by Jackson Katz
I want to state clearly that my work and that of many other men would not be possible were it not for the pioneering work of countless feminists past and present, women of color as well as white women, some of them famous but many more who never sought nor received public acclaim for their world-changing activism. Sadly, the woman who perhaps did more than any other individual in history to enlighten both women and men about men’s violence against women died while I was writing this book. I never had the opportunity to thank Andrea Dworkin in person, so I do so here in recognition of her extraordinary grace and courage in the face of ruthless caricatures and dismissals of her work.
Finally, I am grateful to the two people closest to me. My work can be quite dispiriting at times, but when I experience my son Judah’s enthusiasm and joy for life my hope is renewed. And then there is Shelley Eriksen. More than any other single person, Shelley made this book possible. She was the foundation of my intellectual and emotional support system throughout its writing. She nobly endured the burdens it placed on her, and made sure I had the time, space, and encouragement I needed to get it done. Her wise counsel, judicious editing, and love improved not only this book, but also the quality of my life while writing it. From the bottom of my heart, Shelley, I thank you.
NOTES
iii “After hundreds of years of anti-racist struggle”: from bell hooks, “Men: Comrades in Struggle,” in Men’s Lives, p. 535.
CHAPTER 1: VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN IS A MEN’S ISSUE
10 “In the end…we cannot change society unless we put more men at the table”: See Soler, 2000.
11 The better angels of their nature: Abraham Lincoln. First Inaugural Address, March 4, 1861.
11 Violence Against Women Act (VAWA): Here is a brief history of VAWA provided by the Family Violence Prevention Fund: “VAWA is the first comprehensive federal legislation responding to violence against women. It was introduced in 1990. While the U.S. Senate held several hearings and reported bills out of committee, not until the 103rd Congress was there finally traction on the issue in both the Senate and the U.S. House of Representatives. With the help of outspoken advocates across the country…the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) was finally signed into law in August of 1994 as a part of the Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act of 1994….VAWA created new penalties for genderrelated violence and new grant programs encouraging states to address domestic violence and sexual assault including law enforcement and prosecution grants (STOP grants); grants to encourage arrest; rural domestic violence and child abuse enforcement grants; the National Domestic Violence Hotline; and grants to battered women’s shelters.” The Fund’s website says that “no one felt this completely addressed the needs of victims of domestic violence, (but) almost all involved believed this was a vital first step in our nation’s efforts to treat domestic violence as a serious problem.
“Because the authorization for the original VAWA provisions expired in 2000, the Congress took up the reauthorization of this landmark legislation in 1999 and completed its efforts in the fall of 2000 with the passage of the Violence Against Women Act of 2000. The House version of the bill, known as H.R. 1248, passed on September 26 by a vote of 415–3, and the Senate version, known as S. 2787 passed on October 11 by a vote of 95–0. During the course of final negotiations, VAWA 2000 was merged with the Victims of Trafficking and Violence Protection Act of 2000 and several smaller bills, and President Clinton signed the legislation into law on October 28, 2000.” VAWA was reauthorized by Congress in 2005. Advocates lobbied for and secured funding for several new initiatives, including prevention and education with boys and young men.
In spite of the wide bipartisan support VAWA enjoys in Congress, many right-wing groups oppose the legislation, which they call “anti-family.” They have sought its demise since it was initially passed in 1994.
11 Social norms theory: For more information about social norms theory, see “The Social Norms Approach: Theory, Research, and Annotated Bibliography,” 2004, at www.alanberkowitz.com.
11 Significant numbers of men are uncomfortable: See Fabiano, et al., 2003.
12 A major national poll released in 2003 by the New York-based Center for the Advancement of Women: Fisher, Luchina, “Women’s Top Worry Is Domestic Violence,” Women’s e-news, www.womensenews.org, August 8, 2003.
15 Men are the primary perpetrators: For a thorough debunking of the distorted use of social science data by the so-called “men’s rights” movement, see Kimmel, M. 2002.
