“But.” She drew a deep breath. I knew it was coming. “The pack makes you a different man than the one who takes me out to dinner and sleeps with me on a blow-up mattress on the floor of an animal shelter. What the pack does to you, to us, scares me. Shadow the man owns my heart. Shadow the wolf,” she shrugged away from my fingers, letting her head fall, “I need some time to get used to. I’m willing to be anything you want me to be, but I can’t be your mate yet.”
“I want you to be my mate.” I sat down on the stoop, reaching into the plastic bag of hamburger buns. I fixed a plate for her without having to ask how she liked them. I’d made a point while I’d stood guard over her in wolf form to take in as many details as I could remember so I could surprise her with them later on. “And I’ll wait for you to come to me, as long as it takes.”
She bumped against me, hot dog already in hand, and laughed. “I’m here.”
I took a bite of the food in her hand. She squealed before taking it away from me. My girl was back, happy and carefree. I might not know much about post-traumatic stress disorder, but I knew I wanted to see Trina happy. “When the time comes, you’ll know exactly what I mean.”
Trina swallowed hard, nodding. “I will.”
Chapter Fourteen
Trina
I was an absolute fool. The tornado I described to Shadow swirled inside me, destroying everything I’d worked so hard to build. It reduced everything to rubble. There was no predicting when it would strike, and no getting out of its way. It was a lethal force of nature.
Shadow didn’t run for cover. He braced himself against the storm and he weathered it. Now he sat next to me, eating his cold dinner, doing anything he could to get me to smile. Why the fuck did I insist on pushing this man away? Just to see if I could break someone as badly as I’d broken myself?
To the tornado, it all made sense. As scary as the pack stuff was, I wondered how much worse it could be than what I had now. Practically nothing. “I’m sorry.” I broke the easy silence as we cleaned up for the night.
“About what?” Shadow set up the blow-up mattress. I couldn’t believe this man still wanted to sleep with his arms around me after our argument. I’d expected him to haul ass out of here. There was even a piece of me that wanted him to.
“I said some horrible things earlier. You’re promising me more than I can give to myself and it scares the living shit out of me.”
“I know.” Shadow motioned for me to sit down in front of him, turning me so my back was to him. He kneaded my shoulders, unknotting the muscles in the back of my neck. Heaven. “Let me do it for you until you can do it for yourself.”
I bit my lip to hold in the moan. This was exactly what I needed. All of it. “Let me explain—“
“Trina, you don’t have to explain yourself.” Shadow cut me off but kept working. My head fell back as his thumbs traced my spine down to the top of my jeans. His fingers were warm against my skin when he slipped underneath my sweatshirt. I knew in a couple of strokes my bra would be unhooked and the sweatshirt beside us on the floor. That wasn’t a complaint.
“Please. Let me try. If I can explain it to you, maybe I can make sense of it myself.” I turned around to face him. Nestled in the heat between his thighs, I was home. “Sometimes my grief is like an out of body experience. I watch myself do hurtful things and there’s no way to stop them.” The next part was going to sound absolutely crazy, but Shadow said he wanted to be with me forever. He had to know all of me. I couldn’t hold anything back. “It’s almost like I’m two different people. The girl who’s devastated that she destroys everything that’s good around her, and the tornado who thinks things are better that way. I don’t know how to make them both happy at the same time.”
“Which one do you want to be happy?” Shadow asked. No judgment. If I was scaring him, he had the best damn poker face I’d ever seen.
“The sane answer is the happy one. But the tornado’s been my best friend for a long time. I don’t know what my life would be like without it anymore.”
Shadow nodded. “So if you kick the tornado to the curb—” he raised his hand when I raised my eyebrows. “Hear me out, Trina. I’m not making fun of you. Your pain is real. I like that you call it the tornado, by the way. It’s the perfect description. It’s going to be hard to abandon those feelings. Like you said, you and the tornado have been through a lot together. It’s comfortable. Not letting the tornado take your energy away from you and twist it into something negative is going to feel like another death. Of course it’s going to be hard to adjust. Happy is scary because it’s so hard to find and so easy to lose. You know that. But fuck, it’s worth it.”
