by Cathy Lamb
“You tell people how to have better sex lives. You show them,” Lacey said. “Using bananas and limes and cherries—”
“And you don’t like sex?” I finished for her.
Our mother gave each of us another flower cookie to ice. These were daffodils. “No joke, dears. When you all were younger, I had to support myself. I was a single mother. I could not work for General Grandma without handing over my sanity to her on a platter.
“I took my degrees and I ran with them. I was a therapist to couples, and sex always came up. It was a popular, steamy topic, and I grabbed it and ran like the wind. I wrote my columns with humor and enough detail to titillate. I wrote blunt books, often using my imagination, and voila!” She spread her hands out. “A career that kept me home when the three of you were young so I could be a full-time mother and bake cookies and sew my quilts, and it paid bunches of money.” The Southern belle/Irish elf smiled, sweet and innocent. “I think it all worked out superbly well. Better than I could have hoped. More tea, girls?”
32
I’ve thought a lot about what I owe others versus what I owe myself.
I believe that I owe it to my grandma to keep her legacy alive. Lace, Satin, and Baubles is her legacy.
I like working here, especially since we’re back into profitability. I do different things every day. There are many moving parts—design, production, manufacturing, sales, advertising, accounting, people, on and on. It’s a challenge, no question. We’re able to donate to the community college scholarship fund, which supports one of Grandma’s rules for living: Keep a hand out to help someone up, but don’t give them two hands or you’ll enable them to be a weak and spineless jellyfish.
I particularly like being near to my mother—even though I am still mad at her—Lacey and Tory, Matt and Scotty, the kids, and the other people that I have known and loved for years who work here.
I loved making films. That was my passion. My experience with Aaron dimmed that passion. It took the soul out of it for me. I don’t know if my love of filming, of cameras, of storytelling, will ever come back like it used to be.
And I’m okay with that.
My life changed. It is what it is. As Grandma would say, “Blah, blah, blah, don’t whine.”
I will work one day to put together a film on my year of wandering. I’ll show the ranch in Montana, the church building we did in Mexico, the orphanage in Russia, the prostitute safe house in the Ukraine. I hope to hold the cameras in my hands again and think, If you could see what I see. I think I’ll find it healing.
But, for now, I’m going to work at my grandma’s legacy, be with Blake, and enjoy my life.
Yes, that’s what I’m going to do.
I’m going to enjoy my life and be grateful for it.
I bought a blue sports car. It goes fast.
Based on the Bust Up and Shake It Adventure Club, I think Grandma would like that.
There is something magical about Maui. I had never been. In fact, I had not been on a vacation in years. I do not call my Year of Wandering a vacation, as I worked and volunteered the whole time and tried to muffle the screaming in my head.
I hardly knew what to do on a vacation, and it took several days for me to calm down and not work. Same with Blake. But the sun shone down, the waves splashed, the fantasy-like fish and enormous turtles swam only feet away from our snorkels, and the sunset view from Blake’s parents’ home took our breath away.
The most magical gifts, however, were Blake’s parents. Shep and Yvette were kind and welcoming. Their home was single story, filled with light and air and a garden overflowing with pink lokelani; kukui blossoms; red ohia; bougainvilleas; birds of paradise; and banana, koa, and palm trees.
They had a guest house in which we stayed. Our bedroom had a view of Lanai across the ocean. There was a bathtub built for two. We took baths at night together, and I filled the tub with bubbles named Tropical Flowers, Hawaiian Heaven, and Waves of Paradise.
We went to a luau with Shep and Yvette and ate Huli Huli chicken, kalua pua’a, taro rolls, watermelon, pineapple, and mangoes. We took a boat trip to Molokini to snorkel, but mostly we hung out at the beaches together or at their home.
Yvette told me as we walked along the beach one morning, “I am so happy, Meggie, that Blake has met you. It is a gift to my heart to see you hugging him, holding his hand, and the way he looks at you. . . . I’ve wanted to see him with someone like you. Exactly like you, Meggie. And I can’t wait to meet your mother. Can she come over with you next time? I have a few questions to ask her, her specifically, if you know what I mean. Also, I’m looking for lingerie that hides the not-so-young spots but enhances my bust. What would you recommend? Shep likes to see lace in bed. Blake, I’m sure, is the same way. Voracious, aren’t they, dear? It never ends. I’m so glad you’ll be officially joining our family soon.” She put both hands up in the air. “Hallelujah!”
“Uh . . . officially?”
Her hand flew to her mouth. “Please. Why can I not control my words? I’m old. I should be able to do this by now. . . .”
My heart felt like it was going to fly straight out of my body. I couldn’t help but remember Blake’s story, and how he had given away the secret that Shep was going to ask Yvette to marry him, too. I laughed. She put an arm around my shoulders. “I do so hope you’ll say yes.”
Later that afternoon, on the patio, palm trees swaying, the sun golden butterscotch, the clouds tumbling across an azure blue, Blake handed me two boxes. Inside one box were two gold bracelets, entwined, and encrusted with tiny sapphires, emeralds, and rubies.
“Friendship bracelets, honey,” he told me, slipping them on my wrists.
“I love them,” I whispered, and kissed him. “I love you, too. You’re my best friend, Blake.”
“And you’re mine, honey. Love you, too.” He handed me the other box. A ring box.
