"Okay." He kissed the top of her head. "Okay."
###
"You head in," Michaela told Chris. "I'm going to talk to the nurse for a minute."
"Sure," Chris said, turning into the room.
Jason grabbed Michaela's hand and squeezed. "I'll let you guys have your time with your dad. I'm going to get a coffee."
Michaela nodded and parted ways with him to head to the nurse's station. Her father's nurse met her halfway and smiled. "Your father’s been in a very happy mood today," she said. "He'll be glad to see you."
"What, did you give him a lobotomy?" The words slipped out of Michaela's mouth before she could stop them. "Happy" was not a term she’d heard used to describe her dad before. Maybe the accident changed him. They had a way of doing that. Maybe he was so drugged up that it had made him delirious. Or maybe, with all his memory loss, he’d yet to remember that he was a controlling ass.
Michaela shook that last thought from her mind. She knew she had to start thinking of him differently. Almost losing him made her realize how much she wanted her father in her life. This was her time to be there for him.
"Now, he still doesn't remember the accident but, in his state, we're thinking that's a good thing for the time being," the nurse said, ignoring Michaela's joke. "There are some things that are coming back to him, but it's slow going. He's probably never going to get a lot of it back. His life as he knew it is over. So tread carefully with him. Steer clear of anything that might upset him."
"Will do," Michaela said softly as the nurse left her outside her father's room. She waited in the hall for a few minutes, not wanting to interrupt Chris' time with their dad. Their voices drifted out towards her. She knew she probably shouldn't eavesdrop, but she couldn't help herself.
"It should’ve been your spot all along," her father was saying. "But I was stubborn. Stubborn and scared."
"Dad ..." Chris started to say.
"Let me get this out, son," their dad cut him off. "Being here in this town isn't easy for people that are ... different."
Michaela grimaced at that. Her father still couldn't say “gay.”
"But things have changed," he continued. "I can't go back to the firm any time soon."
"Dad," Chris said urgently. "I'm sure there are a few of your partners who are dying to take over."
"It's Matthews and Matthews, damn you!" That's the father Michaela recognized. The one who yelled at his children during the brief periods he wasn't ignoring them all together.
"It's the family's firm," he said, more calmly this time. "And, when I do come back, it'll be nice to have two Matthews’ there once again."
Michaela had heard enough. Her father wanted Chris to stay. Maybe that was the right thing to do under the circumstances. She just couldn't imagine her brother getting sucked back into this world.
"Hi, Dad." Michaela entered the room and walked quickly to the side of the bed. She looked down at him and wiped her face when she felt the dampness on her cheeks. No matter how much anger she’d harbored towards this man, seeing him like this was hard. Her father had always been this pillar of strength in her life. He was hard and cold, but strong.
"How are you feeling?" she asked.
"Oh, I'm okay," her father responded nonchalantly. She’d never known him to be nonchalant. "They say I might be able to get out of here in the next week."
"Really?" Chris was surprised.
"Yeah, I'll have to have an in-home nurse and I'll have to come to the hospital for therapy. It's going to be a lot of work. Your mother, believe it or not, has cleared all the events from her calendar to focus on my treatments. Never thought I'd see anything get in the way of her social life."
"That's great," Michaela said, equally surprised. "I assumed she'd hire some extra help."
"Me too." Her father scratched the side of his face and glanced away. "She said it's a family affair. Whatever that means. We're going to be spending more time together than we ever have, because I don't know when or if I'll be able to go back to the firm."
"You may not be going back?" Michaela asked, trying to act like she hadn't heard everything he’d said to Chris.
"I can't remember things, dammit!" Their dad's sudden outburst made both Chris and Michaela step back. When he calmed down, he spoke again. "So, no, I won't be going back anytime soon."
"Everything alright in here?" Jason poked his head in. He looked directly at Michaela. "I heard yelling."
"Young man ..." her father stopped and narrowed his eyes. "I know you," he accused. Then his eyes grew wide. "You're that bartender! What are you doing here, son? As I'm sure Michaela has told you, she is to marry Ethan Walker."
"Dad, stop!" Michaela knew he was in there somewhere. This was the father she’d known all her life, not the happy, nice one. And, of course, he didn't remember what Ethan had done. Could she tell him that without saying that she was the reason they were in the car? With Jason standing there, she didn't have much of a choice. "Ethan and I broke up."
"I'm sure that whatever you did, you can fix it."
"No! You don't understand. You walked in on Ethan ..." she paused and swallowed hard. "You saw him hit me."
"I don't believe you. He’d never do such a thing."
"He did!"
"Well," her father sneered. "That's no reason to lower yourself to ..."
"You don't get it do you?" Michaela cut him off. "I don't care what you think!"
Her dad's machines started getting louder and his breaths came out in short gasps. The nurse came running into the room. "I told you not to upset him!" she said harshly. "Go wait in the hall."
Outside the room, Michaela leaned against the wall. She couldn't believe she’d just said that to her dad while he was lying in a hospital bed. He was only there because of her. He just made her so angry. She’d let herself hope that the accident had changed him. That hope came crashing down so quickly that it had made her act without thinking.