CHAPTER 2: FACING FACTS
19 “If a man is offered a fact”: Bertrand Russell, Proposed Roads to Freedom,1918, Chapter 6.
21 20 percent of adolescent girls have experienced physical or sexual abuse by a date: See Silverman et al., 2001.
21 Nearly one-third of American women report being physically or sexually abused: The Commonwealth Health Fund, Health Concerns Across a Woman’s Lifespan: 1998 Survey on Women’s Health, 1999.
21 Nearly 18 percent have been raped: “Prevalence, Incidence, and Consequences of Violence against Women: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey,” National Institute of Justice and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, November 1998.
21 Studies show that between 15 to 38 percent of women and 5 to 16 percent of men: See Fergusen, D., et al., 1999.
21 The average age a child is first abused sexually is ten: See Finkelhor, D. et al., 1990.
21 As many as 324,000 women each year: See Gazmararian, J.A. et al., 2000.
21 Women are much more likely than men to be killed: Bureau of Justice Statistics Crime Data Brief, Intimate Partner Violence,1993–2001, 2003.
21 One national survey found that 83 percent of girls reported: See Stein, N., 1999.
21 Between one in four and one in five college women: See Fisher, B.S. et al., 2000.
21 Ten thousand porn videos are released: Timothy Egan, “Technology Sent Wall Street into Market for Pornography,” New York Times, October 23, 2000: A1 and A20.
21 The average age of entry into prostitution is thirteen or fourteen: According to the prostitution research website www.prostitutionresearch.com. See Silbert, M.H., 1982, or fourteen years, See Weisberg, D.K. Most of these thirteen- or fourteen-year-old girls were recruited or coerced into prostitution. 21 Forty percent of girls age fourteen to seventeen: Children Now/Kaiser Permanente poll, December 1995.
21 There are twenty-five hundred strip clubs in the U.S.: See Yancey, K., 2003.
21 One study found that 70 percent of women with developmental disabilities: Sobsey, D. and T. Doe. 1991. “Patterns of Sexual Abuse and Assault,” Journal of Sexuality and Disability, Vol. 9, No. 3, pp. 243–59.
21 One study showed that 37.5 percent of American Indian and Alaska Native women: “Extent, Nature and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey.” Patricia Tjaden and Nancy Thoennes.
22 Eight percent of women and 2 percent of men in the U.S. have been stalked: “The Crime of Stalking: How Big is the Problem?” Patricia Tjaden, National Institute of Justice, November 1997.
22 In one study, lifetime risk for violent victimization was so high: Goodman L. A., M. A. Dutton, M. Harris: “Episodically homeless women with serious mental illness: prevalence of physical and sexual abuse.” American Journal of Orthopsychiatry 65:468–473, 1995
22 A study of prisons in four Midwestern states: Struckman-Johnson, Cindy and David Struckman-Johnson, “Sexual Coercion Rates in Seven Midwestern Prisons for Men,” 80 The Prison Journal 379 (2000), available at www.spr.org/pdf/struckman.pdf.
22 The estimated annual health-related costs: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. “Costs of Intimate Partner Violence against Women in the United States.” Atlanta, GA: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2003.
22 Studies suggest that between 3.3 and 10 million children witness: Carlson, Bonnie, 22.
22 Between 50–70 percent of men who abuse: See Bowker, L. et al., 1990. E.�
��Children’s observations of interpersonal violence” in A.R. Roberts (Ed.) Battered women and their families, 1984. pp. 147–167. Straus, M.A. “Children as witnesses to marital violence: A risk factor for lifelong problems among a nationally representative sample of American men and women” Report of the Twenty-Third Ross Roundtable,1992.
23 The violent deaths of poor women of color: A 2005 article in the Los Angeles Times explored a related phenomenon: over the past couple of years “missing women” stories have become a staple of cable news programming, but few of the cases tracked involve women of color. See O’Connor, A., 2005.
