"Come on, Walker!" Michaela yelled as he picked the puck off the boards and took it past center ice. He'd had a pretty good game, and Michaela felt a thrill every time he touched the puck. He deked around a defenseman using a move she’d seen him do a million times in juniors. She was surprised to see it work on the big ice.
Josh took it to the corner behind the goal and fed a perfect pass through the legs of a defender. It ended up on the tape of the centerman, who lifted it over the goalie’s blocker and into the corner of the net. The puck hit the bar with a ping that could be heard in the stands, serving as a final mark on the night. Michaela jumped out of her seat again, yelling Josh's name.
Rangers fans had begun trickling out long before the horn sounded, signaling the end of the game.
"What a game!" Michaela said.
"If you're a Jackets fan." Jason sounded depressed.
"Josh was great!" She directed that to Chris who hadn't said much all evening.
"Yeah," he responded. Michaela knew the glazed over look in his eyes all too well. He'd been drinking a lot ever since her dad's visit.
"Come on, Chris," she said. "Josh is family. Show some excitement."
"I'm going home," he responded. "You guys go to the party." Michaela almost went after him when he left to catch a cab but Jason held her back.
"Let him work through this," he said.
"Fine," she sighed. "The party is uptown. We need a cab." Josh's team wasn't flying out until the next morning, and he’d invited them to a party at his buddy's place. He had two days off before his next game so he was able to celebrate his first.
The party was going strong when they arrived, but Josh wouldn't be there for a while. They headed straight for the bar. Michaela couldn't stop thinking about her brother, and it had put her in a bad mood. She needed a drink.
"Whoa, slow down there." Jason said as Michaela chugged half her beer. She barely tasted it as the smooth liquid slid down her throat. She longed for the warm feeling she'd have after a few more beers, and didn't want to wait. She raised the bottle to her lips again but Jason took it from her. She glared at him.
"Give it back," she growled.
"Something is bothering you." He narrowed his eyes but held her gaze.
"It's nothing," she said. In truth, it wasn't only Chris that was bothering her. She kept glancing at the door, expecting a familiar face to walk through any minute. There was no way Ethan wasn't at that game to see his brother, which meant he was probably coming to the party. She didn't know how she felt about seeing him. It had been months since his proposal and their subsequent breakup, but she’d loved him for so long and that's not something that just disappears.
Michaela didn't know if she missed Ethan, or just what they had together. He was family.
"I don't believe you," Jason whispered, leaning in close.
"Jason ..." Her hand shook as she ran it through her long locks. Ethan had always loved her hair. He used to pull it when they ... Snap out of it, she told herself.
"If you won't tell me what's wrong, then I'll just have to make you forget all about it." Jason grabbed her hand. "Dance with me." Michaela didn't get the chance to protest as Jason pulled her to him and started moving. She tried to put her arms around his neck but he stopped her, taking both hands in his and pushing her out before pulling her back to him. He released one of her hands and spun her around. When she was in his arms again, she threw her head back and laughed.
"There's that beautiful smile," Jason grinned. He spun her again and she forgot about Chris and Ethan as she laughed and talked with Jason.
"You're a good friend, Jason." Something flashed on his face at her words but she thought she must have been imagining things, because the sweet, fun Jason was back in an instant. Had that been pain she saw?
Being in Jason's arms felt good. She felt protected and cared for. Ethan had always made her feel like she was living on the edge. One wrong step, one wrong word, and she'd fall off the cliff - or Ethan would push her off. She’d always been second-guessing herself. She never thought she was good enough or pretty enough for him. So why was it so damn hard to forget about him? She could be happy with someone like Jason.
Ethan. There he was. Jason spun Michaela towards the door just as he was walking through it. And he wasn't alone. Meghan Henley stood beside him with a smug look on her face. She saw Michaela and took Ethan's hand in her own. He pulled it free immediately but the message was clear. He's mine now.
