The Clash (The Permutation Archives Book 5)

by Kindra Sowder

  Ryder’s warm, sweaty palm rested on my shoulder as Doctor Aserov approached, his arm trembling slightly.

  “Are you sure?” he asked, his voice shaking slightly as well with fear.

  “Well, if it does anything, I’ll have my green peepers back. Not sure if I look good with blue,” I joked, pointing at my face.

  When he looked down at me, I saw the annoyance hiding in his gorgeous face.

  “I’m sorry. I know it’s not a time to joke,” I sighed. “I’m nervous.”

  “You should be,” Doctor Aserov stated. “I may have seemed sure enough about how this should work when I talked you into it, but I have to admit this could have a totally different outcome. We won’t know until after it’s done.”

  “Thanks for the reassurance, Doc,” Baker said.

  Everyone, especially Gaia, looked concerned after Doctor Aserov’s admission. Granted, I had a feeling from the beginning because we couldn’t be completely sure of anything without the same equipment Fuji-O’Hara had. Hell, we barely had the same technology as the nearest hospital except for what we took.

  “All right,” Doctor Aserov continued, completely ignoring John’s obvious jab toward her. “Ryder, if you can back away, please. I need to insert an IV to get the fluids going, and then we can give her the Nano injection. Just in case it doesn’t go like I think it will, it may not be wise to stand too close.”

  Ryder’s green eyes went wide, and when he looked down at me, his lips were set in a grim line as the alarm took precedence in his expression. It was as if he was being tortured. If I didn’t have to do something to move things along so we could make our next move, I wouldn’t have. That I could say with confidence. Even though he didn’t want to, he squeezed my shoulder and backed away, moving to stand beside Gaia just within reach. I wanted to ask them to back away, but I decided against it. Their presence was comforting – reassuring.

  “It’ll be okay,” I comforted, despite being unsure myself.

  I was saying it to myself as well as to everyone in the room. My heart beat like a jackrabbit was living in the cage of my ribs, and sweat broke out over my entire body – running down my back. I had been nervous before, but that was no longer the right word to describe what I felt.

  Doctor Aserov moved everyone back and came to stand beside me on the side where the IV pole stood, hanging the bag on it with expert precision. I wouldn’t look as she bent over with the long IV needle in her hand, having seen far too many of them over the last weeks for my liking. Everything fate had in store came at the end of a needle, and the sooner I could be away from them, the better. This would hopefully be the last for the remainder of my life if I were lucky. Instead, I looked at my sister, who stood just feet away with her hands stuffed anxiously in the pockets of her jeans.

  My entire body began to tremble as I felt the good doctor’s proximity – like the ghost of my former life hovering over me just enough to make me afraid. Cool, hard, surgical steel touched my skin at the bend of my elbow, and it took all the willpower I had left not to jerk out of the chair.

  There was slight pressure, and my entire body tensed, my fists clenching.

  “It’s okay, Mila,” Gaia said softly. “Just breathe.”

  It wasn’t until she had said the words that I realized I was holding my breath. I pushed it out as slowly as possible without getting dizzy and released my fists. As soon as I relaxed, the strong pinch of the needle being inserted into my flesh took all of my attention. I hissed sharply but never turned to see it. Adhesive stuck to my skin as Doctor Aserov laid down medical tape to hold the IV needle in place, then a cold sensation started at the site, spreading through the vein that the needle penetrated. I shivered as the IV fluids made their way through my body. Gaia smiled weakly at me with Ryder by her side – scrutinizing Doctor Aserov’s every move.

  “Okay, that was the saline. Next will be the Nanos. Because of their makeup, it’s possible that they will be cold at first, but get warm as they begin to work. No matter what happens, try to remain calm,” she explained, which made my mind race even faster.

  “Shit, this is real, isn’t it?” I asked. “I’m doing this?”

  “Yup,” Baker said with a stiff nod, “and you’ll finally be as badass as me.”