Jason tried to put an arm around her and tell her it was okay, but the glare she sent him made him back off. Chris wasn't even looking at her, and she didn't blame him.
"Please be okay," she whispered to no one in particular. She squeezed her eyes shut and didn't open them until the nurse was standing in front of her.
"He's fine," she said. "He had an elevated heart rate and difficulty breathing, most likely cause by stress." She scowled at the three of them, blocking Chris when he tried to reenter the room. "I can't let you back in there."
"Fine." Chris stormed down the hall, with Michaela and Jason trailing behind.
###
The car ride from the hospital was silent. Michaela wanted to bring up everything she’d overheard in the hospital, but Chris wasn't looking at her. They reached the house and Chris hurried inside, but she just stood there, looking up at the front door.
"Mic," Jason said, placing his hands on her shoulders. At the sound of her name on his lips, she lost it. She started to cry and he pulled her into his arms.
"Shhh," he said. "Your dad's going to be alright."
"I was terrible to him because of his memory loss," she sobbed. "What kind of person does that make me?"
He didn't give her an answer because there really wasn't one. He held her until she stopped crying, and then wiped the tears from her face.
"Feel better?" he asked.
"A little," she admitted.
They went inside and Jason tried to follow Michaela up the stairs, but she waved him off. By the time she got to her brother's room the tears had stopped, but the heartache had not. She knocked on Chris's door, and it swung open moments later.
Chris didn't say a word as he let her in and sat down on his bed.
"Look," Michaela began nervously. "I'm sorry about what happened in Dad's room. It was my fault. I shouldn't have angered him."
"Sis, if you could control when that man gets mad, we'd be much better off. But, you can't." He shrugged. "It wasn't your fault. Dad just ..." He sighed and ran a shaking ha
nd through his hair. He leaned back on the bed and stared at the ceiling.
"I know." Michaela lay next to him as a heavy silence filled the air.
"I need to tell you something," Chris finally said. Michaela leaned up on her elbow and looked down at him.
"You're staying here."
"How did you ..."
"I heard you and Dad talking."
Chris sat up and met her gaze. "I know you and Jason just finally got together, but I want you to consider staying too. Mom and Dad need us."
"No," Michaela stated quickly. "I'm starting law school soon. I have Jason now. I'm finally living my life the way I want to. What about you? You have a job."
"I already resigned," he scratched the back of his head and looked away. "I need to do this, Mic."
"Don't you see, Chris? This is how we get sucked back in. You already fought to get out once. Do you really think they'll let you do that again? Do you think Dad would give up everything for us?"
"No," Chris said plainly. "But I'm not him. Sometimes what makes a family has nothing to do with how they feel about you. It's how you feel about them that counts. They need us. I know you've seen what all of this is doing to Mom. Don't tell me that you don't care."
"Of course I care." Michaela stood. "I just don't know what to do."
Eighteen
Michaela was standing in front of the mirror in her room when Jason walked up behind her. He put his arms around her, and she leaned back against his chest and closed her eyes.
"Are you ready to go home tomorrow?" he asked.
Michaela turned and wrapped her arms around Jason's neck. She tilted her head up to look at him. His smile grew out of nothingness and he leaned down to kiss her. Michaela thought she'd never tire of his lips, his arms. It was still hard to believe it was real. She’d never had someone look at her like all he wanted to do was take care of her. He was with her in spite of who her family was, not because of it.
All Michaela wanted was to be with him. She didn't understand why she couldn't just be happy to be going back to the city with him. They finally had a shot. She knew she’d be happy with that, but it still didn't feel right.
"I'm not him," Chris had said. "It's how you feel about them that makes them your family. Not how they feel about you." Was he right? If she left, was she any better than her father? Time and time again, her parents hadn’t chosen her, so why should she have to choose them? They’d let her down more than a few times.
Michaela couldn't help but wonder if this was their one chance to be a family. She kissed Jason again, lingering against his lips.
"Jason, I need to tell you something."
"What is it?" His lips tilted down into a worried frown when he saw the look on her face.
"I can't do it."
"What are you talking about?" He pushed her hair out of her face and she leaned her cheek into the palm of his hand.
"My family. They need me right now. I don't think I can leave."
"How much longer do you want us to stay?" he asked. She smiled at his offer but she knew it wasn't right.
"You need to get back," she said. "Tell me the truth, you were supposed to be back already, weren't you? You have a business to run."
He nodded, not taking his eyes from hers.
"I ..." The words caught in her throat. "I don't know how long I'll be here. I know the city isn't that far away, but it'll still be hard. I can't do that to you. I’ll be back there, but it could be months. I can't ask you to wait for me." She held back the sob that threatened to push past her lips. The tears were standing in her eyes, but they had yet to spill over.
Jason looked down at her and a smile tugged at one corner of his mouth. He put his fingers under her chin and tilted it up before leaning down and kissing her softly.
