"Brody." I utter.
"Brody what, Amity? Don't fucking cover for that son-of-a-bitch!" He barks causing me to flinch away from him. From my side Ellie stands and growls at him under the table.
"Brody Jensen." I reply and shoo her back. He reaches for me but I recoil into myself so he doesn't touch me. I feel dirty and undeserving of his sympathy. This man in front of me shouldn't get close to me. I've screwed him over too many times to count to merit his affection. What's worse is he doesn't even know how bad yet.
"Amity please. I'm not going to hurt you." His face softens. "I wish you would stop moving away from me and acting like you're scared I'm going to hurt you. You should have come to me sooner with this. I'm glad you're here now, but dammit, I wish you would have called me the first time he laid a hand on you. Have you seen a doctor?" He asks worried. I shake my head.
"Did you go to the police?" He asks standing up and walking back to the counter where a large black bag sits. He brings it over to us and begins to dig through it.
"No, I didn't." I reply still watching him pull out gauze, peroxide, alcohol, and other medical items.
"Ever? You never called the police on him?" He asks disappointed. I wish he wouldn't look at me like he does.
"No. I couldn't. What was I going to do? Wait until he got out and did it again but worse. Maybe come after my girls? How could I?" I reply honestly. He would have killed me. He grabs some gauze and soaks it in the alcohol then brings it up to my face.
"Sorry, baby girl, but it's going to sting." He states apologetically. He swabs at my cheek and before I could draw back away from him he places a firm hand around the back of my neck. When he's done there he moves towards my lip. "Your cheek could use some stitches but I'll just put medical glue on it." He mumbles.
"I just wanted to get the girls as far from him as possible." I point out making up yet another excuse.
"I'm glad you did." He says as he dabs at my lip some more. "I'm going to kill him. If I ever see him, I'm going to make him regret the day he ever laid a hand on you."
"I just want to forget it all ever happened. Do you mind if we stay here for a while so I can find a job and get us an apartment?" When he reaches for my eye this time I move into his hand and rest my face in his palm but quickly right myself.
"This is your house I'm not kicking y'all out.... I need to ask you a question." He says looking me in the eyes.
"Hmm?" I say already knowing what he was going to ask.
"Why did you leave Texas?" He questions sadly. Ok that's not exactly the question I was waiting for. I thought he would say something about the girls paternity at least. I'm pretty sure Hadley already figured it out by the look on her face.
"I left for school." I say honestly. "You knew that."
"Yea, but my school was here in this state, literally the next city over. You picked one several states away." He points out. The pain in his eyes is back so I redirect mine to the window unable to look at him. I hate seeing him upset since I'm the one that is causing it. I couldn't tell him the truth; it would just hurt him more.
"You know why I left, Dex. I just wanted to experience a whole new place and it's not like you came home often either even though you were so close. I only saw you in the summer or during Christmas break." I reply throwing in the bit as a pathetic jab.
"I was working, you knew that. You moved across the country. You couldn't have gone to Texas State or UT?" He says twisting his face in disgust. If the conversation wasn't so stiff, I would have laughed at him. Once and Aggie, always an Aggie. "Anything but several states over." He points out.
“I wanted to experience something better.” I reply not believing myself.
"You thought all this was better? I wanted to be with you, Amity! I begged you! We could have made us work, I would have gone there for you."
"No, this isn't better and I couldn't have asked you to do that for me. It would have been wrong." I say.
"Jesus, what is with you?” He says slamming his hand down on the table. I jerk away from him putting distance between us so he couldn't hurt me. Ellie stands at my side barking and chomping her jaws at him. He glances in her direction and calms down. I waive her off and she sits. If his temper is anything like Brody's I won't be able to handle it. He's three times the size Brody is, Declan could actually kill me if he lost his temper on me. He stands from his chair and walks over to me carefully eyeing Ellie and pulls me into his arms.
"Stop doing that, you make me feel like I'm a bad guy. I would never lay a hand on you, you've got to know that. I'm just so frustrated about all this." He says gesturing towards my face.