  The joke was to lighten the mood, which I appreciated more than anything.

  “Do it,” I snipped, looking straight through everyone in the room. I couldn’t look at the worry in their expressions anymore. “Before I lose my nerve.”

  The IV needle moved within my arm while Doctor Aserov injected the Nanos, pushing the plunger down gradually. At first, I felt nothing. Then a small cooling sensation, followed by nothing at all. I let out a sigh of relief and smiled, looking from person to person in hopes they could see something change that I couldn’t feel.

  “Well, that wasn’t so b….”

  My words were cut short as they left my lips, searing heat moving through my entire body like Hellfire. It spread everywhere, from my head to my toes – to my fingertips – what remained of my leg. Even down into the prosthetic. Pressure, the same terrifying pressure from the seizures I had experienced, built inside my skull. Horror moved through me, as did doubt. Had I made the wrong decision? Would this kill me? The serum King gave me came close enough, and I didn’t want to die in front of my baby sister.

  I didn’t want to die. Period.

  Every nerve fiber flared to life, causing my entire body to buzz and hum with electricity. I cried out as it pulsed through me, ricocheting down my spine. That was when I heard John speak. He moved closer to me, and I hadn’t realized it.

  “What you are feeling,” John said, “is the Nanos learning your body. It’s going to hurt like Hell. They know how the human body is supposed to work. They’re forcing you to adapt to what their files say. With your missing leg, it’s really going to hurt, but your endorphins are going to kick in. Your senses are going to hurt. Bad. Very bad. You are going to hear everything, smell everything, see everything, feel everything all at once. The more you freak out, the more it will hurt. You just need to lay back, and let them do their job.”

  Squeezing my eyes shut, it was almost as if I could shut out the pain. It didn’t help. The red from the light passing through my eyelids was already brightening, the veins in my lids becoming more distinct.

  His voice remained calm. “Doc, turn out the lights. It will only help her.”

  Every small noise in the room became amplified – the sound of Doctor Aserov moving across the room and flipping the light switch like a thunderclap. I could hear John’s heartbeat beside me. Could hear his uneven breaths as he watched my struggle. I could hear everyone, their bodily noises turning into a vibrant cacophony of sound. The smell of my own sweat was pungent, smelling like salt and terror –filled with a coppery tang. And he was right.

  It hurt like Hell.

  “Mila, focus on my voice,” he whispered.

  Even that was almost too much as my own blood rushed through my eardrums.

  “I’m speaking as quietly as I am able. In your mind, it’s going to sound like I’m screaming. Just focus on my voice and let the babies work.”

  Through gritted teeth, I growled, “Oh, God, this is torture.”

  I heard Gaia stifle a cry, and everyone else in the room watched as quietly as they could – enraptured by what they saw. I must have been a sight, but I didn’t care. All I could focus on was the agony of it.

  “I know, I’m sorry, but it’s not over yet,” Baker apologized.

  Tears pricked at the back of my eyes and squeezed past my shut lids, trailing hot streams down my cheeks and into my hair. I moaned past my clenched teeth and jaw, my fingernails digging into the smooth plastic of the chair. Sweat poured down my entire body, sending chills up and down my spine as it pooled and congealed in the sleeve and prosthetic –
my hair plastered to my forehead. I was cold, then I was hot. I was an inferno. Pressure continued to build in my skull, almost as if I were going to seize for what felt like the hundredth time. I wasn’t sure how much more my body could take. I opened my eyes to see a chaotic mess, mostly everyone watching in stunned silence as I struggled in the chair with Baker at my side. Doctor Aserov was moving hurriedly behind everyone. I could barely make out the white flashes of her lab coat. My vision blurred and then sharpened to become hazy again. My jaw unclenched, and my teeth began to chatter.

  John’s face twisted in concern. “Mila?” His cool hand came up to touch my cheek, and his eyes widened. “Doc, we need to cool her down. She’s burning up.”

