal officer. I’d thought he was kind, but he was more evil than anyone. His need for power had caused my mother’s death.
I slowly let the pillowcase loose in my hand. As it unfolded I stared at the gray handprint left behind. White. It was my biggest secret.
White was a shield. It was also the alchemy that came easiest to me. I’d used it growing up to keep myself from suspicion. I could hide my alchemy because of white. It was my buffer, my protection. Earlier I’d revealed myself when I’d hidden our helicopter from radar. And again, just now, white saved me.
What Thomas didn’t know was that I too was an alchemist. He thought he was controlling my mind, erasing my memories, but I was fighting back. Pulling white into my body through that pillow, I’d blocked him. I shuddered to imagine what would have happened if I’d failed.
I jumped up and bolted out of my room.
I went to the basement prison, looking for the action. Following the commotion, I found my father and Faulk surrounded by royal officers. Thomas stood front and center. The group was huddled outside a cell that I assumed was Jessa’s.
“Son,” Richard looked at me, his eyes bloodshot. “What are you doing down here? Go back upstairs.”
“I know who killed Mom.”
Thomas smiled faintly. “Jessa? Yes, we know.”
I paused, staring into his dark eyes. How had I missed it before? His kindness wasn’t kindness at all. It was manipulation. Arrogance.
“No. It wasn’t Jessa. Thomas murdered her. He confessed.”
Thomas took a step back, his eyes darting around. “That’s ridiculous.”
I looked from my father to Faulk. They were skeptical. “He’s an alchemist. He just tried to manipulate my blood. He wanted to control me. But whatever he did, he messed up.” I held up my arm. The evidence was all right there. I never had cleaned off the mess of gray.
Thomas sprang into action. He pulled open Jessa’s door and ran into her cell. She was still handcuffed, still dressed in the gray prison outfit. He yanked her into his arms. Her body jarred violently in reaction. “I’ll kill her. I know you need her. She’ll be dead if you don’t let me go.”
“Thomas,” Richard replied, “don’t you dare.”
“I mean it. I’ll break her neck.”
“Drop her,” Faulk yelled.
“Then let me go. Let me out of this Godforsaken place.”
There was no chance at that. He’d murdered the queen. What did he think he could gain from this? I watched Jessa carefully. If anything happened to her, I wouldn’t survive it. I’d already lost my mother. I couldn’t lose her too.
Jessa whipped her head back. A loud crack sounded. Blood
gushed down Thomas’s face. He swore, throwing her to the ground. His face dripped blood. He jumped back on her just as we swarmed the room.
“Stay,” Jessa yelled as her hand connected with his bloody face. Her red alchemy went into full force in an instant.
Thomas froze.
My father and Faulk stared at the pair. It was all out in the open now. Here was the proof of Jessa’s magic. Red alchemy. Blood alchemy.
It wasn’t long before Thomas was arrested and thrown into a gray prison cell. I didn’t know what would happen to him, but I hoped it ended in execution. He murdered my mother. He deserved nothing less. I was relieved to have caught her killer. But even still, her death rocked me.
I hid out for a couple days, grieving in my bedroom. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or talk to anyone. I didn’t know where to go from here. It was just me and my father now. A man I’d spent the last couple months of my life spying on. A man I no longer respected or trusted.
Pulling myself from my hole, I made it out to the gardens. Fall was approaching and the change of seasons left me depressed. I would give anything to go back and save my mother. But it was too late. I never saw what was right in front of me. And she was dead.
I found my favorite clearing and sat on a stone bench. I concentrated on my breath. In and out. I tried to picture my future. I saw nothing.
“Hey stranger,” Jessa said. She walked into the clearing tentatively, wringing her hands. She was dressed in black alchemist gear, her brown curls loose down her back. “I saw you walking out here. I thought I would come and say hello.”
I didn’t know what to say.
“I’m sorry about your mother.” She sat down next to me. “I just wanted you to know that I’ve been thinking about you. Lucas, you’re not alone.” Slowly she wrapped her arms around my torso in a side-hug. I breathed in her familiar scent, welcoming her touch.
“I can’t believe after all that, we still ended up back here,” I said.
“I know.”
“I’m not going to work with the Resistance anymore,” I whispered.
“I know.”
“But you are?”
She nodded and looked up at me, her blue eyes glassy with tears. I hated that answer but knew there wasn’t anything I could do. She’d made her choice. I’d made mine too. I leaned down and gave her a small kiss. She was the only good thing left in my life. I needed her.
We held each other as the day faded to night. There were no words between us, and a million reasons why we couldn’t be together. But still, we were fighting for the chance.
Epilogue
Sasha
I honestly couldn’t remember the last time I’d slept so deeply, without the constant worry that my whole life could come crashing down at any moment. It felt like years since I’d been back here. Years since I’d felt this kind of safety.
Upon waking, I went outside. There was something about the mountains that brought me back to my center. I stared up at them and smiled, breathing in the fresh morning stillness and allowing the stress of everything I’d just endured to melt off me in waves.
“Those aren’t mountains, you know,” Hank’s gravelly voice said from behind. “They’re hills. If you want to see real mountains, you’ve got to go out west. The Rockies will blow your socks off.”
