by Wilder, L.
“I’ll see that she does,” I promised. “I expect you to touch base. Let us know you’re okay while you’re gone.”
“I will. And thanks. You and this club… don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”
“This is your home, Clutch. Nothing’s going to change that. The door’s always open when you are ready. Take the time you need, and we’ll be here when you get back.”
He gave me a quick hug, then turned and headed for his bike. He started up the engine, and I watched as he pulled out of the parking lot. It was hard to see one of my brothers leave, but I had to trust that in time, he’d eventually find his way back. He was one of my brothers, and I’d consider him my family until the end.
It was an absolutely beautiful day. The sun was shining brightly, and the temperature was perfect for riding. When Cotton told me it would be crowded, I had no idea it would be like this. There were hundreds of bikes lining the streets, and even more people roaming around, talking on the sidewalks and visiting the different vendors. Music from the band was blaring as I searched through the crowd, looking for Cotton. I finally found him standing at the front and center of all the bikes, directing oncoming traffic and motioning bikers to their place in the line. He’d decided to leave his cane at home, telling me that lately, he only really needed it when he was tired, but I put it in the trunk of my car just in case he needed it later. I don’t know why I bothered. He’d be too stubborn to use it. He wanted to be back to his old self, but he just wasn’t there yet. I hated it. I saw the look in his eyes as he looked at his brothers preparing for the ride, and my heart ached for him. He’d worked so hard, pushing himself to the limit every single day over the past week, but the doctor refused to give him the okay to ride, even for a little while. Even though it was killing him, I knew he’d be back on his bike soon enough, and then his life would be back to normal… well, as normal as life could be for Cotton.
I ran the tips of my fingers over Cotton’s name on my property patch, remembering the expression on his face early that morning when he’d given it to me. He said he wanted me to wear it during the charity run so everyone would know I was his old lady. I told him with the way he acted around me, I didn’t need a jacket for everyone to know. I smiled to myself as I thought about how his eyes gleamed with pride when he watched me pull the leather jacket from the box. He helped me put it on, then kissed me and reminded once again that I was his- in every way. I was completely lost in my thoughts until Henley walked up, nudging me with her shoulder as she stood next to me. I turned my head towards her and watched as her face lit up as soon as she noticed Maverick. When he noticed her standing there, he got off his bike and walked over to her. He had an intense look on his face as he leaned over her and said something only she could hear. Tears filled her eyes as a bright smile spread across her face while she listened to him. He placed the palm of his hand on her belly and gently kissed her before heading back over to Dusty. By the time he got reached him, Dusty was about to burst with excitement. He watched as Maverick got on the bike, and anyone could see by the huge smile on his face that Dusty was thrilled he was going to get to ride with him. I laughed to myself when I noticed a similar smile on Maverick’s face. Dusty was a lucky little boy.
Henley motioned over to Dallas as she said, “She looks a little anxious.”
“She’s just a little overwhelmed. This is a lot. All these people and not having Skid here to share it with her has to be hard on her.”
“I’m sure it is, but she’d never say anything.”
We watched as she went over to Dusty and secured his helmet before helping him onto Maverick’s bike. Her eyebrows cinched together as she leaned over him, explaining once again about all the rules of riding. He nodded his head as he listened to her, and as soon as Maverick started the engine, she stepped back and watched Dusty put his arms around Maverick’s waist. Dallas smiled at them and then started back toward the crowd. Henley was about to call out to her, but stopped when she saw that Dallas’ parents were standing at the edge of the sidewalk, waiting for her.
Seconds later, all the different engines roared to life as they prepared to leave. The sound was almost deafening when several of the bikers revved their engines and started inching forward. Cotton eased to the side as he waved them forward, signaling them to begin their journey toward Olympic State Park. They had five stops, each one with its own theme, and it would take them most of the day to complete. The final stop was the clubhouse, where a huge party had been planned for everyone who participated in the run. While Cotton went with Doc to check out the first couple of stops, I went back to the clubhouse with Henley to finish getting things ready for the party. All of the cooking had already been taken care of, so when we got to the kitchen, there wasn’t much left for us to do.
We were walking toward the bar to restock when Henley yawned and said, “Mind if I go take a nap? I’m wiped.”
“Sure. I’ve just got a few things to put in the cooler anyway. You go get some rest,” I told her.
“I won’t be long. Just need a power nap,” she yawned again.
I could tell by looking at her that she needed more than a quick rest, so I said, “The guys won’t be back for hours. Take your time.”
“Thanks, Sis. Holler if you need me,” she told me as she headed down the hall toward Maverick’s room.
The bar was completely empty, making me feel a little lonesome as I started filling the cooler with beer. I’d unloaded three cases when my curiosity finally got the best of me. I’d had Clutch’s letter for almost a week. Cotton had given it to me the night he’d left, but I was too hurt, too angry to even consider reading it at the time. Clutch had been such a wonderful friend, and I couldn’t imagine why he’d leave without saying anything to me. I needed to know, and the only way I was ever going to know was to read the letter he’d written. I reached into my purse, pulled out the small, white envelope, and opened it. I stared at the words for several minutes before I actually read what they said.