24 One in three women worldwide: See Heise, L., et al., 1999.
25 Members of dominant groups have a critical role: For a documentary history of men in the U.S. who fought for women’s rights, see Kimmel, M., et al., 1992.
27 However, 88 percent of men whose actions: See Warshaw, R. 1988.
26 Why Does He Do That?: Bancroft, L., Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, 2002.
28 Deeply disturbed individuals inspire morbid fascination: For a study of the phenomenon of serial murder that locates this gruesome crime in systems of gender and power, and particularly in cultural constructs of masculinity and the deep misogyny in Western cultures, see The Age of Sex Crime, Caputi, J., 1987.
28 Was the killer next door?: See Chu, J., 2005.
28 Most perpetrators are, in fact, “our guys”: For an exceptionally well-done journalistic account of one the most notorious gang rapes of the past quarter century, see Lefkowitz, B., 1997.
30 Some might even revere Hustler founder Larry Flynt: For a discussion of the way the biopic The People vs. Larry Flynt helped to construct the misogynous pornographer as a heroic figure, see Ramsay, E. M., 2005.
30 Chester the Molester: For more information about Tinsley and a discussion of the role of cartoons in Hustler, see Dines, G., et al., 1998. As Dines writes: “Cartoons, because of their claim to humor, allow Hustler to depict ‘outrageous and provocative’ scenarios such as torture, murder, and child molestation, which may, in a less humorous form such as pictorials, deny the magazine access to the mass-distribution channels.” p. 55.
CHAPTER 3: TAKING IT PERSONALLY
35 “My father was a violent man”: This quote from Joe Torre is from the Coaching Boys Into Men playbook, available from the Family Violence Prevention Fund. Go to www.endabuse.org for more information.
39 This phenomenon was addressed memorably in the hit film Good Will Hunting: For a fascinating (and much deeper) analysis of this scene, see Terrence Real's 2002 book How Can I Get Through To You? p. 57-60. In his books, Real brilliantly examines the emotional/psychological processes that sometimes underpin men's destructive behaviors, including violence. Like the author James Gilligan, Real emphasizes the importance of understanding shame as a prime motivating force in the lives of men who choose to act out violently.
41 Regardless, countless boys and men have suffered: For a thoughtful and informative guide for men (and women) who are “secondary victims” of gender violence, see “Responding to Secondary Victims: Impact of Trauma, Factors in Healing,” by Brad Perry, Virginians Aligned Against Sexual Assault, The Advocate, Winter 2002. Also see Alan McEvoy, et al’s excellent publications, including the books If She Is Raped: A Guidebook for Husbands, Fathers and Male Friends and If He Is Raped: A Guidebook for Parents, Partners, Spouses, and Friends.
43 Many of the Democrats on the committee were noticeably silent: For more background on the politics and personalities involved in the Thomas-Hill hearings, see Strange Justice: The Selling of Clarence Thomas, by Jane Mayer and Jill Abramson, Houghton-Mifflin, 1994.
44 What sorts of messages would be most likely to attract men: The Family Violence Prevention Fund website (www.endabuse.org) has more information about their campaigns to reach men and boys, including Coaching Boys into Men.
44 The boy initiated a “parental divorce”: Webster, K., “Murderer dad agrees to ‘divorce’ by son,” Salon.com, July 26, 2004.
46 How does the violence done to a mother affect her children: See Bancroft, L., 2004. For more research on the effects of adult domestic violence on children, see Edelson, J., 1999. “Children’s Witnessing of Adult Domestic Violence,” Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 14(8), 1999. p. 839–870.
49 There is no difference between being raped: Piercy, Marge, “The Rape Poem” Circles on the Water, 1982.
50 The late comedian Sam Kinison: Sam Kinison, (1953–1992) was the talented son of a preacher who became a highly popular comedian in the 1980s. Kinison attracted a large audience with routines that were often surprisingly cerebral, but he combined weightier subject matter (such as his critique of religion) with a rock and roll-style, hard-partying image, overt and angry misogyny, and signature screams. He was killed by a drunk driver at age thirty-nine in 1992.