I could hardly breathe for a whole new reason, something I was completely unfamiliar with. “You get it,” I whispered. Covering my face with my hands, I wanted to contain the sob. Shadow had reduced me to a quivering mess of happy tears. “I thought if I said it out loud, I’d understand. But you just made why I do it make sense and that’s something no person or medication or therapy could ever do for me.” I slid my fingers down my wet cheeks. Shadow had never looked more beautiful than he did right now. “Thank you.”
Gently pulling my fingers away from my face, Shadow kissed each fingertip. “Congratulations,” he said between kisses. “You kicked the tornado’s ass.”
“No, you did.” I spread my fingers then leaned in to kiss him, my hand still between our lips. It wasn’t the easiest kiss, but nothing good came easily. The tornado tried to creep back in, it pulsed in a deep corner of my brain, but I ignored it.
Take that, tornado!
We parted enough that Shadow wasn’t fuzzy. I dropped my hand to his heart. “I love you.”
For a second, I thought Shadow might cry. “I love you too, Trina.”
I thought the last kiss was the best one ever, but this one blew it out of the water. “You know what?” I asked, my lips moving against the stubble of his cheek. He shook his head. “I’m going to let you.”
Chapter Fifteen
Shadow
Watching Trina blossom into the woman she wanted to be wasn’t a perfect journey, but now when she stumbled or the tornado reared its ugly head, we could talk about it. I could catch her before she fell into the abyss, and she’d let me. It made all the difference in the world. I didn’t know it was possible to love her even more. The barriers between us fell and we could be one.
Almost all the barriers fell. As the moon gained strength, so did my wolf. It had been a long time since I’d gone through a full moon cycle as a human and everything was off. Now I was the one holding back, trying not to scare the hell out of Trina with the real me.
“What’s going to happen tomorrow night?” she asked. Hell if I knew, but I was glad she asked. She must have so many questions about me being a wolf, and the shift had freaked her out last time. This time she’d be prepared. “How long will you be a wolf?”
“Usually only a day.” My mouth was practically watering at the thought of sinking my teeth into Ryker’s neck. I’d have to snap it. A bite would never take a wolf as strong as him down. “It won’t be that much different than last time. I’m just going the other way.”
“Much different for you.”
“You met me as a wolf. That shouldn’t bother you.”
“But we do things I’ll never do with any of the guests at my shelter.” Trina swatted me. “I’m going to have to get shitfaced. You know I was pretty much there that night, too.”
“I know.” I slipped my arm around her waist. “It was the first thing I tasted after six months. That’s how I knew you were the right woman for me. You were beer flavored.”
“I don’t drink so much anymore, now that I’m with you. Sam Adams had been my rebound man. He’s taking news of the breakup well, even though we’re going to stay friends.” She tipped her face up to accept a long, hot, non-beer flavored kiss. “So when you say you’re usually only a wolf for a day, have you ever stayed wolf for the whole month? Before you got
captured, of course.”
“Not since I was a teenager. Our bodies were going through so many changes it was harder to control then.”
“I see.” Trina bit her lip. “You have trouble shifting when you’re horny.”
I burst out laughing. “Pretty much.”
“Well, Mr. Channing, I think we should make sure you don’t have any pent-up desire left in the tank. I don’t think I’d be able to forgive myself if you couldn’t shift for a whole month because I left you wanting more.” She ran her finger down the middle of my chest, settling on my growing erection. “You’ve certainly made me insatiable.”
“I’d hate to leave you with a craving you can’t satisfy.” That wasn’t going to happen because Trina was sinking down to her knees, gazing at my crotch like she’d just come downstairs on Christmas morning.