"I'd wait forever for you," he whispered, barely removing his lips from hers. ###
Michaela awoke wrapped in Jason's arms. The sun was already coming through her window and she buried her face in Jason's chest to keep it from hurting her eyes. He stirred, but didn't wake. A soft tapping on the door made Michaela lift her head again. She squinted her eyes and groaned as she untangled her legs from Jason's. She didn't realize he’d woken up until he pulled her back onto the bed and into his arms.
"Not time to get up yet," he mumbled, nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck.
"Someone's at the door," she laughed, trying to pull herself free.
"Tell them to go away."
"It's probably just a maid telling us breakfast is ready or something." She managed to slip from his arms and jump to her feet before he could pull her back. She padded across the room and opened the door. She was surprised to find her mother on the other side.
"Mom," Michaela said, stepping out into the hall and shutting the door behind her. She was an adult and still felt weird about being caught with a boy in her room.
"We need to talk," her mother said before turning on her heel and marching away, expecting Michaela to follow. They walked in silence until they stepped into the dining room.
"Coffee," Michaela said, "thank God."
They each got their coffee and sat across from each other at the table. Neither of them knew what to say. It was her mother who wanted to talk but she wasn't even looking at Michaela.
"So ..." Michaela said.
"I don't want you to stay," her mother blurted.
Michaela stared at her in shock. "What the hell?"
Her mother raised her eyes slowly to meet her daughter's gaze. "Oh, Michaela, dear. That kind of language does not become a lady."
"I'm sorry, mother." The sarcasm was practically dripping from her words. "But you just told me you don't want me here. I should have known. You know what? You're selfish." Michaela stood and walked around the table to look down at her mom. "Yeah, that's exactly what you are. This isn't about you. Dad needs all of us."
Her mother stared at her with wide eyes before burying her face in her hands. She was silent, but Michaela saw her back heave slightly as if her mom was crying. She didn't know what to do. She’d never seen her mom cry before. The woman was tough and stoic, not emotional.
Finally, Michaela pulled out the chair next to her sobbing mother and sat down. She reached over tentatively and patted her back. "Mom," she said. "It's going to be okay."
After a few more uncomfortable moments, Michaela's mother wiped her eyes and looked at her daughter. "A mother should never have to bury her child, Michaela. I came so very close to having to do just that."
"But you didn't, Mom."
"Please just let me speak," she said. "This isn't easy for me. You know, more than anyone, that I am not good at talking about how I feel. When I saw you in that hospital bed, something inside of me broke. I’m ashamed to say I lost faith in you, but I didn't think you were ever going to wake up. I started to think about all of the times I've let you down - pretty much every day of your childhood. I wasn't the mother you deserved."
"You were fine, Mom." Michaela didn't know what else to say.
"Don't lie to me, Michaela," her mother responded with a sigh. "Chris told me what Ethan did to you."
"That wasn't your fault," Michaela said quietly.
"But it was. All of it. We tried to push you onto that path and it was wrong. That's why I won't allow you to stay. This isn't your life and I don't want it to be."
"I can't just leave." Michaela's tears were dripping from her chin onto her shirt but she didn't bother to wipe them away. "Dad needs us."
"Your father will be fine."
"But, Chris is staying. This isn't his life either."
"Your brother is taking up the position that should’ve been his years ago. This is his life. The firm has put the plans for opening the New York offices on hold, but only for a little while. He'll be back in the city. Right now, this is where he wants to be."
"What if it's where I want to be?"
"Dear," Michaela's mom said, reaching out and touching her cheek. "It isn't. You're going t
o start on your own path. Come here." She reached her arms out and Michaela melted into them. It was the kind of hug she’d always wished for when she was a kid, yearning for her mother to love her. She knew this was as far as it went. Her mom wouldn't actually say the words, but it was enough for now.
Michaela found Chris waiting outside the dining room. She could tell by his face that he’d been listening but she didn't care. She sighed as he wrapped an arm around her and started walking.
"Just remember," he said. "If you break anything in my apartment before I come back, I'll be forced to take action."
He grinned, and Michaela socked him in the stomach before heading upstairs to shower.
###
Grabbing her coat from where it was draped over the bed post, Michaela pulled her suitcase out into the hall. She looked for a maid, but there was no one to help her.
"I got this," she said to herself. She was still hurting from the accident, but she ignored the pain as she thumped the case down the stairs. About halfway down, there was a curve in the stairs. Michaela tried to turn her suitcase, but it snagged on the railing and she lost her grip. She shrieked in surprise as the case tumbled end over end down the rest of the steps. It landed at the bottom with a loud thud and Chris came running in from the living room.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
Michaela let out a stunned laugh and then she couldn't stop. "Perfect," she managed in between fits.
Jason came rushing in from outside where he was packing the car. "I heard some banging in here. What's going on?" He looked from the suitcase to Michaela to Chris.
"Oh, you know." Michaela was still laughing. "Just throwing things down the stairs. It's a favorite pastime of mine."
"I see." Jason grinned and walked towards the stairs. He held his arms out to lift Michaela down the rest of the way and she relaxed into him. He set her on her feet and looked at the suitcase again.
"Going somewhere?" He gave her a hopeful look.
"Just thought I'd go for a drive into the city," she answered. "Know anyone going that way?"
Choices (New Beginnings #1) Page 16