"Force of habit." I reply weakly. "I know you'd never hurt me, I just have a new muscle memory is all." I say unsure of my response. I don't know what anyone would do anymore.
"I hate to do this to you but I have to go into work for a little while. I'm actually already late but I couldn't leave without talking to you first. Do you mind being here alone? You can rest or whatever. Hadley will be gone for a while with your girls. Her number is on the fridge. I wish I could stay but I really can't. My vacation doesn't start until next week." He states. I pull away from him. I could seriously use a nice long hot shower.
"No, it's fine. Of course, I'm sorry for barging in on you and disrupting your life with my crap." I apologize again for the hundredth time.
"You're ridiculous if that's how you really feel. I'll be right back, I gotta go change."
I roam room to room with Ellie on my heels to check everything out while he disappears up the stairs. It's nice to know he is a neat freak and keeps everything clean. I look through the new stainless steal fridge not finding much of anything. There's a few things in the cabinets but nothing for my girls to live on. He had had the kitchen remodel. The cabinetry was torn out and replaced with reclaimed wood giving it more of a woodsy feel. He even had more put in, as well as replaced all the appliances with stainless steal ones. The only thing that he kept was the farmhouse table, which I love.
His foot steps in the living room catch my attention, I find my way back in knowing the house like the back of my hand having grown up here. When my parents passed away I told Martha and Mac to rent it out to someone worthy. I didn't actually know that someone was Declan until I called him last night to tell him I was on my way back.
He's sitting on the leather couch putting on his boots when I reemerge, "I'm going to have to go to the grocery store. There isn't anything in the cabinets or the fridge and the girls eat a ton." I inform him. He turns to me and shakes his head disapproving.
"I'll grab some stuff on the way home just text me a list. Stop trying to make excuses for why you can't relax. Don't make me bring a tranquilizer home, you need to heal and the only way to do that is rest. I should call in sick and haul your ass to the hospital right now if I knew you would let me. Seriously, take a nap or go sit out on the patio. I just finished it last week, it's pretty awesome, looks right out over the lake. You could even take Ellie out for a walk. She could use a little relaxation too, grumpy old dog."
I had noticed all the things he had done to the house but didn't actually think he was the one to do it. I stare around the living room impressed at his skills. The large box screen TV my parents once had was replaced by an entirely new built in wall to wall entertainment center and flat screen TV that appeared to be just hovering in its own shelf. He had always been hands on and the do it your-selfer but this was talent. When we were kids he was always building things and helping my dad and his do various projects around the properties, it was nothing like this though.
Not only did he redo the front porch and patio he also sanded and stained all the floors. He redid the master bath and probably the downstairs one too I just haven't seen it. I guess he knew it needed it as badly as I did. It's not even his house and he did all this. If I had known I wouldn't have let him. He spent way to much time and money on it.
I hear him chuckle and look to see what he's laughing at.
&nbs
p; "What?"
"I like to stay busy so when I'm not working, I'm doing something here."
"What exactly do you do now?" I ask curiously noticing his BFD/BEMS&Rescue shirt.
"Same, in a way. I'm a paramedic, part of the search and rescue team for missing persons, and Chief at the fire-station." He says smug. "And apparently your knight in a shining turnout suit." He adds coolly and walks towards the kitchen.
"What's a turnout suit?" I call out to him with furrowed brows.
"That bulky, yellow, fire retardant suit firemen wear." He says as if I should have known. He returns with his medic bag slung over his shoulder and a baseball cap turned backwards again catching my eye in a way I wasn't aware he still could.
"Oh right like I was suppose to know it had a technical name." I roll my eyes.
"Aren't you a Registered Nurse?" He teases as if all medical personal know everything about each other's professions.
"I was." I frown and look away from him. "I'm not anymore. Brody got me fired and I can't work in Texas without retaking the test. The license doesn't transfer state to state either."