Christmas with Trina. I couldn’t wait. It would almost be better than this blowjob. But I’d be a fool not to live in the moment. She’d unzipped my jeans and pushed them down my legs, followed by my boxers. She pumped the shaft in her hand, massaging my ass with the other. Shit, I had to steady myself with my hands on her shoulders, fingers sliding into her hair. I guided her as she wrapped her mouth around my cock, licking and sucking slowly, savoring me like it really could be a month before she had a chance to do this again. She palmed my balls in her other hand, taking me as deep as she could in her mouth, clamping down on my shaft. Her slow movements were ecstasy and torture at the same time. I was dying for her to touch me everywhere, but I’d miss her touch as soon as she was done.
“Hey!” Trina exclaimed when I pulled away from her, sinking down to my knees. “I wasn’t done with that.”
“I need to be inside you, now.” I ripped the button off her jeans. It rolled into the crate area, and the cats went crazy trying to chase it. “Before I go insane.”
Or shift. That would terrify her, if I turned wolf while she had me in her mouth.
“You were.”
“Like this.” This close to the shift, everything was intensified and I didn’t have the control over my body that I usually did. Trina was ready for me, her pussy glistening with arousal as I easily slipped inside her. Exactly where I wanted to be. Still half dressed, pants around our ankles, we moved together in a frantic rhythm. My hands knotted in Trina’s hair so I could ravage her mouth the same way I was doing to her pussy. Every part of her was so fucking sweet.
“This is good, too.” She pulsed around my cock, her fingers digging into the backs of my arms as she came. I loved riding her orgasm, the contractions of her body bringing me over the edge.
We lay together, a tangle of half-dressed limbs, panting and holding each other. “I don’t know if I should get dressed or just take it all off.” Trina laughed.
Slicked with sweat, I was still shell-shocked by the intensity of my need for her. Everything in my body was still going haywire, and I wondered if I’d even make it until the full moon before I shifted. “I think I’m going to shift tonight.”
“The moon isn’t completely full until tomorrow.” Trina pulled her jeans up her legs and frowned. “Is this a good thing or a bad thing?”
“It’s never happened before.” My skin rippled. Fuck. It was definitely going to be tonight.
“If you’re feeling this way, what about your brothers? Major? Wouldn’t it be the same for them? They haven’t shifted in a while, either.”
“We don’t sit around and talk about our feelings.” I tried to make a joke as I zipped my jeans. Oh, to hell with it. I pushed them down my legs and ripped off my sweatshirt. Trina’s eyes were huge, but she didn’t say anything. “It’s not something guys do. The closest we get to that is talking about the new house.”
“And I love that. But Shadow, I’m scared. Like in the bad way. I don’t want you to be the only wolf. If you’re feeling this vulnerable as a man—-“
“It’s not weakness!” I growled. It was anything but. It was lightning in a bottle; pure unleashed nuclear fire. If Trina worried about anything, it would be the untamed aggression that I needed to satiate. I hated that her tornado was back, swirling with doubt about me. Once I shifted back to man, I’d fix everything. There wasn’t time for that now. The wolf was on its way. “I’m going to use this to my advantage. No one will expect me tonight.”
“What are you going to do?” Trina rushed after me. I stood in front of the shelter, my skin glowing in the light of the Beaver Moon. Fur blossomed beneath the surface of my skin. There was no way to stop it.
“What I always said I was going to do.” My newly sharp teeth cut my tongue as I spoke. “I’m going to restore order to the pack and reclaim what’s been taken from me.”
**
The cool night air rippled through my fur as I sprinted toward the forest. This felt good. Too good. The last time I ran in wolf form was the night Ryker had caught us. It wasn’t lost on me that my final destination tonight was the same exact place. Full circle.
Sawtooth had settled in for the evening. None of the electricity pulsed through the air like it normally did on the night of the full moon. That energy always rubbed against my skin, whether I’d shifted yet or not. I was disoriented without it. Maybe after being away from the ebb and flow of the shift for seven months I wasn’t as sensitive, but no other wolves passed through the trees as I approached our village.