  “On it,” Gaia shouted, running around before anyone could stop her.

  Ryder, Julius, Cecilia, and anyone else in the room looked utterly helpless. I could barely make out faces anymore past the fog over my vision that came and went. Gaia disappeared, and seconds later, moved around John with what looked to be a blanket of some kind. He looked at her questioningly, causing her to roll her eyes.

  “It’s a cooling blanket. It’ll bring her temperature down. If not, we may have to put her in an ice bath. Not that we can find ice anywhere around here,” she explained.

  Doctor Aserov shot around the both of them, holding what seemed to be a damp cloth. She pressed it to my forehead and said, “The Nanos seem to have triggered her immune system, but this is too fast for that kind of reaction. Is this normal, Mr. Baker?”

  “It’s John,” he replied, clearly annoyed, “and yes, from what little I actually remember. I mostly remember pain.”

  As they kept talking, their voices began to fade. Gaia reached forward with the cooling blanket. When it was only mere inches from my skin, all the agony I had felt in my body rushed down to my amputated leg, centering just where my shin bone was located and my remaining calf.

  I cried out, jerking forward in my chair almost to the point of ripping out my IV, and everything brightened with stunning clarity. The IV pole clattered to the floor beside me with a sharp metallic clang that sent shockwaves through my ears and head. Then my entire body was on fire again but mostly concentrated on what remained of my leg. An aura surrounded everything in my line of sight, the rest fading into the background like I was in a tunnel. Looking down at my leg, I couldn’t see the flames the threatened to engulf me. The metal of my prosthetic began to glow a soft blue as the tiny Nanorobots worked their magic, swarming and reproducing inside my body as well as my faux appendage.

  “What the fuck?” was all I heard beside muffled shouts.

  I couldn’t even tell who had spoken the words, just that they were uttered.

  John approached while I shrieked in pain, far too focused on my leg for anything else to matter.

  “Mila,” he said. “Foc….”

  I cut him off as the pressure that had been building in my brain, shot through my entire body.

  “Get back!”

  It began to burn where the prosthetic and sleeve met my flesh, hissing. The blue that moved over the rest of the prosthetic turned into a bright orange with red at the top – the smell of burning flesh wafted into the air along with the smell of molten metal. Still, John didn’t back away. He was the only one not to obey my order.

  “Get the Hell back, Baker! I don’t want to hurt anyone!” I shouted.

  His brown eyes widened with realization and his muscles tensed, but he back away and grabbed onto Gaia, pulling her back with him. A growl escaped from between my lips while I watched the metal begin to cool, but another sensation took hold. Pain more excruciating than anything I had ever felt drilled up into my leg and into the bones of what was left of my shin. A small amount of blood seeped from within the prosthetic, but I could feel the Nanos stitching the wound back together. It tingled but didn’t overshadow the torture I felt.

  I saw a slight sparkle as even more Nanos pulsated together around the prosthetic, changing it from the dull metal it has been to a shining, sleek ore – the white plastic folding in on itself as the Nanos devoured it to rebuild. Another shudder ran through me, and even more pressure built deep within, coiling as if ready to explode at any moment.

  Working past the pain, my gaze locked on John, and anger flared inside me. He knew this would happen and didn’t divulge the information before the procedure. It was possible it could even kill me if the pain was any indication, yet, he failed to mention it entirely. Trembling violently, I rose onto my legs, feeling the weight on the still-transforming prosthetic. It buckled slightly as if the Nanos has softened the metal to rework it, but then stiffened as they rebuilt the structure.

  I pointed at him, and when I spoke, my voice didn’t sound like my own. “You bastard…” was all I managed before something snapped inside of me like a dam had given way. Fresh, hot pain exploded throughout my body.

  With a scream, the entire room was illuminated, the heat pouring from my mouth and my eyes in a fresh wave. The room shook, and everything went black.