"How did he...? You know what, I don't want to know. I swear the more I hear, the more I’m tempted to hunt him down." He clucks annoyed and readjusts the strap to his bag on his shoulder. "Do you want to work here?"
"Of course I do, I have to make a living for the girls and myself." I think bewildered because that should be a given.
"No, you don't." He says. "I'm going to start taking care of y'all at least until you're all better. Don't even think about getting a job until you're completely healed." He produces a picture from his pocket, carefully unfolds it, and hands it to me. My heart swells when I see it's a picture of what's suppose to be a firefighter and the girls in dresses. He beams down at it and point to the drawing of him.
"I told them I was a firefighter and they drew this for me as a thanks for letting them stay here. It's going in my office." He smirks smugly once again.
"You're late for work, you big softy."
"Do they know we grew up together and that they can trust me?" He asks uneasy of my answer while shifting from one foot to the other. "They're a bit hesitant of me. One of them keeps calling me a prince, or maybe they both do, I can't tell them apart." He laughs nervously.
I go wide eyed thinking back to all the fairytales I've told them. I didn't think they would actually put two and two together.
"I think it's mostly my size that intrigues them and makes them weary at the same time. When the smaller one is alone she stares at me and doesn't say a peep or move a muscle. The slightly taller on with the freckle by her eye follows me everywhere but runs off when I turn around to catch her." He adds.
"Yes, I've told them you're a good person. They just aren't use to you yet." I reply mechanically. I'm not sure what to think of how they're acting as I'm still befuddled they've figured out he's the "prince". Apparently I don't have to worry about the whole figuring out he's their dad thing yet, except he's pretty oblivious to them being his daughters. As for anyone else I'm sure they could tell and if his mom or dad sees them they're going to flip out.
"Alright. I gotta go. I'm serious about resting. Don't make me track your phone number on the GPS or take your keys. There is a cop in my family now." He threatens lightly while kissing the top of my head.
July-2004
Kase and I pull up to the Country Cafe and step out of his large truck. I shut the door behind me and meet him around the front. We're suppose to be meeting the guys here. He pulls the door open allowing me to enter first when I'm greeted by the polite old hostess. She escorts us to our table where a waitress promptly takes our drink orders and disappears. I haven't said much and he hasn't given me the time of day since the Harris party. At one point Dex pulled him into the barn and when they both reemerged they were angry and didn't talk to one another the rest of the night.
Declan's kiss comes to mind and I have to force it back into the depths of my memory. I run my finger across my bottom lip absentmindedly, it's not so easy to forget. When I look up at Kase he's already staring at me.
"What's going on? You've been awfully quiet the last couple days." He points out. I give him a faint apologetic smile but there's not enough heart in it. There's so much I need to tell him, I need to confess, but I don't want to hurt him.
"Worried about school and moving to a new place." I reply when the waitress comes by to bring our drinks and take our orders. It's not a complete lie, I am worried about those things but Declan is what's been on my mind and I can't seem to stop. Neither Dex or I have told him about the kiss. As a matter of fact Dex just pretends like it hasn't happened at all, while it's taking my whole being not to explode with emotion. No matter what the guys think Kase really is a good guy. Sure he's slept around but all that aside, he's opened up to me. Until recently.
"Ah, you'll be fine." Kase informs me from across the table. Sure, he's a great listener and a good guy but we don't have a spark. I sigh. Declan and I have chemistry, we have a past, and a certain bond I can't quite figure out. I want someone to beg me to stay.
"What happened between you and Dex at the Harris party?" I ask curiously. He shrugs and shakes his head.
"Nothing important. Just what we had figured, that he would be mad at us."
"Am I your girlfriend?"
"We've only been on a couple dates, Amity. Don't get ahead of yourself." He grumbles but the way he says it, it makes me feel like there's something he's not telling me.
"Yea, you're right." I smile hiding the hurt and yet somewhat feeling relieved about what I had done.