I laughed. “I wish I could, Hank, but there’s nothing that far west for me anymore. No reason to go when New Colony’s capital city is near here. I’m a freedom fighter now, remember?”
I winked and put the words “freedom fighter” in air quotations, even though we both knew I wasn’t joking. None of us were joking about this.
“For the view.” He sat next to me on the fallen tree stump. “You should go for the view. It would be worth it, just for that.”
“So I take it they got back safely?” I asked, changing the subject.
I was referring to Lucas and Jessa getting back to the capital city under Hank’s supervision. He nodded, and as the moment stretched, a knowing silence filled the air. We watched the peaceful quiet morning that could only be found in places like these. Places away from New Colony, the guardians, and everything else a part of that life.
“Are you going to make me ask?” he said.
I folded my arms. I already knew what was coming. We could pretend that I’d been returned to base camp because of a blown cover. It wasn’t entirely true though. Faulk didn’t know for sure that I had taken that helicopter. I was here for something more. No one had to spell it out for me.
“They abandoned me. And now you expect me to forgive them just like that? Just pretend like nothing happened?”
He shook his head. “You don’t have to forgive them, but we need you to push your feelings aside and work with the girl. For the good of everyone.”
And what about what I need? I wanted to scream. They hadn’t even recognized me yesterday. Never even blinked twice.
I only nodded.
“Thank you, Frankie.” He stood up. “I knew we could count on you.”
“Don’t call me that. I haven’t gone by that name in years.”
He stared at me for a moment. “So you’re not going to tell them?”
“I’m not telling them anything. Why should I? They don’t care about Francesca anymore. And neither do I.”
I stood and brushed the sticky pine needles and grit from my jeans. I turned to Hank, one of the few people who knew me from before, who was with me from the beginning. “Please, just let me be Sasha.”
His expression was pained, but he only nodded. I knew he wanted to say something more. But what else was there?
I guess, of all people, maybe Hank understood me. He was the one who had gotten me out of the GC when I was still only a small child. He’d brought me back to the people here and taught me everything I knew. Hank became a father to me when I had no one else. When my real father had forgotten about me. When my real parents had let me be taken from them without so much as putting up a fight.
They never even tried to save you. They just moved on with their lives. Raising Jessa, forgetting you, and having another baby. You were replaced. These were the words I’d repeated to myself for years.
“When do I start training her?”
Lacey. The little sister I never met until yesterday. And even just during the short hike back here from the landing spot, Lacey had reminded me so much of Jessa. I had left Jessa as a toddler and didn’t get to see her grow up. But still, little things about Lacey bore striking similarities to Jessa. It had nearly killed me to keep my anger at my so-called parents in as I’d led them back to camp, but I’d somehow managed to put on a show for them. I had managed to keep my cool.
And the whole time, they had no idea who I really was.
“As soon as you’re ready to start training her, we’ll get started.”
But that was the tricky thing about this whole situation, wasn’t it? We both knew there was no such thing as being fully ready. Not really. Not for us. There was just sucking it up and doing what needed to be done.
I peered back through the trees, into the brilliant wilderness of the forest, and drew in a slow breath.
“I’m ready now.”
Keep Reading
The story continues October 19th with book two.
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Acknowledgments
I am overcome with gratitude. There are many people who are instrumental in my author career, and this book. I wish I could name everybody individually.
First, let me start with you.
You, my reader, are everything. We’re connected, you and I, by our love of reading and the stories that come to life in our imaginations. I wr
ote this book for you. Keep reading books and supporting authors. If you enjoyed this book, please share it with your friends and take a moment to write a review. As an independently published book, that is the fastest way Prism is going to get to more readers. We have to do this together. And do you know what I’ve realized? I want to do this together.
I have to thank my wonderful husband, Travis. I’m so lucky to have met you all those years ago in High School Debate. Babe, you’re the Policy to my Lincoln Douglas. You’re my partner in everything and this accomplishment is just as much yours as it is mine. You know that I couldn’t have done this without you, right? I love you.
Thank you, Mom. You’ve supported me in innumerable ways, from giving me free reign over the cabin to write when I needed a quiet place, to sending me random articles and success stories in the middle of the night. You’re the best!
And thank you to all of my family for believing in me. I love you people more than you know.
Thank you to all those friends out there who championed me. To Team Sisterhood for buying me a kindle, I blame you for my KU addiction! But seriously, you’re my best friends. Thank you for loving me as I am. Thanks to Team Forward Fitness, especially the TFF Diamonds and to our gracious leader Brigitte. You ladies are my soul sisters and have changed my life in ways you don’t even know.
Thank you to my friends near and far. To everyone who asked me about the book, even if it was just to be polite, you made my day. Your support continues to blow me away.
A huge virtual hug goes out to my incredible developmental editors, Nirmala Nataraj and Mary Kole. This book went through quite the journey because of your talent. Hats off to Madeline Dyer for the copy edit. A huge thank you to Kate Foster for helping me tie it all together in the development of the second book. And my ARC team, wow, your support and help means the world to me. Thank you!