I was greeted by Mom whooping at the cabin. “Rummy!” she exclaimed and I already knew what she was doing—putting down the last of her cards and standing up for her victory dance while my brothers groaned, left holding half the deck. “You should’ve never put two fives that close together, Baron. I taught you better than that.”
We were all convinced she taught us the wrong rules because none of us had ever been able to beat Mom at a game of cards. Didn’t matter the game, she mopped the floor with us every time. She should’ve moved to Vegas, but they’d probably run her out of town for being a card shark.
Baron and Dallas were playing cards; that meant they had yet to shift. They wouldn’t tonight. None of us would ever have the balls to take on Mom when we were that distracted. I scratched at the door.
“Shadow?” Mom called out before she opened it. “Honey, come in. You shifted already?”
“What the fuck?” Dallas finished off his beer. I wondered which one of them was headed to the girls’ apartment. After the attack at Trina’s house, things had quieted way down. But we couldn’t get lazy.
“Language, Dallas.” It didn’t matter how old we were, in Mom’s house, we followed her rules. She crouched down checking my eyes and coat. “Are you okay, Shadow? I can’t remember the last time any of you have shifted before the full moon.”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” We could still communicate because we were all the same species. While Trina would just hear growls and whines, my family always understood me. “Why does everyone think shifting early is weakness? What if it gives me more power?”
“It’s fu...weird, that’s what it is.” Baron smirked when Mom side-eyed him. “You’re like a kid who doesn’t know what he’s doing. Get control of yourself, Shad. If Major sees you tonight—-“
“He won’t,” I growled. “I came back to see if you’d shifted. I can’t text like this. I’m headed to Ryker’s. He’ll never expect me tonight. If you want to follow me in the truck, that’s cool. Or else I’ll meet you at the shelter in the morning.”
“Shadow! Don’t be reckless. Especially around Trina.” Mom was obsessed with Trina. I hadn’t introduced them yet because she wasn’t technically my mate. “You come back here tonight. The boys can check on her.”
I didn’t want to be away from her for an entire night. I looked over at my brothers. “You coming or what?”
“Yeah.” Baron got up. “You should ride in the truck with us. If you want to surprise Ryker, don’t let anyone see you coming for him.”
I was too big for the narrow backseat of Baron’s truck. The discomfort worked in my favor, kept me focused on my mission.
“It’s going to be suicidal,” Baron grumbled. “His property will be crawling with his goons. They’ll shoot you on sight.”
If he wasn’t driving, I’d bite the back of his neck. I was so sick of his negative attitude. Once Ryker was dealt with, I needed to get him away from Major. “We need to distract them.”
“We?” Baron asked.
That was it. I nipped at him, and the truck swerved.
“Jesus!” Dallas shoved me hard against the back of the cab. “We’re not going to beat anyone if we can’t fucking work together. Shadow, what do you want us to do?”
That was more like it. “Let me out before you get to the property. Distract the guards. Get shit riled up. Ryker will have to come out to see what the fuck is going on, and I’ll get him.”
“We’re not armed.” Baron was really still going to give me attitude?
“You have the truck. And a fucking brain. Use it.”
Our best weapon was the element of surprise. Everyone was too pissed off to hammer out a solid plan before we got to the edge of Ryker’s property. I was relieved to get out of the car. I knew I could trust my brothers to do the right thing, even if they doubted me. My focus was on Ryker.
I had to control myself, slowing down to a trot as the barn came into sight. An all too familiar metallic stench burned my nose and I realized something that I didn’t anticipate.
Ryker was still fighting dogs.
There wouldn’t be a fight tonight. Ryker liked to fight shifters, and they’d be too strong. I was blinded by rage, running full speed to the barn. Bile rose in my throat, and as I approached my former prison, I understood everything that Trina struggled with. Shaking with fear, I ducked behind an equipment building before any of the guards spotted me. I had no idea what the operation had looked like from the outside. Ryker thought he had something worth protecting in there from the size of the guns the guards carried.
Rescue Me (Sawtooth Shifters, #2) Page 8