It was a beautiful diamond solitaire, with two bands filled with diamonds on either side. He picked me up and put me on his lap.
“How about it, Meggie O’Rourke? Would you like to be my Mrs.?”
I kissed him, held him close, laughed.
“Is that a yes or a no?” he asked.
“It’s a yes,” I said through my tears. “It’s a definite yes.”
My name is Blake Crighton.
Put the camera down and take your bra off, Meggie.
That’s all I want to say, honey.
Oh, and I love you.
I’ll always love you, babe.
Now take your bra off.
Ah, purple today.
Nice.
Very nice.
A READING GROUP GUIDE
IF YOU COULD SEE WHAT I SEE
Cathy Lamb
ABOUT THIS GUIDE
The suggested questions are included to enhance your group’s reading of Cathy Lamb’s If You Could See What I See.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. If you were going on a trip, would you take Regan, Brianna, Meggie, Lacey, or Tory with you? Why? Where would you go? What would you do? What advice would they give you about your life?
2. Describe Meggie. What are her strengths and weaknesses? Was she fair to the police chief, Blake Crighton? What did her clothes say about her? Would you want to be friends with her?
3. Aaron Torelli did not admit to Meggie that he had severe mental health issues before he married her. Should he have? What was Meggie’s obligation to him after she found out? What should she have done differently in her marriage? What would you have done? Would you have left sooner than she did? Would you have left at all?
4. Was Meggie justified in leaving Aaron after he had an affair, despite his severe mental health issues? Was Meggie justified in having an affair with Henry while still married to Aaron?
5. How did you like the structure of the book? Did the flashbacks to Meggie’s marriage enhance the story? What are the overarching themes? What did the tree house symbolize? What did Mount Hood and Lace, Satin, and Bau
bles symbolize?
6. Is Lacey a good mother? Can you relate to her struggles as a working mother to three unique teenagers? Did you like Tory? Was her anger merited? Did Scotty deserve the wood carving in his front yard?
7. Hayden Rockaford said, “I know I was supposed to be born a girl but something got messed up. I think that somehow, when my mom was pregnant with me, something went wrong. It’s not like I’m wrong, or I’m a mistake, and it’s not her fault, not my fault, but something didn’t connect in there right. For me, what happened is the right plumbing didn’t grow in. The plumbing was switched. That’s it. I’m in the wrong body.” What did you think of this character and his struggles? How was it handled by the author?
8. “Kalani Noe applied for a job at the factory as a seamstress. Her husband did not want her to have a job. A job meant independence. A job meant money. Both threats to him. Her lip was split in half. One eye was swollen shut, and there was a bruise down her left cheek. During the interview, she kept dabbing at her ear, which her husband had partially bitten off.” Why did the author put Kalani in the story? Contrast Kalani’s life with the O’Rourke sisters’ lives. What does her future look like?
9. Which scene did you enjoy the most? Which scenes made you laugh? Were there any scenes that made you cry or were especially touching? Were there any scenes that reminded you of your own life or struggles?
10. Of all the bra videos that Meggie took, which voice was the most memorable, the most poignant to you, and why? Did the bra videos enrich the story?
11. Regan O’Rourke said, “I am not defined by my body or what has happened to it. I am not defined by beatings or an arching whip or a dangerous man, or by the wreckage of prostitution. I am not defined by my age. I am not defined by what others think of me. I am defined by myself. I will define myself to me. I will live, I will laugh. I will love. I will not be silenced. I will not be invisible. I will be me until the very end. And I will look beautiful.... I dared to live the way I damn well wanted to live.” Are you like Regan?
12. Brianna O’Rourke says that women lose interest in sex because “oftentimes women are simply not attracted to their partners anymore. Their partners are boring in bed or self-centered, inane, ridiculous, abusive, or gross. It’s not what men want to hear. They want to blame their wives and girlfriends, but it’s the truth. Sometimes women are flat-out exhausted. There can be medical issues, like thyroid problems or depression. There can be hormone issues, too. Who likes blowing up in bed with night sweats? Working too hard will kill a sex drive, too, as can motherhood and its demands.” Is she right? How does Brianna’s own admission to not liking sex impact her ability to be an effective sex therapist, or does it?
13. Brianna was not honest with Lacey and Meggie about Sperm Donor Number One and Two. What does that say about Brianna? How will this impact their relationship in the future? What should Lacey and Meggie do? Contact the fathers or leave things alone? What would you do? If the story continued, where do you think the author would take that plotline?
14. Discuss Meggie’s character arc. What were the most significant events in the book that caused her to change by the end?
15. If you were in The Fashion Story, what lingerie would you design for yourself? What would your videotape say about you?
16. Grandma Regan and the O’Rourke sisters had many adventures with the Bust Out and Shake It Adventure Club list. What’s on your list?
KENSINGTON BOOKS are published by
Kensington Publishing Corp.
119 West 40th Street
New York, NY 10018
Copyright © 2013 by Cathy Lamb
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without the prior written consent of the Publisher, excepting brief quotes used in reviews.
Kensington and the K logo Reg. U.S. Pat. & TM Off.
ISBN: 978-0-7582-5940-0
eISBN-13: 978-0-7582-8925-4
eISBN-10: 0-7582-8925-1
First Kensington Electronic Edition: August 2013