Hey there, beautiful,
I guess you’re pretty upset with me right now. Can’t say that I blame you. I wanted to come to you and tell you I was leaving, but I knew you’d ask me to stay. I couldn’t take the risk. I knew if you asked me not to leave, I’d never have the strength to go. I needed to do this, Cass. I screwed up. I fell for the wrong girl.
I always thought it was funny how you thought I had all these women I was stringing along, but I never did. Since the day I met you, there’s been no one who could hold a candle to you. I knew you were in love with Cotton, but I kept lying to myself. I kept telling myself it didn’t matter, that being your friend was enough to get me by, but I was wrong. I couldn’t do it, and now I have to find a way to make peace with the fact I can’t have you.
Cotton’s a good man. He loves you, and I know he’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy. I want that for you. I want you to have all the happiness in the world, so don’t let me down. Keep smiling that beautiful smile, keep singing those amazing songs you sing, and keep making the world turn on its axis every time you walk into a room.
I’ll be back someday, but for now, I want you to know that I love you. A part of me always will. Forgive me for leaving like this and please try to understand why I had to go.
Clutch
I didn’t know. I felt like such an idiot, but I just didn’t know. Guilt washed over me as I stared at the words written in the letter, and my lungs tightened as I began to cry. My eyes blurred with tears as I read over it again and again, feeling the pain in his heart as I read it, and I wanted to kick myself for not realizing I’d been hurting him. My heart was so wrapped up in Cotton that I never even realized Clutch had those kinds of feelings for me. I knew our friendship was different than most, but … Damn. I was such an idiot. I hated myself for being so blind. Clutch meant the world to me, and my foolishness forced him away. I wanted to call him, plead with him to come back home, but I couldn’t do that to him. He needed time away, and I
had to respect him enough to give it to him.
It’d been almost an hour since I’d read the letter when Cotton walked into the bar. Even though I was no longer crying, the minute he saw my face, he knew something was wrong. He quickly locked the main door and started walking toward me, only stopping when he was standing directly in front of me, and asked, “What happened?”
I shook my head and said, “I’m fine, Cotton. I’m a total idiot, but I’m fine.”
“Are you going to tell me why you’ve been crying?”
I pointed to the letter on the counter and said, “I finally read it. Did you know how he felt?”
“Not until recently, but yeah. I knew,” he confessed. “Hit him hard. I hated he decided to leave, but I understood why he felt like he needed to go.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you let me know I was the reason he left?”
“Would it have changed anything?” he asked.
My eyes dropped to the floor as I answered, “No. Probably not, but I could’ve told him I was sorry.”
“There’s nothing for you to be sorry about, Cass. Shit happens, and sometimes the heart wants what the heart can’t have.”
“It’s not exactly that easy, and you know it.”
“It’s easy to love you, Cass. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were others out there pining away after you. It’s sad, really. I kind of feel sorry for them,” he chuckled.
“Whatever,” I laughed. “I guess I’ll give them all a break while we’re in New York.”
“I guess you will,” he chuckled. “I’m looking forward to having you all to myself for a little while.”
“You always have me all to yourself. You make sure of that,” I teased.
“What can I say? I like having you close.” He glanced around the room, and when he was certain no one was around, he put one of his hands behind my neck as he pressed his mouth against mine. My lips parted in surprise as he backed me up against the bar. His tongue swept across my open lips before dipping seductively into my mouth. The kiss was urgent, and I was quickly becoming lost in the heat of his need. I gasped into his mouth when his hands grabbed my ass, pulling my hips closer to his. I could feel the growing bulge of his arousal even through his jeans. His mouth roamed over the curve of my neck, while his hands roamed restlessly over my body.
“Cotton…” I breathed as I glanced toward the door.
“It’s locked, baby,” he murmured between kisses. His hand greedily moved under my shirt, caressing my breast over my bra. “Besides, no one will be here for hours.”
I let my inhibitions fall away as my desire for him took over. I reached for his cotton t-shirt, pulling it from his body, and watched it fall to the floor. He grinned devilishly as I bit my lip and lifted my arms over my head. He hands went immediately to the hem of my long sleeved t-shirt and eased it over my head, tossing it quickly to the floor. His hands roamed over my bare skin, only stopping when he reached my breasts. His fingers slipped inside the cups of my bra, pulling my breasts free. I licked my lips in anticipation as he leaned back, his eyes devouring me, and I couldn’t stop myself from squirming in the heat of his stare. A low growl rumbled in his throat as his hands ran up my back and unhooked my bra. My fingers gripped his shoulders as his head lowered to my nipple, his tongue flicking across the tip before his lips surrounded it and began sucking with gentle pressure. My breath quickened as he moved to my other breast, and a shiver ran over me when the cold air hit my nipple where his mouth had been.
He released my breast from his mouth, letting my bra drop uselessly to the floor, and took a step back, eagerly grabbing my waist as he turned me to face the counter. I felt him twirl his hand around the length of my hair, gently tugging it as he said, “Hands, Cass.”