"I need some air." Michaela pushed herself away from Jason and was out the door before he could stop her. She felt like her throat was being squeezed and every breath was coming out a mangled cry. Outside, she sat on the curb and put her head in her hands.
"Mic," Jason said softly behind her. He crouched down, and she looked up at him with tears running down her face. "What just happened in there?"
"It was Ethan." She wiped the back of her hand across her eyes. "My ex." Another look like the one she’d seen earlier flashed across his face only to be replaced by one of worry.
"I thought you were getting over him," he said softly.
"I was ..." she replied. "I am. It's just ... that was seven years of my life, Jason. I try to forget about him. I do ... but I can't. He knew I'd be here and he still brought Meghan."
"Who's Meghan?"
"A girl from home." Michaela stomped her foot angrily. How dare he bring her?
"Hey guys!" Josh called, stepping out of the cab that had stopped in front of them. He had showered and wore his post-game suit.
"Hi, Josh." Michaela wiped her face of any traces of tears. She didn't want to do anything to ruin Josh's big night. He’d already noticed her tears, though.
"Oh," he grimaced. "My brother is here."
"Yeah, he's in the house." She tried to even her voice.
"Did he do anything to you?" Josh asked, concerned.
"Would he?" Jason asked suddenly.
Josh sighed and nodded slowly. "Ethan is an ass."
"No," Michaela stated. "I haven't even talked to him. This is me being stupid."
"It isn't stupid." Josh reached down to pull her up. "Come on. Let's go in together." She nodded and looped her arm through his. Jason followed behind them as they entered the house. A few of the people started cheering when they saw Josh. Others rushed forward to shake his hand or give him a pat on the back.
"Want another drink?" Jason asked.
"Yes please," Michaela answered and he hurried off.
"You need to do this," Josh said and it was only then that Michaela realized where he was steering her.
Ethan stood against the back wall, arm draped lazily over Meghan's shoulders, and a smirk planted firmly on his lips. His eyes raked over her as they got closer and she felt her skin growing hot. Josh clapped his brother on the back but Michaela didn't look away from his eyes. She felt like she was in a trance. Why did the boy have such power over her? It was a question she asked herself continually.
"Josh," Ethan said. "Good to see you." He didn't mention the game. There was no congratulations but Michaela knew that Josh didn't expect anything like that from his brother. He didn't like to see other people succeed. And just like that, Michaela was reminded of a million other little things like that that had always bothered her about Ethan.
"I'm glad you came, bro," Josh said. It was one of the reasons Josh fit in so well with Michaela and Chris. Like them, he’d always be searching for validation in a family that would never give it.
"I was in the city," he shrugged.
"Josh was incredible tonight," Michaela finally found her voice. "I was so proud of him." Josh smiled at her despite the look of disgust on Ethan's face.
Ethan glared at her as his hand inched lower on Meghan's back until he was holding her waist.
"Josh!" The call came from the other side of the room and Michaela was left with Ethan and Meghan.
"So," Meghan began, "I heard you deferred law school to become a secretary."
"Yeah," Mi
chaela growled. "And what have you been doing? Going to charity events and drinking tea?"
"Oh no. I haven't had much time for that. I've been spending most of my time visiting Ethan at Harvard."
Michaela felt the air rush out of her as if Meghan had just kicked her. She looked around for an escape and found Jason near the bar, two beers in hand. She knew instantly that he’d been watching her, not wanting to interrupt. Her eyes met his and pleaded with him for help. Meghan was still babbling in the background, but Michaela tuned her out. Jason put the drinks on a nearby table and marched her way swiftly, purposefully. Something in his look kept her body still, waiting.
Jason didn't say anything as he slid his arms around Michaela's back and pulled her to him. Her surprised yelp was muffled as his mouth came down on hers. She pressed herself closer and gave him the lead. He deepened the kiss as he parted her lips with his tongue. At that point, Michaela's body was working separately from her brain. She kept telling herself to pull away, but her body only wanted more. Jason hooked his fingers into the belt loops of her jeans to hold her in place, and his thumbs grazed the skin just above them.