50 The manager of the New York Yankees, Joe Torre: Torre is founder and chairman of the Joe Torre Safe At Home Foundation, Grand Central Station, P.O. Box 3133, New York, NY 10163, Phone: (toll-free) 877–878–4JOE, (main) 212–880–7360. On the web at www.joetorre.org.
52 His murder saddened and enraged millions of heterosexuals: See Loffreda, Beth, 2000.
54 Many women had an unconscious desire to be taken care of: See Dowling, Colette, 1981.
54 Black women long for “the stuff of romantic fantasy”: See hooks, bell, We Real Cool, 2000, p. 119–120.
54 Why many women are drawn to socially conservative movements: Dworkin, Andrea, Right Wing Women, New York, Perigree Books, 1983.
55 In the era of girl power and self-defense classes: There are numerous self-defense initiatives that focus on women’s ability to protect themselves from sexual assault. For example, see Defending Ourselves: A Guide to Prevention, Self-Defense and Recovery from Rape, by Rosalind Wiseman, New York: Farrar, Straus, and Giroux, 1994; Model Mugging; and the Rape Aggression Defense (RAD) program, www.RAD-Systems.com.
57 Not until 1993 that marital rape was considered a crime: See Bergen Raquel, Wife Rape: Understanding the Response of Survivors and Service Providers, Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, 1996.
CHAPTER 4: LISTENING TO WOMEN
61 Women comprise less than 20 percent of opinion columnists: See Dowd, Maureen, “Dish It Out, Ladies,” New York Times, March 13, 2005.
63 Women whose voices have been stymied: See Gilligan, Carol, In a Different Voice: Psychological Theory and Women’s Development, Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1982.
64 Take Back the Night rallies: Take Back the Night rallies and marches started in England in the 1970s as a protest against the fear that women experienced walking the streets at night. The first TBTN in the U.S. was held in San Francisco in 1978.
64 One of the most powerful public education/political art campaigns: The Clothesline Project was founded in 1990 in Cape Cod, Massachusetts. For more information, go to www.clothesline project.org.
66 Black women have historically been trained: See Robinson, Lori, I Will Survive: The African American Guide to Healing from Sexual Assault and Abuse, Emeryville, CA: Seal Press, 2003.
70 Women—especially young women—frequently hear unsolicited comments: Maggie Hadleigh-West’s documentary film War Zone powerfully illustrates this phenomenon on the streets of New York.
CHAPTER 5: MALE-BASHING?
74 Who are feminists?: A staggering amount of propaganda and disinformation about feminism has been put out by the political and cultural right for decades, leading many women to disidentify with the term. In fact, the saying “I am not a feminist, but…” is routinely uttered by women who agree with most of the major principles of feminism. For a very reader-friendly introduction to feminism, see hooks, bell, Feminism Is for Everybody, Boston: South End Press, 2000.
75 Who were the Nazis: For a fascinating social psychological analysis of the sexual and family politics of the German National Socialist Party, see The Mass Psychology of Fascism by Wilhelm Reich, originally published
in 1933, with a paperback edition published by Farrar, Straus, and Giroux, 1980. Another fascinating analysis of far-right-wing misogyny and masculine violence can be found in Male Fantasies Volume 1: Women, Bodies, Floods, History, by Klaus Theweleit. University of Minnesota Press, 1987. Theweleit does a literary analysis of the writing of men in the Freikorps, a murderous Aryan men’s movement in Germany that was a precursor to the Nazis.
75 The Way Things Ought To Be: Rush Limbaugh, Pocket Books, 1993. Although much of Limbaugh’s published and broadcast commentary about feminists is embarrassingly superficial and often factually inaccurate, he has been highly effective at smearing the reputation and integrity of feminists, and thus to counteract his polemics it is important to read what he has actually written and said about them whenever possible.