A rush of anticipation surged through my body as I placed my palms on the smooth, wooden counter and waited. Goosebumps prickled against my skin when I felt the intense heat of his body radiating against my naked back. He placed his hands on my outer thighs, and a small moan echoed through the room as his rough fingertips began to slide my skirt up. His thumbs hooked in the waist of my lace panties, and he dragged them slowly down to my ankles. As I stepped out of them, I felt his fingertips trail up the inside of my thighs. My breath caught as fingers slipped between my legs, circling my sensitive clit.
I heard the tinkle of his belt and the slide of his zipper, and I groaned with anticipation, while he continued to torment me with his fingers. Even though I knew the door was locked, there was an extra thrill to being out in the open like we were, and the thought of getting caught only excited me more. Suddenly, I felt his thick erection slide between my legs as one of his hands grabbed my hip. He reached between us and positioned himself at my entrance before thrusting inside of me in one hard, smooth stroke.
A hiss escaped his lips as my body squeezed around him, adjusting to the fullness. I moaned in pleasure, relishing the feeling of him buried inside of me. His hands reached up to cup my breasts as he began shallow thrusts, readying me. He rolled his hips in an anguishing rhythm as my fingers grasped at the counter in desperation. His hands moved down to still my hips as he began driving into me with longer, deeper strokes. My body trembled and my breathing became ragged when my climax approached. I gasped as one of his hands reached around to tease my clit. The gentle pressure of his finger overwhelmed me and sent me over the edge.
“Don’t stop,” I cried while the waves of ecstasy rolled through my body. The pleasure was so intense, my legs momentarily buckled. His strong hands gripped my hips and held me upright as my body contracted around his hard cock. My muscles struggled to push him out, but his thrusts were relentless as he quickened his pace, chasing his own release. I began to rock my hips back into his, wanting him to be as satisfied as I was. I felt his cock swell inside me when he reached his orgasm. His growl echoed in the room as his rhythm slowed.
“I’ll never get enough of you,” he whispered in my ear.
“I’m good with that,” I laughed and turned to face him. I wound my arms around his neck and said, “I love you, Cotton.”
“I love you more,” he said as he kissed me again and again.
Several Years Later
I’d left the house before daybreak, before Cass had even gotten out of bed, and spent the morning out on the bike. It’d been a long week, and I needed an hour to myself. As soon as I rolled the throttle back, my mind went blank and I was completely focused on the twists and turns of the road. There was truly nothing like feeling the wind in my face and the sun at my back. It was all the therapy I needed. I could’ve spent the entire day just riding. After I’d gone by the clubhouse to check in with Guardrail, I headed out to Cape Flattery to do some exploring. The smell of the salt air helped clear my thoughts, soothed my soul, as I rode along the coastline, and I was just about to pick up the speed when I felt my phone vibrating at my chest. I pulled over onto the shoulder, and when I looked down at the screen, I saw it was Cass calling.
I killed the engine, and as soon as I answered, she said, “You have to do something about the girls.”
Laughing, I said, “What are they up to now?”
“The usual,” she huffed. “They’ve been going at it since they woke up.”
I looked down at my watch, and when I saw that it was only eight, I asked, “How long have they been up?”
She sighed as she said, “About twenty minutes.”
“I’ll be home in ten.”
“Cotton?” she whispered in that sweet, loving voice she got when she wanted something.
“Yeah, darlin’. Whatcha need?”
“Can you grab some milk on your way home?”
“Yeah, no problem. Need anything else?”
“Just you,” she teased.
“You got me. I’ll be there as soon as I can,” I told her.
I didn’t waste any time getting back to the house. I parked the bike and went inside, finding the house to be oddly quiet. When I walked into the kitchen,
the refrigerator door was open and Cass was standing there, staring inside. She was still in her long, pink nightgown, and her hair was twisted on top of her head in a messy bun. She looked absolutely stunning as she ran her hands over her round belly. I dropped the bag of milk along with a few extras I’d bought on the kitchen counter, then walked over to her, gently kissing her on the back of the neck.
She leaned against me as she turned her head back toward me and said, “I forgot to tell you to grab some eggs, too.”
“I got some,” I smiled. “What’s going on with the girls?”
She tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear as she said, “I may have overreacted. I woke up a little grumpy this morning. Your son is making it almost impossible for me to sleep, so I was a little on edge this morning. I shouldn’t have called you to come home.”
“When it comes to my girls, always call.” I eased her away from the door of the refrigerator, then closed it as I said, “Now, go get in bed and get some rest. I’ll see about the girls then I’ll make breakfast. You sleep.”
“You sure?”
“Absolutely. Now, go get some rest. I’ll bring you a plate when it’s ready.”
She kissed me on the cheek and said, “Forewarning... Darby pulled all the heads off of Susana’s Barbie dolls and she’s hidden them somewhere in their room.”
I couldn’t hold back my smile. Just like when I was a kid, my girls were always into something. Hiding the heads was a new twist for Darby, but I wasn’t surprised she’d done it. For a six-year-old, she was pretty crafty with her revenge. But I knew she wouldn’t have touched Susana’s dolls unless there was a reason. I’d just have to figure out why she’d done it, so I assured Cass by saying, “I’ve got it under control.”