Michaela felt like she’d been kissing him for hours when he finally pulled away. She was left breathless and found herself missing his touch as soon as it was gone. She glanced over Jason's shoulder at Ethan, who gave her an angry look before walking away.
"He's gone," Jason whispered, his breath warm on her face.
"I know." She backed away, confused. Jason had only kissed her to get at Ethan, but she knew there was something more to it than that. Her body had reacted to him in a way that it had never reacted to Ethan. She suddenly felt guilty for hurting Ethan like that, but then angry he’d made her feel guilty. She knew it was irrational. What was happening to her?
"I need another drink," she said.
###
By the time Jason managed to get Michaela's door unlocked, it was early morning. He steadied her as he led her to her room. The apartment was a wreck, and Jason assumed Chris had had about as much to drink as the two of them.
"Jason," Michaela said. "I want to dance some more."
"Another night." It had felt so right to have her in his arms earlier. One moment she’d been pressed against him, making it hard for him to think, and the next, she’d been laughing as he spun her. Then that asshat had walked in, and the change in her was immediate. Jason hated the look in Michaela's eyes when she looked at Ethan. It was almost as if she needed him to approve of her. She needed his validation.
It was horse shit. Michaela was perfect. He didn't understand the power that guy had over her. He sapped every ounce of confidence from her bones. After that night, Jason was sure Michaela didn't love him. She may not know it yet, but he did and that was enough for him. They just had a history. Seven years. Jason could imagine how seven years with a guy like that could ruin every bit of self-esteem she had.
Jason sat next to Michaela on her bed and looked at her. Only hours ago, he’d kissed those lips. The memory of how they looked in the aftermath, red and swollen, made him lean in, wanting more.
Before he even realized what was happening, Michaela was kissing him. He kissed her back, savoring her taste, but then his head won out and he pulled back and held her at arm’s length.
"Jason," she gasped. "Please." The desperation in her voice, mixed with the haze the alcohol had created was enough. He kissed her roughly and she pulled him down on top of her. He held her head in place as his tongue danced with hers. Michaela slid her hands up underneath Jason's shirt, and her touch sent shivers through him. She pushed his shirt up and he broke away just long enough to pull it over his head.
Michaela rose up and pressed a palm to his chest, pushing him to the bed. She straddled him and quickly removed her own shirt. Jason reached up and ran his hands down along the curves of her sides before pulling her face down to his. Her lips were everywhere; his mouth, his cheek, his neck. She trailed a kiss along his collar bone while he dug his hands into the mass of hair that spilled over her shoulders.
Michaela ground against him as the drink-induced fog over Jason started to lift, and he realized what they were doing.
"Mic," he muttered against her lips. She kissed him again, cutting off his next words. It was as if he couldn't control his own body, not with her. In a moment of sobriety he realized that it wasn't right. He willed his arms to move and gripped her upper arms.
"Michaela, stop." He pushed her away slightly.
"No, Jason," she said, trying to kiss him again. When he didn't let her, she sat up, still straddling him. "What?" she snapped.
"This isn't right."
"It doesn't have to mean anything." She gazed down at him seductively and wiggled her hips. She must have been more far gone than he thought. This wasn't Michaela. "No strings."
Those two words sent a jolt of irrational anger through Jason. He rolled so that she had to jump off him quickly.
"You think that's what I want?" he asked. "Do you even know me at all?" He was hurt but only his anger was coming through in his words. "I'm not interested in just sleeping with you so, if that's what you need to get over that asshole, go find it somewhere else."
"Get out!" Michaela yelled. There were tears in her eyes and despite everything, Jason couldn't bring himself to leave her like that.
"Mic ..."
"I said leave. I don't want you. That kiss ... all these kisses ... they mean nothing to me. Just leave me alone." She fell back onto the bed and turned away from him.