  Chapter

  TWENTY

  My awareness came back in stages, starting with the excruciating beeping of an EKG machine to my right, followed quickly by the light that rushed through my eyelids. It wasn’t just light, though. It was stinging, searing agony even though my eyes were still closed. Voices boomed in my ears, my damaged hearing on one side seemingly healed after the old rupture. Putting my hands over my ears, I squeezed my eyes shut even harder – forcing the vestiges of light to vacate. It did no good. Opening my eyes, the light glared down at me. Even though they were dimmed, they were as bright as the sun outside. I couldn’t make anyone out past it even though I could hear them. I also heard a sink dripping somewhere, but wasn’t certain it if was in the room.

  I heard everything, and my eyes began to adjust painfully to the light, but I wanted nothing more than for someone to turn it off. To leave me in the darkness until I was certain I could open my eyes without the threat of pure torture.

  I could make out the voice of everyone I had come into contact with over my life that remained . They were distinct, and the subtle nuances made them much easier to pick out. Especially Caius’ lisp. The sheets I lay on were rough and scratchy against my skin, and I could imagine tiny razors biting into my flesh.

  Overload. That was the only way to describe what I felt. Everything came in – rushed in – but I couldn’t block any of it out. The only solace was that the horrid pressure in my head and in my body had dissipated. No more threat of seizure. No more threat of losing myself to the blackness that swallowed me whole in those stolen moments. All of it was a memory. Now, if only I could stop the onslaught.

  I moaned, “Jesus, turn off the lights.”

  My voice was too loud, and it cracked — my throat scratchy and dry. Thunderous footsteps crossed the room with others booming in their wake, making it even more difficult to focus. As soon as the lights went out, I was thrown into tepid shadows, able to really see for the first time since I woke up.

  “Hang back. Everything may be a little too much for her right now,” I heard John say from the other side of the room to whoever had followed him in. “I’ll get her to focus enough so you all can visit her. Okay?”

  A stiff and wary yes came from each mouth, still insufferably loud even though they were whispering. Everyone had come to see me, to make sure I was all right. Love blossomed in my chest at the realization. I blinked, the room coming slowly into focus. The room was bare bones, nothing in it that could trigger any kind of reaction except for what was necessary. Medical equipment based on what I spotted out of my peripheral vision. Blue lines moved up and down over the screen of the EKG machine, each pixel on the screen brilliantly clear. The texture of the plastic covering its inner workings was covered in small cracks and bumps of age – specks of grime worked into the crannies.

  Even the block had b
een removed, and it didn’t take long before my eyes honed in on the leaking faucet on the other side of the room. A flash of blonde hair passed through the threshold of the room. It sparkled even though the light in the room had been shut off, each wave of golden colors reflecting from the light just outside the door. That was all I saw before someone large moved inside the room, causing me to flinch. When I turned, John was closer, but not so close as to trigger any anxiety. The distance helped, but not enough considering the overwhelming depth of each sound, vision, and smell. I could even smell his sweat, metallic with the Nanos that ran through his body as well as mine. I hadn’t even taken a chance to look down at my leg, which no longer hurt, but felt different all the same.

  He put his hands out toward me, palms facing me, so I could see there was nothing in his possession. He still wore the same clothes he had been, hinting that I hadn’t been out for a considerable length of time.

  “Hey, hey, it’s just me. It’s John,” he said in a hushed tone. “It’s okay.”

  I couldn’t pull my hands away from my ears. Even speaking as quietly as he could, he was still far too loud for me to take. Staring at him hurt despite the lack of direct light. The feel of the sheets and the pressure of my body against the mattress hurt. Everything caused pain that I couldn’t describe. It was much deeper than anything I had ever felt. Like an itch you couldn’t scratch because it moved down into your muscles, your bones, and everything underneath.

  “Where is everyone?” I croaked, cringing at the sound of my own voice. “It’s too much,” I hissed.

  His face fell, his expression full of understanding. He had been through something similar. I had to remember that. Except he had died and been resurrected. This was different in so many ways but so similar in others.