Jason, Jeremy, and Dex walk into the cafe and find us sitting at the table. Dex takes a seat across the table from me not looking in my direction. Instinctively I bite my bottom lip and look at him from under my lashes. He says something to Kase I don't catch because now all I can think about is that damn kiss again. Every time I see him I'm suddenly reminded of it and can feel him on my lips.
"Nah, not today. Dex is coming over to help me fix my dad's tractor." Jeremy says to Kase. Once again I'm only catching bits and pieces of their conversation.
"You want to go, Amity?" Kase asks. I look at him lost and thoroughly confused. I hadn't caught the conversation.
"Go where?" I reply.
"To the batting cages. I've got to meet the team there and get some swings in." He replies as if I should have known.
"Are you even here with us today?" Jeremy asks concerned. "You seem off." He adds. I swallow hard and glance at the guys around the table, they're all peering back at me with curious faces except Dex who purses his lips.
"Yea, I'm sorry... I just.... Thinking about whether I have everything I need For Georgia." I lie. Dex shakes his head disapproving and all the guys brush it off.
"So you want to go? Cause I kind of need to leave now." Kase informs me.
"They just got here, you didn't mention that before now.” I point out surprised.
He shrugs, "I know but they understand. They did the same thing when they had football." I try not to glower at him. They did not and he knows it.
"No, can you just take me home?" I ask. He shakes his head.
"I don't have time to run you all over town. I'm sure one of them will." He says standing and pushing his chair back into the table. They have plans, they said so themselves. Dismayed I don't do anything but sit back and cross my arms. I don't even watch him leave.
"Wow." I mutter. Jason nudges my arm.
"What's your deal?"
"He was my ride! He didn't mention anything about batting practice before we came here and now he just up and left me stranded. Before y’all got here he was fine. Then you show up and he snaps. He's unbelievable." I say annoyed.
"You're not stranded, he knows one of us will take care of you and you can't be surprised by how he's acting. He's always like that." Jeremy chimes in.
“That's not the point! Y’all have plans too and now one of you has to go out of your way to take me ho
me." I snap. Jeremy holds his hands up to me as if to wave his white flag and sits back in his chair.
"Relax. I'll take you home Amity, it's not a big deal." Dex tells me unaffected by how I feel or maybe he just doesn't see what I believe to be going on. This is obviously the real Kase and I'm the one who couldn't see it. He did after all say I wasn't his girlfriend. "I can drop you off before we go to their house if you want." Dex smiles apologetic for Kaseton's behavior.
"Why don't you just come hang out with us. Might get you out of your funk, unless you have to be home." Jeremy interjects. I shake my head.
"No, I don't have to go home and I'm not in a funk." I grumble causing them to laugh at me. Truth is I don't, I didn't even want to go home but I didn't want to sit at the batting cages for hours on end watching guys showboat and hit balls with wooden sticks. The only good thing about baseball are the pants.
The guys order lunch and I get a chocolate shake since I've already eaten. I lean back in my chair listening to them try and figure out what's wrong with Uncle Jim's tractor. I couldn't follow along with the conversation if I wanted to. I was too distracted by Dex. I try to steal glances at him but he keeps catching me and giving me a disappointed look. He knows what's got me upset and isn't happy about my not letting it go.
When they finish eating Dex pays for everyone's meals and heads for his truck. I race Jeremy getting to the passenger side first and yank open the door. I use all my strength to throw myself in and wind up on my stomach on the floorboard with my feet dangling out. “Shotgun!” I shout from the floorboard and turn to see the three of them standing behind me in hysterics. I take the front forcing Jeremy to sit in the back while Jason drives his own truck.
On the road I stare out the window watching the trees go by. Jeremy reaches between us and turns up the stereo when one of our favorite songs come on. I quietly sing along to the song and catch Declan watching me every once in a while. He squeezes my knee and then quickly puts his hand back on the steering wheel. As the song ends he pulls me into his shoulder and kisses the top of my head as he's done countless times before but this time it really affects more than it had the other times he's done it. He passes my house without stopping. I sit up and turn to him. "I wanted to go home." I protest.
Insufferable Weight of Silence Page 4