Jason grabbed his shirt and shoes from the floor but didn't bother to put them on until he was in the hall outside her apartment. He leaned his head on the wall, breathing heavily.
"Dammit!" He left her building behind, knowing things had changed between them. There was no way their close friendship could survive this intact. He realized the only thing he could do was give her space. He had faith in her. She'd be able to move past it and come back to him. All he had to do was wait.
Eight
Michaela was in a foul mood. She went through her work day like Godzilla went through a city. Her feet stomped loudly as she walked. She slammed a stack of files on the table in the file room and another stack tipped, scattering papers onto the floor.
"Wonderful," Michaela growled.
"You okay?" Katie popped her head in.
"Fine," Michaela snapped. She was anything but fine.
"I'm going to Jason's for a drink tonight," Katie continued, choosing her words carefully as if one wrong word could set her off again. "You in?"
"No." Michaela gave no explanation or excuse so Katie left to get back to work.
Michaela hadn't seen Jason all week. They'd both been doing a good job of avoiding each other. She was mad at him. Why am I so mad? She thought constantly. That he didn't take advantage of me when I was drunk and depressed? That he wasn't okay with just a one-night stand? Michaela didn't understand her own feelings. She felt like he rejected her, but she knew that was stupid. She was more mad at herself. She had gone and ruined one of the only good things going on in her life - her friendship with Jason. How would he even be able to look at her again? She felt her face heat up in embarrassment at the thought.
That girl from last night wasn’t her, or at least the person she wanted to be. Before, Jason had looked at her like she was so good. She was a mess, sure, but he saw something in her. What was left for him to see now? She had wanted to stay home and hide under her covers all week, but her life didn’t stop because she was ashamed.
Then she thought of that first kiss. What was that? That sure as hell hadn’t felt like rejection. Neither had all the other kisses. Her stomach clenched when she remembered the feel of his body against hers. In that moment, she’d forgotten everything else. Was the first kiss really just him helping me out? Could the rest be chalked up to drunkenness?
The first part had worked to make Ethan jealous, which is what she’d thought she wanted. He’d called every day since that party. Michaela hadn't c
alled him back, and she’d ignored his text messages pleading with her to do so. A week ago, Ethan calling would've made her happier than just about anything else. What had changed?
It was Friday, and Michaela was actually dreading the weekend. Usually she hung out with Chris and Jason. Chris was still in a bad way, and she didn't know how to help him. Her father's rejection of him had sure made a mess. So, she'd be spending most of the weekend alone, with way too much time to think.
On her walk home from work, Michaela decided to do the one thing that might help her brother. She called her mom.
"Hello," her mother answered absently.
"Hi, Mom," Michaela said.
"Oh, Michaela dear. I'm surprised you have time to call your mother." There's dig number one, Michaela thought.
"Yeah, I've been busy. Listen - -"
"Busy being a secretary?" Her mother interrupted. Dig number two. "Yes, I'm sure it's very demanding work."
"Mom --"
"Or is it that you're busy with that bartender?" Dig number three.
"How did you know he's a --"
"Your father looked into him." She sounded like that was the most normal thing in the world.
"Of course he did. But he owns the bar and we're not --"
"You know, he's not a suitable match, Michaela," her mother went on. "Ethan says he saw you last weekend and that he's been trying to reach you."
"I don't --"
"You should count your lucky stars that a man like that is even looking your way." Dig number four.
"Mom, he isn't --"
"You need to call him."
"Fine," Michaela said. "But the reason I called is Chris. He --"
"Honey, I have to go." She hung up before Michaela could even say goodbye.
"Great talking to you too, Mom," she sighed.
###
The bar was packed but Jason wasn't in to it. He was sluggish behind the bar until his assistant manager finally told him to beat it because he was slowing them down. Aaron never played nice just because he was the boss.
Choices (New Beginnings #1) Page 7